I apologise in advance for any mistakes. I don't have a beta, and I'm just too lazy to go through everything that many times. I'm sorry for the mistakes in last chapter, too, which I fixed. I am giving you guys a real treat right now.
TWO UPDATES. OMG, no way!
Yes. Two chapers, one after the other, straight away, because this mother fuck is just too big. So there. :D
-birobird
Bella, robotic, turned away from Edward's retreating form. She couldn't watch him walk away from her. What sort of cosmic imbalance had caused the night to go so awry?
With clammy hands, she stroked the swollen skin of her eyes, gathering her tears and wiping the moisture on her skirt. She stopped when she realised it didn't matter. Only her parents would have to see her cry. To Edward, she was just another upset child, fawning over an older man who obviously held no interest in her.
Cruel, that he initiated contact with her in the first place. Cruel, that he gave her hope with his kisses, so warm and tender, just to disrespect her and call her too young and naive to understand the ways of the world. Bella knew what was right and wrong, simply enough.
She knew that abandoning your friend so suddenly in the middle of the street after a catastrophic dinner with her parents was despicable.
Bella rarely cursed, and although it pained her, she had picked up somewhat of a habit over the Summer because of Edward.
Bella knew what Edward was being right now.
He was being a bastard, and maybe he was right to walk away. Bella didn't truly believe that, but it was easier to swallow than to pine after him pathetically. She caged herself with her arms, not letting anything seep out of her heart anymore. She sucked in a deep breath, numbed the sting of his absence, and opened the front door, letting it fall shut silently behind her.
She followed the stairs up to the landing outside their apartment door. She could hear Renee and Charlie talking on the other side. She no longer cared if they were angry at her for letting someone like Edward inside their home. She knew they'd never let this go, but somehow, she felt immune to whatever discipline they could dish out to her.
"Bella." Charlie stated sternly as Renee rubbed his shoulder, still checking to see if he was hurt further.
He stood up from his chair and approached Bella, who shrunk away slightly. For once, Charlie didn't get angry, he only looked ashamed...guilty?
Bella watched him curiously, distantly. Her heart and mind were a thousand miles away, or, rather, just a few yards around the block.
Charlie put two, timid hands on her shoulders and lowered himself onto his knees in front of her.
"I...am sorry for hitting you, Bella. I was overwhelmed and I lashed out. I'm sorry." He preached, and by the low tenor of his voice and the warming colour of his brown irises, Bella understood that he was being sincere.
Renee was still quietly weeping behind him, with a handkerchief clutched to her mouth.
Bella glanced at her mother, then back down to her father who was slowly standing up.
"Okay." She simply said as her father embraced her.
"You have to stay away from that boy, Bella." He added seriously with his face in her hair.
He kissed the top of her head.
"He's not a good boy for you. No-one will ever be good enough for you, but at least we can try to get the best out there." He smiled apologetically, eight shades different from the man insane with rage she saw at the dinner table tonight, strangling Edward.
"Okay." She said again, not disagreeing with him.
She felt as though that was all she could say.
"I think you should get cleaned up, honey. Have a shower then get a good night's rest, alright?" Charlie nudged her in the direction of the hall, rubbing at his jaw which is probably where Edward hit him.
Bella let her fingers splay out against the walls on her either side as she walked the short corridor to the bathroom.
It reminded her of the day she spent with Edward at Ben's house. The painting on the wall, the beautiful way their bodies looked, printed in multi-colours across the paper.
She sighed, forced herself to focus on her feet and hands as she stepped into the bathroom and shut the door.
She undressed, avoided looking at her naked form in the mirror, and turned the faucets around. She wondered if she would be repulsed by her own body, now that because Edward had touched it, she would be forever reminded of what he did to her.
Because he touched her in such a good way, it would make the memories all the more hard to remember. Not that they would become withered and vague with the passing of time, like brittle pages of an old sketch pad, but they would become so intensely powerful, that to touch them with her mind would be like touching the heated, coil element on the stove.
It would sting, and it would burn.
Bella's hands shook as she stepped under the spray, methodically cleaning every inch of her body before sitting down on the floor of the shower, letting the warm water envelop her until it ran stone cold.
Edward may not be the right boy for her, he may not deserve her, and he may not be the best.
