Chapter Six: Lie Down in Darkness

Tim worried, because no matter how things were at home, work was still miserable. He began to wonder if Gibbs would ever settle down and treat the team equally again.

Working in the lab with Abby allowed Tim to relax marginally, and he spent time there more and more whenever a case could possibly justify it. But Tim was far from relaxed when Gibbs chose to demonstrate a particular take-down on him to Abby.

Tim was submerged in the computer code he was analyzing and didn't even hear what the discussion was that led up to it, he merely found himself pulled off his stool and ordered to come at Gibbs like an attacker. Narrowing his eyes, he did as instructed and almost instantly found himself face down on a cold metal table, bent at the waist with Gibbs holding his wrists at the small of his back and pressing hard against his ass as he stood behind him.

Tim lost it.

"No!" A scream tore involuntarily from his throat. The position was nearly identical to how it had been in the basement the night Gibbs had lost his temper and fucked him until he cried, and the instinct that welled up inside him was to protect himself from having it happen again. It didn't matter that they'd talked about it a little or that they'd made love in achingly sweet ways since; this was simply unacceptable to his instinctually driven subconscious. His left leg splayed out and hooked back, his heel connecting with the back of Gibbs' knee. As he felt the older man's joint start to collapse, he tensed his back and shoulders to try to keep from dislocating one or both arms and wrenched himself away from the horribly familiar position. He ended up several feet away in a defensive stance, ready to fight as if his life depended on it.

The passion and fervor with which Tim broke away had Gibbs flabbergasted. Then the reason for the response clicked into place in his mind and his face drained of both blood and expression. He turned on his heel and walked out.

As soon as he heard the stairwell door shut behind Gibbs, Tim burst into tears, hyperventilating. It took Abby several moments to recover from having witnessed such an intensely private and negative moment between the couple, but when she did, her care-taking instincts brought her to Tim's side. She ushered him back to her office and shut the door before she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him so hard that it curtailed the hyperventilating. He dropped his head onto her lab coat covered shoulder and continued to cry, however.

When his sobs died down, she got him to sit on her couch and thrust Bert into his arms. He sat still, shivering, and she put a blanket over his shoulders and snuggled close to his side.

"What's this about, Timmy?" She asked gently. He shook his head but she narrowed her eyes and gave him a hard stare.

"Fl-flashback, I guess," he admitted softly.

"Oh my god. To what?"

Tim closed his own eyes. He didn't want to tell her. He was afraid she'd take Gibbs' side. But he'd already said too much to avoid it, so he spoke in a whispered monotone and told her about the night they'd gone dancing how he'd ended up in the basement, fucked, spanked, and humiliatingly come upon. Abby sat silently adjusting to a new awareness of a side to Gibbs she had never known.

"Have you talked about it?" She finally asked. She decided she'd have to integrate the information about Gibbs later, but for now, she needed to respond to Tim without thinking about the person who had hurt him.

"Sort of. He went to LA, and he was so sweet when he came home... He said he loves me more than he loved Shannon! How could I be petty and hold it against him when he said that?" Tim's eyes flew open and he felt hot tears overflowing again. He swallowed a sob. Abby snuggled closer to his side and rested her head on his shoulder.

"That's...amazing, Tim. I'm so glad you have each other. You have to talk to him about this, though. He lost it, but you have to let him know he went too far. BDSM isn't rape—"

"I never said it was rape! Jesus... No. Just...no."

"That's what I'm saying! Have you ever set up a safe word or talked about limits?"

"No..."

"Did you say no or stop?"

"No, that's why it's not rape!"

"Right. Yes! But you need to have that talk. You're still traumatized because it was scary, and he's... Well, he's Gibbs! He's probably hating himself for it. Tell me you're going to talk to him, Timmy. You have to."

"I'm just so scared. I can't lose him, Abby. He's my whole world now."

"You won't lose him. He's not built to give up."

