Loki09 asked for ShikaIno. Dispensing product in 3…2…1…
Lyrics minor rip of Fred Dagg's 'Gumboots'.
"Hey, Pineapple head!"
The Genius of Konoha, singlehanded slayer of Hidan, unofficial king of strategy and master of Shadows was being hailed. See him there, lying on his side, napping, arm tucked under his head to counter the hard wood of the bench. See him as he tumbles over in shock, landing in an ungraceful pile on the grass. See his teammates exchange a look before standing over him with arms crossed and looks expectant.
See him not give a damn. See him attempt to nap on his more natural surface, not bothering to exert more effort into rising. See blonde, female teammate tug at his ear until he grumbles and gets back onto the seat. See rotund, red-haired teammate try to conceal a grin as his best friend starts ranting about aforesaid 'Troublesome woman.'
See scorned woman growl with the fury that hell hath none of, as the saying goes. Observe as she glares at the Spiky-haired Genius with a gaze that could punch a hole through solid granite. Watch as she pulls back fist with intention of punching the Master of Shadows through aforesaid solid granite.
Notice the Genius break out in a cold sweat, holding his hands up to hold back the tide of angry womanhood. Perceive the words that form on his mouth, yet to be released as he tries to calm the anger.
Take in how he now has a slight bruise on his arm. At least it wasn't fatal. Small consolation.
"So anyway, I was thinking of taking up a training position in the Academy for a specialist kunoichi group andIrealisedthatTentenhadapointwiththewholebeproudofbeingagirlstuffImeanthat'swhat…"
Shikamaru sighed, he'd just need to take in whatever she said at the end, once she'd summarized the sentence in her own head.
"…AndsoSakurahadthisawesomeideawhichisfairenoughbecauseifthatforeheadofherswashollowwe'dallknowbynow…"
Urgh, she still going on?
"…Sohereitis! Tell me what you think!" Ino beamed.
"I think it's a great idea, we'll go shopping for it tomorrow." He remarked without enthusiasm.
A kick in his kidneys told him that was the wrong answer.
"Were you even listening?"
"…" Shikamaru gave her his Do I even have to answer that? Look.
"Oh, for… You're so… so troublesome!"
"Ino, did you just steal his catchphrase?" Chouji gave her a beleaguered look from over his bag of chips. Shikamaru would have complained, but doubtless she'd forget about it and therefore he'd only be wasting his effort.
"Well, I can see why he says it so often; it's pretty good at summing things up…" Ino swayed on her feet, thinking into the deeper implications, "And it has a nice ring to it, easy to say, rolls off the tongue."
"He's not going to like that…"
"I'm right here." Shikamaru reminded them.
"Oh, so you are. Try opening your mouth a little more and do something other than taking up space, hmm?" Ino nagged, Shikamaru simply groaned and rolled his eyes.
"But seriously, Shika, I'm working on a little theme to sing as a memory exercise in my first class, think you could listen a little and give me an opinion?" She sat down next to him, tugging his arm, "Come ooooon, I worked really hard on this!"
"Will you leave me alone for the day if I say yes?"
"No."
"Good, it's a deal-… huh?" Shikamaru actually looked at his teammate, who was pouting.
"Don't tell me you forgot we're eating out today?"
"Uh… No?"
"Troublesome…"
"That's my line."
"Then stand up to me!" Ino growled, "Come on, I'm taking what's yours! Where's that territorial instinct!?"
"My what?"
Ino sighed, "Exactly."
Chouji gave a discrete cough. "The song, Ino? I got things to do."
"Right-o, kick it in the nuts, Chou..."
Chouji rolled his eyes, before setting on the beat for the 'educational' ditty.
'Ba da da Bom ba bom ba bom…'
"Ooooooh…."
Shikamaru winced as Ino began inhaling for the recital. He just prayed that his untimely death would be quick, she was a nightmare when she got drunk and hit the Karaoke machines on club nights. Just another reason for him to skimp on those euphemistically named 'team bonding exercises'.
"Ninja, they are wonderful, Ninja, they are swell,
'coz the Hokage's gotta be boss of more than a civie hell;
When the Red dawn come to town and kick'em up a smell…
… That'll always be a job, for ya Niiiiinja!"
