A/N: This was a long time coming for me. Snape's been one of my favorite characters for a while simply because you can turn him any which way: his actions can be interpreted as kind and loving or horribly perverted and disgusting. I hope this honors the fine balance that is Severus Snape. Oh, and Dobby is distinctly frightening.
Severus Snape had expectations for the Potter scion. He would look like his father, act like his father, and be spoiled rotten like his father. It would, of course, be Severus Snape's unfortunate duty to deflate the Boy Who Lived's precious ego, thereby demonizing him to the rest of the world - but it would a necessary sacrifice if the rest of the boy's year were to make it out of Hogwarts without idolizing the arrogant prat.
Then the Boy Who Lived had sat down and begun to talk, and all of Severus Snape's expectations had changed.
He didn't hate Slytherins, like Ronald Weasley.
He didn't deify authority, like Hermione Granger.
Harry Potter was far to similar to himself for comfort. Except Harry Potter had gotten into the "right" house.
He could see the emotional gap between the boy and his hangers-on. He could almost see himself at that age, giving a small smirk at the idiots who blathered on in his presence as though he cared for what they said.
He could easily see young Lily Evans replacing the Granger girl, could see a sallow boy with a hook nose and dirty clothes simply using her for his own purpose, until she had left him.
It was when the unforgivable had happened: he had truly begun to care for the redhead. And when she began to date James Potter, she had hurt him.
He had vowed never to let anyone do that again. And now here he was, watching her son behave just as he had years ago. And he smirked. Life would be amusing again.
He'd had no idea the Potter brat would use him to make life amusing.
"Imagine this," he heard the Potter boy saying one afternoon to an enraptured audience. "Imagine that you are a young boy, raised near the Muggle world. You're a pureblood, and have been educated to know that Slytherin is, of course, the best house in the world. That's all you've ever known.
"You meet a muggleborn witch, and have a friendship. You might even wish for more someday. She's pretty, and smart, and kind beyond all belief. You introduce her to the world of magic, and show her all the beauty in it - because who would want to expose a friend to the dark side of their world?
"And then you come to Hogwarts, and you have all these dreams, all these aspirations. And you're sorted into Slytherin, because you know it's the best House and the best is where you want to be.
"Except the girl is in Gryffindor. And she makes friends in her House, and all of them complain about the slimy Snake she's hanging out with. And you make friends in Slytherin, and they all complain about the mudblood you're hanging out with.
"And eventually, a conflict erupts between a Gryffindor who has a romantic interest in the muggleborn witch you've known for years, with whom you've made plans. And your friend laughs at you as you're embarrassed, in public, with the rest of the school joining forces against the slimy Snake. And you let slip a dirty word, one you swore you'd never use - you call your friend a mudblood. And you plead for forgiveness, of course, you grovel, you beg, but you've insulted her, and become the thing you sought to hide from her, and no amount of pleading can change that.
"And so she marries your rival, who smirks at you whenever he sees you, and if she notices she doesn't say anything. She can't hate you, of course, because you were friends for so long, but she can't love you either.
"And you have to live with this for the rest of your life, because of a stupid conflict caused by a stupid rivalry between Houses. That's why I don't like the House system - it engineers these conflicts between students for absolutely no good reason. I know for a fact that Daphne Greengrass is no blood-purist, but she'll be attacked if she speaks up against the arseholes like Nott in their House."
He had no idea how long he stood in the corridor, eyes wide, but when he came back to himself, the Boy Who Lived was nowhere to be seen. So he went to his office, grabbed a bottle of Firewhiskey, and drank himself to sleep.
When he was attacked by a mad House Elf named Dobby, he knew he should have cursed Harry Potter at the Welcoming Feast when he'd had the chance. The Elf had told him, in its irritatingly high-pitched voice, that the Greatest Wizard Ever, Mister Harry Potter Sir, had told him, Dobby, a lowly House Elf, that he would sacrifice his time at Hogwarts with his friends if The Rather Mediocre Wizard, Mister Greasy Snape Sir did not return to Hogwarts either.
Snape had nearly gone white with fury.
He'd made all sorts of excuses, even told the Elf that it could tell Harry Potter that he had not returned to the Castle, but the fanatic Elf had told The Rather Mediocre Wizard, Mister Greasy Snape Sir that such a Great and Wonderful and Kind Wizard would surely know if such a Rather Mediocre At Best Wizard were lying and had returned to Hogwarts.
Snape was nearly crying when he discovered Anti-Apparition jinxes attached to all of his robes, to enforce the mad House Elf's decision that if a Great and Wonderful and Kind Wizard like Harry Potter Sir would sacrifice going to Hogwarts, a Terribly Mediocre Wizard like Greasy Snape Sir should be honored to do so as well.
Snape had nearly suffered a nervous breakdown at that news. For all that they were looked down upon or ignored, a determined House Elf was a scary House Elf. And Dobby was most definitely determined to prevent Greasy Snape Sir from returning to Hogwarts.
The Floo in his home rejected him.
The barrier to the entrance of Platform 9 and 3/4 had also turned solid.
He ended up being taken to Hogwarts by Albus Dumbledore of all people, along with the Potter brat (who had waited outside the barrier with Snape to make sure the Potions Professor didn't go to Hogwarts without him.
Then he had been attacked by a rogue bludger at a Quidditch game, and had several bones broken. The mad House Elf had entered the Hospital Wing where the Potions Master was convalescing.
"Dobby tried to warn Mediocre Greasy Snape Sir," the creature said, its large ears wobbling dementedly. "But Dobby will have to take more drastic actions now!"
The screams of Severus Snape lasted well into the night.
Thankfully, the House Elf did not cause any more damage before the Potter brat dragged the decapitated head of a Basilisk of all things into the office of Albus Dumbledore.
That summer, he opened the door after hearing a knock.
"Master Harry Potter Sir, the Greatest and Most Wonderful and Kindest Wizard of All Time, told Dobby to help Mister Greasy Snape Sir, One of the Least Remarkable Wizards of All Time, with his household work!" said an excitable House Elf.
Snape screamed and ran away.
Third year, Snape decided, he would launch a preemptive strike against the Potter brat. Under the guise of "protecting" the boy from Sirius Black, the Boy Who Lived would not be allowed on Hogsmeade visits.
He didn't realize that the brat would spend that time trying his best to annoy him out of his mind.
He had very nearly reached the end of his rope when Potter mentioned that Black had been innocent, and was very keen on reconnecting with his old pal, Severus Snape. That single sentence was enough to drive the Potions Master into a gibbering wreck. He regained his senses to discover that he was lying on the ground, head held by the raven-haired menace.
The boy reached his head down to the man's ear.
"I am not here," he breathed lightly, "for your amusement."
With that, the Potter Scion got to his feet and left. Snape hoped beyond hope that the pair would never again meet outside of classes.
It was, of course, too much to ask.