Tim thought about what he knew of Gibbs' second divorce. Rebecca had cheated on him, and that had been a deal breaker. Instituting safe words wasn't on that level, was it? Tim let more tears escape even as Abby hugged him.

~~~NCIS~~~

When he arrived home that night, Tim had already determined that he would write Gibbs a letter. That was the only way he figured he could get it right. He went upstairs and unlocked his typewriter, fed paper in, and began.

My Love,

This is not how I imagined my first letter to you might be. As a writer, I planned to write the most romantic love letter imaginable at some point, a missive which would have all the impact of a Shakespearian sonnet, but instead, I have this for you, written with tears threatening to blur my vision. I'm so terribly afraid that you won't want me anymore. My hands are shaking and this is my third attempt.

I'm ashamed of my reaction to what you were demonstrating in the lab. It was instinctive, which I hope in some way is a comfort to you since you want me to be more effective in close quarter fighting. I've been terrified to really talk openly with you about the night we went dancing, but I don't have much of a choice now. I have tried to let it go, but it's obviously still a problem for me. I just don't understand why you felt you had to punish me for someone else flirting with me. I am absolutely loyal to you, in every possible way. I've told you that, over and over again. I barely even saw the guy who talked to me that night. I was just waiting for you to get back with our drinks. I didn't flirt back. I had no interest whatsoever in him. I'm familiar with being punished for even small infractions, including showing displeasure or defiance in any way. That's what I grew up with. But even the Admiral never punished me without reason. If you can find a way to tell me what I did wrong, maybe I can understand, however, I need to insist that any future punishment you want to give me not involve sex. I can't seem to handle it. That's apparent since it's been weeks and I'm still this reactionary.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to inform you that I told Abby about that night. I was distraught and I couldn't help myself. I was terribly worried she'd take your side, but she was very neutral and insisted that I communicate with you and that we set up safe words. I know we didn't need them when we were on vacation, but just the reassurance that I have control of some part of this will help me, I think. I've considered and I want my yellow safe word to be 'precious', and my red to be 'Admiral'. I think precious will remind you what you said to me, when you first really explained to me how you feel about me, and Admiral should pretty much kill any mood.

I want to talk about this with you more in depth, but only when you're ready.

I love you more than anything in this world, Jethro. Please tell me I haven't ruined everything I hold most dear.

Yours Always,

Tim

Gibbs dropped the letter and his glasses onto the kitchen table and rubbed his eyes with one hand. He'd come home after staying late at the office and found the sheet of paper by the coffee pot, which had been set up and was ready to brew. Tim was still taking care of him, even feeling scared and miserable. Gibbs' chest ached.

Punishment... Fuck. That's what Tim thought? He hadn't said anything like that when they'd talked about it. But they'd really only addressed that night peripherally. He'd lost control and staked his claim like a goddamn caveman and Tim thought he had calculated that Tim had done wrong and needed to be punished. God. What the hell was wrong with him?! He had the best person he knew loving him despite all his glaring flaws, and he was doing his level best to fuck it up. He glanced at the stairs then over at the couch. If he stayed down here, Tim would take it as more punishment. He had to do something about this tonight.

Gibbs straightened his shoulders and headed up to try his best to make it up to Tim.

A cool movement of air on his bare skin as Gibbs withdrew the sheet roused Tim from a deeper sleep but not to full consciousness. The warm, wet mouth on his soft cock did that even as blood transferred down to make him erect. Gasping awake, Tim looked down to see Gibbs lovingly working him to painful hardness. Once there, Gibbs moved up and lay down on top of Tim, his own arousal in evidence as he settled. But the man didn't take it further. He stroked Tim's face and ran his fingers through his hair while looking into his sleepy eyes.

"I screwed up. It's all on me. You are precious, and Admiral will certainly kill a mood, but I don't intend you to ever need to use that. I love you, Tim. And I'm gonna show you just how much," Gibbs said quietly. Tim's breath hitched and tears slid back into his hair from the corners of his eyes. Gibbs kissed each temple, then softly kissed Tim's lips before he moved back down and returned to licking, sucking, and in all ways worshipping Tim's body.

Blinking, Tim wondered if this was a dream. If it was, he expected that it would likely be his first wet one since puberty, but although it was surreal to be woken this way, everything felt exquisitely solid. As Gibbs mouth enveloped his cock again, Tim cried out and let go of all his pondering, completely enraptured by the amazing oral sex Gibbs was visiting upon him.

Working Tim into a writhing, inarticulate state, Gibbs eagerly swallowed down every drop of come he produced. Tim sobbed his release and then tugged on Gibbs, needing to hold him and to be held. They wrapped their arms around each other and held tight as they both sank into sleep.

