This takes place during the time of "New Moon", just after Edward leaves Bella and she resorts to writing him letters to cope.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the rights to "Twilight".

Dear Edward,

I am here at the airport in Seattle waiting to board my plane for Jacksonville. I wanted to write you right away in order to include you in this trip. I have your jacket packed in my suitcase. It has become a "security blanket" for me, such that I can't sleep at night unless it is with me. Perhaps this shows how desperate I am…that a mere physical object you happened to once own makes such a difference to me?

I am feeling angry with you today, Edward. It seems I spend most of my time crying over you, feeling sad, lost and alone, but today I just feel mad. As I sit here I can start to feel the anger consume me all over again. Earlier I retreated to the airport bathroom and turned on several sink faucets to cover the sound of my smacking the bathroom walls. I hit my hands so hard over and over again that finally I drew blood. I took perverse pleasure in staring this blood down, not washing it off, perhaps just daring you or someone to smell it and find me. This is by far the most foolish thing I have done. I don't care about the promise I made you about not hurting myself! Why should I honor a promise to you? YOU LEFT ME.

I see Charlie chomping at the bit to express his anger about you to me. It is a forbidden subject. Last night I overheard him talking about me to Billy on the phone, and they were plotting to have me and Jacob get together. I do like Jacob a lot, and when I get back from this trip, maybe I'll spend some time with him. What do you think of that, Edward?

I'm on the plane now. I am drinking Coca-Cola to stay awake. The last thing I want to do is fall asleep here and wake up screaming with an audience underfoot. Believe me, with the anger and upset I feel today, it's almost guaranteed that will happen.

My hands really hurt. They still are stinging. I did wash them with soap and water, but didn't have any band-aids to cover them. I did my best to tuck them into my pockets in order to not draw attention. They might scar.

I am bored out of mind, it's a long flight. My anger is fading and now I just want YOU. I amused myself by indulging in a very dangerous past-time….daydreaming of you. I imagined us back at school, going to class, hanging out, being together, and having things go back to normal, finally. I don't even dream of something special or extraordinary occurring, just being with you is the dream.

A Mike Newton look-alike is trying to flirt with me across the aisle. I am silly enough today to actually enjoy the attention. I even gave him my phone number at Renee's. Maybe I'll get together with him. Ok, I admit it, it was a fake number, but I hoped you felt a momentary sense of unease. But should you? You don't want me. I am just foolish. I am the only one wanting and waiting. You are my dream, my Greek God, and I am a mere slip of a girl who briefly had her prince.

I can't wrap my mind around how incongruent your behavior has been. You know me, I like to figure things out and I am fairly intuitive. I really believed you loved me and wanted me. Despite the obvious reality of your beauty and goodness, once you gave into your feelings, everything you said and did was genuine and confirmed you cared. How did this change so quickly?

I am so sorry I cut my finger at my party. I should have been more careful. I should have known better. And after I shouldn't have given you so much space to think, I should have pressed harder to resolve the heavy silence between us.

My stomach is upset now from the flight turbulence. I still remember you describing what you do if there was a mechanical problem with the plane and I was in danger. You had options for every situation, and I felt so secure hearing them.

Thank you for taking care of me. My whole life I took care of Renee. I love her, she is my best friend, but her mothering is lacking. I didn't think I minded, until your care and protectiveness inadvertently exposed her limited efforts. I do know she loves me and Charlie loves me, but the love you gave me during the short time we had together was the most powerful experience of my life.

I have to get myself together. It's been hard writing you this long letter; normally at home I can get distracted away and limit how much I think on you and how much I tell you. Today I am dumping it all and I want you to hear it. I even thank you for listening.

Edward, are you thinking of me, somewhere tonight? You are my star in the sky, the only star I can see, and despite everything, your brightness hasn't stopped shining.

Bella

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