A/N: Bethaboo is such an incredible beta and friend. Seriously, I throw two stories at her a week, and she hasn't kicked my ass for it yet. Thanks to GiveUsAKiss413 for pre-reading.

To all my readers, new and old, you completely rock. Thank you for reading, dropping me a line to let me know your thoughts, and/or telling a friend.

Disclaimer: I really don't own Twilight, but I definitely like playing with these characters.

Chapter 5: Challenges and Plans

When we returned to the cottage after our hunt, I opened the door to enter our home, only to feel the metal knob mold itself to my hand. I immediately released it, and looked at it in shock, waiting for it to regain its shape like it were a stress ball. When it didn't, I blew out a sharp breath. From behind me, I could feel Carlisle teetering on a fine edge, and he had stopped breathing until he was certain of what my response would be. He wanted more than anything to laugh at my reaction –as if I had been terrified by the sinister doorknob- but was afraid that I would be hurt or angry by his laughter.

I sighed. "You may laugh if you want, Carlisle. I won't be angry. I know you've said how much stronger vampires are than humans, but I suppose I never understood how much stronger I would be."

Once given, Carlisle did indeed begin to laugh, though he contained it to more of a snicker than a full guffaw. I was grateful for that. I glanced over at the deformed piece of metal, and was amused by the fact that I now knew what the inside of my fist looked like. I joined Carlisle in his light chuckles, before I reached towards the offending knob and tried to smooth it out. I only managed to create divots in the shape of my fingers in the process. I had always thought brass was a rather firm substance, and this new discovery was quite surprising.

"I believe I must work on how to manage my strength," I said.

"I believe that would be wise, unless we want to invest in an overabundance of new furnishings and furniture for the cottage," he replied. He was enjoying this—I could see the mirth in his eyes.

"Yes. That would be a terrible inconvenience," I agreed, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "You are enjoying my ineptitude too much, Carlisle."

He kissed me sweetly, and looked into my eyes. "I apologize, Bella. I know how difficult it is to understand your own strength, and, to be honest, you are remarkably calm."

"You are by my side, Carlisle; your very presence calms me."

"I love you," he murmured quietly.

He smiled at me, and I laid my head against his chest, not worried about breaking him with my touch. There was a flash of recognition in my consciousness, as I remembered hundreds of gentle touches and caresses from when I was a human. Before I even realized I had a question to ask, it flew out of my mouth.

"How did you ever touch me when I was human?" I was thankful that I could no longer blush, embarrassed by my somewhat impolite and bold question. "You held my hand while I slept, taught me how to dance, and were never afraid to touch me. I don't know how you ever were able to do so."

"I suppose it is because I learned a long time ago how to balance my strength. Even Volterra was built for humans to live in. If I did not know how much pressure was too much, I would be unable to open doors, or hold a cup and saucer, or write a letter. As much as it is difficult at first, because you have much more strength in your first years as a vampire, it is essential to learn how to handle every day objects to avoid exposure."

"I suppose I never thought of it like that."

"If I can hold a pen without crushing it, I can easily touch a human without harming them. I doubt I was ever capable of hurting you, even intentionally."

"I love you." I reached up and kissed him as gently as I could, trying to infuse the kiss with all the love I felt for him.

When we broke apart, he looked at me, and I could see that he was formulating a plan of some sort. "I believe that having you handle different objects, and learning how much pressure is required to manipulate them without crushing them will be the most prudent method of conquering your strength."

"Such as playing with rocks, and seeing how tightly I can hold them?"

"Precisely. Though, I believe that you will need to handle a wide variety of objects, but rocks are excellent to begin with," he posited.

It was a clever plan. I had heard Carlisle speak of recently changed vampires as "newborns," but had always thought the term was slightly silly—as if you didn't begin life until you became a vampire. I was beginning to realize that the things parents have to teach their kids, like how to grasp and hold objects, was something that I now needed instruction in.

"Is there anything else that I shall need to learn?" I inquired.

"Your speed is much faster than it was as a human. If you are to assimilate yourself into society, you will need to learn how to slow your movements and words. When we hunted, we crossed miles in moments—faster than any horse at a full gallop. Even our walking pace is swifter than a horse. Your speech is also too quick, but that is easily corrected."

I was once again compelled to compare myself to an infant. I needed to learn how to walk and talk. These were all things that I knew I needed to master before I could be introduced back into society.

"I would like to start practicing now. Can you please only speak to me at the pace of a human? I would also appreciate it if you would move at a human's speed unless we are hunting."

"These are perfectly reasonable requests, Bella, but there is no rush to master them immediately. It will take months before we are able to introduce you to society again. I am afraid that we cannot return to Ware at present."