~~~NCIS~~~

Gibbs tried to start talking to Tim at work the next day, but the fear of losing their team had him continuously on edge still. Tony seemed wary and resentful, sensing something new and bad had occurred but not knowing what it was, and he watched Gibbs like he was investigating him, which further set Gibbs off balance. So, instead of everything returning to normal, Gibbs just growled and snapped at everyone.

Ziva cornered him in the men's room and berated him, to which his response was stoic silence with his lip curled. She finally threw her hands up and went back to her desk.

Abby's lab was locked, a rare occasion. She wouldn't even let Tim in. Tony received a phone call in the afternoon, and went to see her before he left for the day. After she confessed what she had witnessed and what Tim had told her had happened between the couple, Tony had promised to address it, and Abby tried to relax, knowing the problem was in good hands.

Tony fumed as he drove straight to the men's home and pounded on the door. How could Gibbs -Gibbs!- do this?! And how in the hell could his Probie let him? Hadn't he learned anything from Tony?

Tim answered the heavy knocking with a perplexed look.

"Tony, where's the fire, man?"

Tony insisted on coming inside. Tim shrugged. He was cleaning the kitchen and led his friend there so he could continue.

"Where's Gibbs? I want to talk to both of you," Tony insisted.

The SFA's voice was tight and clipped. Tim frowned. He was actually being the rarely-seen serious Tony.

"Hardware store."

"Okay, we'll do this separately, then," he said, taking a deep breath. "I'm worried about you, Tim."

"Tony, it's all going to be okay. We're fine at home, and he's still just trying to figure out how things need to be at work," Tim said. He knew he sounded like a broken record or a person with an excuse that was wearing thin, but it was all he had to justify the situation to himself or anyone else. "We had a fight, so he was extra bastard-y, but he did talk to me today, did you see that? He hasn't spoken to me in the squad room since he went to LA, so that's progress, I think."

"He criticized you for pausing to drink a cup of coffee, Tim. During cold case reviews! That's taking controlling bastard to a whole new level."

Tim shrugged. "It's still better than the silence. To be honest, I'm not sure how much more of that I could take."

"So you do have limits. That's something, anyway." Tony rubbed his hand over his face. "Look, Tim, Abby told me."

Tim stood abruptly. "Damnit! That wasn't for public knowledge!"

"Public knowledge? Since when am I the public?"

"Tony, I'm just saying that I pissed Gibbs off and he snapped and it's not going to happen again."

"Tim... Do you hear yourself? You just took the blame for it!"

"No I didn't."

"You just said you pissed him off! That's not on you, Tim! He crossed a line, and it's not your fault!"

Tim shook his head. "You don't understand. He's trying to keep the team together!"

"You're damn right I don't understand! Will you listen to yourself, Tim? You sound like every abused spouse we've ever dealt with. You're standing here telling me it's okay that the person who loves you is treating you like crap because he has a good reason? That's bullshit and you know it! You don't deserve to be treated like this. No one deserves to be treated like this. He attacked you in your own home!"

Tim shook his head. How could Tony think Gibbs was abusive?

"Tim, seriously, I know this isn't the first time. The other was drug induced, but... Has he ever threatened you with a weapon?"

"No!"

"We know he's violently jealous. Has he ever followed you? Ever choked you?"

Tim recoiled. He could feel Gibbs' hand on his throat and see the blazing fury in his eyes when he'd ordered him not to talk. Tony saw the reaction and his face reddened, sparks practically flying from his eyes. He was suddenly very glad his boss wasn't there because he didn't think he could have controlled himself if he had been. Gibbs had choked Tim?! This was so far beyond acceptable.

"Come on, Tony, Lethality Screen questions? This is Gibbs. Do you really believe my life is in danger? It would kill him to lose another love. He's not that self-destructive."

"I didn't think so, but he's hurt you, Tim! This man I thought I knew, the person I trust and respect most in the world is acting like I never thought I'd see him act. It makes everything in my life turn on its head!" Tony sounded desperate. Tim understood that NCIS was the only family Tony truly believed in, and he could see how this was cutting him deep. "I don't want the team to split up, but I can't stand seeing this!"

Tim grabbed the other man and hugged him. Tony tensed, but went ahead and let himself be comforted. Tim murmured to him, reassuring, trying to make everything better again.

