We See the Future
Things Fall Into Place
A/N: I'm finally back!!! I know it's been FOREVER. I'm really sorry but if you've read my profile I said I was taking a break from Fanfiction until school was out. I had too much stuff piling up. (Including a completely awesome novel I started based on i See the Future, only it has my own characters and no iCarly stuff, so it's like a real book…more on that later)
Now that I'm back expect updates in all of my stories in the following weeks…um I'm gonna be updating a lot now, I'm so sorry with leaving you in suspense. I hope I didn't lose any of you amazing readers because of my break…Please leave some comments to let me know if I lost my touch over my non-writing spree. :)
I'm going on a retreat with my youth group on Friday and we won't be back until late Monday but I promise I'll update another story sometime on Tuesday. Special shout out to purplee cullen, you really inspired me to "get back on track" with all my stories, so thanks… :)
This is where Sam left off:
"Great, I'll check upstairs again, there's something mysterious about the condition of that room." I improvised. Freddie bought it, but as I thought about it, it did kinda give off a mysterious aura. Freddie turned away from me, turning to go into the hallway. Wait! You don't know what will happen from this point on! You have to have a good parting memory. Just look into his eyes or something.
"Freddie?" I called. He turned around just like I thought he would.
"What?" I tried not to lose it. He seemed panicked. "What's wrong?" I didn't answer. I just stared at him. How could he just be gone- gone? He had to exist! How could I exist without him? Now would be the perfect moment to tell him how I feel. Freddie, I like you, I like you a lot. Say it. Why aren't you saying it? Now is the perfect moment. I love you, Freddie!
"Uh, nothing. False alarm." By adding the "false alarm" part it sounded as if I had a genuine reason, not that I was afraid to be separated. I was fine earlier when I sent him to the office room, but I didn't know his…our fate at that moment.
He turned away from me once more, not aware of the wave of emotions hitting me. It had finally sunken it. I should be wrapping my arms around him. Instead I was walking away, walking up the stairs in a pathetic attempt to alter the outcomes of destiny.
I walked up the stairs. As I wandered up further they started to creak more. The newness of downstairs faded into the deteriorating condition of the upstairs. I walked down the short hallway and into the makeshift attic area that, in this time, used to be our iCarly studio.
As soon as I turned the handle, I could tell that something was wrong. I was supposed to be meeting "my alternate present self". All I could see in the room was smoke. All I could do was cough.
I can't breathe. Ugh! I hate that smoke so much, it…oh no. This is time machine smoke. My alternate present self left me here alone! How am I supposed to find anything out now? How could I get bored waiting for myself and leave? Actually I would probably do that…So what now?
The smoke cleared. I waved my hand in front of my face to clear the last of it. I was alone in the room. I was torn between waiting for someone to appear and going back down to Freddie. But when I thought of Freddie I felt a deep pang inside me.
I could not face the pain that came with the pang. Therefore, I could not face Freddie.
Why am I feeling this pang? Am I just avoiding my feelings like I always do? Is this "normal" grief? Or is this something more this time?
"I hate having all questions and no answers!" I shouted at my reflection in the time machine. I started staring at my reflection in the time machine. It appeared as if I was inside of it. And then it hit me- why not find out some answers by myself?
I opened the door to the time machine. The time was set to April 2nd, 2007 at 3:17. That was such a random time.
Wait, that's around the time I left the present. A little bit later. Maybe this is important. Well, whatever significance it has will have to wait because I'm going to a different time.
I thought it would be cool to get a look around the place before Freddie and I arrived. I set the buttons to April 2nd 2017. I hesitated on the time. I didn't want to get the time wrong, but I had no idea what time we arrived. It would be best to be early. Just to be sure I set it for 2:00. I knew for sure we were still doing iCarly things back in the present time at 2:00. I pushed the P button for past. I was going into the past even if it was only a few hours.
It was about four o'clock now in the future. I held my breath and pushed start. My breath was taken from me by the smoke once more. I was starting to find its breath-stealing ability quite annoying.
My eyes were closed the whole time. When I could start breathing again, I opened them. I was still in the attic. But only I was in there. No Freddie. No future or alternate present me. I was alone. And it was dark.
I opened the door of the time machine. Everything smelled musty. This was before Freddie and I had left the present. I was careful not to trip over the wires I had tripped over before. I felt around for the light switch before realizing it was no use. Once I found it, I would have to turn it off anyway.
