Note: Hi. Yeah. Sorry for last week's lack of update. Hopefully the events of this chapter make up for that. Nudge nudge. Also, forgive my clumsy time-skips. Please and thanks.
Chapter 6: Resolutions and Revolutions
Axel woke up at seven in the evening wide awake and absolutely starving. He'd been asleep for four hours, which was just enough time for him to have reached an appropriately disoriented state. He desperately racked his brain, trying to figure out if he'd slept through the night and had to start getting ready for class, or if he still had time before the night ended. Glancing outside provided no real indicators. The thought, it was light five minutes ago floated into his head more than once. Then the memory of the day's events rolled back in and he felt a familiar surge of annoyance.
The sight of Zexion in the kitchen told him it was, in fact, Sunday night. Had it been morning, Zexion would be preparing to leave for class. At least that was one question answered.
Axel got himself a bagel; neither of them spoke. He supposed the way he slammed the door to his room earlier in the day and hadn't emerged even once since then was enough of an indicator of how it all went. Again he found himself thankful that his roommate didn't care about other people's business; he was by no means in the mood to talk about it.
Without considering the time, Axel grabbed an energy drink from the refrigerator. It wasn't until he had chugged nearly the whole thing before realizing he wasn't going to get any sleep that night, but that particular epiphany left him indifferent. He doubted he would have gotten any sleep anyway. A sudden thought hit him and he rushed to get his keys from their normal spot on the counter.
"I'll be back late tonight." He said as a simple courtesy to Zexion, although he knew he wouldn't notice either way if he had left. Obvious best friends in the making.
When Axel reached the car repair shop frequenters called The Garage, an odd but familiar surge of comfort overcame him. The place had been like a second home to him since he was fifteen. It had been his first job and the owner, Cid Highwind, was batty but a good guy and great at what he did. Really, Axel would forever be in debt to him for always giving him a place to park his car and for providing him with the supplies and knowledge he needed in order to get more work done on his big, red, piece of junk. Hell, if it hadn't been for Cid, Axel would have actually been forced to stop being so stubborn and just save enough for a different car years ago. The fact that with all the work he'd done on the damn thing he could have easily just gone ahead and gotten himself a nice used car… well, that was something his parents enjoyed bringing up quite often.
But this was Axel's baby. Just giving up and getting a new car at this point would have felt a lot like failure. And he felt like he'd done enough failing in his lifetime. Plus, if he only committed to one thing in his life, at least this made him happy. His car was unpredictable and frustrating, but it could never personally disappoint him, nor him it. He spent too much time completely invested in it to just shake it off.
To just shake him off.
Axel slid under his car, wrench in hand, and stopped before realizing he hadn't needed to. Reflex. He slid back out again, feigning casualness, hoping no one saw his mistake. He reached for Cid's old toolbox and stopped again, this time in deep thought. The world could have frozen in its place.
Pretty soon Monday would make its way over the horizon, and then he'd probably have to face Roxas sooner or later.
Thinking about the day's events, after a few hours of uninterrupted sleep and enough time to wake up, didn't bring the same surge of anger as before. He still felt a little tense, but he guessed that that would go away in the morning. Maybe it was being so comfortable at the Garage, maybe it was because his mind always felt clear and epiphany-ready as he cleaned, took apart, and put together.
A half hour passed, letting lazy, vague thoughts of homework, Roxas, and his car's air conditioner drift in and out of his mind at random. At some point he caught his reflection in the rear view mirror and noticed a streak of dark grease on his forehead. Only slightly concerned, he looked down at his arms, which he figured he must have used to brush his hair back. Sure enough, the outside of his right forearm was also coated in grime. Probably from when he was a complete dumbass and went under his car, his arm most likely making contact with the filthy ground. And he hadn't bothered changed out of his nice shirt, either. Oh well, Axel thought with a noncommittal grunt. Not like I'll be needing it again.