"If it weren't for your Ninjas, where would ya be?
You'd have a shuriken up your nose, or poison in your tea,
'coz you would need a Jutsu from hell, or even Jinchūriki,
To deal with all of them bloody Niiinjas!"
'Ba da da da!'
Despite himself, Shikamaru found himself tapping his foot to the beat. The tune was catchy, he had to admit, even if Ino's vocal prowess left something to be desired. The blonde woman continued on, oblivious to the indirect phrase coming from her teammate.
"Now there's Taijutsu and Genjutsu and Ninjutsu for some.
But the best jutsu I know is the one that lets you steal their rum.
And if you're really good, you can jam a kunai up their placewhereithurts.
I'm never really bored, as a Niiiinja!"
"If it weren't for your Ninjas, where would ya be?
You'd have a shuriken up your nose, or poison in your tea,
'coz you would need a Jutsu from hell, or even Jinchūriki,
To deal with all of them bloody Niiinjas!"
'Doo do do do!'
The resident genius caught the bored look from his likewise pained friend, who shrugged and continued sounding the beat, looking a little woozy from mild oxygen deprivation. So Ino had rehearsed this? At least Chouji didn't seem to be concerned about his rapid breathing from sounding the backpulse.
"Whenever I'm swapping minds and things, my protection is a must.
There's no weakness that brings men down like the Sexy Sin of Lust.
You can slip a bomb down their shirt while they're staring at your bust,
and they have the gall to call themselves a Niiiinja!"
"If it weren't for your Ninjas, where would ya be?
You'd have a shuriken up your nose, or poison in your tea,
'coz you would need a Jutsu from hell, or even Jinchūriki,
to deal with all of them bloody Niiinjas!"
'Re re re re!'
Shikamaru didn't really know what to say about the first three verses, but if he did, it wouldn't have mattered. Talking involved moving one's lips, involved thinking about the subject…
Was it really safe for his teammate to make her living toying with men? Playing with fire? If something went wrong…
He shook his head to clear the images that followed. Song. Song. Wasn't he supposed to follow the song?
"Now there's some Genin and some Chunin who've yet to make a hit.
They're ruining the Ninja image more than just a bit.
If I were to be frank, They're all simply Notverygood...
So train hard or I'll kick you like a Niiiiinja!"
"If it weren't for your Ninjas, where would ya be?
You'd have a shuriken up your nose, or poison in your tea,
'coz you would need a Jutsu from hell, or even Jinchūriki,
To deal with all of them bloody Niiiiiiiiiiinjaaaaaaaaaas!"
Both males cringed at the long, very off-key note that finished the entire ballad, Ino looked flush with victory.
"What do you think?"
"It's catchy. I suggest Genjutsu to mask yourself into a male and make a demonstration of a good transformation technique." Shikamaru said, trying to avoid anything that sounded like You sounded like a disappointed Donkey getting chainsawed in half.
Wait, what's a chainsaw?
"What's a what?" Chouji blinked. Shikamaru started, unaware that his thoughts had come out without his notice. Ino raised an eyebrow, placing her hands on her hips.
"Let me guess, thinking about somebody with a talent for… shall we say, toys?" She frowned, ignoring Chouji's frantic scrambling towards the exit. He'd seen the signs long enough to know what was coming, and even the bonds of friendship he shared with Konoha's genius wouldn't keep him there.
"Huh?"
"You know who I'm talking about." She folded her arms.
"… I do?"
"Come on, Shika, you think I haven't noticed you wandering around the town with the towns only other resident blonde?" She accused.
"… Naruto?" He guessed, he really had no idea what she was talking about.
"You idiot! Blonde! With an E! Girl! Blonde! Fans! Sand! Weasel summons!" Ino waved her hands in the air in exasperation, slumping onto the chair opposite.
"...Temari? Wait, where's this coming from? What's a chainsaw got to do with anything?" Shikamaru ventured, the confusion growing.
"You should know! It's a piece of interlocking silk cloths that you rub along a girl's… Hang on, that's a chainsilver… Whoops." Ino had the decency to blush a little from embarrassment, caught jumping the gun.
