8th June 2013
Really? I'm not going to see her till MONDAY? That is a long time to be sitting here alone with my guilt.
What am I even going to DO all weekend?
What did I used to do before I met Maura? I honestly don't remember.
8th June 2013
I have no food in the house except cereal.
8th June 2013
Fuck it, I'm going to Maura's. She always has food. Even if it's that icky stuff that's supposed to be so good for me. At least it's food.
8th June 2013
I'm in the kitchen at Maura's place while she's in the bathroom. I knocked on the door to her place, and her hand went straight to her neck when she opened the door. I tried to see if there were any hives forming but I couldn't see any, so I don't know what she was covering u... oh, she's back.
8th June 2013
Why does Maura have an orange spot on her neck?
8th June 2013
I asked her. Her hand went straight up to it, and she told me, "Oh... it's not that important," but she was acting weird so I said "Maura" and she did her little flustered thing and didn't answer, so I deliberately put my drink down on the bench without a coaster and Maura freaked out, flapping her hands. It was kind of hilarious, but don't tell her I said that. Anyway, while she was reaching for a coaster, I got a good look at the orange spot on her neck and concluded that it was makeup. It had apparently been applied to cover up the hickey on Maura's neck (and it did not do a very good job of covering it, might I add). So I confronted her and her red face told me I was right. She refused to say anything more about it, so I asked her what we needed to talk about, and she put her hand back to her neck and told me she wasn't feeling well and wasn't really up to company. So now I'm at home, wondering who gave her the hickey. I wish I could remember last night.
8th June 2013
Spent the last two hours meditating (read: sitting and staring blankly at wall, with occasional bursts of actual focus) so I could hopefully relax my brain enough to recall last night. Didn't work. Might just head to bed early tonight. Sleep is supposed to relax you and encourage recovery of memory, isn't it?
Sunday 9th June 2013
Haha that was a weird dream.
9th June 2013
It WAS a dream... wasn't it?
9th June 2013
Okay, so... I just called Maura to tell her my weird dream and ask her opinion and she got really weird and hung up the phone very abruptly. So I called Frankie.
Conversation went like this:
J: Hey
F: Two phone calls in one weekend? What have you done this time?
J: Nothing! ...I went to see Maura.
F: Uh huh. And?
J: And nothing. *pause* She has a hickey.
F: Yes, she does.
J: And I had a dream about it.
F: About her hickey?
J: Yes.
F: So?
J: It was probably only cause I was thinking about it. Wondering who gave it to her, you know?
F: What was probably only cause you were thinking about it? The dream? Or the hickey?
J: I mean, it's fairly common, right? To have dreams about your colleagues, friends, etc...
F: Of course. Common. *suppressed snicker*
J: *whining* Frankie.
F: *falsetto whining* Janie.
J: Tell me it's normal.
F: What did you dream about?
J: I... don't want to tell you.
F: Jane.
J: IdreamtIgaveherthehickeyallright?
F: Yeah, okay, wanna take a deep breath and repeat that slowly?
J: I SAID. That I DREAMT. I gave her the HICKEY. ALL RIGHT?
F: Ah, so you do remember Friday night then.
J: I... wait, what? Remember? I didn... I... she... Mau... did I... I DID THAT?
F: Oops, gotta go Janie. Good luck! *loud laughter before dial tone sounds in ear*
J: *ignoring dial tone* FRANKIE, YOU BETTER NOT HAVE JUST HUNG UP ON ME.
9th June 2013
Seriously? CRAP.
9th June 2013
Maybe he was lying.
9th June 2013
Okay, but Frankie never lies to me. Shit shit shit shit shit.
9th June 2013
Okay. Relax. Today is Sunday. It is now... 11:04am. That means there's like... a good few hours between now and when I have to see Maura next. Nearly 24. 21 maybe. I don't know, I can't be expected to do math when I'm this distracted.