Freddie and I had found the room dark so I must leave it dark. I felt around for the door. It took many slow steps before I felt the rusty doorknob. I turned it, remembering what occurred about now the first time I traveled here. My lips tingled.
Will you just get over that utterly stupid lip-brush thing? You are here to find out…um stuff…
Images of me and Freddie kissing kept playing out in my mind. It was an imagined reality where we didn't pull away after a second of lip-touching. In my daydream we were kissing until we needed air. After breathing we went right back to it…
NO! Do not allow yourself to think of that. Remember that Freddie is going to die unless you do something about it! Now get to it!
I sighed. Maybe I had multiple personality disorder. I kept alternating between dreamy thoughts and doomsday thoughts. Or, perhaps I was normal and I was just trying to block out the stress I felt from the thought of Freddie's absence.
Before I knew it I was on the last stair. A noise made me stop. And then I saw her- the future me. She- well I- walked by me carrying an ultra-thin laptop. This future me looked downtrodden and overly miserable.
Okay I am so changing this because I don't want this to become my future. This, um, it sucks. Especially the "no Freddie" part.
It was only a minute after my future self had walked into the kitchen area, but I still couldn't move. I took out the note from my pocket. "Sam, it is very important that you believe this…" My eyes wouldn't move past that first line.
Maybe this was a set up? Some huge, lamo, jank practical joke? Some twisted revenge…I was desperately grasping for a reason to not believe. I didn't want to believe. Of course Freddie was alive.
All I saw was red. I couldn't understand why someone would take Freddie away from me. Nothing made sense anymore. It was my own stupid fault. I couldn't muster up enough bravery to tell Freddie I liked him after countless years. I had another chance just a few moments ago. Although, it would be a couple hours from where I was in time, right now, relatively speaking. But I messed it all up; I couldn't find it in myself to tell him.
So I suppose it was anger at myself that made me tear up the note. If the note didn't exist, neither did the eminent danger.
As soon as I shredded the letter I regretted it.
Nice going, what if there was something really important in there that you forgot about? That was stupid! Go do something about it. Don't just stand there! Go talk to your future self!
Somehow I listened to the voice inside my head. I managed to move. I picked up the shreds of paper and shoved them in my pocket. I walked over to the kitchenette.
Breathe.
I gasped for air. I had been so intent on moving forward, the connection between my brain and lungs had shut down.
I could see the future me sitting at the counter now, typing on the laptop. I knew that when…Freddie…and I were first here, the future me couldn't hear us. But I was hoping I would be able to communicate this time, after all I had gone through time in the middle of being in another time…very confusing scientific stuff.
"Hello?" I addressed my future self. My voice sounded like I needed to clear my throat, so I did. "Hey, uh you still can't hear me, can you?"
She kept on typing, oblivious and deep in thought. I was curious to see what she was typing. I walked over to where she was sitting and stood behind her.
The past shall suffice
The future is a "history-repeat"
The candle burns out
I hold onto the heat
What causes me to recoil?
Is it the world or is it me?
I can only guess
Until I am free
I am unable to go on
I am ensnared, entangled in the past
The hole I dig is deep
The outer world is vast
You are not aware
Of what you inflict
I am a clock
That has ticked its last "tick"
My memories are worn
But so am I
A tired soul
That the world passes by
I must let go of the past
If I want to heal
I should live in the now
If I want to feel
Will I climb out of the hole
And erase the numb
If I cannot forgive my memories
Or forget some?
My eyes were wide open in surprise. I had never had any poetic ability whatsoever. What was that? My amazement changed into a sickening feeling once I realized what the poem was about. My future self wasn't gonna forgive herself about never telling Freddie. She was living in the past. She was never going to get over Freddie. She would have no life besides Freddie and what could have been. It was very sad and yet chilling at the same time because it was me.
This is why Freddie cannot die. Oh! Things suddenly, quite randomly, clicked into place for me. I need to rewrite that note!
When I came here with…Freddie…the first time, I saw another me, dressed the same. And that me gave me a note! That me was me! I was supposed to write a note and give it to myself when I first arrive with Freddie!
Now that I understood what I had to do, I didn't know how much time I had left. Probably not very much.
Woah, ew, I'm out of breath and dizzy. This must be one of those annoying weak feelings…
The feeling was leaving me. I blinked rapidly, somehow trying to make the feeling leave faster so I could write. I thought I heard a distant noise upstairs.
Is that me tripping over the wires? I have less time than I thought.
I snorted an odd little laugh. Not having enough time was ironic, as I had gone through time twice.