But it's who she wanted.
She pressed her cheek into her knees, facing her opposite cheek up to the chilled droplets of water that lost their heat.
The water smelled slightly of copper from the old pipes inside the walls.
Bella could still feel the throb left in the wake of her father's hand on her cheek.
~0~0~
Out of spite and, let's say, a need for a distraction, Bella decided she would go to this end-of-summer party that Edward told her about. She would go, she would have fun, and she would meet some new friends.
She didn't care that sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night was bad form. If her parents ever found out, she would tell them where to stick their discipline.
But they never had to, and she could easily just forget about it.
This could just be closure. She would go to this party, sate her thirst for rebelliousness and when Bella was old and grey, she would remember this night as the night she flew off the handle, but came home a different girl, then everything would go back to normal from then on.
The man named Edward Cullen would only be a speck on her past, a boy she met the Summer she moved away from Seattle. She probably wouldn't even remember his name when she was an adult. She could forget just as easily if she met someone who treated her right, respectfully, as Edward admitted it was something he wasn't doing. Like a childhood friend who's Polaroid had faded beyond recognition, Edward's face would, surely, like all the others, dissolve from Bella's memory.
Perhaps she would find someone tonight.
Bella searched the pockets of her skirt to find the lipstick she snatched off of her Mother's vanity table. She pondered it for a moment in the darkness of her room, knowing her parents were falling obliviously asleep in the next room.
She didn't have the right attire to attend what would most probably be a stoner's convention at James' house, but she wasn't going to miss out on attending, especially now that she felt so resolved to be bad.
Bella reached for her bedside lamp, the click reverberating through the room. Bella cringed at every small amount of noise she made, the creak of the floor boards she shifted her feet on, the sound of her bed springs as she sat on the edge of the mattress.
She sifted through her draws for a compact mirror, then sat down, spread the lipstick over her mouth, smacked her lips the way she learnt from her mother, and replaced it in her pocket. She wore her usually pleated skirt tonight; black. She wore a dark blue blouse and a cardigan over the top. Appraising herself, she decided she would never be able to fit in with what she was wearing. Biting her lip in frustration, Bella realised that she didn't have any clothes that you wouldn't find at a nunnery, as Edward called a convent. Just another bad habit she'd unknowingly adopted from him.
Ignoring this, she stripped and, shivering, pulled a dress over her head. It zipped up at the back, with capped sleeves and reached down to her mid-thigh. The fabric was white with inch-thick navy blue stripes across it. It was modest and feminine, nothing too conservative, though. She pulled her sweater back over the top, hoping it would feel warmer inside James' house.
Bella had been fortunate enough to procure an escort to the party, however. Jacob was, unsurprisingly, completely willing to attend with the Swan girl. He was struck by her looks, and even more so by how unaware she was of them.
Bella heard the slight rumble of a car parked close by outside the building. Hastily, she opened her bedroom door, closing it gently, before slowly padding down the hall, her shoes clutched in her hands to keep her noises to a minimum, lest she alert Charlie to her active defiance.
Turning the brass knob of the front door, she pushed it open, noting how it stuck slightly as she pressed her weight against it. Hopefully she wouldn't make enough noise to rouse Charlie or Renee from their slumber.
Bella felt a rush of adrenaline flood her veins, invigorating her brain to the point of sheer energy, like an over-powered light bulb. She was excited. She was breaking the rules without any pressure from outside sources, namely the boy who she tried not to think too hard about.
Keeping to the shadows, as if she suspected her father to be watching the stairwell for his daughter, Bella tip-toed to the door of the building, opening, closing and locking. She patted the loose pocket of her cardigan where her key was hidden. The key her mother had grudgingly gifted to her in case she got locked out before coming home from one of her usual mid-day escapades.
Jacob's car, a relatively new-looking blue Bentley was parked further down the street. Bella eyed the mural of a half-naked woman adorning the side panel; she was standing with her back to her, in a scandalous black swimsuit, leaning on a ship's steering wheel. Bella chewed the inside of her cheek as she neared the passenger door. She watched Jacob through the windshield as he reached over to unlock her door.
Taking the handle, she let herself in and settled into the leather bench seat, light beige in colour. Bella realised the car looked older and more worn on the inside. Perhaps Jacob only cared about taking care of the outer appearance?
