Chapter 6

Annie crossed from the kitchen where she had been putting dishes in the washer, and sat down on the footstool. She folded her hands in her lap rather than place one on his knee as she normally did.

"Wow! You really are mad, aren't you? It hurts when you don't want to touch me."

Annie faced him squarely and placed a hand firmly on each of his knees. She leaned in close.

"Auggie, you mean everything to me, and when I first saw you last night, I thought you were dead! I can't even describe the feelings that slammed through me, but I don't ever want to feel that way again."

"Oh, God, Annie, I'm sorry; I'm so sorry." His voice broke for a moment. "I would have gotten home, taken my meds and been OK by the time you arrived, if Bobby hadn't gotten stuck in an unbelievable traffic jam for over two hours. It was migraine hell. You're right. By the time I got here, I couldn't function. It would have been a relief to die."

The thought of what he was willing to endure for her tore at her emotions. She wanted nothing more than to wrap him in her love and protect him from every pain or sorrow. But she couldn't do that. Auggie wouldn't want it, even if she could. They had to work this out.

"Hiding how bad these headaches have gotten is not a solution, Auggie. I've given it a lot of thought, and I want to try and make you think about it from another direction, okay?

"I never want to hurt you, Annie, I'll listen to anything. Go ahead."

"You were a covert field agent from the time you were very young, weren't you?"

"From the time I was a sophomore in college."

"And you were still active with the CIA while you were in Special Forces?"

"That's not something to spread around, but yes. My unit ran a special op from time to time."

"Did you like being a spy, running covert operations, being a repository for secrets. Did it mean something to you?

"Wow." Auggie lowered his head into his hands and rubbed his temples. Annie knew they were still tender, and she was putting a lot of pressure on him.

"Like, doesn't seem to be the right word somehow. Did I want to do it? Yes. Did I feel like it was an important job? Yes. Would I have given it up deliberately? Hell no! Where are you going with this?"

"Yet, when you ran into that explosion and lost your sight, you were forced to give it up. What you do now is interesting; it's important. If our bosses were honest, they'd have to say you're a key figure in our whole operation, but it's not the same as field work, is it?"

He hesitated so long, his face was so etched with pain that she wanted to drop it all and hug him, but she kept on.

"Is it, Auggie?"

"No, dammit, no; it's not!" He spat it out. "But it's all I can do, and I'm good at it. I am!"

"Yes, darling, you are." Her voice was warm, caressing. "There's nobody better. Even Joan admits that." It was a tragedy that he couldn't see the sweet, smiling face she turned to him.

She caught his tightly fisted hand and pulled it to her, pried open the fingers and kissed his palm.

"I just want you to understand that I love what I do, too. I've only been a field agent for about three years, and I still get a thrill every time they read me in on a new operation. I may not be an Auggie, but I've been pretty successful, and, I admit, pretty lucky. Your help has been a big part of it."

She slid closer and ran her hand up his arm, stroked the inside of his wrist with the tips of her nails.

"But, Auggie, I can't go on if it's going to destroy your health. I care too much about you to do that. I have two choices. I can come in out of the field, go into translation and analysis, and come home at five o'clock every night. I had thought I would do that a few years along. But I don't want to do it now. My other choice is to break it off between us completely, move out and refuse you as my handler!"

Auggie's eyes squeezed tight-shut, and his mouth half-opened in a silent, throttled scream. His expression was so completely stricken that all her resolve vanished between one heartbeat and the next. She threw herself into his lap and hugged him close.

"No, Auggie! Lie, lie lie! I can't leave you; I won't leave you! You're the finest man in this whole crazy world and the only one I want." She could feel his heart race against her cheek. "I love you, but I love my work too. You had a terrible choice forced on you far too soon; don't force this one on me. Don't make me leave the field now."

He drew a long and shaky breath. "God, woman, you scared me. Next time just ram a sword through my chest and be done with it."

He wrapped her in his arms and just held her close for a long space of time. Eventually he said, "You made your point, Annie. I do see it differently now, and I would never force you to quit something you love, but you have to help me figure out what to do? It drives me crazy to be out of contact when you're on a mission."

Annie settled more comfortably in his arms. The worst was over now, and she thought she had an answer to his question. "Auggie," she asked, "what do you do when I'm asleep on a mission? I do sleep you know. It may not be the Ritz, but they rent me a nice, clean hotel room, and the hotel has a restaurant with food. Or, I go to a safe house with a bed and food in the cupboard. Sometimes I persuade some kindly native to take me in to rest and eat, and, worst come to worst, I can always roll up in a sleeping bag under a tree with an apple and a hunk of cheese. What do you do?"

Auggie seemed dumbstruck for a minute. "Well, er, I … I …"

"No, don't bother answering, I know. You work your contacts, search the internet and crack into data bases that could get you killed if you were ever caught. You do anything you think will help the mission. Stop it, Auggie; you sleep when I sleep! The Agency has research experts and other hackers. Task them to find the information you want.

"You don't have to come back to the apartment, if that's too far out of contact for you. Go downstairs; get a bowl of hot soup in the cafeteria. Take a shower and crawl into one of the crew bunks. Even 4 or 5 hours sleep is better than none. If something happens, your relief will call down, and you can be back on the line in 3 minutes. Now, doesn't that make better sense than hanging on until you're sick with fatigue and pain?"

It took more time and persuasion, but eventually he agreed to give it a try. Joan eased the transition by letting him choose who his relief would be. Annie survived her first couple of mission under this new system undamaged and undaunted. She returned home happily to Auggie's arms. He still didn't like it, but he had accepted its necessity; he even began to relax a little with it.

The current mission afforded Annie little time for personal contacts with Auggie. The girl they were following seemed to function on practically no sleep. Merry Joy partied with crowds of fellow students in local clubs until 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning; fell asleep in her own or someone else's apartment for a few hours and then was up and off to early classes. Afternoons she shopped. With the backing of her wealthy family, Merry was a world class shopper. Annie enjoyed shadowing her into exclusive boutiques with their palette of richly colored fabrics and exotic scents, but she couldn't turn up in the same places too often without being made.

Annie had last spoken with Auggie in the very early hours of Saturday morning. . He had been on with her for the last 16 hours and had agreed for the first time to take the full weekend off. The cruise ship their suspected student terrorist was on was not expected to dock until Monday afternoon.

Annie had urged Auggie to sleep late and then order food he could reheat from their favorite, nearby deli. Equipment problems had plagued Tech Ops recently, and she could tell from Auggie's voice that he was tired. She didn't want sleeplessness and stress to bring on another of his migraines, so she told him she wouldn't call him again until Sunday morning. She hoped that Miss Merry Joy, their forever flitting subject, would at least sleep in late that day.