There was a pen on the counter conveniently, but there was no paper in sight. I tried to calm myself down. I had received the note on paper, so there must be paper somewhere. Where?
Probably not in the kitchen. I opened the nearest drawer just in case, nothing but silverware. My stomach lurched for no apparent reason. Then I remembered. Right about now…Freddie…and I must be, uh, "lip-brushing". My breathing grew heavier, but this was not the moment to live out day dreams. I needed paper.
I had around five minutes before we came downstairs. I left my depressed and poetic future self in the kitchen and ran into the room with the giant wall-sized TV screen.
There it was! Right by the couch-ish thing was a small, round table. It was probably used for holding drinks or a small plate of food when someone sat in the couch-ish thing and watched TV. Right now, it held a small pad of lined paper.
I ripped off a top sheet and then ran back into the kitchen. I stood at the counter, ready to write. My future self was staring at the computer screen in a love-sick, puppy dog expression that I know had never been on my face before.
Running out of time, but too curious, I walked behind myself and looked over her shoulder.
It's Freddie. It's a picture of Freddie. My future self is frozen, staring at the computer screen at a picture of Freddie. This is the most pathetic thing ever. …That is a really cute picture, he has to be like…not too much older than he is now. Okay, I have to write now.
I told myself to stop staring, and yet I wouldn't move. I remembered taking that picture. It was only last week. Carly and I were going to morph Freddie's face with a duck's for our "I'd morph that" segment. Freddie was giving his cute "half smile" with his eyes joking looking at the camera as if he was saying, "Are you really gonna do this". It was adorable. I could gaze at it for hours. I think that's what my future self was planning on doing until she accidentally moved the mouse.
Freddie disappeared. That had been the screensaver which was even more pathetic. I wonder if my future self wanted to be free and have a life. Apparently not. She kept placing reminders of Freddie everywhere. And at the future Spencer's house she had said that she didn't want to forget Freddie.
This is so…weird. I want her to like not be a past-dwelling freak but at the same time I agree. Freddie would be impossible to get over. I've been trying for years…and now she wants to preserve his memory…but she's so…sad…I NEED TO WRITE! WRITE!
I picked up the pen, unsure of what to write. Well, I remembered the first part- it started with my name.
Sam,
I wrote. It felt odd to address myself. Then again, I should be used to all senses of odd by now. The future is…was…will be…weird. I remembered the next part of the note.
It is very important that you believe this.
After that I was unsure. I decided to just trust my instincts. I thought about what had been going on around me when I was reading. Maybe certain events would jog my memory. I have to add that Freddie should stay in the office room I send him to.
I penned the blunt truth that Freddie would die in a car crash. I didn't give any details because I knew none.
After that I was shocked and I felt tired…add info about the tired thing. I added a short blurb about the frequent tiring materializations. Hmmm, what else? There was more. Oh yeah, why I was all sob-y in the future.
The reason you're all sob-y in the future is because you never got over Freddie. This is mainly due to the fact that
I stopped writing when I heard noises. I was coming down the stairs with…Freddie. The me that was coming down the stairs was the me who had just left the attic for the first time. That me hadn't seen downstairs yet. That me didn't know…Freddie's…doomed fate.
I heard myself gawk over the huge wall-sized TV. …Freddie…told me not to touch anything, a wise move, but I didn't listen. I was getting distracted; I needed to continue writing the note. As soon as I turned back to it, however, I heard…Freddie's…voice burst out, angry at that me.
"Sam! Get up; you don't want to change anything! If we change things here, we will change the possible outcomes of events farther in the future!"
Wow, he sounds so smart. And it's true too. But I'm gonna change this future from ever happening. I want to end up with…Freddie…but that means I'm gonna hafta tell him I like him eventually. I will. In time…
I smiled at my thoughts. I couldn't get enough time. I ignored some raised voices from the other room. It was illogical to ignore his voice, as of the moment I wouldn't be hearing too much more of it, but I had a note to finish.
You never told him of your feelings. This "assembly" is the anniversary of Freddie's death. Freddie cannot overhear it.
I thought back to when I was reading the note for the first time. The meeting was practically finished at that point.
They are almost done with their discussion. When you get back to the apartment,
The sound of glass shattering made me jump. That was the second time that this shattering glass had made me jump. The future me had knocked her nearby glass of water off of the counter and on to the tiled floor. She got off of her chair and opened the small cabinet off to the side. She took out a small broom-like object and a dust pan.
She saw the mess and swore pretty loudly. I couldn't help but smile at my- her- language.
