A/N: Yeah, it has been some time again. I try to write on a regular basis, but that has become a pretty difficult thing to keep up lately. Please be patient with me. Another thing I want to say: I am thankful for everyone that is keeping up with me and this story. However, I always appreciate constructive criticism, especially since I am not a native English speaker. I am actually majoring in English language, so it's always useful for me to improve. As a side note, I am very thankful for the positive feedback nonetheless (of course). I hope you stick around until the end. Whenever that is going to be.
Chapter Five
Maki might have lied. Though she did not know.
"This might not be the worst idea after all."
Thinking about it further, it actually might be the worst one indeed. Nico did not know what she had been thinking offering shelter for a stray so generously when she knew her hospitality could be mistaken for romantic interest so easily.
And on top of the entire mess, she wasn't entirely sure if possible romantic interest really was such a futile aspect in their current twisted situation that seemed to be tangled all over. A string of fate could be cut into pieces just like a piece of paper, and furthermore, its stability could be weakened just as easily.
So when Nico found herself in the hallway of her - well, she was not trying to exaggerate though - mansion, next to a certain red haired whose hands were plunged into her coat's pocket, she felt like running away from the awkwardness her stupidity had created.
"I. Well, you see- I'm…God damn it. You know, I don't feel like," the red haired fumbled with a series of beginnings before shrugging her shoulders helplessly, "You know what, forget it. This was actually a stupid idea and I don't even know what I was thinking jumping back onto a train that has departed already."
She glanced over to the black haired, curiosity in her violet eyes as to how the other woman would react.
Quite frankly, Nico wanted to say that she was unaffected by the red haired's words, but seeing her so insecure and unsure of how to behave, she caught herself thinking of her as cute even. Cute as in cute like a kitten one wanted to pet and stroke and cuddle all day. Only that even the cutest kitten had sharp claws.
"You aren't jumping anywhere," Nico replied certain, glancing towards the clock on the wall, "It's four in the morning and you showed up here. There has to be a reason for it."
The red haired sighed lowly and Nico could tell she was biting the inside of her cheek as she stood there in the hallway, hands still buried in small pockets, feet still embedded in a pair of rough leather boots, legs covered in the fabric of stone washed jeans.
Her entire appearance was so completely unusual to look at and even more, so totally different from what she looked like when she was working. It made Nico realize that this woman in front of her, the woman that was stuttering because of her nervousness, was the same woman that had eloquent and sharp comebacks up her sleeve at all times. She was the same, if dressed in lingerie or jeans, she resembled the same imagery of a red haired woman with scarlet curls and deep violet eyes.
Just how many facets could one single person contain?
Maki frowned every now and then, obviously struggling with finding a response before letting out a ragged breath.
"It doesn't matter, does it?" She looked aside as if in shame, "You said yourself you've got enough space here."
"Yeah, I did say so. And I'm not going to send you out into the cold either, but you have to at least tell me why you felt the need to interrupt my sleep. I worked tonight. I don't open up for just anyone when it's not even afternoon."
"I can leave if you don't want me here," Maki tried avoiding an answer to the black haired's question. One of her svelte hands greeted light and as soon as it had freed itself from the insides of her coat's pocket, it wrapped its slender fingers around a small bag that had been placed onto the floor before. Nico made sure to observe her movements of lifting said item.
"You didn't answer me though."
"I," the red haired hesitated as she spoke, obviously feeling uncomfortable, "had a bad dream and I kinda panicked and didn't know where else to go. What does it matter anyway? What matters is that I'm here." She hurried the phrases as she replied, her usually confident voice only a hasty mumble.
A…bad dream?
That…was…it?
That was why she felt the need to rush into her house in the middle of the night?
Nico did not know whether to push the other woman so she would tell her more or to just let it slide. It was tricky anyhow, since either way there would be something Maki would not tell. It was in her nature - Keeping things in the shadow so no one would dig in her private business.
The black haired did not realize she had put on a sceptical expression. Only when Maki mentioned said fact, she tried returning to a somewhat neutral one.
"You don't think I'm lying, do you?" She asked discontented, "I can still read you like an open book." The reference to the black haired's skepticism being practically written on her facial features made Nico feel uncomfortable, as if the other woman was indeed able to do so. It was concerning, to be frank. Maki might have become too good at interpreting.
"I don't. And you shouldn't be so sure about that fact." Nico stated coldly before she turned her back to the red haired, gesturing her to follow.