"I do not understand why this is necessary, Carlisle," I stated, the request for more information clear in my voice.

"The bloodlust in newly changed vampires is immense, and you cannot be exposed to humans at present—the thirst is too voracious. You have told me in the past that you do not wish to hunt humans, and I fear that I would not be able to prevent you from harming someone if you were to be in close proximity. In addition, while your human blood is still in your system, your eyes are red. They will change to the same color I have after a few months of imbibing exclusively animal blood."

I could not contain my sigh. I knew this; I had some vague human memory of a similar conversation, but it didn't make it any easier to accept.

Instead of continuing that thought, I began to contemplate the reasons for my objection, and could not find any. I had been living in seclusion with Carlisle for over a year already, and had never once been truly miserable. In fact, I loved spending time with Carlisle, and we certainly never had lacked for conversation. Just as he had trained me how to blend into 1815 English society, he would teach me how to pass for a human. If it would take months before I could do so, I would have to make due.

"As long as I am with you, I will be happy. I do want to enjoy the benefits of society, but I would never want to expose us. We have all the time in the world," I stated.

I meant every word of that, but I couldn't help but think of how much had changed in the last year. Initially, the idea that I would be unable to enter society and take advantage of the incredible gift I had been given, had been somewhat disappointing. The more time I spent with Carlisle, however, the more time I realized that my wish was coming true. I had wished myself into Jane Austen's England to find love, and I had certainly done so.

As I realized that my wish had been fulfilled, I began to wonder how my decisions would alter the future. I had been so adamant that I couldn't give Carlisle information on the rest of the Cullens, because I was afraid that I would change things that should not be altered. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew that I had just forever changed the shape of Carlisle's future.

I had known Carlisle's future when I approached him at the ball in Ware, but I no longer was certain. I had known him as Esme's mate, but I was now his mate. I didn't know where Esme fit into the coven any longer. I wasn't sure if he would still change her in the future, and if he did… would he love her more than he loves me? Were they destined for one another?

My concerned musings must have been evident on my face, because Carlisle caught my chin in his fingers and lifted it until my eyes met his.

"What has you so perplexed?" Carlisle asked.

I bit my lip, contemplating whether or not I could ask my question. "Carlisle?" I asked, somewhat hesitantly. He raised his eyebrows in a silent request for me to continue. "Can you tell me more about mates?"

The question made him anxious, and I immediately wondered if he had misinterpreted my meaning. "What do you want to know?"

"I know that you've said that vampires only mate once. Is there only one person who can be your mate? Is it destined, or was it a choice?"

I knew he was confused by my inquiry, but I was suddenly feeling somewhat insecure. Nothing in my life had ever felt so good, so easy, or so right as being in love with Carlisle, and I could not conceive that his love could ever be taken away from me. As I looked into his worried eyes, I knew that I had to explain my fear.

"You had a mate." He looked somewhat confused, and I knew I had to explain. "In the future, you had a mate. I didn't know if I should have told you before, but I never expected that I would fall in love with you— never mind that you could love me in return. I don't know if I should have told you, or if it would even change anything, or—"

His lips silenced my words as he kissed me fiercely. I grasped his forearms as his hands came up to cup my face, and opened my mouth to his. I felt desperate and needy, as if the mere shadow of Esme was hanging over me, even though she had yet to be born. He moaned into my mouth, but before I could begin to divest him of his clothing, he pulled away, and tucked my head under his chin. He bent his head down and kissed my forehead, and I looked up questioningly into his eyes.

"Please, Bella, do not doubt how much I love you. You are the woman that I love, that I want to share my life with."

"But how can you know for certain when you haven't met her yet?"

"I know that because I am in love with you. I will not pretend that I know everything about mates, Bella, but what I do know is that a vampire is largely unchanging, until we find a mate. Then, when we fall in love, we change for our mate. I do not believe we are capable of changing again. I suppose there really is no correct answer to your question."

I looked at him, unsure of what his answer meant. "You said that I had altered your existence when you proposed to me. That means that you wouldn't be able to fall in love again?"

"I suppose, in many ways it does. We are like the swan, really—we mate for life. Humans try to do so, but they, by their very nature, are always changing, so can love more than one person in their lifetime. As for fate, I cannot say for certain if it exists, but I do have faith in it."

"If you have faith in fate, how can you think we were meant to be mates? You had a mate already, and it wasn't me," I interjected.

"I fell in love with you because you are a remarkable woman, and have all the qualities I have always wished my wife and mate would possess, as well as some traits I would not have thought to ask for. I could not imagine anyone better suited to my needs. I like to believe that it was fate that brought you to me."

"Fate didn't bring me to you, though, because in the future…it led you to someone else."

