A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviews, follows, or favorites any of my stories. Any support I get is always so appreciated 3
Prompt from the castlefanficprompts page: Fic about all the men that have failed Kate in her whole life. Then the one that didn't.
The first time it happened, Kate was in kindergarten.
Her and Jason had been inseparable for months. She wasn't too interested in playing with dolls like most other girls her age did, and he didn't like the rough games the other boys enjoyed playing – although neither really admitted it out loud, not wanting to officially be excluded from either group.
She found him sitting on the swings in the playground by himself in the first week and hopped onto the one next to his.
Since then, they always sat next to each other, hung out in the playground together – they even went to the movies on a Saturday once and were allowed popcorn.
Kate was certain she'd found her best friend for life. She trusted Jason, and Jason trusted her. They were there for each other come whatever.
Until this other boy transferred from this place she couldn't and didn't want to remember.
She wasn't sure she realized when or how it happened, but she started sitting on the swings by herself.
For reasons unknown to her, Jason thought he was too cool for swings all of a sudden. When she asked if he wanted to play with her, he just puffed his chest out and proudly announced that he would go play with the other boys, and not some girl. And suddenly, he didn't mind spending time with the boys and roughing things up. Anything to impress the new guy that had so easily replaced her.
Kate went home crying that day, and spent the rest of the year pretending that she loved playing with dolls, even begged her mom to get her a few so she could impress the other girls.
The tight hug Johanna gave her didn't stop her from hurting, but it did somehow make her feel that things were going to be okay eventually.
The second time, she's in third grade and her teacher gave Amy the main part in their school play.
Her rival, of all girls he could have chosen. Kate knew Amy didn't deserve it. She was mean, untrustworthy, and shot Kate a vicious grin when Mr. Bennett read out their names and the part they got.
Besides, she was his favorite student. He had always told her how smart he thought she was, how clever, and how he encouraged her thirst for knowledge in any way possible.
Kate held back her tears in class and during rehearsals, not wanting Amy to see how upset she truly was. Mr. Bennett took her aside once after she snapped at him during rehearsals. He apologized for not giving her the part, but explained that so many had wanted it, and that she wasn't the only one disappointed.
She avoided eye contact and pouted. All of his apologies and explanations fell on deaf ears. Kate was stubborn, and with a small sigh, Mr. Bennett rose and returned to the other performers and told her to join once she felt ready.
She did, eventually. After all, she didn't want her parents to come see the show and be disappointed as soon as they realized she hadn't made the play at all.
The day of the performance came, and she was glad Amy got the part. She's on stage, her one, single line coming up, and she didn't think she could breathe. It was her turn to speak, and she managed to stammer it out, too quiet and rushed for anyone in the audience to actually hear, but she was glad.
Amy got all the applause, of course, accepted it with a triumphant smile, and although Kate knew he was right to cast her, she continued to hold a silent grudge against Mr. Bennett.
The third time, it's a boy named David. Kate was in 8th grade then, and it was almost time to go to high school.
He was a cool guy. He made her laugh, he brought her cookies from home sometimes, and he always checked up on her as soon as they had class together.
Holding hands in the hallway with him was exciting, and when he asked her to 8th grade prom, she was so incredibly happy.
The happiness didn't last for long. He broke up with her two weeks later, only two months after they started dating. Only three days later, Kate spotted him hugging Nicole, and word quickly got around that she would be his date to prom.
Her mom let her have all the ice cream that night after she sobbed uncontrollably in her arms and her dad had a murderous look on his face as he helplessly watched his daughter so upset, unable to do anything about it.
Mathew is the fourth guy who truly hurt her. They dated for a whole eight months.
He asked her to be his date to his senior prom, and Kate, a year below him, was thrilled. Her friends looked at her with jealousy in their eyes as she showed them a photo of her in the dress, and gushed about how fantastic and magical it had been.
Her and Mathew even kept up their relationship over the summer, hanging out whenever possible. It was time for him to go to college, but he was staying in the area, and so they still got to see each other. But right before winter break, he called things off. He was going on a trip for three weeks, and didn't think their relationship would withstand that many days apart with no contact.
He told her all of this in a parking lot, and Kate smacked him, drawing attention their way. She turned around and stormed off, ignoring whatever Mathew calls after her – he was either begging her to come back or throwing insults her way, and Kate couldn't bear to hear either.
She hardly left her room for the next few days, but her dad managed to coax her out of it just in time for Christmas. And though it still hurt, the festive lights and decorations momentarily made her forget some of the hurt.
If those hadn't helped, the parties some guys invited her to who gave her cheap beer certainly did.
When her senior prom approached, she refused to hope for a date, instead convinced her friend group to not put themselves under so much pressure and go against the norm. Kate Beckett didn't want to find a boy to take to her senior prom, it was all just cheesy crap anyway. She was too cool for expensive dresses and cliché slow dances like those you saw in movies.