"And why'd you think Temari would… You know what, I don't wanna know. Too troublesome."
"Well, why not? I mean, you're both getting serious, right?" She questioned, her voice uncharacteristically small. Shikamaru grunted in irritation.
"For the last time, Ino, I'm not involved with her. It's my unofficial mission to keep tabs and swap info with Gaara's sister." He blinked as a new thought struck him, "And how'd you know about that Chainsilver thing?"
"Yeah, you know nobody believes you when you say that, right?" Ino countered, ignoring the last question, grateful when Shikamaru didn't pursue it. "Look. If you are involved with her, can you at least keep her out of your head when you're with me and Chouji? We'd like to… you know… I don't want the team to go to bits, like Sakura's. I want us to have the most we can out of our time together."
She looked down at her knees, "The team means a lot to me, Shikamaru. Even more so now that Asuma's gone, I keep looking for red cloaks in the shadows, wondering when they'll hit next, who they'll hit next…"
"… And I'm a likely target, after Naruto and Tsunade-sama, for taking out one of their members, is that what you're worried about?" It didn't take a great mind to jump to that conclusion.
"Yeah. Can you blame me for wanting to spend more time with you? Knowing that you could be taken away from us at any minute? I just… I just don't want you to forget about me, that's all."
"Forget about you? Come on…" What he did next surprised them both, rising to his feet and patting her head, sitting down next to her. "… You've saved my life, I've saved yours. I'm lazy, not shallow." He tried for a smile, and ended up with a lazy smirk instead.
"Pffft. Whatever. What about you? What do you think about all this?" She pried.
"About what?"
"You know, could die at any minute, harm could come from anywhere… blah blah blah." She flapped her hand, smiling.
"Well, I guess if it happens, it happens. It's fa-" Shikamaru twitched as Ino slapped a hand over his mouth.
"Were you about to pull a Neji just then?" She giggled.
"Mm Whmm?"
"You know, 'Ah, curse my destiny! I'm out of moisturizer, it's fated to be!'… that kind of crap."
"Hm MmMmm Mm Mm Mmm Mm Mm, Mmm mm." Shikamaru mumbled through her hand.
"I know he doesn't do it so much now, but it's still good to poke fun at him. What is it with smart people being so- KYA!!" She screamed, pulling her now slightly-damp hand to her chest.
"Did you just lick me?" She asked incredulously.
"Did you just slap a hand over my mouth?" He shot back.
"What's your tongue made out of, sandpaper?" She wiped her palm on her shorts, pulling a face.
"Whatever. You done? I wanna sleep." Shikamaru droned, looking extremely bored at the whole ordeal.
"Ew, hell yeah. That was totally… yuck! Only little kids do that!" Ino huffed, storming out of the courtyard. "See you tonight, if it's not too troublesome."
"Hmph." Shikamaru gave his opinion on the matter, and turned over to his side.
--
Outside the gates, Ino looked at her palm, still damp despite the rubbing. Without knowing what she was doing, she ran her tongue over the point where Shikamaru had licked her.
Blinking, she looked at her hand, eyes wide.
"What the hell did I just do?"
She grabbed her sides, trying to quell the anger at her own stubborness.
"DAMN!!"
--
Dinner at the Mongolian Barbeque was uneventful, save for the occasional worried glances Chouji sent at his two teammates. Ino seemed more anxious to get herself roaringly drunk on cheap Shochu, while Shikamaru seemed more sour than usual.
Finally, he made to break the silence.
"So… uh…"
Well, scratch that brilliant idea.
"How's Chouza, Chouji?" Shikamaru asked his friend, unusually taking the lead in the conversation.
"He's cool, he's cool. Your dad?"
"Fine."
The awkward silence stretched on, although the dookdookdook over Ino draining a straight bottle of fifty percent proof alcohol, unaware of the strange glances the Spikey-haired Genius kept throwing her, Chouji gave him a What to do? Look, before loudly announcing that he had to get up early the next day, and that he'd see them when he could.
As he left, he whispered to Shikamaru, and walked out the door, leaving a small pile of Ryo, as he promised to shout that round for the night.