Neither saw Gibbs silently witnessing the conversation from the shadows. He opened the front door and slipped out. When he returned hours later, Tony was gone. He didn't say anything to Tim about what he'd seen and heard, he just came in and kissed him, then went downstairs with his bag of supplies.

Tim was still nervous enough about the basement not to go down and ask Gibbs to come to bed when he was too tired to wait up anymore, but he didn't want to go to bed alone, either, so he curled up on the couch and went to sleep.

It was nearly 0200 when Gibbs came back up, and he gently woke Tim with fingers through his hair and they went up to bed.

In the morning when Gibbs hugged and kissed Tim and told him he loved him, Tim smiled sadly.

"I think we're gonna have to work on that," he said, and went out the door before Gibbs had a chance to respond.

They got a lead on a cold case that morning that sent Tim and Tony out together. The SFA had been cold and glaring at Gibbs since the moment he arrived, but, as always, the work came first. Investigating a residence, DiNozzo and Tim found a door with a broken lock and split up to cover exits. They cleared the house room by room, but when Tim sensed someone behind him, he acted on instinct and whirled to strike out, pulling his throat punch when he saw who it was, but not enough to keep from bruising Tony's larynx. It was enough to break Gibbs' silence once they returned to the office late that evening with DiNozzo unable to speak in more than a garbled croak.

"Go home, DiNozzo. You call me if you need to go to the doctor," Gibbs growled.

Tony shook his head.

"Mm ff..." He tried to speak.

"I can't understand you. Go home."

The SFA went to his desk and scribbled a note: My fault!

Gibbs glared and pointed at the elevator. Tony stared hard, but he could see that Gibbs was intractable. He reluctantly gathered his things, but turned back to gesture at Tim once he was out of Gibbs' line of sight. He tried to convey that Tim should call him if he needed him. Tim gave a small nod, and Tony let his feet drag as he entered the elevator and kept eye contact with Tim as the doors closed.

Ziva had left an hour before, and Gibbs moved to stand toe to toe with McGee and railed in his face.

"I can't believe you'd make a mistake like that! Isn't awareness of your surroundings taught at FLETC? Panicking, attacking your partner, it makes me wonder if you should be in the field at all!"

Tim's chin rose. "I didn't panic—"

"You're off field duty! I'm gonna have to decide if you should get a suspension!"

"What?! That's not fa—"

"Enough! Go home, McGee."

Tim's face was by turns red and white, and he stood there huffing at Gibbs for a long moment before snatching up his coat, badge, and gun and stalking to the elevator. He was completely shocked when Gibbs got in with him, punching the button for Autopsy after Tim hit the one for the garage. Fear and anger and humiliation burst in McGee, overflowing and washing out his mind of everything else. He hit the emergency stop.

"I thought, somehow, that when we got together that everything would just... Fall into place. When I moved in, I had some stupid vision that we were walking off into the sunset, hand in hand and there wouldn't be any doubt or struggle... But things are just incrementally sliding sideways, and it's like... Every millimeter we slip that I notice; well, one millimeter isn't so bad, and I convince myself that it's all about compromise and if I give in on this or ignore that, we'll stabilize. But we're not stabilizing! We... How did we get to this? I love you, Gibbs, I really do. So much... But you taught me to stand up for myself; that I deserve to be treated better than a doormat. But you're walking all over me here at work. The sarcasm, the anger, then the silence, now blaming me, basically telling me I'm not good enough; no more."

Gibbs' face had turned to stone, and in the dim, blue light, his eyes glittered. Tim felt tears welling up in helpless frustration. Watching Gibbs shut down, he suddenly felt understanding and compassion for the three ex-wives. He waited, but the older man remained silent.

"You have said you always try to give me what I need. Well I need you to ease up. We were fine working together for all those months before everyone knew about us; why is it so totally different now? We used to be friends at work. We used to enjoy the time we spent together. Now, I'm your goddamn whipping boy! It's not fair. You have to know that! You-you... You just... Please, I need..." His voice rose and rose, and he saw a dark flush creep up Gibbs neck and face, then his words failed as he saw the mask his lover wore crack and a white-hot fury shone through. He realized that he really did not want to be trapped in a tiny metal box with an enraged Leroy Jethro Gibbs. He stood still and watched, but the mask repaired itself and Gibbs might have been a wax statue of himself with how motionless he was. Tim felt a tear escape his overfull eyes, then another, and they were joined by more that trickled down his cheeks and dripped off his chin.