She had it all cleaned up and was sitting back in her chair when I heard myself, the one out in the other room, say, "I'm gonna go check it out over there." And then that me entered the kitchen. She couldn't see me here, just our future self, what we would become without intervention.
She nervously addressed our future self. I remember how confused I was when I was facing her merely a few hours ago. I turned back to the crucial note.
My future self screamed about forgetting to go to the future Spencer's at that very moment. The pen dropped out of my hand and noisily hit the countertop. I picked it up again as she shut the laptop forcefully. She pushed in the extendable part of the counter and left her sweet laptop in its engraved niche.
At that instant…Freddie…walked in. He was confused, which was only reasonable. I hear that me explain that the other me was the future me.
That has got to be the most confusing sentence- ever. Why do I have trouble using…Freddie's…name now? Like that? Am I subconsciously afraid to mention it because I am afraid I won't be using it frequently from now on? Nonsense. Figure it out AFTER you write this stinking letter!
Now I have to give…Freddie…a place to go when we return from Spencer's.
tell Freddie to look around the house for information.
I hesitated when I wrote down…Freddie's…name. What was wrong with me?
The future me ran past both of me and…Freddie. I tuned us out as we started to bicker about whether it was weird or not the future me had just ran through us as if we weren't there.
I had already lived through it. I needed to concentrate. I was almost finished. Now that I told myself where to direct…Freddie…I want to talk to myself when I get back from the future Spencer's. I will need to explain the details.
When he's not looking, meet me upstairs by the time machine- there's more I need to tell you.
I folded the paper. I hastily wrote "Do not open until you arrive at Spencer's house and are away from Freddie" on the front and then tucked it in my pocket.
I ran out of the kitchen. I was in front of that me while my future self went into Spencer's old room. …Freddie…followed her.
I felt dizzy again. There were blurry outlines of things in front of me. I was tired, had a headache and just wanted to sleep until it was over. I couldn't focus on my horrible feeling though. The me in the room had noticed I was standing here.
I understood that I was right now what I had previously called "the alternate-present me". Right now I was the Sam that had mysteriously complicated things with her puzzling note. I remembered that when I had received the note, that me had held her index finger to her mouth, signaling "shush". I mimicked the motion from my memory.
I took the note out of my pocket; I am unsure why I shoved it in there in the first place when I was on my way to give it away. I dropped it onto the couch-ish thing.
I tried to maintain my best secret expression while that me was trying to analyze my actions. When my headache suddenly stopped, I was sure that she couldn't see me anymore. I had disappeared to her eyes.
That me was examining the note, probably confused at the moment.
What do you mean "probably"? You already experienced it. Oh yeah, so she was confused. I had studied my handwriting on the front. Wasn't…Freddie…supposed to come out of the room soon?
As if on cue…Freddie…emerged. There was a short bout of conversation between that me and…Freddie…but I wasn't paying attention to what was being said. I was paying attention to chocolate eyes.
…Freddie…why am I having this problem? I'm scared to lose you. By almost not saying your name does that make this horrid future any less real? I need to get over this. I shouldn't be afraid to say his name. I love him. I love Freddie. There, wacko problem is gone.
Freddie was followed by the future me, who was carrying the navy tote bag that held her personal disk that would connect her to the track.
That me and Freddie ran after her. And then it was really quiet. I was alone. No Freddie. Not even any more of me. We were all headed to the Future Spencer's house.
I had left the building laughing. I would enter it on the verge of tears, immersed in disbelief. Life can change in such a short span of time- practically an instant.
You can't sit around waiting now. There's probably around an hour of time to kill until they get back. When they get back then you can talk to yourself. Right now you don't know too much of the facts, just the emotional junk. Go find stuff.
I decided to go search where I had ordered Freddie to look. When we got back from the future Spencer's, Freddie went to look back there, where Spencer's bedroom used to be. Maybe I'll find what he'll find when he gets back…or is it what he's already found because he's searching the room right now in the time that I left…I hate time travel; its so confusing.
I found myself in what appeared to be my future bedroom. It was earthy green with light purple flowers. Maybe in the past the future me had tried to decorate a happiness into the room. Didn't seem to work.
The room did have a natural feel, almost a relaxing aura. I continued past the bedroom. I didn't stop to search my room because it was mostly bare. A bed, a dresser, a small closet by the looks of it…
I knew that the lonely picture stand on the dresser undoubtedly held a picture of Freddie. All that this room will tell me is that my future self is depressed and misses Freddie. Things I already know.