Talk to her, Shika.
"Why are you drinking so much, Ino?" He asked, earning him a glare laden with contempt.
"Why do you care?" She sulked, her body still stiff from some negative emotion, though the flop of her head showed that the alcohol was having some effect, at least.
"You're my teammate. Isn't that reason enough?"
"Oh, so it's okay to care when I'm getting drunk and could screw up the performance of the team, but not when I wanna show you something that makes me happy, or when I wanna date to the summer festival so I don't gotta be alone… Is that it?!" She spoke in a rising tone of voice that caused a few of the other patrons to turn.
Shikamaru wasn't too aware of what to do, he'd handled Ino as a sappy drunk, as an annoying drunk, but she seemed to actually be angry at him this time around.
"Look, you've had too much to drink. How about we go walk about, I'll… I'll even listen to you." He hazarded, hoping she would just get whatever was on her mind off and let it be.
She only snorted, before wobbling mildly to her feet and storming out the door.
"Somebody's in the doghouse tonight." A man with a ponytail mentioned to his date on the table opposite. A few laughs echoed his sentiments.
Sighing, and bracing for the worst, Shikamaru walked out.
--
"Look, we went walking to talk. Are you gonna talk?"
"Oh, so now you want me to talk? Whatever happened to 'Can't you shut up for one minute' or 'Troublesome' or whatever? I'll talk when I'm ready!" She loudly declaimed, her eyes beginning to dampen with emotion.
They continued walking through the local park, hopping (Or in Shikamaru's case, sauntering) over the occasional tamed stream that flowed past the ancient slabs that marked the boundaries of the water. Shikamaru looked up, trying to find something from the fact that the silence was beginning to gnaw at him from within.
Why has she been acting so strange? It's not like I talked about Temari anyway. I can see why she's jealous, we've been spending hardly any time with each other, the three of us. If Temari and I were… well, we'd be spending even less time, and she's… scared?
I can see where she's coming from, but…
He looked over at her brooding face, and turned back.
… She's been getting angry. Looks like something's coming to the surface.
"Shikamaru."
"Huh?" He turned to look at her; she was sitting on a bench by the river. The half-moon shone faintly over the willow hanging overhead, and Shikamaru would have agreed that the setting was rather romantic, if he was the type who actually cared about such things.
"By me, please."
Uh oh.
He did as he was told, reaching over the back of the bench to stretch as he breathed out, his stomach full from the meal.
"Look, I just… I wanted to tell you… something that I wanted to tell you a long time ago… Something that I thought would damage our friendship or our team if I said it too soon."
Shikamaru's eyes nearly boggled, was she actually going to tell him…
Ino? Why? When? How?
He turned to look at her, actually feeling his heart speed up. A confession? Was she getting herself drunk to work herself up to that? It all made sense!
"I-…Ino, I mean…" He stuttered, not sure what to do. Too fast! Too fast!
"Shikamaru…" She looked around, almost shy, then leaned forward into him, placing her mouth by his ear. He could feel the dry warmth of her breath softly tickle his skin, his face slowly burning from the close contact.
He closed his eyes, trying to imagine how he was going to answer.
What could I say? 'I love you too'? I don't know how to answer that! I want a normal wife! Normal life! Two kids! Girl then boy! Where does Ino fit into the picture?
MovingGaspingCallingMyNameScreamingMoaningGroaningSmilingThrustingSayingMyNameGruntingMyNameInoInoInoYes...
Was it fair? What? What can I say? 'I don't know if I feel the same'?
Do I?
Do I love her?
Think logically, what would you do without Ino?
…
Life… would be boring. No spirit. Only pain. No drive, only slow clouds.
If she died?
Cry. Hurt. Get over her? Like Asuma?
No, it wouldn't be like Asuma. She smiles differently, I pay attention to that, and she moves like she's dancing. She sings badly, but she doesn't care. She cares about me, though, she get jealous…
And, I guess… So do I.
But do I love her?
I don't know.
"Shika-kun…"
"Y-…Yeah?" Shikamaru opened his eyes, and braced for the confession.
"You're an asshole."
--
The seconds stretched on.