"My father is an impressive man," Tim said, his voice quavering. "He's powerful and commanding, and he refuses to take shit from anyone for any reason," he continued. "You've always reminded me of him, a little, but I never expected to have you make me feel as worthless as he does."

Tim wrapped his arms around his coat, holding it against his stomach, slumping back against the wall and closing his eyes. He felt an aching emptiness in his gut and he barely noticed when the elevator moved again and the doors opened. When he finally looked up, he was alone, and he sank down to his knees and began to sob.

Gibbs moved out of the elevator into the parking garage and then out to the open air. He walked around the building into the light snowfall and crossed the road in a daze, ending up overlooking the river. It was cold, and he didn't have his coat, but the chill within him went far deeper.

This time together with Tim had already outlasted two of his marriages. It was nearly a year and a half now that they'd been lovers, but only in the last couple of months had they been out at work, and Tim was right: he had been horrible to him since then. What must it have been like for Tim to have his loving attention at home and...this...at work? Some part of Gibbs had been watching, appalled, as the cruel words and actions toward Tim continued. He'd tried to avoid thinking about why he was being such a vicious bastard, but he'd opened the pandora's box months ago when he had decided to take his cues from Tim and understand himself better. So parts of him argued constantly in his mind as he snapped at Tim and goaded him, which only made him more angry.

And Tim had reached his break point. Realizing that Gibbs was as bad to him as his father had to be a terrible blow to Tim. And that knowledge was like a series of mirrors reflecting sunlight angling down into the darkest part of his own soul, showing him in stark white light how blackened and shriveled it was. He couldn't deny it any longer: he didn't deserve Tim. This beautiful, self-aware, brilliant, kind person shouldn't love him. He was too damaged, too far gone. The years working to bring justice to criminals, his desperate drive to help others; it was a futile attempt to make up for what an awful person he was in his personal life. His job was the only thing that gave meaning to his existence, until Tim let him in. When Tim had looked at him with astonishment that Gibbs could want him, the ruse had begun. He'd tried to fool Tim, and more importantly, fool himself, into believing that he could be worthy of a second chance at happiness. But when it came down to it, the truth was uncompromising and razor-sharp and it flayed him to raw nerves: he would never be able to do enough good to earn the right to have Tim's love. So that dark part of himself had taken the opportunity to push Tim away, and push hard. He sank down onto the retaining wall over the rushing, frigid, dark water of the Anacostia and tried to go numb. Over and over, his mind ran through all the times he'd been cruel to Tim in these last few months. And again and again, he reiterated his certainty to himself that Tim would be better off without him. His body shivered in the chill, the damp air and snow saturating his clothes until he began to physically go numb, until his shivers finally ceased.

Gibbs had become like a statue, poised on the brink of a choice, when his coat dropped over his shoulders and strong arms wrapped around him from behind.

"You're freezing, Gibbs! C'mon, let's go home," Tim's beloved voice echoed hollowly in the fog of Gibbs' self-loathing, but he was powerless against Tim's insistence that they move, so he shifted and stood and allowed himself to be led to Tim's car and guided into the passenger seat. When they pulled into their driveway and Tim opened the door to get him out, a vague part of his mind noticed that Tim must have buckled him in like a child as he released the seat-belt and got Gibbs to his feet with encouraging tugs to his hands, which felt powerfully hot as the blood returned to them. They went inside, and Tim hung their coats and locked up their weapons, returning to the foyer where Gibbs still waited, motionless, and put his arm around the still man. They went upstairs, and Tim paused at the foot of the bed.

Tim had grown calm, curled up on the floor of the elevator, after he'd cried himself out. The look on Gibbs' face before he walked out had sparked a memory that had finally flared into his consciousness. This had happened before. On a case the previous year, Gibbs had gone home without letting Tim know if he should join him at the house or go to his own apartment. Wanting to be with him, Tim had gone to the house only to be rebuffed by a cold, cynical Gibbs. It hadn't been until after the case that Gibbs had come to Tim in the middle of the night with the intention to break up with him because he didn't feel he deserved to have anything good in his life. Tim recalled the naked, silent pain he'd seen in his lover's eyes that night. It had to be the same thing now. It had to be, otherwise Gibbs didn't really love him and never had and Tim refused to believe that. He'd climbed to his feet and wiped the tears from his face, hitting the button for the squad room. Gathering both their stuff, Tim had followed his instinct and it had led him to where Gibbs sat alone in the freezing darkness.

