Guilt

The others had watched the scene with Clarke unfold. None of them moving, or speaking, just watching….attempting to comprehend the situation.

Bellamy felt Clarke go limp in his arms and pulled away just enough to see that she was sleeping. Her body had finally run out of adrenaline and collapsed with exhaustion. His embrace was the only thing holding her on her feet. He dipped down and pulled her knees over his arm then carried her back to shore.

"There's a bunker near here," he said walking past the remains of the group. "Let's get her there for the night; we won't make it to camp before sunset." The others followed him obediently, each silently engrossed with their own guilt and thoughts.

They hiked for an hour and found the bunker. Bellamy climbed down first to make sure it was safe, it was. He found some candles on the table and lite they then went back to the opening to receive the limp Clarke from Miller. The others climbed in behind him.

Bellamy carried her over to a bed and was about to place her on it when Monty blocked him "wait" he said. "Her clothes are soaked; she'll need those blankets dry so she won't freeze."

Bellamy looked down at the still unconscious Clarke and nodded. He looked back up at Monty "look around for some dry clothes".

He looked back at Monroe and Raven; "we need to get her out of these…" he said then looked at Miller and Wick with a silent command. They followed suit and turned around.

Raven slowly approached and looked at Clarke. Monroe and Raven went to work, each taking a boot in hand and prying them from Clarkes feet as gentle as possible. Bellamy then tilted Clarke and placed her feet on the ground, now hugging her from behind and supporting her body weight.

Raven unbuttoned Clarke's pants and tried to pull them down, but there were too many tears in them, too many places where the fabric had embedded itself into wounds on her legs. She looked up at Bellamy, "I need to cut them off". He nodded. She pulled a knife from her pocket and slowly cut the fabric from Clarke's legs, wincing as she pulled pieces of the fabric that were embedded deep in her wounds. It took her a while but eventually she cut away the last remains of Clarke's pants. She stood up and looked at Clarkes shirt, it was tattered and torn…there really wasn't much left of it. She shifted her gaze back to Bellamy, "just cut it" he said, and she did.

Raven stepped back, now next to Monroe, as they took in the sight of Clarke in just her underwear. Her body was completely bruised and beaten, her ribcage protruding out of her chest. Their once fearless leader held before them, mostly naked and too weak to awaken. Raven looked away sharply, unable to take in the sight of her anymore. She moved to the bed and pulled the blankets down. "We'll worry about her clothes in the morning," she said. Bellamy place Clarke gently down on the bed and Raven covered her with the blankets. Bellamy sat next to Clarke's waist, facing her head.

He was terrified that if he looked away from her that she would somehow disappear.

Monty came from the back of the bunker, "I found these, even found some boots…they look like they should fit". He gently placed the clothes on the nightstand.

The hatch in the ceiling opened and Octavia climbed down, "Lincoln and I caught a few rabbit's, he's got them over the fire now" she informed the group. They nodded and climbed up the ladder to retrieve their dinner. Raven stopped and looked back at Bellamy and Clarke, "I'll bring you some" she said kindly then climbed out.

Octavia moved toward her brother, looking over his shoulder at Clarke. She swallowed hard, not sure what she should say at that moment. "What-" she paused "what did she say in the spring? Did she say why-"? He interrupted her "Emerson".

Octavia's eyes narrowed and she circled to the front of him, "Emerson?"

Bellamy shook his head and fought desperately to keep the tears in his eyes at bay. Octavia embraced him in a tight hug, and he broke. The tears flowing freely now. "She'll be found her" Octavia comforted him. He pulled away from her and gained control over his tears, "I shouldn't have let her go" he replied sternly.

"You should go eat" he commanded with the same sternness.

"I will, you go first, I'll stay with her."

He looked at Clarke and placed his hand on her leg, "I'm not leaving her". His reply with filled with conviction, but quiet just the same.

