Chapt 6.
Where the hell am I supposed to go? I drove away from the house, not bothering to pay attention to where I was going, so I'm pretty much lost now anyway, but I have nowhere to go, and no one to give a shit where I am.
I laughed to myself, sitting in the car parked in front of a playground. No one gives a shit where I am. That actually makes me feel better. It isn't true, but it makes me feel better. My parents love me more than anything, more than life. Which is what makes it so much better for me to be away from them. They can't live as long as they're waiting for me to die. I can't imagine having to wait for your child to die. To get out of bed every morning, holding your breath to see if she's died in her sleep during the night. The only 'date night' being nights when your child is in the hospital and visiting hours are over. For 19 years. What a complete non-life. I'm sure they're worried about me, but it's definitely better for them to be away from me. If I call them, they'll be relieved to hear my voice, but any 'moving on' they managed to do so far will be erased instantly. No, I can't do that to them.
So here I am. Wherever here is. I got out of the car and went to the swings. I've always loved swinging. The way you feel like you're flying. Free. Like there aren't strings tying you down to earth. The playground's empty anyway, so why not? I sat in the swing and got completely lost in flight. It wasn't long before darkness started creeping toward me like a villain. Jerk. I hopped out of the swing and went back to the car. Now what?
I sat in the car without starting it, just staring into space. I looked at my phone to check the time, and I had several missed calls from a number I didn't recognize. I checked the voicemail.
"Angel it's Randy. Where the fuck are you?" Delete.
"It's me again, get your ass back here!" Delete.
"Okay you've been gone for hours and you have no idea where you are. Seriously, call me back." Delete.
"Babe, I'm getting a little worried now. Please come home. Call me." Awww, that's cute. Delete.
"Angel if you don't call me back in the next 20 minutes I'm calling the cops. You don't have to come back if you don't want, just let me know you're okay." Such a drama queen. Delete. I guess I better actually call him though. I dialed his numbers and rolled my eyes while it rang three times. Yeah he's so worried he doesn't even have his phone on him. Idiot.
"Hello? Angel? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Stop freaking out. Why do you even care anyway?"
"I'm not trying to argue with you. Where are you?"
"I dunno. Some playground. Happy? Can I go now?"
"Please come home." He sounded strange. Tired. Worried. "I'm sorry for being a dick."
"Fine. Apology accepted. Whatever." I paused, not wanting to tell him I had no idea how I got here, or how to get back to the house. It didn't feel like home to me. It felt like a hotel. I've never felt like anywhere was home.
"What park are you at?"
"I dunno." I shrugged, not that he could see it. He chuckled which pissed me off. "Fine. Laugh it up clown. Bye. I'll see you whenever."
"No wait! I'm sorry. I wasn't laughing at you. I was... I just imagined you shrugged, on the phone, and it was... never mind... sorry. Umm... is it just a playground or is there anything else nearby?"
"There's a baseball field down a little ways. And.... a tennis court in the other direction."
"Oh right. You're actually not far from here." He sounded.... relieved. Great. One more goddamn person worrying about me. At least he's not worrying that I'm going to drop dead while I walk up the stairs. He gave me directions, and he was right, I was actually really close to the house. I pulled up and sighed. This sucks. I closed my eyes and sat in the car a couple minutes, just breathing and trying to not care about anything.
Before I got the front door Randy rushed out and hugged me. "Geezus Christ Angel!" He was pretty much crushing every bone that was unlucky enough to be caught in his grasp, but I was so confused by the action I couldn't really care. What the hell.
"What the hell?" I choked out. He didn't relax his hold at all. So I just hugged him back. "Sorry I made you worry." I whispered.
He finally let me go. "Sorry I called you a bitch. I just... CM is a jerk. We don't get along. He's John's brother, and John's a dick too but he's at least a friend. Sorry."
"It's fine. Did you eat?"
"No. I drank. Alot."
"So I smell. Come on, I'll cook you something." I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hand and walked into the kitchen. "Fuck Randy!" Nearly every flat surface in the kitchen was covered with some kind of can, bottle, or cup.
"I told you I drank alot. I mean, I didn't drink all this alone." He didn't seem the slightest bit embarrassed. He just shrugged.
"Are they still here?"
"No, everyone's gone." Before I could go off on him for letting them drive, he added, "There were designated drivers. It's okay." I relaxed. I'm far from perfect, but it really irks me when people die for stupid reasons—like driving drunk.
I dug around in the fridge and started making dinner. Randy cleaned up the kitchen, slightly. Which is to say, he took the cans and bottles to the recycle container.
"So, you kissed me..." He apparently couldn't deal with the silence. I smiled.
"Yep. You didn't seem to mind. Your girlfriend however..." I giggled. Stupid bitch.
"Yeah. I had to hear about it all day. She's a bitch." He chuckled to himself, and I raised an eyebrow. He just shook his head, still laughing.
"So... you were worried about me?" While we're playing random twenty questions...
"Very. You don't know your way around, and there are parts of the city that aren't safe. Tomorrow I'll take you on a tour, if you want. Why didn't you answer when I called? I called like 30 times. Now I know what a stalker feels like." I laughed.
"Usually stalkers don't lose their victims."
"Smartass." He smiled.
"I had the phone on silent, so I didn't hear it in the car. And I left it in the car while I was on the playground. Taste this." I handed him a spoon and he tasted the sauce, making a face that clearly indicated it wasn't good. I smiled and added more spices.
"You were on the playground? Doing what?"
"Swinging."
"Oh of course. So do you want to go do the city tour tomorrow?"
"Sure. Whatever. Why'd you want to sleep with me?"
"I don't know." He answered slowly, and I looked at him. He looked like he was telling the truth. "I just like it."
