I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any other works quoted within this chapter ;-)
Strange Affliction
Chapter 6 – My Friend
My friend, thou art not my friend, but how shall I make thee understand? My path is not thy path, yet together we walk, hand in hand.
-Kahlil Gibran
Misao was not one to remain steady in a blowing wind. She heeded the weather and acted accordingly, but not always with tact or discretion. On this occasion however, her attempts to remain studiously correct were admirable.
"Kamatari." It was more of a statement that anything.
"Misao." He responded accordingly, though he had a little smile on his face.
"Have you seen Kenshin and Kaoru lately?" Kamatari returned his attention to the pattern work in his hand for inspiration.
"They're getting along well, aren't they?" Misao nodded and absently rubbed the velvet material on the desk without any real thought.
"She's so nice. But I feel like she's had a hard life. She has hasn't she?" she demanded shrewdly.
"What makes you say that?" Kamatari prevacariated, never one to give the game away too quickly.
"Her eyes."
Kamatari halted his work.
"Her eyes?"
"Yeah." She agreed softly "they're wise."
Kamatari hummed a sound which was neither, an agreement or a repudiation of her remark.
"Well, she certainly is different." He commented as Megumi, Sae, and Tae strolled in, all with matching mugs in their hands.
"Don't I get any tea?" he complained.
"No." responded Megumi shortly.
"Well then." Sniffed Kamatari "this isn't some ladies chat room."
"Oh please. You want to gossip just as much as we do, so can it." Megumi quipped.
"I was just talking about Kaoru!" Misao enthused.
"Kenshin and Kaoru are getting along really well aren't they?" Tae commented. Megumi and Sae hummed their agreements.
"Let's face it – Kenshins track record with women hasn't been the best since Tomoe." Sae grimaced and blew into her hot tea.
"I think you mean non-existent." Commented Megumi dryly.
"Well he does have his occasional paramours." Sae attempted to defend Kenshin, albeit very badly.
"Paramours? Let's be honest and label them for what they are – friends with benefits."
"Fuck buddies!" Kamatari exclaimed snapping his fingers together.
"Nice Kamatari." Megumi inserted dryly.
"What?" Kamatari shrugged.
"Well, I think they're getting off to a fine start. They've spent a lot of time together over the last two weeks." Tae sniffed her tea appreciatively.
"I think we should leave them alone together more often." Commented Sae slyly.
"Me too!" exclaimed Tae excitedly. They both high fived each other theatrically at their combined brilliance. Megumi rolled her eyes.
"It will look really obvious if you do." Megumi pointed out "Anything you two do is obvious – even with extensive planning."
Kaoru glanced over the design boards for Tomoe's wedding dress repeatedly. There was something wrong with the details and she couldn't see it – probably because she'd been looking at the same few things for the last 2 hours. She heard the door to her little office slide open, followed by slow cautious steps. Kenshin.
"Hey." He leaned on the tilted light desk next to her.
"Hey." Kaoru replied glumly.
"Someone's in an upbeat mood." He smiled at her dull response.
"There's something wrong with this dress." She complained.
Kenshin leaned over her shoulder to gain a better view of her design boards. His chin resting on her shoulder as he contemplated the images in front of him. He smelt like cologne. A really nice cologne. She hated it when men drowned themselves in cologne, and she applied the same rule to women: too much perfume was just tacky. Kenshin however, smelt good. The scent just wafted within a hairs breadth of her nose, tantalisingly citrus and soft. She felt like turning her head and resisted the temptation with all her strength while simultaneously cursing an unknown higher power that was making her life difficult.
She cleared her throat and leaned forward to rest her chin on her left hand in an attempt to dislodge his comfortable pose. It worked, and she sighed inwardly with relief. Instead he dragged over another high chair and leaned on the desk to study the images again. His leg shifted slowly crossing under and over hers beneath the table to rest on the foot ledge. Her legs were now effectively trapped within his and she could feel the warmth emanating from his skin through his jeans.
"I think a corset might be nicer." He watched her carefully.
"At the back?" she asked in surprise.