Standing at the foot of their bed, Tim turned and laid his hand on Gibbs' cheek. He was still cold, the short ride in the warm car incapable of thawing him. Tim carefully undressed both of them, and tried not to worry as Gibbs passively allowed him to. He brought them into the bathroom and ran a warm shower, the still-docile older man following wherever Tim led. Once they had a chance to acclimate to the temperature, Tim adjusted it hotter, and wrapped his arms around Gibbs and stood under the spray with him. The heat penetrated them, and Tim eventually turned his head to whisper in Gibbs' ear.

"Jethro, please come back to me. I'm here, waiting for you. I love you so much. You're everything to me. I won't let you push me away anymore. You're stuck with me. I love you, sweetheart. Never gonna stop. Come back. I'm here. I love you," Tim said softly. He finally got a response when Gibbs sighed heavily. His own breath shakily whooshed from him in relief. He drew back, kissing Gibbs' finally warming cheek before he looked into his eyes. They were completely open and bared every ounce of pain he hid so expertly behind the confident, even arrogant façade he maintained daily. It was terrifying to look into such darkness, but Tim stood tall and faced it. "You're not pushing me away anymore, Gibbs. We are in this for good, together. Your pain is my pain, and god help you, mine is yours. We will face it all. I'm done letting you try to make me leave. The next time you call me out at work and I don't deserve it, I'm gonna call you out right back. You are not a man to hide from fear of facing problems, so we're going at them head on from here on out." Tim's voice was strong and low, absolutely sure, and he saw a glimmer of response in his lover's expression.

"You...shouldn't..." Gibbs' voice was hoarse.

"No. There's no should or shouldn't in this. There's only what is. And this is how it is. I know what you're doing. I regret not seeing it before, but I see it now, and this is it. I'm not doing that anymore. I love you, Jethro. I love you and I'm not going to let you punish yourself by punishing me when neither of us deserves it."

Gibbs finally began to see through the pain that had clouded his mind. "Tim? What...?"

A relieved smile graced Tim's face as he saw awareness returning to Gibbs' eyes. He gently kissed his lips and then reached to turn the water off. Gibbs frowned slightly as they got out and dried off, but went willingly into bed with Tim. They lay down in the dim light from the nightstand lamp, facing each other.

"Babe, I'm not really sure what happened," Gibbs confessed.

"I know. It's okay. I know we've had a few minor disagreements, but this was our first real fight, and we don't do anything by halves."

Gibbs sighed. His brain sluggishly revealed some of what had happened in the last few hours and his gaze became sorrowful. Tim stroked his face soothingly. Gibbs shut his eyes and leaned into the touch.

"I think you were hypothermic when I came to get you. I'm sorry I made you feel so bad you ended up like that. I've been holding it all in for these last few months, and... I won't do it again. We're going to communicate better. If it won't work with me on your team, I... We'll figure out another way."

Gibbs' eyes snapped open at that. "No! I want you with me. I won't have you going out in the field with some other team—"

Tim pressed his finger to Gibbs' lips. "We'll figure it out. If I'm gonna stay on the team, things have got to change." He kissed him softly. "But we start on that tomorrow, my love. Tonight, I'm going to show you how much pleasure and happiness you deserve." He kissed him again, this time with more passion. "I love you, Gibbs. You're the center of my world, and nothing will change that."

"Tim, I've been such a bastard-"

"Yep. But you're my bastard, and I love you. No matter what."

"But—"

"Shh..." Tim smothered his protests with his mouth and Gibbs gave up. He needed to feel loved by Tim, even if he couldn't fathom how he could be worthy of it. He needed Tim, more than he'd ever needed anyone.

Tim spent long minutes just kissing him, their tongues sliding together, with his hand on Gibbs' waist, keeping him close. He felt the movement between their bodies as they both grew erect, and he reached down to adjust them so they were pressed against each other, trapped between their bellies. Gibbs jumped at the touch, but Tim only returned to the slow kissing. His hand slid to the small of Gibbs' back, and Gibbs clutched at him as Tim gently pushed his hips forward, then relaxed, starting a maddeningly slight pace.