Octavia nodded and looked down at Clarke. "You didn't do this Bel," she said and she placed her hand on his shoulder. He didn't look at her, his eyes just continued to scan over Clarke as if he was searching for something.

Octavia walked away, and Raven returned with a piece of the meat. She squatted in front of Bellamy and handed it to him. He shook his head. "She needs you strong-eat," she said shoving the meat at him this time. Bellamy took hold of it but didn't move to actually eat it.

"Do I need to put it in your mouth for you?" Raven quipped with a smirk after a few minutes. His eyes shot up to hers.

"She's not going to disappear if you eat it." He looked down at the meat and took an oversized bite. "Happy?" he said with his mouth full. She smiled back at him.

They sat there quietly as he ate.

"There are a few beds along that hall, and there's a couch. Everyone should fit" he told her. She nodded, and then looked down at Clarke. "She's shivering," she said jumping to her feet. "Find more blankets" he snapped at her. She darted off before he had finished saying it.

Bellamy tucked the blankets she had tightly around her, but she kept shaking her dry lips a new shade of blue. He thought for a minute then climbed over her and lay behind her pulling her into his arms tightly. He held her like that for a few minutes, then she finally stopped shaking, and her breathing returned to normal.

"I found these," Raven said as she reappeared with a few blankets.

"She's fine now, make sure everyone has one," he muttered so he wouldn't disturb Clarke.

Raven nodded and began dispersing the blankets in each of the beds.

The others gradually made their way back into the bunker and found places to sleep. Monty lay down on the couch a few feet from Clarke and Bellamy. Miller and Lincoln took to two large chairs by the hatch.

As the night grew on, Bellamy held onto Clarke tightly. Memorizing her breathing pattern so he would know if something was wrong. He consciously thought of each part of her that was touching him so he would know if they moved at all. He kept her tucked in his arms all night, his eyes only closing to blink.

*The next morning*

Bellamy watched as the others slowly woke. Each of them coming to look over Clarke, his grip on her unrelenting. Miller kneeled in front of them. "Go eat, we'll leave when everyone's fed," Bellamy said. Miller nodded and motioned for the others to follow.

Clarke began to stir under his arms. She whimpered, it took everything he had not to melt from the sound of it. "Shh," he said as he held her. She whimpered and stirred a few more times but then settled down, and fell back asleep.

Monty climbed down the later and kneeled beside the bed, "here" he said offering a piece of meat to Bellamy.

Bellamy looked at Clarke then pulled himself up and sat against the wall beside her head. He slowly ate the meat while Monty looked over Clarke. "What do you think happened?" he asked looking up to Bellamy. Bellamy shook his head, wishing he had an answer for Monty, but he didn't. "I don't know" he answered sounding defeated. "What are you going to tell Abby?" Monty prodded.

Bellamy sighed. What am I going to tell Abby he thought to himself. Abby had wanted to send search parties after Clarke the week after she left, but he had insisted that she needed her time. He knew Abby only agreed because she thought Clarke would never come back on her own, and Bellamy gave her the hope that she might.

Bellamy finished his food and asked Monty to get Raven to come dress, Clarke. Monty nodded and climbed out of the bunker.

Bellamy shifted himself over Clarke gently, and kneeled by her face, brushing the hair from her eyes. What happened to you, Princess? He thought to himself.

"Let's get our girl dressed and get her home" Raven chimed as she dropped from the ladder. Bellamy stood and bent down for Clarke. He pulled her into a seated position and sat next to her holding her upright. Raven sat at her feet pulling her legs through the pants, then getting her socks and shoes in place. "Stand her up," she said as she rose to her feet. Bellamy pulled Clarke up and in front of him, hugging her from behind. Raven laughed slightly at the way he moved her, "Our Princess is a ragdoll" she joked trying to lighten the mood.

Bellamy tilted his head disapprovingly at her and she quickly took the hint. She pulled Clarkes pants around her waist and fastened them. She reached over to the nightstand to grab her shirt when she was hit in her thigh.