"Yeah. See – like this one." he pointed to another dress design she had disregarded. "But if you're going to a more simple design then – the straight dress thing looks pretty good." He pointed towards a design she had made which had been inspired by Carolyn Biset Jones' very own wedding dress.
"Yeah I see where you're coming from." Kaoru murmured "See I think a more simplistic style will suit her better. I mean she's elegant, and a simple beautiful creation would sit better on her. But I made this one" she pointed toward the more modern bridal design "by looking at some of her more daring and unusual dresses." Kenshin nodded.
"When you guys were dating, what was she like?" Kaoru asked before realising it. If she wasn't meant to know then Kenshin gave no sign of it.
"She was very laid back. I'll be honest and say she was a very good girlfriend. She never made huge demands on my time. She was understanding about my work commitments.
"She broke up with you didn't she?"
"Yes. Most people think it was mutual – or that I told her to let everyone think it was, but Tomoe was never a woman to come in second best to anything. No woman should ever feel that way. If a man is to marry a woman or even consider dating in a serious context, then it should be because this person is their first commitment in life. And while we were a perfect match in a business environment, and personally we had become good friends, she knew I didn't love her the way a man should love a woman."
Kaoru nodded, unsure of what else she should say.
"I think this one would suit her best." He whispered in her ear, his breath hotly caressed her skin.
Kaoru looked down at the design in his hand. It was a simple sleeveless one piece falling silk gown. The back was deep almost down to the base of her spine – but it was magnificent.
"Me too." Kaoru agreed, her voice barely audible.
They both heard loud hurried footsteps approaching the room before Kamatari burst in unceremoniously announcing that they would have to use a 2 percent thread silk cut on a bias if they wanted to have any hope of achieving that curling effect for the rose bouquets.
If Kamatari had noticed their intimate position, then he didn't give a hint of it. He simply bustled in shooing Kenshin away, claiming that fashion geniuses needed to work and businessmen were not needed on said project.
Kenshin merely chuckled and strolled away whistling happily. At this point Kamatari did stop and stare after his elder brother before staring intensely at Kaoru. Startled, Kaoru blinked and gripped the table.
"What?" she asked defensively.
"Chosen the design yet?" He asked instead of interrogating her like his curiosity had initially demanded. Kaoru nodded and handed him the design board. Kamatari gasped.
"It's perfect! She's going to love love love it!"
Kaoru laughed at Kamatari's reaction. Even though she'd seen it before, it was a novel experience every time she saw it.
"We'll need to find Tomoe and show her our best designs to see which one she wants." Commented Kaoru as she gathered their chosen designs.
"Mmm, but she'll probably go with this one." He indicated towards the simple one Kenshin had chosen earlier.
"I'll be happy to give her my opinion." She shrugged.
"I'll call her now." Kamatari raced away. It had seemed that their initial family trip had now turned into a bridal party organisation instead. Kaoru didn't mind. Normally she would advise the bride on the dress only, and keep her relationship as professional as possible – meaning she didn't become friends with anyone in the wedding party. For some reason, now she wanted to know Tomoe. She wanted to see what it was about her, that had compelled Kenshin to date her for 5 years. Moreover why she was the only woman he had ever really dated with serious intentions.
Although that shouldn't have been any element of her motivations, it was. She didn't want to lie to herself – it would only make matters worse in the end.
Her mindless blithering about her own weakness regarding Kenshin was interrupted when Kamatari returned with Tomoe in tow.
"Hi Kaoru." She greeted softly. Even her voice was pretty.
"Hey Tomoe, how was the trip over?"
"Long." She nodded in response. "So, where are these designs, that I've been hearing so much about." She was breathless with excitement.
"Before I show you. I'll talk to you about what we aimed for. Although I don't know you personally I studied some media shots of various dresses you've worn over the years and come up with 2 designs." Kaoru held up two fingers to signify how many. "This one, is a tribute to all the more modern designs you've worn."
Tomoe hummed appreciatively. "It's unlike any of the ones I saw in the bridal stores I visited." She ran her fingers over the lines of the dress, studying each angle of the design with concentration. When she was done, she turned and looked at Kaoru.
"The second one?"
Kaoru wordlessly handed over the second one, which was the design Kenshin had chosen.