"I like your car." She noted as Jacob let the car roll down the hill and past their building.
He stepped on the gas a little as they rounded the corner onto a busier street.
"Thanks. My Dad gave it to me after he got put in his wheelchair. It's been mine for two years, but we've had it in our family for almost ten."
Bella nodded appreciatively.
"It looks new on the outside."
Jacob just smirked.
Scanning the partially empty streets on the other side of her window, Bella reconsidered her lipstick.
"I like your dress," Jacob said before clearing his throat and shifting in his seat.
Bella fluffed her hair a little, unconsciously.
"Oh, thank you, Jacob. I...I knew I wouldn't fit in with anything else I wear. This is all I had." She explained self-consciously, biting her waxy lip.
Jacob glanced at her from the corner of his eye, down her body, to her thighs where her dress barely covered the creamy white skin. He breathed in deeply, registering the scent of her hair and skin and warmth.
"I'm sorry about your Father, too. That must be awful." She added, almost as an afterthought.
But Bella was usually an unselfish girl. If someone came bearing bad news, she would find a way to remedy the pain, whether she knew she was doing it or not.
Her intentions for other people were always good. She was like anaesthetic, but better. She wouldn't numb the pain, she could make someone feel it through conversation but cause them to feel good about the pain. Pain is human.
Jacob frowned and looked side-long at his companion.
"Um...thanks." he murmured uncomfortably.
Nobody ever spoke about his father, or offered condolences. They were not the war heroes of the 30s or 40s, they were the conformist, war mongers of the 60s. Nobody welcomed them home.
And it's not as if he'd lost his father in the physical sense, but after Vietnam, he barely spoke any words to his youngest son. He acted a ghost, like the young men he fought alongside in the swampy marshes, Billy Black's spirit was as good as gone.
"So, why isn't Cullen taking you to this thing?" he steered the conversation away from the impending awkward silence after talking to a stranger about personal issues.
Bella sighed and crossed her arms, signalling her contempt and concealing her hurt.
Jacob raised an eyebrow and chuckled.
"You finally realised he isn't an angel, huh?" Jacob queried teasingly. "Well," he sniffed, turning another corner.
"It was bound to happen soon. What did he do to scare you away? You saw him with another girl, didn't you?" Jacob laughed bitterly, jealously.
To him, Cullen was an ass, but that didn't stop the fervent envy he felt.
"Dipping his Johnson in another gal?" he pressed, enjoying the thought of Edward failing at hooking Bella.
Bella breathed heavily through her nose, composing her reply.
"He does that a lot?" she asked, not giving away her complete lack of this knowledge.
She had no idea Edward was a ladies man, though of course, she should have assumed so with his looks and charm alone, even if she never saw anything of the sort.
Jacob was triumphant in his seat, grinning from ear to ear like a demented clown. His skin had a sort of glow, unlike Edward's, it reflected an amber hue, like a creamy gold light illuminated his skin in the dark.
Bella felt her adrenaline draining from being stationary too long. With clammy fingers she rubbed her forehead and pinched one of her cheeks.
Rarely was it that she stayed up this late.
And this whole mislead adventure of hers would be meaningless if she couldn't stay awake through the entire night.
"He does do it a lot, yes." Jacob confirmed, his hands loose on the steering wheel.
"Usually he doesn't even bother to hide it." He continued despite Bella's silence.
She pursed her lips like you would if you were going to peck someone on the cheek or forehead.
"He has an amazing talent for gathering girls to exploit." Jacob shook his head, half in resentment, and half in admiration.
He had a girl once, Kate, her name was. She was from a typical white bred family, all American, traditional values, Christian and racist.
He wasn't allowed to see her, and she wouldn't defy her parents to meet him after dark.
That was another aspect of Bella that Jacob liked. She was rebelling but not because she was being forced or trained. She was acting up against the establishment, she was doing what she wanted because she wanted to do it.
If only Kate had been this proactive.
"I'm not a collector's item." Bella grumbled, eyes narrowed into dagger slits as she stared at the scuffed dash.
"No, of course not." Jacob conceded truthfully.
"Bu he chose to prey on you because you seemed like an easy target."