Clarke had woken up and was panicked…thrashing about in Bellamy's strong arms. Raven jumped away completely baffled by the outburst. "Clarke!" Bellamy called still with his iron-clad grip around her waist "Clarke calm down!" Her eyes were wide and panic streaked. "Bellamy?" she asked hesitantly and stopped thrashing about.

"It's me, it's okay," he said reassuringly as he turned her in his arms to face him, now only gently holding her bare shoulders.

She looked at him; the way he had wanted her to look at him since she first came woke up in the spring. She looked like Clarke, gazing into his eyes for approval and understanding….and….something else. His heart melted and a smile began to form on his face.

The moment didn't last, though. As quick as the panic had left her eyes it returned….she started backing away from him slowly "where am I?" she asked in a scratchy voice looking around.

"A bunker, a few hours from Camp Jaha. We're heading back there now, Raven was helping dress you" he said calmly.

Clarke's eyes darted around the bunker and landed on Raven, who looked at her as though she were a ghost. "Your clothes were wet…and torn, we found these here" Raven told her slowly handing her the shirt. Clarke backed away from her with fear in her eyes that was slowly being accompanied by tears.

"This isn't real," she said, now backing into the hallway that led further into the bunker. Bellamy and Raven stayed back, trying to give her some space.

Clarke shook her head, "I shouldn't be here" she said staring at them. Bellamy started slowly coming towards her. "Clarke, its okay-you're safe." Her eyes leaped from her head, and her heart began racing. She shook her head as the tears streamed down her face then she turned and ran down the hall. Bellamy not far behind her, but not stopping her either. Raven trailed behind Bellamy

Clarke grabbed a glass from a table and smashed it to the ground. Bellamy and Raven stood back and watched the scene unfold before them. Neither one of them knew what was happening, or what to do. Clarke grabbed a piece of the broken glass and tore into the inside of her forearm. Bellamy lunged at her grabbing her from behind and holding her wrist out "drop it" he barked and shook her wrist trying to force the glass from her hand.

Clarke dropped the glass and bounced to the floor, Bellamy with her, still holding her. Raven grabbed a nearby towel and shredded a piece off. She walked cautiously to Clarke and kneeled in front of her. She grabbed the arm the Clarke had cut, and then Clarke grabbed her arm, "Is this real?" Clarke asked frantically.

Raven looked up at Bellamy, desperately searching his eyes for the right words. Bellamy looked down at Clarke trembling in his arms. "Clarke it's real, we're here….we found you. It's going to be okay" he assured her. Clarkes head started shaking again, "I shouldn't be here" she cried over and over. Bellamy rocked her in his arms while Raven worked quickly to wrap her new wound.

Octavia entered the room, "hey the guys want to know if you're ready" she said. Then she noticed the glass and blood and the now conscious Clarke shaking in Bellamy's arms.

"What the hell happened?" she asked rushing to the floor beside them. Again Raven looked to Bellamy. He just shook his head and looked down at Clarke. She had quieted down but was still trembling and he could still feel her tears falling on his arm. He swallowed hard; he had no idea what to do.

Raven finished with Clarkes arm and gently placed it back towards Clarke's torso beside her other one. She stood and placed a hand on Octavia's shoulder, "let's give her some space" she said. Octavia glanced back to Bellamy and Clarke then stood and left the room with Raven.

When they returned to the main room, everyone else was there. "Is she dressed? Are you guys ready?" Miller asked. Octavia and Raven shared a look.

"What?" Monty asked as he looked between the two of them. Neither girl knew what to say, but their faces betrayed them. Monty's eyes narrowed and he pushed past them. Octavia tried to grab his arm but she was too late, he was halfway down the hall. Miller was about to follow when Raven stepped into the middle of the hallway blocking it, "give her space" she demanded. Miller looked at her for a moment, as if contemplating whether or not he should listen. Then he turned around and sat on his chair from the night before.