The next room was painted a light yellow. I had never been back here. I'd been in Spencer's room before…how did I not notice this room? It looked as if it were a mini library. It was probably an addition to the apartment after the future me moved in.
There was a small chair that stood alongside a tall, thin lamp. The chair and lamp were surrounded by wooden bookshelves. Upon further investigation, all of the books looked the same…
It couldn't be! This room is filled with like five thousand replicas of my diary! The putrid pink diary my mom gave me for my birthday had babies! Like seriously, why would I bother keeping diary entry after diary entry…?
I squinted at what appeared to be dirt on one of the diary spines. It wouldn't come off when I rubbed it with my finger. It was a date…the date that the diary covered. Well this was convenient. Now I would learn all about what happened. I'd be able to fill in my other self when she arrived from the future Spencer's.
I pulled out the book that was labeled, in my chicken scratch handwriting, "April-June 2007 (F)".
I understood what the F stood for at once. Freddie…
I plopped down into the chair after turning on the lamp. I was about to read every detail of "the tragic event", what led up to it and how I would deal with it…how the future that I was in now became the present for the future me…
After burning for answers all along, I opened the diary. I would finally understand everything...
But would I like the answers? Where would they lead me? Would there be a new future for me?
Time will tell…and right now; it was time to read.
A/N: Wow, that was almost four thousand words, according to my Microsoft Word special word count tool. (3,950!) Fanfiction says it's more because I don't count the A/Ns or the flashbacks I include at the beginning. I do that because I know if I don't read a story for a little while, I like to know where I left off. I usually end up rereading the last chapter I read. But for you, my valued reader, (can you not feel the love, lol) I leave where we left off. There is no need to search previous chapters unless you want to.
With this type of story, it might be best to read it a couple times. That way you can understand when everything is happening. If you think it's difficult to understand the time (like how in one sense Freddie is in the putrid pink diary room browsing and also leaving for the future Spencer's in different continuums of time) then think of how hard this is to plan! I have had an outline from the start, but still, grr, there are parts where I'm like noooo, why did I write that in the beginning, it messes everything up and now I have to do this instead… I hope the story is understandable and cool right now, there should be no "grrr"- ing from you. :)
Please leave me some feedback!
By the way, I kept mentioning the "lip-brush" incident because I received such positive reviews from everyone saying how funny it was. I hope it wasn't overkill, mentioning it so much. Then again, if I was Sam, I might have thought about it more often…anyway this paragraph is just some comments I wanna make… Sam's thoughts seem to order her around. That's kind of weird; they aren't just observational thoughts. No, she does not have some sort of schizophrenia, lol. Also, I don't know why Sam had a problem with Freddie's name. She just did. She was under a lot of pressure. She had to write a note in time and she kept thinking about Freddie's death.
Haha, I laughed so much about the diary having babies. That sounds like something Sam would sarcastically say…
As you can tell by the extreme length of this author note, I have missed writing A/Ns! I haven't, as of yet, read a story, where the author rants as much as I do in their notes. Usually they have an amount as large as this paragraph total.
I am awarding myself the Author Note Rant Award. Yay. Its 12:35 AM, maybe that explains some of my madness…my parents think I'm asleep…I practically am (yawn), but I had to finish this. You peeps deserve it! (Sorry the title of this chapter is kinda lame; I'm really tired and can't think of anything else)
Oh, about my book! I'm basically writing a longer, more detailed version (longer background story and more emotion) of i See the Future. I'm completely taking out all references of iCarly out. It's like a real fiction book. It's taking me forever to write though…but it's really cool discovering who my characters are. They are based off of the iCarly characters but they differ in certain aspects. They have different names too. If you want to know more, ask me. I'm not gonna post it on Fanfiction; it's not Fanfiction work. Fanfiction was the inspiration…so yeah. Thank you so much to Lilbet Matthews, who suggested that I could make my own novel out of i See the Future sans iCarly stuff.
I'm calling the book "Several Instants". If you've read i See the Future (I hope you have because you're reading the sequel now lol) you'll understand why I would call it "Several Instants".
Okay, last paragraph! I wanna mention the poem. That is an excerpt from a poem I wrote only two days ago. I am constantly writing poetry about everything. Please, if you want to, critique the poem as it relates to the tragic position of the future Sam. I had to change a few words, and I had to take out several verses (it was a monster poem that was about triple that length), but I thought it was eerily amazing how it fit the future Sam.
With all my purple fuzzleness,
the-purple-fuzzle