"I think my AC's almost back." Axel said loudly, but Cid was talking to one of his workers. He fiddled for another fifteen minutes before feeling satisfied that it was at least good enough. It wasn't as though he'd had any real aim in coming, anyway. A quick turn of the key in the ignition set a wave of cold air blasting from all the slots in the dashboard but one, which he figured he had just shut it a while ago and then forgot about entirely. Axel knew it would be an easy check and an easier fix if it was just busted, but it was getting late. He did have class the next morning, after all.
Still lost in thought about Roxas, Axel packed his things and prepared to leave. He was gone before he realized that Cid had said goodbye and felt like a bit of a tool for it. Oh well, it wasn't as though he wasn't there all the time. He'd say goodbye twice next time to make up for it.
At least he somewhat had a plan to talk to Roxas. At least he knew that he wasn't willing to throw all that hard work away. If it ended up with Roxas and Olette hating him forever, at least he followed through. At least he had tried to change.
At eleven, Axel got home and collapsed in bed. His mind clearer than it had been since his outburst, he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
With the new morning came the old routine—sort of. Axel was starting to believe that, by the time he was ready to move out of his apartment and go off to live his own life, he would probably owe Zexion his life.
In his exhaustion the night before, Axel didn't think to set his alarm. Lucky for him, Zexion seemed to notice the lack of movement from the room by the time he needed to leave and thought to quickly knock on Axel's door once, just loud enough to surely wake him up.
Feeling restless, Axel chose to get up right then, forgoing the extra hour or so of sleep he knew was available to him. He took a quick wake-up-you-lazy-bum shower and threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt before heading out into the empty living room.
He didn't quite know what to do with himself.
For a couple of minutes he stood still in the center of the room, finding that just about everything looked unappealing. No book, game, or TV show could wipe the cloud from his mind. Finally he decided to head into the kitchenette and grab a bagel, though he found he had lost his taste for it this morning. There were two sides to him, warring and raging in his head: one felt hopelessly guilty for the way he treated Roxas the day before and the other, bruised side wanted nothing more to do with him.
He knew that he would have to talk to Roxas-best sooner than later-but the closer it came to time to get to class, the more Axel realized that he had no idea how to go about this. He was starting to think that the smartest choice would be to go to Olette first and see what Roxas had told her, but… no. He learned sign in the first place to be able to speak one on one with Roxas; he couldn't keep getting a third party involved. And if he kept going to other people first, how on earth were he and Roxas supposed to get anywhere? They could talk, that wasn't a problem, but it already seemed like they couldn't actually communicate to save their lives.
After his musings, Axel glanced at the clock. He had a half an hour to kill before he needed to head out.
No better way to spend it than to crack open the sign book again.
Oddly, as he left for class a little while later he found himself feeling oddly… rejuvenated.
There were some days when Axel's bio lab seemed to drag on for days on end. Those were the periods when they spent hours looking at cells magnified however thousands of times and were forced to write reports that wouldn't seem out of place in an elementary school compulsory science class. Mercifully, this was not one of those days. He felt just as bad that there seemed to be a nasty flu going around as the next guy, and like always was thankful that not living on campus seemed to make him completely invulnerable to these dorm-spread diseases, but when it meant that his longest class was reduced to a mere forty minutes, he couldn't help but wish that maybe his science professor could get sick a little more often. He didn't think he would able to concentrate through a three hour lab with his mind buzzing.
As soon as they were dismissed, Axel made a bee line to the library in hopes that he would maybe find Roxas there. Pretending to casually look for a book, he scanned the aisles and glanced in every desk, chair, and cubicle for any trace of the pint-sized blond. He wished he and Roxas had compared schedules at the start of the new semester so that he would have even the glimmer of an idea of where he might be, or if he was even on campus that day. Feeling again disheartened, Axel realized he didn't even know what the boy's major was. Not only did his cluelessness leave him with no idea what building Roxas may be in or near, but it was just a further reminder of how he managed to fuck this all up. After all, isn't discussion of a person's major or minor usually the very first thing you asked a classmate you didn't know all that well?
Sighing heavily, Axel finally flopped down on a beaten up couch near the library's automated double doors. Well, that was a bust. He absently watched a few people he vaguely recognized trickle in and out before deciding that he should at least use his time to get started on homework.
