yet another chapter. i'm kind of hoping to finish this by the end of today, since i'm going to san francisco tonight and i won't get back until sunday, which means no updates for you. anyways, i'm proud since this one's longer than every other chapter. too bad it's another addison's life goes to hell chapter.

-insert generic disclaimer here-

So I know I said that Alex was just sex and nothing else. In case you didn't notice, I was lying. I mean, at first it was, that much was true, at least. Except then the next thing I knew, it wasn't. It was about everything except sex. It was about comfort. It was about him coming over the nights Derek was at the hospital. It was about eating lunch with him in my office. It was about him making me smile. It was about him being the only one who could make me literally laugh out loud. It was about seeing him smile at me. The sex was just an extra perk. I had a best friend and a lover all at once. It was like I had a new husband. Except I was still married to my old one. So maybe every once in awhile I'd slip up and find myself daydreaming that it wasn't Derek I was married to. But… but… okay, there's really no excuse for that.

Here's a little life lesson: When you think things can't get any worse, they can. Oh, how much worse they can get.

By the time Addison gets back to the trailer, she just wants to curl up and die. She's lost her two best friends in the span of ten minutes, and now pretty much all she has going for her is an adulterous love-child, a trailer, and an absentee husband. Of course, the one night she would like her husband to be an absentee, he's not. Nope, he's waiting up for her. "So I was thinking," he says the second she walks in the door, "that this baby, it might not be so bad."

And that's when Addison snaps. "It might not be so bad?!" she repeats incredulously. "I'm your wife, I'm having a baby, and your reaction is it might not be so bad?! Are you fucking kidding me, Derek?"

"Addie, calm down."

"Don't call me that! Get a fucking clue, Derek! We haven't had sex in three months!"

"What? Who… why?" he sputters. "You slept with someone else?"

"Welcome to the world of people who pay attention!" she practically screams. "I can understand why you don't recognize it!"

"Who?" he asks quietly. His almost non-reaction makes her calm down.

She looks away. "Alex Karev."

"Out," he whispers.

"What?"

"Get out of my trailer. Get out!" he yells as he grabs her arm.

"Derek, where am I supposed to go?" she asks desperately.

"I don't know, I don't care, just get away from me. Get out of my sight, before I do something to you and that precious baby of yours."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Get away from me," he spits. "Go!"

And that's how Addison ends up on the road at midnight, driving to the only place she can think of. She shifts nervously as she waits for someone to answer the door.

"Dr. Montgomery?" Meredith frowns as she opens the door and takes in Addison's tearstained face.

"Hi, um, is- is Izzie here?"

"Yeah, hold on a second," she says. "Izzie!" she yells up the stairs and then returns to the door. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sure, fine," Addison replies without even listening to the question.

"I swear this had better be good, Mer, because I was almost asleep. Oh. Hi, Addison."

"I'm sorry to intrude, but I… Derek… he… he kicked me out and I have nowhere else to go and… and… I just thought… I thought that maybe…"

"Yeah, sure, come in," Izzie replies, picking up on the desperate message in Addison's practically unintelligible sobs.

"Wait, you and Derek are fighting?" Meredith asks hopefully.

Addison looks like she's seriously considering killing Meredith then and there. "Okay," Izzie interrupts, "I think that's enough talking for now. Addison can sleep in my bed; I'll sleep on the floor in my room. Come on, Addison, you need to sleep. All the stress isn't good for the baby," she continues as she leads Addison up the stairs.

"Wait!" Meredith yells up the stairs. "She's pregnant?! Why am I so out of the loop?!"

"That's enough, Mer," Izzie yells back.

When the door to Izzie's room is closed, Addison apologizes. "I'm really sorry, it's just that… Derek knows."

"Derek knows what?"

"Everything. He knows everything," Addison replies, and looks like she's going to start crying again.

"Did he figure it out?"

"No. I kind of… I just went crazy. He said that the baby "might not be so bad" and I couldn't take it anymore. I just yelled at him to get a clue and reminded him that we hadn't slept together in three months. And then he asked who I slept with, and I told him, and then he kicked me out, and… I told Callie to go to hell and I told Alex that I don't care about him and… everything just really sucks," Addison explains and starts crying.

"Oh, Addison," Izzie says and hugs her. "You should get some sleep," she advises when Addison's sobs have stopped. Addison just nods and lies down, staring off into space. "It'll get better, Addison, promise."

The next morning is no better for Addison, but she goes into work, hoping that maybe it'll distract her. Of course the first person she runs into is Callie. "Callie, I-" she starts, but is interrupted.

"I'm not talking to you. Not now. I'm still really pissed off. Try again later."

"Callie-"

"I mean it, Addison; don't talk to me right now."

The next person she runs into is Derek, who refuses to look at her. And then she runs into Alex. "Oh, Alex. I-"

"Why are you talking to me?"

"What?"

"I don't mean anything to you, why are you talking to me?"

"Alex, I'm sorry, I was just having a hard time. It was a lie, and you know it."

"Really? Because it sounded pretty true to me."

"Alex, you mean more than just about anything to me," she confesses. "Everything except our baby. Please, just-"

"Stop talking, please," Alex says. "I don't want to hear it."

"Alex-"

"I'm not your damned plaything, Addison! You can't just tell me that I don't mean anything and then tell me that you were lying! It doesn't work that way! You don't get to do things like that! I've had it with you!"

"Alex-"

"Stop. Talking. To. Me. I don't want to talk to you. Just go back to your husband and live your fairytale life. I don't care if you don't think your life's perfect. At least you aren't in love with someone who doesn't love you."

"If you would listen for two seconds, you'd know that-"

"I'm serious, Addison. I'm done with your games. Just stay the hell away from me."

I really, really hate my life right about now.

you know the drill... reviews?

-Juli-