Okay, it will be fine. I just have to think of reasons I gave Maura a hickey, and act totally normal.
Maybe I'll say I thought she was Casey.
But I've never given Casey a hickey, and we're now broken up.
Shit shit shit.
9th June 2013
Fuck, I just remembered that Maura is upset with me.
9th June 2013
Why is she upset though? Cause I marked her and (presumably) groped her without her permission?
Or because I stopped? And then proceeded to forget it happened? No no no, wouldn't be this one.
9th June 2013
Must be the first option. I'd be pretty upset if someone gave me a hickey without my permission.
9th June 2013
Okay, but in the dream, she had pretty much given me her permission, judging by her groans and the way her back was arching. And according to Frankie, my dream was actually a memory.
Wow, all of a sudden I can't seem to get comfortable. Weird.
9th June 2013
Okay, so after spending the last hour staring at the wall, I have come to the conclusion that I will just not act differently around Maura tomorrow. That'll be fairly easy, right? Just pretending that everything is normal?
Of course it will be easy. Nothing has really changed.
Except that Maura has a hickey. That I gave her.
I don't remember actually kissing her though. Wonder why I didn't?
9th June 2013
Spent the whole afternoon staring at the phone, alternating between willing it to ring, and trying to summon up the courage to call her. Finally picked up the phone and called Ma.
Ma: Hello?
J: Hey Ma, it's me
Ma: Hey Janie, how are you feeling baby?
J: Wha... I'm fine. Ma, why are you asking me how I'm feeling?
Ma: *suspicious silence*
J: Oh my God Ma, Frankie talked to you, didn't he?
Ma: Maybe.
J: MA!
Ma: His phone conversation with you sounded interesting, so I asked.
J: Oh... are you kidding me? He was THERE when I rang him?
Ma: I always cook him breakfast when he works night shifts.
J: Frankie wasn't on nights last night.
Ma: Oh. Oh well, it's nice to see my children from time to time outside of work. *COMPLETELY subtle hint*
J: You see me. Sometimes. You know, when I... see you.
Ma: Uh huh.
J: *frustrated sigh* so, what did he tell you?
Ma: Nothing.
J: Ma.
Ma: He said that something happened between you and Maura.
J: *silence*
Ma: He said you came on to Maura.
J: Oh my... REALLY? God damn it! Okay, first of all, I did not COME ON to her, I just... kissed her. On the neck. Apparently.
Ma: Really.
J: I was DRUNK, Ma, okay?
Ma: You know, Dr Isles says that sometimes inebriation lets loose hidden desires. When under the influence of alcohol, one tends to lose their inhibitions and act on their fantasies.
J: ... you are no longer allowed to hang out with Maura, you sound too much like her.
Ma: *frustrated sigh* Look, Janie, I'm just saying that it's okay. Maura is a fantastic woman. She's funny, she's smart, she has a good job, you trust her, and, let's face it, the woman is sexy.
J: *interrupts* Really?
Ma: *continues as though I had not spoken* So if you decide to pursue a relationship with her, you have my full approval.
J: ... I'm not talking about this with you, Ma. I'm going now.
Ma: Janie! Wait!
J: Gah... YES?
Ma: If you decide NOT to pursue a relationship... *trails off into silence*
J: Which is COMPLETELY none of your business...
Ma: I'm just saying, if you decide not to pursue a relationship, let her down easy. She... she hurts easy.
J: I KNOW that, Ma, she's MY friend, remember?
Ma: I know, I'm just... she will be... upset. Really upset. So be nice. Goodbye Janie, love you.
J: What do you mean she'll be upset? Ma? *dial tone* MA! Are you saying she likes me? DAMNIT.
Yeah, so now my head hurts. Another early night for me, I think.
END CHAPTER SIX
I wasn't intending to post this till tomorrow, but I got lots of lovely reviews. Soo... I posted it early for y'all! :-) Anyways, you know the drill! Please review! :-)