Then, a thought struck him. I have Roxas' number. With a grin the man dug his phone from his pocket and began scrolling through his contacts, desperate to find the one. Maybe if he got lucky and Roxas didn't delete his text on sight, he could get the boy over to the library so they could talk this thing out. He had his finger on the select button when he stopped. He should be trying to contact me.
The very thought gave him a twinge of something—more guilt, maybe, he was acting like a child and he knew it- but it still gave him pause. Homework now, he finally decided. Worry about this stupid Roxas situation later. It didn't stop him from jumping to pick up the phone when he felt that familiar vibration, however, and he was all too eager to answer, hoping to any higher being that this was going to be what he thought it would be.
He was definitely perplexed when he was greeted with his roommate's name on the cracked screen.
Zexion
12:24PM
Get over to the tables by the welcome center. We need to talk.
To say that Axel had absolutely no clue in the slightest of what this could even possibly regard would be a tragic understatement. He definitely felt a sense of foreboding as he packed his bag and started out the door. Had someone broken into their apartment? Or maybe there had been an emergency and whoever it was could only reach Zexion. He was trying to think if any of his friends or family even had the man's number as he walked quickly past the statue of the school's mascot (a stallion, which made for a convenient pick up line when talking to people from other schools, not that Axel would know or had tried it a few times or anything).
He walked up a small, grassy hill before reaching the fountain and benches which meant that the welcome center was only a few more steps ahead. It took him a moment to find Zexion, seated on the opposite side of the building than Axel thought he would be. Good thing the big yellow umbrella attached to the table was such an eye catcher, or else he'd have probably stood over looking around like a moron for much longer than necessary.
The reluctance to find out what this big news returned full force as Zexion noticed Axel taking a seat across from him and set down his book, face dead serious. But then, Axel reminded himself, he always looks that way.
"What's going on, man?" Axel asked, every bit as serious as he felt.
"When I went home for lunch, I found this." Zexion opened his book again and pulled out a half sheet of paper, sliding it across the table to Axel.
Residents,
We regret to inform you that, due to an increase in price of utilities (gas, water, etc) the rent will be raised from $600/month to $750 /month to cover these expenses. It is important to us that we continue to provide you with the most excellent services and apologize deeply about any inconvenience this may cause. Effective 5/1/2008.
"…Is this legit?"
Zexion's face betrayed no emotion. "It was posted on several bulletin boards around back. I was sure to get this to you as soon as I could."
"Son of a bitch." Shaking his head, he read the contents of the letter one more time. He sort of hoped he read it wrong. "Most excellent services? Bullshit. Everyone knows the heat maybe works twice a year." Zexion did not respond. "Man, seven-fifty? That's steep. They're supposed to be the cheaper alternative to the dorms."
"Which means we either have to take in a third person or start looking elsewhere."
"There are only two rooms."
"I know. I was wondering if there would be anyone you can think of who would be willing to share."
Axel knew Zexion meant Roxas, and he was pretty sure Zexion knew that Axel knew that Zexion meant Roxas. He chose not to let onto this.
"…No. No one." Zexion gave a sort of understanding nod, and after a silence Axel responded, in an undertone, as though it would somehow be the same as not saying a thing, "But that's cool of you."
Zexion simply shrugged and packed his book back into his messenger bag. "We'll figure something out later. I just thought I ought to let you know as soon as possible."
"I appreciate it, man. Thanks." But as the man walked away, all Axel could think was, great. One more thing to worry about.
For a moment he sat, trying to absorb the information. Well, he was fucked. There were no two ways about it. As he rose from his seat, he physically felt heavier. Of course everything would go wrong at once.
As Axel, sighing, finally turned to head back to the library, he caught a strange sight: a man with long, blue hair walking up to the welcome center and disappearing behind the door. For a moment all he could do was stare, questioning his own eyes, and just convince himself he had made it up.
Still, it looked an awful lot like… stop. Axel told himself firmly. Don't even go there.
Shaking his head, he tried to collect his thoughts enough to get himself through the rest of the day.