Tomoe gasped, her eyes roved over the design with pleasure.
"It's perfect. It's unlike anything I've ever seen. I mean the other one was lovely, and unique – but this…" she trailed off as she once again became absorbed with looking at the design board "this is just exquisite."
"It's the one I was leaning towards." Kaoru smiled in response. "But I'm glad you favour this one – so now we have a physical goal to work towards."
"Oh Kaoru – It's simply wonderful." She breathed "Can I keep it?" she asked shyly.
"Of course" Kaoru grinned "I have it scanned on my computer."
They spent the next hour discussing which materials would best suit the design of the dress and the shape of Tomoe's figure. Kaoru drew on her years of experience and Tomoe was impressed with her knowledge.
"I was a bit apprehensive with choosing this avenue to make my dress." She admitted. Kaoru nodded in understanding. "I was going to use one of my friend's designers, but they all had these other ideas, and I wasn't sure how to tell them 'thanks, but not thanks'."
"The wedding process is a trying one. Especially for the bride." Kaoru sighed.
"I did some research on you." Tomoe revealed shortly. Kaoru threw her a weary look.
"Yeah?"
"I didn't know that you had designed for so many well known people."
"I don't design for just anyone."
"I'm sorry you were forced into this."
"But I wasn't. I was more than happy to design this dress for you. No one can force me to do something I don't want to."
"I noticed," Kaoru looked at her enquiringly. Tomoe cleared her throat delicately. "I noticed that Kenshin favours you company quite a lot."
"He was weary of me – which is only natural." Kaoru shrugged indifferently. She didn't really want to have this conversation, especially with Kenshin's ex.
"Yes but you two are friends now. Right?"
"I guess so."
"He never voluntarily spent time with me Kaoru."
"Did you ever think that Kenshin took you for granted?" Kaoru retaliated mildly.
"No. He just didn't think much of spending time with me. But he seeks your company." She stressed the last part as if it was a really big deal.
"Well, if Kenshin feels comfortable around me then, that's great. More than happy to be his friend."
"I don't think you understand. He never voluntarily seeks female company for friendship."
"Mmm." Kaoru valiantly tried to sound non-committal. She heard Tomoe sigh.
"If everything that I've heard about you is right Kaoru, then you won't allow this relationship to fail." Kaoru decided she'd had enough.
"What happens if I don't want to date Kenshin? What about how I feel?" Tomoe smiled.
"If I didn't think that you felt the same way about Kenshin then I wouldn't have bothered having this conversation with you."
Kaoru resisted rolling her eyes in exasperation, and Tomoe noticed her impatient movements.
"Everyone wants you to be with Kenshin because they respect you, and see what you apparently don't."
"And what, pray tell, would that be?" Kaoru barely managed to suppress her sarcasm.
"That Kenshin has placed himself on the line by courting you – even if it has been very mild. This is a very big step for him. To open his mind and his heart to another woman." Kaoru remained silent.
"That woman really screwed him up didn't she?"
"He told you about her?" Kaoru gathered from Tomoe's shocked expression that this was apparently an even bigger deal.
"Well sure. We talked about it, and talked about relationships etc." Tomoe stared at her before biting her lip in apprehension.
"Kenshin deserves happiness Kaoru. And you can give that to him."
Kaoru finished tidying her desk and faced Tomoe.
"Don't tell anyone this." She inhaled deeply "I do think I have some feelings for Kenshin. But I can't rush this. If something were to transpire between us, it would take time. I can't promise anything else."
Tomoe smiled softly, and Kaoru saw that quiet beauty which she had heard so much about.
"Kenshin is lucky to have you." Tomoe stated softly.
Now Kaoru was confused. Her earlier decision of admitting that she had feelings for Kenshin was very different to admitting to Tomoe that she could have an intimate relationship with him. What was wrong with the world?
Yes she did feel lonely at times, but relationships required work, effort and time – and before now, she just couldn't really be bothered. This was why she found it aggravating when she day dreamed about Kenshin – his hands, his mouth…
Her prior relationships had not been great. Great was possibly a really bad description. Her past acquaintances were not worthy of anything: her time or her thoughts. But more often than not, she did think about her childhood.