Stopping in front of a row of several doors, she turned around again.
"You can pick one. If you want to, you can go upstairs too, I don't care." She pointed towards a circular staircase across. Maki hesitated with answering and Nico could tell she was just as insecure as the trembling of her fingers had revealed to her minutes ago already.
And she sure was good for a surprise at all times. Has always been. Will always be.
"I'll take the one opposed from your room." Maki clarified before lowering her voice, "If that's okay."
The black haired found herself bewildered for a few seconds. Despite the lack of sleep in every single one of her bones, her mind seemed to make up for that lack, taking in each perception with abnormal clarity.
"You…what?" She asked astonished.
"You heard me," Maki replied almost instantly, "Just show me where to go, I won't get lost. I still remember what it feels like to live in a house too big for your own good."
Nico could not add anything to those words of the other woman, the bitterness in her voice leaving her to wonder if the scarlet haired had always thought of wealth as a drawback. And would she think of it as a disadvantage even in her current position?
After all, Nico did not know why and how the red haired had ended up in such a miserable living situation. And knowing that she wasn't the cause for such a thing having happened did not make anything regarding that matter any better.
"Sure you can…I guess…" Nico complied stunned, "Why is it that you suddenly want to be so close to me?"
Such an inquiry might be quite a rude assertion but didn't she deserve to know? Didn't she deserve to know what made Maki change her mind? What made her follow a path she normally would have never taken again? The path of getting attached to her again?
However, wondering about the reasoning for the red haired's actions would always be a shot in the dark. She was unpredictable. There was no other way around.
Maki neglected answering the black haired's question, only when Nico had guided her to the room that had its location opposed from the one she herself usually slept in, she made an attempt to reply.
Maki walked into the spacious room and put her small bag onto the surface of neatly arranged bed sheets. For a few seconds, she seemed to be busy with emptying the content of said item, revealing a little amount of clothes and a few other things Nico could not properly spot from her position. Nico decided to wait patiently, back leaned against the wall of the doorway.
When Maki turned around, an infinitesimal glimpse of gratitude in her violet eyes, her lips moved slowly as if she was still thinking about how to put her thoughts into words.
"I don't want to be close to you in specific," she said carefully, "I just want to be close to anyone."
That had been enough to swallow for tonight.
Nico could feel it deep within - The following days would be a ride on a roller coaster with constant ups and downs. She had a certain feeling of uneasiness when she woke up the following day, very early in the morning too. Although her precious sleep had been interrupted so impolitely the night before, she needed to be awake earlier than the red haired. She did not know why she felt that way. This was her house, thus, everyone living under its roof, if only temporarily, had to adjust to her schedule. Though Nico had to admit that she had always been the person to wake up early anyway.
Unlike other people.
A crack of the other woman's door was open. Even though Nico did not dare to walk in, she moved a few steps aside in order to seek into said little void. She had expected to see no less than the other woman, still asleep, tightly even. If she remembered correctly, - well, she always did - Maki had never been a person to wake up early in the first place. Opposites attract each other after all.
Hold on.
Such a thought was the first step to attachment.
Such a thought was the first step to returning to a former consistency.
A consistency that did not exist anymore.
As soon as she had shoved the thoughts aside, Nico found herself wondering whether she should prepare breakfast or not. That was, of course, kind of an iffy situation.
Normally, she would have prepared breakfast for herself. And for herself only. But now she wasn't alone anymore. If she prepared it for herself only, that would be just selfish. And she had promised the scarlet haired that she could eat at her place just like she could sleep there.
But honestly, how awkward of a situation would that be? Preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner for the two of them at all times as if Maki was her lover.
She did say she would do so, but now that her offer had turned into reality, the black haired realized that she hadn't really thought things through.
"Were you standing there all the time?"
Realizing that she had been standing in front of the other woman's room, Nico took a few steps back as the sleepy voice of said woman greeted her, causing her to startle instinctively. Nico was quick to catch herself nevertheless, shaking her head almost too obviously quick.