The rest of the day passed, Roxasless, until (of course) Axel had all but given up hope on solving the situation. It was sheer luck, really. He caught the boy just as he was walking out of the cafeteria-alone- and rushed over. Although he remembered just what kind of reaction he got the last time he did so he couldn't think of any other option: he reached out and took Roxas' shoulder, turning him around and giving him a semi-pleading look when he saw the glare on the boy's face.
"Hear me out." He said, not taking his eyes or hands off the blond. Sighing loudly Roxas nodded, and though his glare faded his expression didn't soften. Roxas followed Axel as he led him to a small secluded area near where he had had the talk with Zexion.
They sat on a short ledge which blocked off a section of shrubs and flowers and Axel vaguely noticed a branch poking the back of his neck, but he was too preoccupied to really care. Another look into Roxas' baby blue eyes caused him to lose his nerve and he remained silent. He noticed the boy beside him starting to unwrap his sandwich and preparing to take a bite. He set it back in his lap at the last minute. Axel glanced over, catching him sigh again, rewrap his sandwich, and set it next to him. He turned to him and began to sign.
"Well, what do you want? You're interrupting my lunch."
"Sorry." Axel responded, and figured that was the best way to start. "I'm sorry about the other day. I shouldn't have gotten so mad at you."
"I still don't know what happened. You picked a fight with me for no reason."
"I know, and I'm sorry." Roxas began to eat but kept his eyes on the redhead, so he took that as a cue to keep going. "I saw the way you were talking to your friends and I just… I felt like an idiot. I couldn't keep up and I felt like… like you did that to me on purpose." The incredulous look Roxas sent his way said everything Axel needed to know, and it eased some of the aching from the pit of his stomach. "And then when you told your friend I wasn't your boyfriend… I thought we were headed that way." A long pause. "I thought I kind of was."
Roxas made him wait an agonizing three minutes as he finished the last few bites of his meal and licked his fingers clean. "You're an idiot." He said simply. "Of course we sign better than you, Hayner and I have known it all our lives and Pence has been doing this since junior high school." Axel mentally cringed. That little fact had hardly occurred to him, and he'd found out next to nothing about the portly kid who had sat across from him. Hadn't really tried to. "Look, you're really good, and you improved so much since I met you… you aren't just going by what the books say anymore. You're really getting that it's your words and your face and a hundred little factors that make me able to understand you. I wouldn't have invited you if I thought you couldn't hold your own. I guess I sort of forgot you've only been doing this for a few months."
"…Thanks."
Roxas rolled his eyes and snorted, shaking his head. "Stupid." Then he did the last thing Axel would have ever expected: he placed his small, pale hands on Axel's shoulders, pulled him close, and kissed him. A glorious, merciful, honest-to-God open-mouthed, lip-sucking, tongues-brushing, pull-back-for-air kind of kiss.
When Roxas broke away, he dropped his hands onto Axel's lap, which the man was quick to cup and squeeze and gently rub with his thumbs. Distracted far too soon, Roxas pulled his hands from Axel's grasp and motioned to a white half sheet of paper which had slid from under Axel's bag and landed on the ground.
"What's that?"
"Nothing." Axel responded quickly, reaching down to grab it. "It's nothing. My rent was raised. That's all."
Roxas winced slightly in sympathy at the news. "Can you still manage it?"
"Yeah, if I magically get a better job." He shrugged. "I can handle it. Worse comes to worst my roommate's loaded, so I might get him to take a bit more of the rent for me until I can get everything under control. Then I'll just pay him back when I can. No big deal."
"…Or you could move in with me." Roxas said. For a moment all Axel could do was stare blankly ahead, wondering if he had seen that right or if he had misunderstood somehow.
"…Did you just ask me to move in with you?" He expected an irritated, "did I stutter, bitch?" look from the boy. Instead, Roxas simply offered a shy, timid smile and nodded.
"My place is all paid for, so you'd just have to help me cover basic-" Something. Axel hated not being fluent. Roxas seemed to tell from the look on Axel's face that he was lost, so generously spelled out the word he meant: utilities and Axel nodded. "Utilities. Things. Whatever." He paused for a moment, glancing up at Axel as if seeking approval before continuing on his own. " Besides, if you're going to be my boyfriend, it makes sense, doesn't it?"
