Thanks for the great reception of my flame response! Also, thanks for flames. I appreciate them – it helps me cook marshmallows.

Warning: Sum of dis chapta is xtremely scray. Viower excretion advisd.

Vampire and I dashed out of the hospital and ran to Celestia's office. "Celestia!" we yelled. "CELESTRIA!"

Princess Celestia strutted out of her office. "What do you want now, you despicable snobs?" she asked, obvious venom dripping from her voice.

"Disvord has Sombra!" I cried. "You have to do something!"

Celestia's eyes grew dark, and she threw back her head and cackled evilly. She looked straight at me and every hair on my body stood on end from her inequine glare. "No," she growled. "Let him die as the miserable scum that he is! The demon you call a coltfriend has been a thorn in my side since the day I became principal. Now he shall suffer. And you? Soon you will join him!"

Stunned, I stood rooted to the spot as she turned on her hoof and stormed back into her office, slamming the door behind her. I struggled to hold back my emotion, but Shining Armor, lacking my strong constitution, broke down into rainbow tears. "No!" he moaned. "My Sombra!"

I never knew how long we stood there, be it seconds, minutes, or hours. But as he began to dry his tears, I began to feel a strong energy field near me. I backed away in horror as Vampire's head began to glow an electric blue, lightning bursting from his mane as thunder boomed through the castle halls. And then I realized it – he was having a brainstorm!

"I have an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What is it?" I asked, the excitement building in my voice in anticipation of rescuing my beloved.

"It's a thought concept generated by electrical firings in the brain, but that's not important right now. I know how we can find Sombra!" He began to concentrate intently, and his horn started to glow, slowly encompassing the two of us as it teleported us miles away. As my vision gradually faded in from the haze of shapes, I understood where he had taken us – Discard's lair!

From deep in the corridors came a voice. "Who's there!?" it commanded, and I realized we had made too much noise on the way in. It was … … … … … … … … Discord!

Slowly, we inched forward, holding ourselves against the dimly lit wall to avoid detection until we burst into the next room, Shining with his horn glowing and me with my silver knife. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I realized I had been mistaken. Discord wasn't there at all – instead, standing in front of me, alongside a quivering Sombra in chains, was the marshmallow pony who killed Bon-Bon.

Rarity's face twisted into an evil scowl. "Rid my sight, you despicable preps!" she growled, focusing her horn on us. Shining and I took out our horn and gun and started shooting spells at her. Suddenly, she broke down and reached for me.

"Pinkie," she whimpered. "Please stop. Don't kill me. Just hear me out!"

I didn't trust her, but I stopped shooting.

"What do you want?"

Rarity took a deep breath. "Pinkie, you don't have to be like this," she said. "I know how important this social status has become to you, but can't you look deep down inside and understand how- how wrong it is? These 'preps,' 'posers,' why are we so bad?"

"Because-" I groped for words. "Because they are!"

"No," she replied. "These ponies have done nothing to wrong you. It's only the lies you tell yourself that makes them evil. No, Pinkie. You are the preps."

The accusation was too much to bear. "I am not a prep!" I screamed in anger, kicking her backwards into a cabinet. I drew my knife, charging for her vulnerable throat.

"I am Pinkamena-" - I pinned her to the floor.

"Raven-" - I raised the dagger high in the air, relishing the helpless horror on her face.

"PIE!" - I brought my hoof down firmly on her neck.

It took us both perhaps five seconds to realize that her body was still very much intact. I glanced upwards to find my knife suspended in a dense black mist. At first, nopony understood what magic this was. And then I heard the clacking of high heels approaching.

"What art thou doing!?" demanded the demon, Discord, grabbing my knife and stowing it in a drawer. Rarity, taking advantage of a moment of security, pushed me off her and ran for Discord, who protected her. Now I knew he really was a prep! He held me against the wall with his magic and began to tie me up like he'd done with Sombra, as a horrible grin spread across his face.

"Thou thinketh what?" he asked in his raspy voice. "That thou might releaseth thy coltfriend from mine prison? Dearest me, what doth thou smoketh?" Then he tied up Vampire too, and headed for the exit, turning back only to say, "Resteth in peace, thou foul posers!"

As he slammed the dungeon door behind him, I began to feel a loneliness like I had never felt before, like a veil of ebony black leather draped over me, smothering me until I could no longer breathe. I started to cry, and the two smexiest colts like ever who were chained up next to me comforted me.

"What's wrong?" asked Sombra.

"It's just not fair!" I sobbed. "Why can't I just be plain or ugly like all the other fillies and preps in this Celestia-forsaken school, except for B'loody Mare because she isn't ugly or anything!"

"Why would you want to be ugly?" asked Shining. "I don't like the preps anyway."

"Don't you understand?" I cried. "Everyone is in love with me! I can't take it anymore. Cadance and Big Mac took a video of me naked. Fluteshy says she's in love with me … you like me, Vampire … and now even Rarity clearly has the hots for me! I just want to be with my Sombra! Discrod never would have blackmailed me if I wasn't so beautiful! It's a bucking curse!"

I hung my head low and all was silent for some time, until Sombra finally spoke up.

"Kinkie?" he said. "I don't care what the preps and posers think. You're the most beautiful filly in Equestria. My life had no meaning before I met you, but now I just want to be with you."

("That's just what she was complaining about," mumbled Shining Armor.)

My heart melted as he began to sing "A True, True Friend," and I dried my tears. I understood now what had to be done, and with my coltfriends by my side, I invoked my alicorn powers of deus ex machina and teleported us back to the safety of Canterlot Castle. And there on the bulletin board in front of us was an announcement that Vinyl and Octavia were hosting a concert at that very moment!1

(Yes, I totally wrote Rarity's entire speech just as an excuse to add a Doom: Repercussions of Evil reference. "No, John. You are the demons.")