Second Chances

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : Trust me Weiß are so lucky I don't own them *knows they feel that way* I'm torturing them alot here!

Paring : Ran/Ken

Warnings : Yaoi, OCC, ANGST! and if you're like me you might want to bring a tissue or two for this chapter.

Notes : Stuff written in Italic are thoughts.

The title to this chapter is stolen from 'If I Could Turn Back Time' by Cher. Sue me and I'll… I'll cry!

Chapter 5. Words Are Like Weapons, They Wound Sometimes

Ken could tell that Ran wasn't happy about being at his house but he had stayed there. The redhead hardly spoke at all anymore and he refused to meet his former lover's eyes. Of course Ken understood why but that didn't mean it hurt any less. The air crackled with tension whenever they were close and it made them both uncomfortable. After having spent a week at the brunette's house Ran looked a lot better. The bruises and cuts had started to fade and heal, Ken's stubborness when it came to eating had put a little weight onto the redhead's skinny body but the disturbing look in those amethyst eyes remained the same. There was sadness, anger, hurt and a shadow of loss in them that just killed Ken inside. The pressure the brunette was under was getting too him and caused Ken to become moody. He was so confused and unsure about what his life was that he barely knew up from down anymore. It didn't exactly help that his wife would return in a week and then Ran would be gone. The redhead couldn't stay there when Masami came back, she'd never allow it. A part of Ken wanted Ran to be there wanted his wife would learn who the redhead was because she would never stay with him once she found out that her perfect husband had been in a gay relationship. But that wouldn't be fair to Ran and not to Masami either for that matter. Ken looked up when his former lover came into the kitchen. He had left the house an hour earlier to take a walk but the brunette suspected that walking wasn't the only thing he had been doing. Those amethyst eyes were shiny and a little bit dazed.
"Have you been drinking?" Ken asked flatly and glared at the redhead. A bland look was the only answer he got as usual. "Have you been drinking!" he asked again much harder.
"Hn."
"Why Ran? You've been sober for almost a week, why start again?"
"Because," his former lover shrugged.
"Nice answer! Almost as good as your Hn's," Ken snapped. This was getting to him. The pressure, the inner turmoil and desperation was threatening to break him completely. He could feel anger taking over his mind and he fought it with all he had but it wouldn't be enough, not when Ran was acting like that.
"If you don't like my answers, stop asking me questions," the redhead said with enough ice in his voice to make hell freeze over.
"You're over 30 Ran how about acting your age? Right now you're nothing but a spoiled little brat!" Amethyst eyes turned frosty and dangerous at that.
"At least I'm not staying in a marriage that makes me miserable," Ran grated out. That was all Ken could take. The truth just hurt too much.
"Fuck you! And you're one to talk huh? Drinking, sleeping the gutter covered in your own filth? A part of me is thankful Aya is dead because if she could see you know she'd go under from disgust!" The words had barely fallen from Ken's lips before he caught up with what he was screaming. Ran's eyes lost the coldness and anger and his face just… died. The brunette closed his eyes. How could he say such things, such cruel things? "Ran I… I…" he stammered and carefully looked at his former lover. The redhead had turned his back to him and his form looked defeated.
"No Ken, you're right… I'm really nothing more than a pathetic drunk who can't stop feeling sorry for myself just because I've lost everyone I loved." Ran's voice was broken and the brunette knew he was near tears.
"Ran I didn't…"
"Mean it? Oh I think you did Ken. It doesn't really matter, you see I'm completely aware of what I am, what I've turned into. There's really no need for you inform me about who I am." The redhead turned around again and met Ken's eyes. "Do you think I want to be like this? If I knew any other way to deal with life I would do that instead but there's nothing left Ken! Do you understand what I'm saying? I don't have anything left! I don't have Aya and I don't have you and… and… it's just too hard, it just hurts too much!" Ran almost yelled with his face wet from tears that now flowed down his cheeks. "I'm sorry that I'm not as strong as you thought I was! I'm sorry that I can't handle the pain like I used to, but Ken, you never understood where my strength came from, did you? You always thought you were the one who needed me, didn't you ever get that I needed you just as much if not more. When I didn't have you anymore I lost my strenght. So yes, I am sorry I'm so weak and pathetic but… but… without you it's just too hard…" Trembling and crying like a lost child Ran swirled around and was gone. Ken stared after his former lover and felt how tears fell from his eyes. The redhead was right, he had never understood how much Ran needed him but he should have. He had always known that the icy and hard mask his former lover put up was there to protect a fragile inside.
"What have I done?" Ken whimpered and hugged himself. What gave him the right to treat Ran like that just because he himself was hurting so badly. And where had the redhead gone off to? Quickly Ken went after him but to his surprise the front door was still locked. Confused and scared he looked around and spotted something crimson in the window. Ran was in the backyard. He was standing with his back towards the house as far away as he could come without leaving the yard.