"But I…" A brief smile crossed his face at a semi-personal thought as he continued. "I mean, we hardly know each other."
A more serious look crossed the younger boy's face, but it didn't completely replace his smile. "I figure you stay with me and we see where we go. If we end up friends, great, and if we're together for a year and you decide you can't stand me it gives you the chance to at least save up to get a new place… I'm not going to kick you out if this doesn't work. I promise you that."
Axel grinned. "Who said this won't work?" For the first time since they made up, Roxas scowled. The expression lasted for hardly a second, but Axel caught it.
It wasn't enough to kill the mood, of course- Axel didn't think a single thing could happen after this that would bring him down-but it was enough to make him wonder. To doubt.
He didn't like it.
And of course, like any responsible adult, Axel knew already that this was a problem. Roxas's whole "this will be hard" thing was probably going to put a damper on anything long term, if it came to that. He'd have to pry at times, have to get whatever Roxas' insecurities were out in the open, and in doing so, Axel would probably have to reveal a few unsavory details of his own life. That was okay. He just wanted them to get to a point where they really-really-felt like they knew each other. Basically, he had to go find Olette.
Fortunately, Axel knew that wouldn't be hard to do. See, there were times in Axel's life where he knew he'd gotten lucky.
Somehow finding himself stumbling into popularity in his preteens was probably the start of it. To say Axel hadn't had a lot of money growing up was a bit of an understatement-hell, he still didn't have a lot of money-and the fact that he had a big mouth most of the time didn't exactly help him to fit in, either. It was Saix, really, who made him who he had been. Who he was ashamed to be now. Rich, cool, calculating, Saix. Saix, the police chief's son, who could get away with anything. Saix, his best friend for far too many years, who told him that he should get those purple tattoos under his eyes and convinced him that "Axel" was a much, much better name than "Lea".
Well, he had been right there, at least. For once.
Then there was the fact that he had somehow managed to get enough scholarship money to ensure that he could actually get to college in the first place. Axel still wasn't entirely sure how that happened-he wasn't the best student and, to be honest, his writing skills were lackluster and there was the small issue of the fact that he had absolutely no sense of direction in life. And yet, the April of 2004, a month after he miraculously received his letter of acceptance to Twilight Town State (over Saix, who had not been happy about that little detail one bit), the letters stating he had received fifty, a hundred, a thousand dollars arrived.
The third lucky thing, certainly not the last of it he was sure, but what immediately popped into his head during reflection, was the fact that where ever he went, Olette didn't seem to be too far away.
It in was the convenience store by the campus, again, that he ran into her again for the first time in a while.
"Still looking for a new, exciting energy drink?" He couldn't help but ask once again as he silently watched her pull a can from the refrigerator, read through the ingredients, and go to put it back. She gave a startled jump and dropped the can, which made a horrible, shrill sound as it hit the linoleum. She quickly reached down to get it, sighing as she inspected the huge dent that had formed right over the brand logo and put it back, behind six other cans. "…You'd think I would know not to do that by now."
There was an awkward moment where Olette didn't respond, simply staring up and grinning at the red-haired man. The moment lasted until Axel found himself more than a little uncomfortable; he felt like a used car. "Roxas told me about the big news! I didn't realize you guys were officially together." Neither did I, Axel wanted to respond, but he bit his tongue and nodded instead. "When are you moving in?"
"Next month. My roommate's already found someone to move in to our apartment, so it's just a matter of letting them get situated. Then I'm gone."
"Are you excited?"
Axel wasn't sure why he hesitated. "…Yeah, I am."
For the first time, her grin faded. "You don't sound excited." In all the time it took for him to make the smallest move or even acknowledge the statement, Olette almost repeated herself. Before she could speak, however, he shoved his hands into his pockets and sighed, scowling at the ground.
"He keeps acting like we're only going to last a month before I'll want to move out."