The red haired, who had stepped out of the spacious room behind her, only a few inches apart from her opposite, raised a brow in disbelief. Nico looked at her from the short distance, noticing that her skin was almost flawlessly soft looking even without any make up on. Her hair was tied into a side ponytail and the loose shirt she was wearing made Nico recognize that she was way too thin and way too fragile. The fabric of it had wrinkles everywhere and additionally, it wasn't even tight around her shoulders or upper arms. And suddenly her fingers weren't slender or svelte or beautifully shaped anymore just like her waist didn't add to a striking frame in its glorious appearance anymore. A shiver travelled down the black haired's spine - Such a sight had never been beautiful from the beginning. Such a hideous sight of an over exhausted woman; a woman that barely resembled the image of a red haired vivid teenage girl Nico had tried to hold on so tight all of these years.
"You don't have to look after me all the time, Nico," Maki said lowly and it felt odd, being addressed with her first name without any satirical meaning to it, "I don't come with strings attached. And if you thought so, you can cut them off now."
"I don't...I mean…" Nico struggled with finding a fitting answer, taking a few steps back as to feeling intimidated by the other woman's intent stare.
Meanwhile, Maki did not seem to bother with awaiting an answer though Nico could have sworn she had noticed her trying to reply.
"I think I'm going to work tonight." The red haired said quietly as she turned her back in order to close the door properly. As she turned around again, she explained why she had come to such a decision.
"You were right. One way or another, even if I'll sign an agreement to" she paused shortly, scraping her nails against her palm as if in fury, "getting kicked out of my own apartment, I'll still have to pay for the rents I haven't paid before. And those are a lot."
She buried her hands into the pockets of her sweatpants, just as loose as her slack shirt, before frowning a little as a consequence to the lack of communication she received.
"I know it sucks that I'll stick around a little. But you have to at least try to contribute to making this entire thing less awkward."
Now that she had loosened her crossed arms - And Nico had not even noticed she had crossed them beforehand in the first place, said action became perceivable - It practically seemed to call attention to it, especially with the sight that it revealed.
"I-I'm really trying to make it less awkward," Nico stuttered, "but did you really have to wear a see-through shirt?" She tried taking even more steps backwards, desperate for as much distance as possible, but she hadn't calculated the wall hitting her back so abruptly and fast. After all, a hallway in between rooms wasn't the biggest space to set foot onto, no matter how big and marvellous your house was.
Maki seemed to be, to say the least, unaffected by the black haired's nervous behavior. She looked down onto said see through fabric before shrugging her shoulders half-heartedly.
"I always wear that shirt at home. What's the matter? You've never seen a bra before?"
A grumble left Nico's lips as those words had been spoken. What an assumption. An insanely stupid one of course.
"You aren't at home." She emphasized, throwing her head back in defeat. She should have at least remembered that the wall was in her back now, unlike a few minutes ago, causing the back of her head to meet the surface of it. Needless to say, it did not only hurt like hell, in addition, it was absurdly embarrassing. Acting like a little child in front of Nishikino Maki.
Suppressing the urge to let out a whimper of pain, she tried playing it off coolly by rubbing the back of her head in a circulated manner as if geometry was a matter to reducing the pain that the clash had caused.
"Yeah, I'm not. But I'm trying to feel like I am." Maki replied certain, a little glimpse of disappointment in her voice. Nico could not tell what it was exactly that made her voice sound so different from the way she usually spoke. Was she always this different when she wasn't surrounded by people?
"Fine. If you really want to feel like home, you can go upstairs and put some clothes on that are a little more appropriate," she stressed each syllable of the last word, making sure to ram some sense into the other woman, "in the meanwhile I'll-"
"I don't want you to cook for me." Maki interrupted clarifying, an earnest expression on her face. As if she had been able to read Nico's mind all along.
"I am an adult. I can do that myself. You just need to show me where to look for ingredients and it will be fine."
Nico nodded absent-minded. As far as she could remember, Maki wasn't the most reliable person around.
Though she tried listening to Maki's words, her thoughts trailed off into an imagery of her kitchen being burned down.
"What do you mean she wasn't there?" Eli asked frustrated, clenching her fist as she spoke.
"She wasn't at home. I know it's far fetched, but I even went up to that concert hall in the city."
"She hasn't been there for years. Why would she be there now?"
"Yeah, she wasn't there either. I am starting to worry," Umi placed her flat hand onto the steering wheel in front of her, grumbling annoyed because of the traffic jam on the main street.
"Why did I have to pick you up again?" She questioned frowning.
"Actually, I wanted to spend some time with you since that's your first day off in…I don't even know, three months? By the way, you are one to talk about Maki when you are working just as much as she does."