"Ah, but I think it did. Whoever you believed to be my mate in the future is not now; perhaps you were sent to this time to make certain that I fell in love with the right woman. Perhaps your actions in the future have rectified a mistake in my destiny."

"Do you really believe that it was your fate to love me?"

"Yes, I do," he stated simply.

I looked into his eyes, and saw the complete honesty they held. I closed my eyes, and pressed my face into his shoulder, basking in the feeling of love that consumed me as I did so.

I began to contemplate his words. He believed that Esme was never destined to be his mate, as if I was always supposed to travel through time and fall in love with him. The idea was appealing enough that I believed it completely. I wasn't certain if I had ever believed in fate and destiny, but I did know that I loved Carlisle, and I knew that I could never love anyone as much as I loved him.

"I love you, Carlisle. I'm sorry if I made it seem that I was questioning your love for me. I know that you love me."

"I know. I have to ask you a question, though." I nodded slightly so he would continue. "Why didn't you tell me about this before? You agreed to marry me, and you changed into a vampire to be my companion, yet you were uncertain if you would lose me in the future?"

I was silent for a moment as I mulled over his words. "I saw the change in you, and I know how much you love me. I never doubted that you love me. I don't really know why I was suddenly so insecure, but I… I feel so overwhelmed right now. As if I can't quite decide how I should feel. The love I feel for you consumes me, to the point where I had to wonder what I would do if I ever lost you. I don't think I could bear it, Carlisle."

"You never will. I am yours, completely."

I couldn't contain my smile at his words. "I love you." I took a deep breath and realized that I hadn't fully answered his question. "I didn't want to risk changing the future, and I wasn't sure what would happen if I told you about your mate in the future. Would she still be changed? Would you still love her? I didn't want to risk altering the future, but I suppose I have already changed it. I don't want her future to rest in my hands, and, to be honest, I do not know much about her life apart from the fact that she was your mate."

"I understand why you wish to keep the details of the future to yourself. I simply wish you had come to me with your fears."

"In my defense, it is not as if I have had much chance before now to really think about the ramifications to the future after your proposal. All I know is that I love you more than I ever thought possible, and I will gladly spend the rest of my days on this earth with you."

"I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you the happiest I can."

I realized that we had been standing in front of our door during our conversation, so I took his hand in mine, and I led us into the cottage. We went into the sitting room, and sat on the loveseat. I heard him draw in a breath and hold it inside. He wanted to ask me something, but I knew he wasn't certain how it would be received.

I leaned over and kissed his cheek softly before settling back in the seat with an encouraging expression.

"After the next six months, when your eyes have turned gold, and you will be better capable of being around humans, I was wondering if you would not mind a little bit of travel?"

"Where would we go?"

"Volterra. We have spoken of the Volturi before, and you know that I recently spent a number of decades with them. I still consider them friends of mine, and I would be honored if I could present you to them as my mate. They would be overjoyed that I have found you."

"You want to introduce me to your friends?" I asked. There was something about the notion that sounded so… normal about the situation. I couldn't help but giggle lightly at the notion. The Volturi had frightened me when I was with Edward, because I knew the entire family was at risk because I knew their secret. Now, I was a vampire -Carlisle's mate- and they would have no reason to harm Carlisle or I.

I was more than a little curious about the Volturi. Carlisle had described them as very civilized, and that they were collectors of information. They were connoisseurs of art, patrons of music, and seekers of enlightenment. It was in Volterra that Carlisle learned about science and medicine. I wanted to meet them, and explore the sorts of knowledge that they possessed.

"Though I do not agree with their dietary choices, I respect their ability to keep our world secret. I'm fascinated that they can stay in the same location for centuries without the local humans becoming suspicious."

I considered that for a moment. "I think I'd like to stay somewhere for a few years, but not permanently. There's too much of the world that I'd like to see."

"You shall see it all," he promised.

An idea entered my head, and I nearly exploded out of my skin with excitement. Carlisle caught my eye, and cocked an eyebrow in curiosity.

"I want to see certain moments in history. I have all this knowledge of the future, and I want to use it in a way. We could attend concerts that people will speak of for hundreds of years. We can bear witness to speeches that will shape the future of entire countries. We have the ability to see great battles in war, and witness history as it is being made.

"We will live forever, Carlisle, and I have knowledge that would allow us to be where history is made."

He was quiet for a moment, and I wondered what he was contemplating. "Your idea is fascinating, but you have been so careful not to alter history. Would you be able to resist the temptation to prevent any negative events?"

I thought about that for a while. I did not want to admit that it was a legitimate concern, but I could not deny it, either. I momentarily thought of the horrors I could prevent, like the assassinations of Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy. Could I really stand by and watch as innocent men were killed? Could I see men like Martin Luther King, Jr. be killed for having the courage to stand up against injustice?