"I'm a… what?"
"An Asshole. A jerk, prick, dickhead, wanker, buttmunch, drongo, nobb, a liberal son of a bitch, no offense to Kiba. Do you understand?" She spoke softly, her voice still airy and light.
"… Huh?" Shikamaru shook his head a little. This wasn't in the scenario!
"Yeah. Thought I was just gonna bitch all friggin' night, huh?"
"Not really."
Well, maybe a little.
"Nah. I just wanted you to know that I hate the way you never pay attention to me."
"You wanted me to pay attention to you?"
"Well duh! Why'd you think I kept asking you what you thought, what you wanted, what your opinion was?" She moaned into his ear, making him uncomfortably aware of how tight his pants seemed to be getting.
"Well, I am a genius." He admitted, feeling deflated despite himself. Whatever happened to his little dreams?
To be fair, I suppose I gave up the dream of following a normal life when I became a ninja…
"Yeah, right. A fucking genius, you are." Ino put her hands on her hips, leaning back and frowning at him.
"Look, Shikamaru, being a genius isn't everything. I'd still like you even if you were as dumb as… oh… Naruto! Even if you were so dumb you'd need to take your shoes off to count past ten, I'd still want your opinion." She sighed, "You're my friend, Shika."
"Just a friend, huh?"
…
…
…
"What?"
The silence stretched onward.
"Well, actually…" Ino bit at her lip in an irritated fashion. Shikamaru gulped and tried not to look too hopeful.
"… nah." She perked up, "I only fall for the tragic genius'. Sorry."
"Oh."
That was all he could say.
Sasuke wins again, huh?
"… but…"
His head shot up so quickly he kinked it. His grunt of pain stirred a series of laughs that echoed through the empty park.
"… You know, a genius who's grown up with a girl who might or might not have been having little crushes on him from time to time… You know, like when he comes up with a plan that wipes out an entire squad of Nin with only three people, or when he comes up with this awesome idea involving a light-bomb and a crushing palm technique…"
Ino took a deep breath. Shikamaru tried to fight the fluttering in his chest without success.
"… I reckon some people… When they see this guy, and they figure out that he's really hot when he decides to smile, or when he corners somebody into a trap… And he can't see that this girl's liked him for a while, even when he's freakin' crazy smart…"
Ino let her breath out.
"… Some might call that… tragic."
--
"I thought I was an asshole?"
"Meh, it's better than a nice guy. Can't stand clingy guys, they never give me any space."
Shikamaru sat down, feeling nothing.
Shouldn't I feel something?
"I… I don't know what to say."
"Hey, if you don't like it, tough. You're mine, now." Ino bared her teeth, grinning. "You've gotta pay me back for being an ass. That is, if you wanna…" She looked up at the sky, "… Or would you rather watch clouds?"
"… I don't know. I guess so…"
"Good. I need to do something while the booze burns off." She got up and lay down onto a patch of grass, patting the space beside her.
Shikamaru followed, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Knock if off, will ya! You're lucky I decided to get pissed and tell you this, so I expect some gratitude!" She smiled, "Or are you afraid I'm going to jump you?"
KissingMeTouchingMeLickingBitingEnergyEnergyEnergy…
"…"
He smiled, "A little." He said as he lay down beside her, jumping as she put her head on his chest and looked up at him.
"You didn't say no, you know. Now's the time to say it if you want to." She whispered, "No regrets, okay? We don't have to be more than friends, I don't want you to go away."
"Nah…"
They relaxed, and began cloud watching.
"… It takes too much effort to say no."
"What about Yes?"
"… I suppose I could make an exception…"
The hour passed in silence. Ino fell asleep, cuddling up against his side.
He smiled.
Troublesome girl.
A lot of people put this story on alert, but didn't leave reviews. You want me to update faster, you gotta tell me what you like, so I don't have to keep doubting that what I write and scrapping chapters.
A second note: I'm doing the most common pairings first. After NejiTen, I'll go onto the less obvious ones, like SasuSaku and Tayu/Whoever. Thanks to everyone who reviewed!
Finally: You can send me prompts as well as pairing ideas. A set of words, a situation, anything.