Bella felt the car slow down and the engine idle before the click of the key in the ignition turned it off. Jacob deposited the key in his trousers and turned slightly to look at Bella.
She glanced across the street to where it was obvious, the party was.
The lights were on, people were stumbling around the front lawn, tripping over plastic flamingos. It was like the ground was too uneven for them to walk. They kept tripping over nothing but air or their own feet.
"He said I was just a kid." Bella murmured in the dark space between them.
It felt smaller now somehow.
Jacob's brown eyes bored into hers as he sucked in a breath like he was hurt by the acidic words not meant for him.
"Ouch." He commented with an apologetic grimace.
He patted the back of her hand that rested on her knee slowly, friendly. She smiled back, tightly before loosening her muscles a bit and nodding her head.
"Come on, I want to have some fun." She muttered, opening the door of the Bentley.
The metal creaked loudly as she closed it, looking both ways across the street as she jogged to the other side, Jacob striding just next to her.
The house looked like Ben's from the outside, but slightly more upper class and clean. Jacob placed his palm on the small of her back and guided her along the chipped cement garden path up to the door.
He opened it without knocking and led Bella inside. He smiled over his shoulder at Bella, moving in front of her and grasping her hand to drag her through the packed crowd inside.
Bella wondered what the walls looked like, because she could barely see past the tall men everywhere.
Edward sat in the corner with a beer can balanced on his knee. Neither had seen the other yet. He had his elbow resting on the arm of the floral, plastic-covered sofa.
He fingered the cold, shiny, smooth surface and thought seriously about melting it with his lighter. He'd thought a lot about setting everything on fire for the past week.
He couldn't find an interest in anything. Edward felt like someone had wrapped him in packing tape, his skin unable to feel, his eyes unable to see past the haze of white. It was like he was blind, deaf and tasteless.
Nothing appealed, and everything was boring. It was as if he stood in a white room, blank with no tables, chairs, paintings or photos on the walls. Then when he closed his eyes, all he could see was the girl with brown hair and brown eyes.
He licked his lips, took his last swig of beer and crushed the can in his fist. He would forever be the "other" guy at the swingers parties. Edward would become the plain John Doe with no friends but with an air of superiority over all who arrived, which would give him a status of unapproachable.
He grabbed his pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his leather jacket hanging over the back of the sofa. He sighed and pulled one from the packet, pinching it between his lips before clicking his lighter and cupping his hand around the flame.
He closed his eyes for a moment, blowing the smoke from between his lips and out his nose.
Suddenly, he felt the warmth and cushion of someone's lips against his. Hoping for one person, but getting another. He opened his eyes and saw a pair of blue glacial irises.
"Rose," he mumbled against her lips, leaning back to gain some distance.
"Hey, baby!" she grinned, flopping down ungracefully on the sofa next to him.
Her skirt was so short that her bare ass squeaked against the plastic. She sighed long and heavy, wafting her breath into Edward's face. It was bitter smelling and made Edward want to turn his head away. She was sipping on Tequila and lemonade, a lime wedge floating inside her glass.
"You look unhappy," she mused, cocking her head and shifting herself so she was straddling his lap.
Edward sighed again in resignation. Why else did he come here? To forget, to erase, to replace.
So, instead of pushing her away like he wanted, he decided to pacify her. Edward stubbed his cigarette out in the ash tray on the coffee table beside him. There was a lamp there, sitting on a lace doily. James was such a Momma's boy, he only dared to have parties when his parents were out of town.
Edward, in any other circumstance, would have had a party at his house, because the Cullens were on their second honeymoon for their twenty-fifth anniversary. But somehow, he wasn't feeling very hospitable.
Rosalie Hale ground her pelvis against Edward Cullen's lap. She was one of San Fran Cisco's elite. Her father was a rich bastard who owned two thirds of the real estate business in the entire city. He was sophisticated, mean, and had money to burn.
Edward had indulged in playing with his heiress daughter, in more ways than the innocent kind. It was the novelty more so than the attraction, although she was a beautiful girl. She was superficial and fake, as if she would melt just as easily as the plastic of a sculpted figurine.
She was artificial.
But she was totally uninhibited, so why shouldn't Edward indulge once more?