There was the other side of this coin, though. Who was I to alter history like that? Would Kennedy or Lincoln have been as well-remembered if their lives weren't cut tragically short? How could I choose which events to alter, and which not to change? Although I wanted to save lives, could the lives I save cause the death or oppression of others? The fact was, I didn't know how my actions would change the future, and that would prevent me from acting on my urges.

"I can show restraint. I do not know how my actions would alter the course of history, and I would not feel comfortable doing so. If someone is meant to live, they will do so. I choose to hunt animals instead of humans because I do not believe I have the right to choose who should live and who should die. The Hippocratic oath requires physicians to treat anyone who is in need—I want to live by that philosophy."

"I think that is commendable, Bella, and I would love to see the events that will shape history. I think it is a brilliant idea."

We were quiet for a few moments, as I snuggled deep into his arms. I enjoyed the warmth that his embrace provided, and I realized that it had remained consistent from when I was still a human. The temperature of his skin had never affected the warmth of his embrace.

"In the future, women can become doctors. One day, I would like to help people like you will," I stated, not really forming the idea before speaking.

"Women can be nurses, but are unable to attend medical school at present," he replied. He didn't comment on whether or not he supported women holding the profession. In fairness, my statement seemed hypothetical and very far-fetched to someone in 1816.

I wondered if Carlisle would ever allow me to work alongside of him one day in the future. I would have to conquer my bloodlust before I could contemplate it, but the idea of healing people was appealing. Without my penchant for vomiting or fainting at the sight and smell of blood, I thought a career in medicine would be quite rewarding to me. Esme had never worked in the future, and I wondered how much of that was due to the time in which she lived, her desire not to hold a job, or if Carlisle had not approved of the idea. For some reason, I could not imagine Carlisle being sexist, but he had grown up in a very different time, and his ideas of a woman's role in the world would have been very different. I was somewhat afraid that he would reject my desire to work as a foolish notion, so I kept the idea to myself. I would address it later, when I was able to be in the company of humans without wanting to drink their blood.

x-x-x

Learning to control my speed and strength was not simple. I had hoped that it would come naturally to me, but because I had already learned how to move and manipulate objects as a human, I had specific sense memories associated with each action.

Carlisle was patient –exceedingly so- and never made me feel foolish for having difficulty with mimicking a human's strength. I was able to control my speed with more ease, because I was able to match my speed to Carlisle's. After a month of copying his movements, I was able to move at a human pace without following his example.

It took me approximately five months before I was able to hold any object without crushing it. Carlisle's method of becoming gradually accustomed to individual substances proved successful. It took a long time, but I had a better mastery over my strength than most young vampires.

My eyes were now golden, like Carlisle's, and I could physically pass for a human. I had only left the cottage to hunt, and had not encountered the scent of human blood yet. Carlisle believed that I was ready. He didn't believe my thirst was as strong as other newborns he had seen. He also was surprised by the control I had over my actions. I hunted more than Carlisle needed to hunt, but my thirst was not voracious, and I was able to focus on other desires above my thirst.

We decided to test my restraint with a trip to a nearby ranch. Carlisle held me firmly before I drew a breath with the scent of a human. I had anticipated a scent that was nothing short of divine. From all I had heard of the lure of human blood, it would be almost impossible to resist.

Imagine my surprise when the scent of rust and salt invaded my nostrils, and I nearly gagged.

When Carlisle realized that I was not straining against him, he loosened his hold on me. We ventured closer to the human, who remained oblivious to the lethal predators around him, and I was assaulted by a temptation that I had not anticipated. The sound of his heartbeat was thick in the air, and I immediately stiffened, so that I would not attack the farmer. His scent was not especially appealing, but the steady sound of his heart beating and the sound of blood rushing through his veins were.

I did not allow myself to move a muscle. My body was frozen and tense, until I acclimated myself to the temptation. It took me a few minutes before I was able to tear myself away from the sound of fresh blood. His blood may not have smelled appealing to me, but the sound of the blood pumping through him called to me, as if it would ease the ache in my throat better than any animal could.

It took me another month before I was able to approach a human without tensing to attack. I still was careful, but I knew that I would not harm anyone. Every day, we walked closer to town, where there were more humans to encounter.

The first day I was able to walk through town without any visible strain, I felt Carlisle's pride in my accomplishment as his arms wrapped around me. The next day, we left Roysten to sail across the English Channel and travel to Volterra, Italy. I could not help but think that it was the first step towards truly living our lives together as mates.

A/N: I'm shooting to post the next chapter next weekend. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!