"Why won't he use his fucking turn signal, it's there for a reason!" Umi yelled absent-minded, gesturing to the scene outside of the car's interior. She lowered her voice again as she realized what Eli had said before.
"I don't work the entire day like she does though. You only see her when she's working at night. But she doesn't work at night only, though the establishment is officially closed during day time."
"I know that. You don't need to tell me." Eli ventured, the earnest response of the other woman plucking her nerves.
"You obviously don't. She is there during day time too. She has clients that request arrangements at early hours. God damn it, she is always there! You all can't see it and maybe you don't even want to see what she has become. But I can't blame her. And if you blame her, you better get out of my fucking car."
Eli frowned. She had never recognized how dedicated the blue haired woman was when it came to defending Maki, but now that she did, she wondered what it was that had caused them to be so close to each other. Eli had always figured that Nico leaving Maki without telling her had been the reason for the red haired to turn into a whole other person. Because loss was heavy and loss hurt and even at the delicate age of seventeen, even then, loss could change a person so easily. But right now, she wasn't so sure anymore if that had really been the reason all along. A few weeks after Nico had left, Maki had acted unusually reserved and snappy. Of course, those personality traits had always been a part of her, but she had never shown them to such a heavy extent than back then.
The blonde wasn't trying to sound self-absorbed, but honestly, if anyone, she was the one to be affected by Nico's returning the most. She had always been affected by her actions the most. And nobody could convince her otherwise.
Yet, Eli was sure of it - There must have been something else that had made the red haired change so drastically. And Umi knew about it along. It must be like that. Eli could see it in the way her amber eyes flickered, the way her fingers trembled in fury as they got placed onto the sides of the steering wheel, turning it around almost aggressively just to stop in front of a red glowing traffic light.
"What I actually wanted to say was that I wanted to spend some time with you again. Like in old times, you know." Eli tried changing the topic in order to avoid an unnecessary argument.
Umi's gaze was focused onto the traffic lights, her long shaped finger nails scratched the texture of the car's dashboard as she put one hand onto it.
"I can't. I was just on my way to the grocery store."
"Can't you do that later? We should look where Maki's at and after that, we can do something toge-"
"Didn't you hear what I just said, Eli? It seems to me that you don't want to listen to me," Umi replied sharply, "she is nowhere to be found. And maybe she doesn't want to be found. You need to give her time. She needs to process what is actually happening right now. I don't think she wants to have a ladies night at this moment, Eli."
The blonde sighed lowly. Umi was right after all. But she couldn't let go of it. She knew Maki was mad at her, even madder after she had confronted her with the issue of the money, but there must be at least some way to return to a certain normality of their friendship. Though, at this point, knowing that Umi seemed to know so much more about the red haired, she wasn't entirely sure if they had ever been friends in the first place.
"I need to pick up Yui from preschool afterwards. Unless you want to play my wife and follow me around all the time, you should find someone else to spend your spare time with." Umi added, an impatient mumble leaving her lips as she continued waiting for the traffic lights to turn green.
As much as Eli knew that it was in Umi's nature to push people out of her private life, she knew as well that she sometimes needed someone to make an effort to actually fight against her push. She had known Umi for too long. And she wouldn't give up on her just because things became complicated. Yet the blonde knew that things had only become complicated because of Nico returning. And she had known that it would happen as soon as the black haired would set foot onto well-known territory again. Eli remembered the several times she had sat on the couch in her living room, forced to watch the face of a hypocrite being plastered onto the screen of her television due to the advertisement of a silly new fashion line. She had hated how Nico seemed to be everywhere though she had left. She had hated how she got a reward, success even, after what she had done.
"I'll play your wife then," Eli spoke amused before adding more quietly, "You know very well that there isn't anyone else I can annoy." She had wanted her sentence to sound somewhat funny, instead, she found herself thinking of it as tragic. It was indeed. Even Umi noticed, shrugging her shoulders slightly as a quiet "Fine" escaped her lips.
Yeah. Everything was fine.
"Hasn't it been twenty minutes already? It doesn't take twenty minutes for water to boil." Nico sighed after entering her spacious kitchen. She had taken a shower though she had known beforehand that leaving the red haired alone could end up being a disaster very easily. She had imagined all kind of bad things having happened in the short time, but to her surprise, she found Maki in front of the stove. She had leaned forward a little, causing her scarlet curls to ripple every now and then. As soon as she noticed Nico walking in, she startled instinctively.