Olette frowned at this, too. "I know he likes you, Axel. I don't know what he's talking about. He's just-"
"No, you're not listening to me. He keeps acting I'm going to get sick of him and want to move out, got it memorized?" Caught up in his lingering frustration, his last two thoughts were delivered like a single thought, as though he were afraid of interruption. "We've been together for two weeks, it's driving me crazy… he says he's kidding but I don't buy it, and he won't talk to me about anything."
This time it was Olette who didn't make a move, frozen in place, brows furrowed in thought and eyes moving as though she were reading an absorbing book. "You know who you need to talk to?" She said quickly, forcing it out so she couldn't change her mind. "You should go find Naminé, she'll be back down with her boyfriend next weekend to visit her hometown. It's not far from here." Quickly she thrust her purse in front of her, unzipping it rapidly and pulling out a small pad of notebook paper. She kicked up her knee and placed her bag there for balance as she searched for a pen. Axel looked over her shoulder as she opened several zippered compartments and pockets that, logically, should not have been able to fit anything that small. He was half-convinced that women were magic, because that was the only way anyone could possibly fit so many things in such a small space.
She made a relieved sound as she finally found a pen, fat and green and half the size of a normal pen—no wonder she had a hell of a time finding it amongst a sea of gum wrappers, cosmetics, and what looked like a few Swiss army knives and a tape measure. "So, here's her number," she said, jotting down ten numbers with blinding speed and tearing the paper from the book. "Give her a call, tell her I sent you." She threw both the pen and the notepad back in her purse carelessly and yanked the caught zipper until it would move, closing her purse and letting it fall back to her side. "I have class in a half hour, so I really need to get back to my dorm to get ready." She glanced back into the refrigerator giving Axel a deathly serious look. "Call her. Naminé's known Roxas a lot longer than I have. She'll know how to help."
Axel said nothing as she opened the door again to root through the drinks, staring down at the acid green ink staining the notebook paper in his hand.
Finally, after she had picked something seemingly at random, he said, "Go for Demon. I drank that my junior year and pulled all-nighters like it was nothing." Smiling, Olette tightened her grip on the can she was holding and absently threw it in the air, caught it one-handed, and repeated the motion several times.
"Yeah, take your advice a second time? I don't think so." She turned, laughing, and went off to the nearest cash register. Axel stalked off in the opposite direction to grab the bagels he once again needed. He passed through the aisles of wine and beer and nice ciders, bags of chocolate and energy bars, mindlessly finding his way to an end cap near what started the cold and flu section of the store. Someone must have been there before him-his favorite brand was wiped nearly clean. And the prices had been bumped up fifty cents.
Axel was starting to wonder if everyone in the world was conspiring against him, just to make him feel as shitty as possible about being totally broke. Maybe the bagel manufacturer, store owner, and his (soon to be ex-) landlords all knew each other and hated him for some inexplicable reason, and they were all plotting to slowly raise the prices of the few things he could actually afford until he was forced to get an actual long-term job.
Man, the real world sucked.
It was Roxas, he decided, walking up to the register and setting his food down by the register. It was Roxas making him get all worked up over really stupid things that didn't matter. What the hell did he care if the price of bagels went up less than a dollar, he was essentially gaining free housing. And hopefully that meant that he could splurge more on food; if he never had a bagel or anything remotely bready again in his life, he wouldn't exactly mourn the loss.
But he had a solution now, maybe, to the Roxas problem. If Naminé proved to be less vague and cryptic than Olette, then he would be good to go. Of course he'd much rather hear it from the boy himself, but that didn't look like it was happening anytime soon, and Axel would at least like to have the comfort that he wasn't moving in with the world's tiniest axe murderer or something. Really, in the few weeks since Roxas had asked him to move in, they'd hung out a few times in settings that were maybe-maybe not real dates, and they'd made out a handful of times. And that was about the long and the short of it. It would be really fucking nice to know just what the hell Olette had meant when she said, half a year ago, relationships like yours don't tend to last very long, and when mere months ago Roxas clarified that it would be hard to be friends.
Still, life moved. It tends to. And Axel couldn't wait until every factor in his life was working in his favor to act. He was just going to take everything as it came and see how it all worked out.
Really, it was all anyone could do.