The Chesteral Thrust of DOOM and Sunshine

Chapter 6: Forks, Washington is the Town Charlie Molests (Children… not the town)

Cuh and Laire slid smoothly from the second-story bedroom window of their log cabin and jumped, catlike, to the lawn below. They exchanged excited glances before running frantically toward the driveway. But as soon as they got to the road, they froze simultaneously.

"Umm…how are we gonna get there?" asked Laire.

"That's a good question [insert witty comment here]," said Cuh. "Hmmm…I know! Let's hitchhike!"

"That's an awesome idea, Cuh," said Laire.

And so the two girls stuck out their thumbs and waited for someone to drive by. After several minutes, a police cruiser with its lights flashing drove by. A man with a creepy pedophile-looking moustache poked his head out the window.

"You ladies need a ride somewhere?" he said, wiggling his bushy eyebrows suggestively.

"Can you give us a ride to the Cullens' house please?" asked Laire.

"Oh, is there some shindig goin' on that I don't know about?" said the pedophile moustache guy.

"No…it's…it's a Bible study group, actually," lied Cuh.

"Alrighty then, ladies. Hop in the back and I'll take you there. I'm Charlie, by the way. So if you ever need anything…ANYTHING. EVER. Just let me know, okay girls?"
"Umm…sure…" Cuh and Laire said simultaneously.

The ride to the Cullens' was blanketed by an awkwardly pregnant silence. The kind of silence that wasn't aware that it was actually pregnant with twins…or octuplets or something. LIKE OCTOMOM OMG.
With a wave from Charlie, the girls stepped out of the car. "Remember," Charlie said. "ANYTHING. SERIOUSLY. I'm not gonna be doing anything important. EVER."

The girls backed away from the car slowly, careful not to make any sudden movements, should he pounce. "That was…interesting…" said Cuh.

"No kidding," said Laire. "ARE YOU READY TO PARTAY!?!?!?1:ql!"

"YEAAAAAH!!!" screamed Cuh, giving Laire a chest bump. "Ow…I guess it only doesn't hurt if you're a guy."

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!" they screamed in unison.

The girls skipped gleefully into the Cullens' giant glass house. "Thank god we didn't have to spend the night with that Massie…thing," said Cuh.

Little did they know that the "thing" was on their trail.