"Y-yeah, I just got in here five minutes ago." She spoke unconvincingly, averting her eyes almost instantly. Suspicious. Nico raised a brow in disbelief, adjusting the collar of her shirt as she took a few steps towards the red haired, tiptoeing in order to look over the shoulder of the taller woman.
"It's not even turned on though." She stated after a quick glance to the buttons that regulated the temperature. A sigh escaped her lips yet again on that day.
"Move aside," she ordered, "you are useless in here. You can leave. I will bring you something upstairs."
Surprisingly, Maki didn't say a word. She left without a witty comeback or explanation. Nico figured that she was ashamed as to having lied about her abilities of getting through the life of an adult. Honestly, if Nico was being honest, Maki was still a child in a way. She had grown up way too fast, she had had to learn to be responsible at such a young age, and it caused her to fall back into a childish behavior now that she actually was an adult. And Nico doubted that she knew how to take care of herself. She did not even know how to turn on a stove, how could people leave her by herself?
Adding to that impression, she always tried to be as mature as possible, or rather, act as if she was. Nico could not tell whether to think of her behavior as amusing or tragic. She came to the conclusion that Maki wasn't as tough as she always pretended to be and it was enough of a conclusion to convince her that Maki actually needed someone to care. Nothing more or less. She was looking for attention though she made a secret out of said desire.
When Nico walked up the stairs to their rooms afterwards - their rooms (as if this wasn't her house only!) -, a tray in her hands, she wondered why she even cared. Why she even made an effort to make this work.
That is a question she had asked herself many times already, too many times. What was it that made her so enchanting? What was it that made her so magnetic?
Nico wasn't sure if she would ever get an answer to that question. Science wasn't explained in emotions or feelings. It was explained in proof and evidence. And a magnetic force was practically a matter of science, even in this regard. Right?
Shaking off the thoughts, the black haired made her way to the room opposed from hers, knocking first. Why did she even knock? This was her house. Coming to said conclusion, she entered the room, athletically handling the tray on one hand while pulling down the handle with the other. Such an effort turned out to be needless since there was nobody in the room. Nico figured Maki would be taking a shower to distract herself from the embarrassment of not being able to turn on a stove. She put the tray onto the large desk; she remembered having it picked out for the interior too well. This room was supposed to be the room where she would write the lyrics for her songs. Ever since Nico had become an independent musician that was all her work was about. She did not need to worry about outfits and make up and performances. Usually, her agency had handled those things. And they had offered to hire a song writer too. But Nico had wanted to write her own songs, she had wanted them to mean something. She did not want to sing meaningless words written by other people that knew little to nothing about who she really was.
To sum it up, she had wanted to impress and inspire and get things off her chest by singing instead of being yet another shallow artist in the world of celebrities. However, since she had moved here only recently, she had not been able to test every room of her new location on its usage purposes. She could not tell whether the large window next to the desk actually added to her inspiration for writing a song or not. How could she know when she only ever performed at that lousy place she called her new work place?
Quite frankly, Nico had not even touched a pencil ever since she had returned.
She turned her head a little, looking around in the spacious room. She wasn't astonished as to finding several pieces of clothing of the red haired in the most misplaced locations, such as underneath the bed or hanging from the handle of the French door. Maki had never been an organized person from the beginning. Though Nico wondered how she could have brought only one little, small bag. How could a bag this small possibly contain all the items she needed to lead a decent life with?
Wondering about those things was futile, Nico would never get proper answers to her questions. Even if it was about a silly bag. When she returned to her own bed room, ready to sink into the distraction of filling out paperwork again - There was so much paperwork to fill out just because of a simple relocation and quite frankly, Nico did not really understand everything that was written on ivory paper - she was more than just bewildered to find Maki in there. Her gaze was set onto a row of framed pictures Nico had hung onto the pink wall above her large bed. Maki had not even noticed the black haired walking in, her violet eyes kept their gaze focused onto one picture in specific.
"What are you doing here?" Nico ventured slowly, taking a few steps towards the other woman who turned around as a consequence. She obviously felt caught, perhaps trapped even, as to having been noticed digging in other people's business when she apparently valued privacy so much.
"I was…I mean. It's not what it looks like!"
"To me it looks like you've been feeling a little bit too home."