The fifth guy, Rogan, was really just there to make her forget a totally different kind of pain. Her mom wasn't there to hug it away anymore. They had a good few weeks together, loads of laughing – fake on her side – and maybe too much drinking and partying, but his presence couldn't make her forget the one person who was missing in her life. He was an idiot – she knew that when they started dating – but she only decided to end things when she broke down crying about her mother, and he offered her a pat on the back and a beer as consolation.
The sixth guy who failed her was her dad of all people. Losing your wife hurt, but so did losing your mother. And so Kate sought justice and comfort by burying herself in training and work, while Jim Beckett found it in a bottle.
And despite being angry with him for dealing with things the way he did, she carried him to bed every night, cleaned up vomit if necessary, and hugged him when he cried onto her shoulder just like she did on her mother's all those years ago.
Nothing seemed to soothe the ache she felt every day as soon as she woke up until the moment she fell asleep and even came to haunt her in her dreams. She failed seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and it was probably not until the seventh guy who would hurt her arrived in her life that she began feeling slightly happier again.
Mike Royce gave her confidence that there was a key to unlock the mystery somewhere; she just had to find it. His guidance as training officer was crucial in making her a good cop, and she found herself genuinely laughing at one of his jokes after months and months of faking smiles and forced chuckles. Of course, years later, she would have to find out that a person she put so much trust in betrayed her.
Guy number eight failed her before she knew number seven would. Kate was working at the precinct when the handsome FBI agent entered her life during a gruesome kidnapping case. Nothing during that period made her lips quirk. But when they found the girl, dead, his arms wrapped around her, and some pieces of her heart mended back together.
The six months that followed made her hopeful again. She trusted him with details of her mother's murder she had never shared with anyone else, and he actually listened. He was the first guy she fully trusted again, and coming home to him after work was wonderful.
Kate Beckett didn't need someone to protect her, but when she was with Will Sorenson, she felt safe. Six months wasn't the longest relationship she had had, but this definitely was the most serious one she'd ever been in.
She managed to hide how upset she truly was when he left, but her logical thinking kept her from following him. Moving was off the charts for her – her dad was slowly improving, gradually recovering, but he was still at risk; she loved the city, and she knew this wouldn't be the last move if she agreed to go.
And Sorenson chose his job over her.
Kate was convinced that she was the one who failed the ninth one, not the other way round. In theory, Tom did everything right. His rivalry and awkwardness with Castle was annoying, but he cared for her, he was considerate, and really making an effort. But no matter how much she tried to tell herself he was a good, a safe choice, she couldn't convince her heart. He failed making her forget about the one person she denied she truly wanted to be with.
The tenth guy with great importance in her life was Josh. Looking back, she knows where they went wrong, knows that they weren't ever meant to be together. Perhaps she knew even all the way back then.
When Castle waltzed out of the precinct with his ex-wife glued to his arm, she pushed away all feelings she thought she might have for him for good... or so she thought.
Josh was a catch – doctor, responsible, handsome, caring, funny, charming. But his frequent absences made him inaccessible, made her think that he would rarely ever be there for her when it mattered. He wasn't who she needed after her shooting; he failed to be enough for her.
And just like Tom, he failed to distract her from who her heart truly belonged to.
Montgomery was a role model, a friend. She found strength in his leadership, admiration for his skills – until her world shattered and she had to piece it back together to forgive him in the last moments of his life. The eleventh time she was let down by a man of great importance to her.
At this point, Kate almost stopped believing that she would ever not be disappointed by the men in her life in some way or another.
But then he became part of her life, and she gradually began to learn to trust again. He hurt her sometimes – unintentionally, but still – but he kept coming back. Despite any initial resentment, she let him in.
Richard Castle had been there for her before he even met her. His words comforted her even before she heard his voice for the first time, when the only way she knew his face was from the back of his books. Now, she knows every angle, line, and mark on this face like the back of her hand.
When he looked into her mother's murder, she hated him with every part of her soul, but he kept returning and earned her forgiveness. He was part of the reason she found Johanna Beckett's killer, part of the reason she discovered who was behind it. And it was his strength that kept her from going down that rabbit hole again, from allowing grief to dictate her life once more.
His childishness that once annoyed her so much soon managed to bring a smile to her face that she hid the second he looked her way.
The man who behaved like a kid on a sugar rush gave her all the space she needed when she asked for it, waited for her to fix herself with a patience she admired him for.
Unlike Jason, Rick always reappears at the swings, and she never had to sit by herself. Unlike Mr. Bennett, he encourages her to take on the biggest challenges. Unlike David, he takes her to prom. Unlike Mathew, he doesn't let distance come between them. Unlike Rogan, he knows how to have a good time, but also when to take her serious as well. Unlike her dad, he tackles her problems with her and doesn't allow her to be alone in her struggles. Unlike Mike Royce or Montgomery, he doesn't betray her trust. Unlike Sorenson, he always puts her first. Unlike Tom, unlike Josh, he is enough.
They had faced more and bigger obstacles than most other couples ever would, and yet they stuck with each other through it all, fought for each other, and continued to love each other.
Instead of putting his name on the list of men who failed her, she starts a new list; a list of men who she would always trust.
Castle's name is at the top.