He palmed her ass, squeezed it tightly against him and let her arch her back and poke her chest out into his face.
Bella's hand slipped from Jacob's as he opened a door for her. They were in the den. There were sofas, a coffee table, a television and a fireplace. There was a record player in the corner, belting out psychedelic tunes which Bella had never heard of.
What made Bella the most uncomfortable, were the naked bodies sprawled over the carpet, entwined, moving, thrusting...
Bella's eyes widened in shock, wondering if she and Jacob had stumbled in on the wrong room where almost a dozen people were locked in a passionate moment of gargantuan proportion.
"Um..." she turned around but Jacob stopped her.
"It's fine." He said calmly and motioned to the small mini bar in the corner, where there were two people kissing.
At least they still had their clothes on.
Bella skirted the pile of people kissing, touching, moaning. There was a man sitting on the sofa, a woman with her face in his lap. He had blonde hair down to his shoulders and was sipping from a bottle of beer. He had his other hand rested against the back of her head.
Bella couldn't see the woman's face, but she could see the tribal tattoo she had on her lower back. She had beautiful skin, almost the same shade as Jacob's.
Her hair shone black, like the shiny skin of an Egyptian Asp.
Distracted, she didn't notice Jacob approach her again with two drinks in his hands. He handed one to her, and Bella instinctively took a large sip, thirsty. Jacob perked an incredulous brow at her actions and awaited her consequent surprise when she realised she was drinking straight bourbon.
It took her breath away, of course, stinging up and down her throat, stealing her oxygen with it's power.
She coughed and spluttered the acrid liquid out of her mouth, swallowing most of it down with watery eyes.
She wiped her mouth and stared up at Jake who was chuckling into his glass. She playfully slapped him on the arm.
"Is this alcohol?" she demanded in a whisper.
"Well, yeah," Jake answered matter-of-factly.
"And what on Earth are those people doing?" she hissed, turning her face away as it flushed red at the sight of the nude bodies.
She heard them laughing with each other, enjoyment. She wasn't crazy enough to expose herself to so many people at once. She wasn't ready to expose herself to one person yet.
"They're just trying to have some fun, that's all. It happens at parties." He smiled, all white teeth.
He nudged her with his elbow and grinned. Bella smiled back, hesitantly as the statuesque, russet skinned girl walked over to them. The blonde man that had been enjoying himself on the sofa was zipping up his pants. He had no shirt on.
"I'm Leah," she introduced herself, holding her hand out for Jacob to shake.
He took it eagerly.
"I'm Jacob, and this is my friend, Bella." He gave her a shining smile.
Her hands were long and slender, piano fingers, Bella would have described them.
She took Leah's hand without hesitation or disgust. The things this woman did were her own choices and God was all about forgiveness and acceptance of differences.
Even if sex before marriage was a sin.
Bella felt torn by that particular commandment.
"You look young and strapping, Jacob. Can I get you a drink?" she offered, although oddly, she must have known he had one already perched in his right hand.
He nodded anyway, leaving Bella perplexed.
"Wait," she murmured.
Leah smiled kindly and offered her other hand. Bella was a bit intimidated by this woman and her lack of modesty with her breasts beared for the whole room to view. Jacob was staring at them now.
"You're welcome to join us, Bella?" she smirked, linking fingers with the innocent Catholic girl.
"Uh, no thank you. But, Jacob, what are you...?" she trailed off, unsure of who to talk to now that her companion was abandoning her.
"I'll only be a few minutes." He promised her while Leah perked an eyebrow and laughed.
They moved to the sofa and the woman began unbuttoning Jacob's shirt. She unzipped his pants and pulled his briefs down his thighs, aware of the audience but not caring for witnesses, only each other.
Bella was bewildered and she couldn't tear her eyes away from the scene. It was like watching something beautiful and scandalous. Two human beings acting in a completely human way; it was magic, but Bella felt like an intrusion into a private sanctuary these people had created.
If she wasn't joining in, she shouldn't be here.
Jacob was hard, his penis standing at attention as his hands roamed over the naked hips of his new female friend. She bit her lip, kneeling on either side of his lap before sitting down on top of him. Bella was shocked...and completely aroused.
She fanned her face for a moment before fleeing the too-intimate room.
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