"Are you wearing my necklace in this picture?" Maki asked instead of deepening the issue, pointing towards the picture she had inspected so intently before. The red painted nail of her pointer finger scratched the glassy surface of the frame as she did so. Nico took even more steps forward, keeping a short distance to the red haired nonetheless. She did not even have to look at the picture Maki was referring to, she knew well what it portrayed.
It was a picture that had been taken on the day of her first live show overseas, a concert in the heat of mid-July, shortly after she had left Japan. After she had left Maki.
In the foreground, there was the silhouette of the Nico that had tried forcing away regrets by offering a wide smile to the audience, living in the moment. She was wearing a short dress in a peach-colored shade of orange, matching the ribbons that held her hair in place. She used to wear that hair style quite often back then; it probably became the essential thing for people to recognize her. Nowadays, Nico did not care about such things anymore. She preferred her hair down though she could not tell why. Perhaps, it made her feel like getting rid of the idol-like imagination people had of her. There was nothing to admire about her. There was no reason for people to idolize a person that couldn't even stand behind their foolish - who was she kidding actually - insanely irresponsible actions.
The Nico in the picture had not changed a bit. She was still there, she was still a coward. Maki had been right. She had been right and she would be right at all times when it came to this matter, even Nico realized now.
There was a golden necklace around the pale skin of her, slightly noticeable on a closer look. Its golden color seemed to fade a little due to the glaring lights in the background of the picture, yet the small charm attached on it could be spotted - A star.
"Yeah," Nico admitted coyly, "When I had packed my things back then, I had found it underneath my bed. I figured you wouldn't miss it, but perhaps that was just something my mind had made up so I wouldn't have to face you again."
Maki turned her head almost instantly at the other woman's remark, a few strands of her side ponytail had found their way out of the grip of the hair tie, making her appearance seem…lost?
"What made you think I wouldn't miss it?" She asked accusingly, "What made you think I wouldn't ever miss it!" She raised her voice, causing the black haired to flinch a little due to the suddenness.
"It's just a necklace and I-" Nico tried defending herself, but Maki was quick to shut her off.
"It's not just a necklace!" She interrupted furiously, her violet eyes glowing aggressively as she continued, "That necklace meant something to me! Believe it or not! You can't just take away the things people care about, thinking they won't miss them!"
Before Nico could reply, the red haired stormed out of the room, shutting the door behind her with a fast and uproarious behavior.
Eventually, it occurred to Nico that Maki hadn't actually been talking about the necklace in the first place. And she wondered if not realizing sooner had always been her worst mistake from the beginning on.
Maki did not go to work that night. She might have lied. Again. Though she did know this time. She did not leave her ("her") room afterwards on that day either. Nico had wanted to ask if she was okay but honestly, she knew the answer already. The hand she had lifted in order to knock on the door slid down hesitantly. For the rest of the day, there was no interaction with the red haired and Nico continued with her life as if she had never offered her to live at her place, as if she wasn't there.
It felt awkward. But there was no reason to be pushy or genuinely interested, unless…
Yeah. Unless. Nico did not dare to finish the sentence her thoughts had made up.
Late in the evening, almost around midnight, the black haired could not hold back anymore, the uncertainty and insecurity that arose inside of her too heavy not to be satisfied and replaced with certainty and security.
Ironically, Nico knocked on the door yet again as if this wasn't her house, but she did not get any answer. She figured that Maki would be as stubborn as she had always been, engrossed in keeping the solidity of her anger. However, to Nico's astonishment, just like some hours before, Maki wasn't there. The window was open, curtains waving because of the chilly night air that had filled the room.
She was gone.
Without any second thoughts, Nico hurried. She wasn't sure why she did so. But nowadays, she wasn't sure about anything anymore.
It was a relief - Knowing that she was "only" at work. That was the first place Nico had went to when she was looking for the red haired. There wasn't anywhere else to look for her anyway. Nico did not know anything about her anymore, how could she know where she would go when life seemed to be too much of a burden?
After all, Maki had not lied. She had gone to work, though Nico did question her way of doing so. When she spotted the red haired in the dressing room, sitting on a red armchair, face buried in her tender hands, she felt her heart shatter into million of tiny pieces.
She looked around carefully. Since she had been able to walk into the establishment without any problems, Umi must be here too. She must have unlocked the door beforehand and forgotten to lock it afterwards again.
After making sure that nobody seemed to be near, she ventured to walk into the dressing room, closing the door behind her as quietly as possible. What did one do when confronted with a crying person that did not pay any attention to their surroundings?
