ADVENTURE IN FORGIVENESS

Chapter 6

First, an apology: I am sorry this update took so long. My computer died, so I had to start from scratch for this chapter. So I hope you can forgive me.

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The ride to Seattle Grace was longer than Izzie remembered, but Derek's continued questioning kept the trip from seeming endless. He sat next to the gurney, watching the monitors, looking for anything abnormal. "What all do you remember? Anything?"

She thought for a moment, still having difficulty concentrating and speaking. "Um... It was like being, uh, under ... under water. I could hear voices. Couldn't make out what they were saying. I could feel myself moving, but I had no control over it."

"That was probably the exercises we helped you with. Kept your muscles as active as possible. And we'd turn you regularly to help circulation," the neurosurgeon said, nodding slightly.

"Who?"

"Primarily it was Robbie and Alex, but we all took turns. Meredith, Cristina, Owen, Bailey, Callie, Arizona, Me. Occasionally some outside help. We just wanted you to get better."

She shifted uncomfortably. "How... um, how did I wind up at the house?"

"Meredith and I finished our place and we moved out. It's Alex's now. Robbie took his old room. Maddie has yours. It actually worked well because when Alex has to go to work, Robbie can look after you and Maddie."

"He's been supporting my whole family for nearly four years?" she asked, clearly shocked. "God, he must hate me."

Laughing lightly, Derek smiled down at her. "Izzie, Alex doesn't hate you. He cares about you. He always has. You know that. He is amazing with Maddie. I've never seen someone fall in love with a child so quickly as he did after the accident. It was a shock, I think after your mother told him everything, but he got past that and immediately went into daddy mode."

Izzie suddenly got quiet and couldn't hide the moisture in her eyes. Looking away to give her the moment, Derek knew that she just needed time to adjust. She was still the same determined young woman who worked through losing a fiance and who defied medicine by beating cancer. She'd survived a three-plus-year coma and come out of it seemingly much the same. She was a fighter and he knew that she just needed time.

"Want some company?"

Izzie looked up to find Meredith and Cristina entering the room. "Yeah. Come in." After four days in her private rehabilitation room, she was getting used to the constant line of visitors. Her coordination and memory were improving a little every day. Her speech was nearly back to normal, although still very raw. She was weak and would be for the foreseeable future. The women moved closer and she noticed the bundle in Cristina's arms. "Is this Leo?"

"This is him." Cristina maneuvered him to where Izzie could see him.

Lifting a shaking hand, she reached up to hold his chubby little fingers. "Hey little guy. Or big guy, really. I heard he weighed ten pounds at delivery?"

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Yeah. He gets that from Owen."

"You should have seen her in labor," Meredith giggled. "You'd have thought she was the victim of some ancient torture chamber. Too damned stubborn for her own good."

Izzie raised an eyebrow. "No epidural?

"Nope." Meredith shook her head.

"Brave woman."

"Or stupid." They both giggled as Cristina rolled her eyes and smiled down at the child in her arms. "Lydia and Tyler were both about 7 pounds 12 ounces. No way would I have tried either one without the drugs."

"Me either, and Maddie was only 6 pounds, 10 ounces."

Cristina narrowed her eyes at them. "You both suck."

Izzie looked back down and examined the child with his dark almond shaped eyes and black hair. "He looks like you, though. How... how old is he, exactly?

"He's three weeks old today," his mother said proudly.

Suddenly there were tears in Izzie's eyes and she couldn't keep them from falling down her face. Meredith saw them and wasn't sure what happened. "Iz ... ?"

"S...sorry. Maddie was three weeks old ... when ... when ..." she paused, catching her breath. "Can ... can you take him away? Please. Just for now?"

Cristina looked defensive for a minute, but then backed away, nodding. A worried look covered her face as she walked out the door.

Izzie choked back a sob. "I'm sorry Mere. I didn't mean to upset her. It's just ... seeing Maddie and then seeing Leo makes me realize how much I've missed. She's so much bigger than he is. I missed the milestones. All of them."

"Hey, Iz." Grabbing her friend's hand and sitting on the edge of the bed, Meredith tried to console her. "You're here now. That's what's important. And there are lots more milestones. You get to watch her grow up from now on. She's such a great kid. Alex and your mother have done such a great job with her."

Drying her tears, Izzie took a deep breath and began to speak slowly. "What is Alex like with her? With Maddie, I mean ... is he good with her? It's just ... they come by here, every day and it's awkward, but watching him with Maddie, it's a side of him I've never seen before. I mean I always knew he'd make a good father, but ..."

"Izzie, You have nothing to worry about. He is one of the best fathers I've ever seen. I wasn't sure when all of this happened at first, but he surprised me. He's patient and he listens to her. He disciplines her when she needs it, not that it happens often. He's honest with her."