Bellamy hadn't taken his eyes off of Clarke since the girls left, he held her, gently rocking her and providing soothing "this."

Monty stormed into the room and he tore his eyes from Clarke to Monty. "Clarke?" Monty asked, but it was more of a plea than a question.

Clarke stopped shaking and looked up at him. "Monty," she said so quietly he barely heard it. Monty came and kneeled over the broken glass in front of her. She starred at him for a while then whispered "I'm sorry" her shattered heart breaking with every breath of it.

Monty looked up at Bellamy confused only to be met with the same expression. Monty's eyes searched around for the glass and then saw the bandage on her arm. "What happened?" he asked quietly. There was something about Monty's presence that calmed Clarke, momentarily at least.

"I had to know if it was real," she murmured.

Bellamy could feel his heart sink to the floor and his chest felt like there was an anvil holding it down against each breath. Monty's face melted as he realized what she meant. "Come on, let's get you on this bed" Monty suggested, wanting to move her away from the glass in case temptation struck again. She nodded and Bellamy lifted her to her feet and guided her to the bed. She sat on the edge of the bed and Bellamy stood towering over her. He was not going to let her move without him.

Monty sat next to her. They remained that way for a while. Clarke sitting staring at the floor, Monty stealing glances at her occasionally, and Bellamy towering over her ready to pounce if she moved.

Eventually Raven came back to check on them, shocked when she found Clarke sitting quietly on the bed. "Bellamy" she called to him, motioning with her head for him to come over to her.

He looked at Clarke, he couldn't leave her…what if she did something again, but Monty seemed to read his thoughts. "Its okay" he assured him. Bellamy walked to Raven but maintained his line of sight on Clarke.

"Has she said anything" Raven inquired. He shook his head. Raven looked back at Clarke then to Bellamy. "We have to leave soon if we're going to make it before dark" she informed him. He nodded slightly, he hadn't realized how much time had elapsed since Clarke had awakened. He licked his lips, trying to figure out exactly what to say. He nodded at Raven then walked back to Clarke, squatting before her. "Hey," he said quietly. She drew her eyes up to his slowly, and there was peace for a brief moment in them, but it was quickly washed away with the tears that now filled her eyes. He gently held her cheek in his hand, resting the other on her knee. He gently rubbed his thumb over her cheek, wiping stray tears when they came.

Monty quietly moved from the bed to the doorway, "she needs a shirt" he told Raven. Ravens eyes grew large and she sprinted off to get the abandoned piece of clothing.

Clarke's tears started to slow and Bellamy felt some relief in that as he sat there quietly with her, still holding her cheek and rubbing his thumb over it. He stared into her eyes, trying to give them the comfort they so obviously needed. She stared back into his starving for it. Octavia entered and walked over with her shirt breaking them out of their spell.

Clarke looked up at her. "I can help you" Octavia offered but a harsh realization flooded through Clarke and she quickly withdrew from Bellamy, pulling herself fully onto the bed until she backed into the wall behind her.

Bellamy's heart broke when she had pulled away from him; he thought he was making some headway with her…but apparently not. Octavia drew her brows together and starring a Bellamy, then back to Clarke. She held out the shirt to Clarke.

Clarke's eyes were once again beginning to fill with panic, darting around the room. She jumped up on the bed and tried to jump off the head of it, but Bellamy caught her and forced her down on her back on the bed. He straddled her hips with his knees and held her arms.

"What the Hell?" Octavia exclaimed. As she back away from the activity. Raven then pushed her into the hallway and told her to keep everyone out, taking the shirt from her hands.

Clarke fought hard against Bellamy this time, but even at her strongest she was never any match for him. Starved and dehydrated, she was like fighting a feather to him. She tried to get her arms free from his grasp, but he pushed them down on the bed beside her head and hovered over her.

"Clarke its okay" he tried to assure her, but her fear ran so deep she continued to fight. She fought as hard as she could, but her body in its weakened state didn't last long. "Please," she begged him through her tear streaked eyes, "What Clarke? What is it? I'll give you anything" he pleaded with her, tears welling in his eyes.