Should she speak up? Should she leave? Should she take the seat on the arm chair opposed? Should she comfort her?
What in hell was the right way of taking care of a person that was in denial?
And honestly, wasn't she herself in denial?
Because what kind of situation could be any more obvious? Obvious regarding a matter she tried to force away, as if burying her feelings would erase them for sure. Actually, she was unsure regarding every matter in this exact moment, she wasn't sure what was right and what was wrong anymore and she wasn't sure if love had always been so complicated.
Love?
With trembling legs, Nico took the seat opposed, her ruby eyes focused on the red haired. The other woman's elbows were placed onto her thighs, her flat palms pressed against her face, denying access to the sight of her amethyst eyes.
Nico could not tell for sure, but judging from the way she hid it, she really must be crying. Though she did it very silently, only the slight tremble of her wrists called attention to it.
For a long time, Nico did not do anything. She just sat there, eyes set onto the scarlet haired, wondering when exactly it was that she had fallen in love with her for the first time, wondering why exactly she never realized that she had never really let go of what they used to have.
"Please," Maki suddenly spoke up, still not looking up, her voice faint and broken, "Just leave, Umi. I don't feel like talking." From time to time, it was hard to understand her words. She swallowed some syllables because of the sobs that left her lips. Her confidence seemed to have vanished and it was in that moment that Nico realized she had never been confident in the first place. She had been fragile all along. There was no way that the confident facet she had built up was the real self of hers, Nico realized only now.
"I'm not going leave, even if you want me to." She said quietly, leaning forward a little as she noticed Maki moving her quivering hands aside. She wanted to look her straight into the eyes, she wanted to see the real Maki.
However, Nico regretted doing so when she saw the face of a person that had been through too much to even handle one single step forward anymore. She must have been walking on the same spot for years, afraid of going back, frightened of moving forward. The make up she had put on was smudged now, her hair messy and unkempt.
"Why did you leave?" Nico asked as sensitive as possible, "And why didn't you use the door?" As a response, she met a short glance of challenging amethysts, so short that Nico thought she had imagined it.
"What does it feel like?" Maki replied, a faint trail of cynicism in her still shaking voice, "What does it feel like when people leave without any explanation?"
"Why are you mad at me?" Nico asked in return. She avoided the rhetorical question of her opposite on purpose, knowing full well that she was angry and full of bitterness.
Nico looked her right into the eyes as she spoke and even though she was so close to the red haired, it did not bother her. It's insane how much could change in just a few weeks. And it's even more insane how much could change in the time span of minutes only.
Nico had expected a lot of things to happen. She had expected Maki to yell at her, to accuse her of being a hypocrite, to blame her for having left her behind. She had expected the red haired to stand up and leave without a word; she even had expected her to slap her into the face.
Because her question was just the worst. There was no reason to sugar coat anything in this regard. Asking why Maki was mad at her when she had every reason to be.
But the red haired didn't do any of those things Nico had imagined. For an eternity, she stared at the black haired with a certain vacancy in her gaze and Nico had expected her to just hit her in the face in that exact moment. The silence was almost too unbearable.
And she still did not do anything Nico had expected, instead, she leaned forward, closing the short distance between them. She rested her flat palm on the thigh of the black haired, her crimson curls brushing the other woman's cheek for a short moment.
Having expectations usually led to disappointment, right?
Nico's mind was too blank and numb to even react, to even realize what was happening when Maki leaned forward even more, captivating her lips in an instant. Her lips were soft, yet the kiss that followed her sudden movements was a paradox to it, demanding and certain. The hand she had placed onto the black haired's thigh wandered towards Nico's neck as she applied more pressure to the kiss as if she was holding onto her life.
Nico wasn't sure what kind of reaction would be the right one in this situation. Her insecurity caused her to feel almost frozen, too paralyzed by what was happening so suddenly. Though she had closed her eyes, though she had tried returning the kiss, she wasn't content with such a hesitant reaction of hers. But wasn't hesitation the right emotion to befit such actions of the red haired?
She only did it out of an impulse, right?
And she did it because she was angry at her. Because she wanted to show her what she had missed all those years, right?
It was nothing more than provocation acting.
Right?
When Maki pulled away, her violet eyes flickering like fireworks, Nico was not even sure what she had been thinking all along. Why she had left. Why she had ever let go.
"That's why I'm angry at you."