"Why are you so hot all the time?"
He laughed. "Good genes I guess." I smiled.
"Smartass."
"I don't know. I've always been like this. Maybe I'm a werewolf." He winked. I rolled my eyes. Idiot.
"You do tend to act like a dog sometimes."
"Hey! That's not nice." He was still smiling. I could get used to the smiles. But I shouldn't.
"Have you ever been in love?"
"Nope. You?" He didn't hesitate, which seemed odd. Maybe he'd been thinking about it.
"No. I've never actually dated anyone." Flashback to no one wants to be with the nearly dead girl. He wrinkled his forehead like he was thinking hard about my answer, but he didn't speak. "Here, taste it now." The new face was more approving. Sauce is nearly done.
"Why didn't you ever date?"
"No one asked." I answered truthfully. No need to go into reasons why.
"Odd. My friends fucking drool all over you." I narrowed my eyes in confusion, but my back was turned to him so he didn't see it.
"Hey. I'm sorry I kissed Phil."
"Okay."He paused, and I was about to turn around to see why. Then he spoke again. "Why'd you do it?"
"Why'd you bring that girl here?"
"Touché."
"I really was just curious about the tongue piercing. And since you don't have one, I had to go elsewhere." I winked and he smiled.
"You're so odd. And hot. My father may be a dick, but he's got good taste." He was clearly trying to embarrass me, and it worked. I blushed and he laughed. "So that's it!"
"What?"
"That's how to make you blush. You do it to me all the time. And all it takes for you is to compliment you? Hmm.... Well.... Your skin is so soft, and feeling it against mine makes my entire body tingle. It's not easy to keep my hands in respectable places." He watched my face turn red again and he laughed. "This is so fun."
"Are you just making up shit to make me blush?"
"No I'm just telling the truth. I wouldn't normally say it out loud, but it's true." He was laughing and I just smiled. Stupid cute idiot hotness.
"Ready to eat?" I tried to get onto any subject other than me. He got up and grabbed plates for me.
"Will you sleep with me tonight? I promise I won't be a jerk about it." He whispered in my ear. It made me smile, but I bit my lip before he could see it. "I saw that. Is that a yes?" Thought too soon.
We ate dinner and talked about pretty much everything. He told me about taking over the family business, and how he didn't actually mind it. I told him about my favorite movies and that I'd always wanted to go to a musical on Broadway. We talked about his friends, and he was flabbergasted as to why I didn't really have friends. I have friends in chat rooms, but I didn't tell him that. Online friends don't have to know I'm dying.
It's getting harder to keep my secret from him. He's too perfect.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked rudely. Oops.
"What'd I do now?!"
"Nothing. Sorry." I started to clear the table and he grabbed my wrist.
"No, tell me, please. What do you mean?"
"I mean... well, I can't really see what the problem is. So, what is it? What's wrong with you that your parents had to bring me along? You're hot. You have a lot of friends that don't all seem to be complete idiots. You don't mind taking over the family business. You're... I just don't get it." I shrugged, internally cursing myself for being honest.
"You like me."
"That's not an answer."
"It is, actually. My parents think my friends are all complete idiots. Sure, they're the kids of all of their friends, but really my dad thinks they're all as stupid as he thinks their parents are. Which is pretty bad. My dad's a hard worker, and he thinks anyone that doesn't work hard is a yutz—his word. My mom doesn't really think about business stuff. She's the house guru, ya know. I imagine that's what she expects you to become too. I don't see that happening."
"You don't think I can run a house?"
"I don't think that's all you can do." I blushed again. He laughed. "I love that."
"I still don't understand. Why are they making you marry a stranger?"
"I don't know. It's not so bad. You look good in the pool." I smacked his arm and he laughed.
"Randy?" I wanted him to get back on topic. I wanted to understand.
"You like me. You're overlooking all the bad things that are the sole focus of my parents. My dad likes you a lot, I think."
"I know we don't really have serious conversations, but I really want to know this. You're practically perfect. I just don't get it."
"I'm drunk Angel. I don't want to talk about this. Can we go to bed and watch a movie or something?"
"It's not even 9:30."
"Please drop it."
"Fine. It's dropped. Go to bed if you want. I'll take care of the mess." I kissed his cheek and pulled away to clean up the mess. If he's going to shut me out, then why should I bother to open up to him anymore? Granted, I'm keeping a huge secret from him, so he should be allowed to do the same.
"I'm sorry. Don't be mad."
"I'm not mad. You're drunk. Go upstairs. I'll see you in a while."
"My dad thinks that if I marry you I'll grow up, stop being a playboy, start being a grown-up."
"What do you want?"
"I want you to come to bed with me." I sighed. "Sorry. Look Angel, you seem to think I'm so great, and part of me really loves that, but part of me.... I'm not that great. That shit with Ashley the other day and Maryse today—that's normal life for me. Abnormal life is me giving a fuck what happens to you. Normal is me being selfish, drinking myself to a stupor every day with the idiots I call friends, nodding off in meetings with my dad's partners. This, this whole playing house and helping you clean up after dinner, hell even cleaning up after myself and my idiot friends—this is so far from normal for me. Don't get attached to this guy."
"Yeah well you shouldn't get attached to me either."
"Why?" He looked confused.
Because I'm dying. "Because no one stays the same Randy. People change. Every day. You can act like you're the loser you think your dad thinks you are, but I know better. Trust me. I know more than you think." He'd put his arms around my waist, and I liked it. Too much. I jerked away.
I can't do this. I can't fall in love with someone that I lie to every minute of every day.
"Angel?"
"Just treat me like you do the rest of your whores Randy. It's better that way."