At that moment, the door flew open and the top of a little blonde head could be seen over the top of the bed. "Look Mommy! My teacher let me use paints today at preschool. See!" Grinning, Maddie held up a piece of paper covered in an unrecognizable mix of blues and greens.

"It's beautiful, Maddie!"

"It's for you, Mommy!"

Alex appeared behind their daughter and smiled. "That's why we're running a little late. Somebody," he looked pointedly at Maddie, "didn't want to stop painting."

"It was fun, Daddy," she shrugged, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She walked over the Meredith, who picked her up and sat the child in her lap. She handed Izzie her painting. "You like it, Mommy?"

"I love it."

Alex watched the scene unfold until he couldn't anymore. He picked up Izzie's chart and began to scan it. Improved reps on the exercise machines, better lung capacity. All good news.

"You don't have to check that every time you walk into the room, you know."

He looked up to find his ex-wife glaring at him. "Sorry. Habit." He walked closer to her. "How are you feeling." It was awkward. Strange for both of them. While it had been four days, they hadn't had a chance to talk in private. They both knew it would have to come, but neither one of them was extremely excited at the prospect of pulling out the stitches on all those old wounds.

"Uh, better," she said, distractedly. "Definitely better. I'm ready to be out of here."

"Yeah, well, you've got another three weeks at least."

"Thanks for the reminder." She hadn't meant to sound cross, but it was harder keeping her emotions in check than it had been before the accident. Plus, he was Alex and she was Izzie and neither knew which way was up at the moment.

He knew when it was time to go. "Well ... my shift starts in twenty minutes, so I'll come back and check on you later, okay? Mere, you've got Maddie until Robbie gets here?"

Their friend nodded. "Yeah. I've got her."

The sound of a pen scrawling across paper greeted her as she woke in the middle of the night weeks later. She looked up, first out the window to a black, starless night, and then over at her former mentor seated in the chair to her left.

"Dr. Bailey?"

The older woman looked up from the chart she was writing on. "I thought you were asleep. You need your rest. Big day tomorrow."

Izzie half smiled at her before pressing the button to move the bed into a sitting position. "Sorry. I can't sleep."

Setting her pen down, Miranda Bailey looked concerned. "Am I keeping you awake?"

"No." the blonde shook her head. "I'm just … worrying."

"About getting released?"

Izzie sighed. "How did you know?"

"I'm Dr. Bailey. I really do know everything. Why can't you people just figure that out? Of course you're nervous. You've been away from real life for years. Since you woke up you've been here. Now you'll be on your own and vulnerable. It's just like any patient. Except you won't really be on your own. You'll have Maddie and your mother. And Alex." Izzie looked away at the mention of his name. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Bailey shot her a look that told her she didn't buy it. "Okay. Fine. I have no idea what he's thinking. I don't know if he wants me moving back into his place. I don't know if I should offer to try to repay him for everything he's done for me these past four years. I don't have a clue who he is anymore and I can't find a way to bring any of this up to him."

Bailey looked surprised at the admission. "You haven't talked to him?"

"Any time he is in here, it's like neither of us really knows what to say, so we talk about Maddie. Or he reads my chart. Whenever I get up the nerve to talk to him, he suddenly has a patient to check on."

"And if he's ready to talk, what excuse do you make," Bailey asked with eyebrows raised.

Izzie blushed, but answered honestly. "I act like I need to sleep."

The chair scraped the ground as it was moved closer to the bed. "You two have got to talk. You don't have a choice in the matter. You have a daughter together and once you're back in the real world, you have got to find a way to make it work. Otherwise, it will just go on being awkward and scary and then, knowing you two, it will explode and that won't be good for anyone. Not you, not Alex, and certainly not little Maddie."

Izzie nodded silently. Then she quietly spoke up. "I just feel like I've ruined his life. He didn't know that I used the embryos. He wasn't prepared to find out about Maddie and then he got stuck taking care of me, too. I'd resent me, too."

"Izzie Stevens. Look at me. I know that all of this is confusing. It's scary and nothing feels right. But you know what does feel right. Watching Alex Karev with his … with your … little girl. I watched him change her diapers. I watched him hold her when she fell and skinned her knee on the sidewalk outside this hospital. I've watched him hand off a big surgery to another doctor because she was at home running a fever. I promise you, he has never once resented you for having her and for bringing her to him. And he didn't resent you for falling into that coma because you are Maddie's mother and he'd do anything for you and for her. You have to know that. And you've got to talk to him about how you are feeling. Otherwise, you are going to feel like this for the rest of your life. And that's no way to live."

Closing her eyes, Izzie knew. Miranda Bailey was right. Yet again.

So, not much Alex and Izzie in this chapter. But just know that the next chapter will be full of them. But the question is, will the talk that they have go the way they both want it to... You'll have to wait for chapter 7 to find out! :)

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