"I shouldn't be here," she said turning her head from him, "take me back."

Bellamy's grip on her hands softens as his heart leaped out of his chest. His breaths became labored and hard to take, then he collapsed over her, snaking his one arm under her waist and the other holding her head. He cried silently as he held her, his body shaking. Why would she want to go back the thought continued to recycle through him as he held onto her?

Raven watched in horror, nearly falling backward when she had heard what Clarke said. The only thing that supported her stance was the wall behind her. It took her a few minutes, but once she composed herself, she knew she should leave them.

Raven entered the room where the others sat waiting patiently. "We're not leaving today," she said firmly. "What's going on? Is she okay?" Wick asked coming to her side.

"Monty said she cut herself," Ravens eyes went to Wick then around to each of the inquiring faces. Shit she thought to herself. She searched for the words. Clarke wants us to take her back to Emerson… no…shouldnot say that…Clarke went crazy….nope that's no good either.

"Clarke needs some time…..to….adjust" yep that will work Reyes she confirmed to herself.

But judging by the looks on the others faces, that wasn't enough. Tough shit she mused to herself. She turned to Miller, "If you guys want to head back you can, I think Bellamy and I can get her back".

"I'm not leaving you," Wick told her. "I'm not leaving Clarke," Monty said, the others agreeing with him. "Okay, but for now, let's minimize the number of people going back there. Everyone will get their time with Clarke…when she's ready." With that, everyone resumed what they were doing. Octavia and Lincoln made a plan to hunt for dinner and gather the canteens to refill them.

Raven sat across the table from Monty. "How is she, really," he asked her low so the others couldn't hear. Raven avoided his eyes for a moment then looked at him and shook her head. "I think she's breaking him," she said. Monty looked shocked. Bellamy had always been strong, unburdened by emotions, and impenetrable. Only once had he shown any fear/hurt and that was when Clarke told him his potential death was "worth the risk." They all knew he had a soft side for Clarke, but could she really break such a man of steel?

"We should get him out of there, give him a break," Monty said. "He won't go for it" Raven shot back.

"Has he even peed since we got here" Monty snapped back. Raven looked at him sympathetically, "the one time he let go of her, she went and cut her arm open….you really think he's going to leave her" she reasoned.

Monty drew in a deep breath…. "I've got an idea," He said standing and walking to Lincoln.

*Bellamy*

He could feel her breathing even out underneath him, and knew her body had given in to exhaustion once again. He rolled to her side pulling her into his chest, clinging to her. You're killing me, Princess, he thought.

He hadn't noticed anyone had entered the room until Monty touched his arm. How long had he been there?

"Lincoln and I will stay with Clarke; you should get out of here for a minute. Stretch…drink….pee" he said. Bellamy shook his head looking down at Clarke. Lincoln came and kneeled beside the bed. "Go," he said. Bellamy's eyes shot up at him angrily. He gripped Clarke like she was the last piece of meat on the planet and Lincoln and Monty were starving for a meal. Lincoln tilted his head and continued to look at him, "better to go while she's asleep".

Bellamy looked back at her, sleeping there in his arms. He has a point he thought. He slowly withdrew his arms from her, still looking at her to ensure she didn't wake. He crawled over her and out of the bed. He stopped to look back down at her, it was only then that he realized she still had no shirt on. "Get some blankets" he barked quietly at Monty. Then he kneeled beside Clarke, looking at her almost bare back. The long gashes that went from one side of her back to the other stood out amongst the numerous wounds. He traced each of her ribs with his eyes until Monty returned and began to cover her. Bellamy pulled the blankets up to her neck. Then locked eyes with Lincoln, silently threatening him until Lincoln placed a hand on his shoulder, "she'll be fine." Bellamy looked back at Monty to confirm. Then walked hesitantly down the hall and away from his damaged Princess