Did she deserve to be treated like that? Why was it that she had to be born into such a strange universe?
I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
It's a very very mad world.
She had often watched mothers and fathers waving their children of to school and felt odd. Distinctly removed from their circle of love and contentment. Was it her fault that she wasn't good at arithmetic and all those things which society used to deem her a failure? It was these societal norms that had sent her into hell, only to survive.
She wondered whether her life would have been different, if she hadn't passed her junior exams and had been placed in labour instead of going to high school. She wondered.
It was strange that as an outsider, Tomoe noticed the attention that Kenshin paid Kaoru and Kamatari had not sat down and discussed with her at length how to seduce Kenshin.
Instead he had decided to ignore the subject altogether – though she realised the questions and thoughts would accumulate in his mind until he could no longer take it. Then she would most likely find herself on the receiving end of a very long inquisition. Right now she felt like talking to Kenshin. She wanted everything clarified. What exactly were they doing?
Kamatari sat on the wooden swinging chair and pondered the recent turn of events. Kenshin was taking steps in a new direction – towards Kaoru. He felt joy at the thought that two people he cherished greatly might find happiness with each other. At the same time, he would be losing the one person who had shared his triumphs and losses through the trials and tribulations of life. He couldn't give her up to just anyone, and just as Sae had pointed out before; Kenshin didn't have a very good track record with women.
He wanted Kaoru to have the very best future – she deserved it. And even if she never talked much about her past, he knew that she had suffered. After being subjected to physical abuse during her childhood and struggling to gain education during her teenage years, he wanted her to be happy. He wasn't supposed to know about it. He had only found out after he had to rush her to her doctor after she had collapsed from a high fever.
The doctor had kindly explained Kaoru's past, and why her body was now so weak. After being beaten so much, certain organs were no longer operating at full capacity. In fact he had expressly forbidden Kaoru from engaging in intense physical exercise. He had been extremely careful not to jump near her last time when they had been jumping on the trampoline. He knew that she wouldn't decline jumping on it – that would have alerted Misao's suspicions.
He saw x-rays of her broken bones, pictures of her battered body and bruises on her neck from where her ward manager had attempted to strangle her. These cases were kept under wraps because the government didn't want to be held accountable. They didn't want to admit that they had no control over their own departments.
These children had been neglected and unloved from the moment they were born. Instead of escaping and forgetting about her hellish past, she conquered her nightmare and created a better future for others. She had this unfathomable strength; he had immense respect for Kaoru. He often wished he could be more like her.
"I noticed that you didn't say anything when Sae, Tae and Megumi were talking about getting Kenshin and Kaoru together." Even though everyone thought Misao was a ditz, in reality she was actually more observant.
Kamatari hung his head and looked at his knees as the wooden swing sung back and forth.
"It's not that I don't agree, Misao. I just have certain reservations." He sighed.
"Like what?"
"Like it's none of your business."
"Do you think that Kenshin doesn't deserve Kaoru?"
"No." and at the same time yes, he thought.
"I think he's changing Kam."
"Well that's not good enough." Kamatari asserted sternly.
"He told Kaoru about her." Kamatari stopped swinging and faced Misao in shock.
"Are you serious?"
"Yep." Misao grinned in triumph "I heard her telling Yukishiro about it."
"No way." Kamatari trailed off in surprise.
Misao didn't know why everyone tip toed around the topic. Everyone knew about it but they all pretended that they didn't. At least Kaoru was honest about it and that alone displayed that Kenshin was serious about pursuing her. He never revealed that period of his life to anyone, least of all someone who had only met a few weeks ago: unless he had deep feelings for them.
Misao was ecstatic about it. She felt bad about his life, constantly sacrificing his personal time to make their family business work so they could all live comfortably. Not to mention that her main love interest happened to work with Kenshin. She wanted him to find someone special so she could pursue her love interest without guilt.
She guessed that it was a pretty selfish reason, but she also wanted Kenshin to find someone who could make him open up a bit more. Someone who could handle his dominant and somewhat arrogant yet well meaning attitude effortlessly. Someone like Kaoru.
It's all getting a bit serious now...
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cheers,
Iuvenalis.