The brunette carefully approached the taller man. He had to do something, say something. His broken heart hurt so much it was difficult for him to breathe. Guilt burnt inside of him as his love for Ran revolted against what he had said. When he reached his former lover he stopped, not sure what he was suppose to do. What could he possibly do or say? How was Ran ever going to forgive him for what he had done? A quiet sob from the trembling redhead made Ken's shattered heart take controle. His hand took a hold of Ran's arm and turned him around before the brunette pulled his former lover into his arms. There was no struggle, no attempt to push him away, instead the redhead just pressed his face against Ken's neck and grabbed his shirt. Ran was completely broken. The brunette held him tigh and gently rocked him.
"I'm sorry Ran, so sorry. I didn't mean what I said, please believe me," Ken begged and ran his hands over his former lover's back. "You were right I never understood and I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most. I didn't mean to hurt you so badly Ran but it pains me to see how you treat yourself, because I love you so much. I've never loved anyone else but you and I know I never will. You're everything to me Ran but I just keep messing it up. First I couldn't find you when Kritiker split us up, then I was so stupid that I married Masami and now I've hurt you so much." He was just babbling away but it didn't matter as long as he could make Ran understand how sorry he was. "I just want to be back in your life again, it's the only place I've ever been happy. I want to be yours again Ran, I miss you so much. It's… it's just so horrible without you. I want to wake up next to you again, hold you when you have nightmares, listen to you breathe when you sleep. Ran please let me come back to you again. Please? I know I'm being selfish but… please let me come back." Ken was crying hard and his voice was muffled with tears as he desperatly clinged to Ran's body. His promises to Masami were forgotten at the moment and no longer mattered. What he needed and wanted was Ran. The redhead took a step back and Ken froze inside. Was he being rejected, pushed away? His former lover's eyes were red and puffy from crying but there was no anger in them. Instead of saying anything Ran cupped the brunette's cheek and tilted his head slightly before he before he brought his own face closer. Their lips met softly at first as the redhead gently leaned forward. Ken reacted at once and opened his mouth to invite Ran to deepened the kiss. His invitation was responded to immediately and the kiss grew more serious as the redhead gently entered his former lover's mouth with his tongue. The taste of Ran in Ken's mouth sent flashed of longing and joy through the brunette's body even though it also tasted from the alcohol he had been drinking earlier. This was what he needed, what he had missed for so long. To feel and taste Ran again, to know that he loved him. The need to breathe finally forced them to pull apart.
"Ran, make love to me, please," Ken pleaded hoarsly. The love and passion in the redhead's eyes disappeared and the bland mask was forced back in place.
"I love you Ken, I will always love you but you're married. There's no room in your life for me anymore. I should never have stayed here in the first place because it just makes this so much harder for the both of us. Don't try to find me again," Ran said quietly before he walked back towards the house.
"But Ran…" Ken called out. The redhead stopped and turned around. His face was shadowed with hurt and hoplessness.
"Ken we both know there is no such thing as second chances in life. Move on, please? If not for yourself then for me. Try to be happy, that's all I've ever wanted for you. Forget me Ken, it's the best thing for both of us." With those words Ran walked into the house and out of Ken's life again.

~TBC~

Phew! Damn I cried some when I wrote this *shakes head* And I'm sorry if Ran is way OOC here but he needed to be like that for the story. Besides, who knows how he would react in a situation like this anyways? And yes Ken was a prick for saying that to Ran but it was sort of the truth ne? Not to mention the fact that the poor man is under a lot of stress and pressure here. I think we need to hire a sniper to take out his damn wife *bah* Damn woman is standing between Kenken and Ranners! Ja/Atsureki