Smiling into their kiss, Tim moved to trail along Gibbs' jaw to breathe in his ear and nibble on his lobe. "You're so strong, so handsome, Gibbs. I want to just stay here, like this, on the edge, with you, forever. I know we'll get through anything as long as we have each other. Oh, sweetie, I am gonna make you feel so good..."

Gibbs moaned as Tim bit him under the ear, then nipped his way down the side of his neck. He sucked lightly on his Adam's apple, and pushed him onto his back so he could reach the other side of his throat.

"Tim, baby, stop," Gibbs gasped. Tim moved so he could see his face. "I-I've been horrible to you. I should be taking care of you..."

Tim shook his head. "No, love. I'm taking care of you now, and you're gonna start taking better care of me at work. It's the opposite of what we've been doing. Now shut up and let me make love to you, Jethro," Tim replied, smiling his adorable, sweet smile. Gibbs studied his expression, trying to understand, trying to make sure that this was the right thing to do. There was a wisdom in Tim that was part of what made their relationship work even with the difference in their ages and personalities. The words Tim had said on their sexy vacation weekend came back to him: 'I'm a genius, right? I've weighed everything, including your moodiness, you being a bastard, workaholic, close to alcoholic... And I choose you.' He didn't really understand how this amazing person actually wanted him, with all his myriad of faults, but he was suddenly filled with gratitude that he did. Swallowing past the emotional tightening in his throat, Gibbs nodded. He'd figure out how to make it work with Tim on the team. The alternative was unimaginable.

Tim's smile went from sweet to sensual and he kissed Gibbs again before moving back down his chest and thoroughly and attentively working his nipples, reminding Gibbs that he knew every way to please him. He mouthed the nubs, nestled amidst the gray, wiry chest hair, listening as Gibbs gasped and groaned. He brought his head up to see Gibbs' reaction when he pinched both simultaneously, and the way the older man's neck arched, his mouth falling open, emitting a loud cry, made Tim shudder. He twisted slightly, keeping firm pressure, and Gibbs' head rolled back and forth at the sensation. Tim could feel the moisture from both their leaking hard-ons between their bodies, and he wondered if he'd be able to restrain himself enough to do even half of the things he wanted to do.

Gibbs looked up at Tim through the haze of his sexual stimulation, and he could see the conflict in his expression and understood with a glance. He thrust up against the younger man's body, and that broke the moment of Tim's uncertainty. His luscious mouth descended onto Gibbs' and they kissed passionately.

It didn't matter anymore if he could display the stamina Gibbs did. Even if this only lasted a few more minutes, he was doing as he'd said was going to and pleasuring Gibbs, rather than passively allowing Gibbs to take them both to the heights of ecstasy. Tim ran his hands all over his lover, using his short nails to scrape his skin lightly, making Gibbs shiver.

Their tongues lashed each other, and their teeth scraped in their desperation. Both of them humped against the other's body and trembled at the friction on their cocks. Tim's breath was panting as he tried to breathe and kiss and stroke and rub all at once. He was losing his concentration in the frantic endorphin rush, and a tiny part of his mind wondered how Gibbs was able to stay in control when he made love to Tim and drew the pleasure out in extended sessions. All Tim was aware of was want, and need, and he finally gave in to it, reaching for the lube, slicking Gibbs' red, drooling cock, and rising up to impale himself.

Tim threw his head back and gave a shuddering, sobbing wail as he settled onto Gibbs' hips with him buried inside him. It was one of the most beautiful sounds Gibbs thought he'd ever heard his lover make. He dug his fingers into Tim's lean thighs and bucked into the hot tightness surrounding him.

Tim choked as Gibbs moved, and he started riding him frantically, unable to control himself in his wildly aroused state. He needed to come, needed to release the tremendous tension inside.

Gibbs ground his teeth at Tim's primal abandon, reveling in every moment of it. He felt Tim's orgasm start as his ass rippled around him and he watched in pure, animalistic lust as his long cock sent spurts across Gibbs' chest. Tim was screaming his completion, and the moment was perfect; perfect...

Tim sagged forward onto his hands, jerking with aftershocks, tears and sweat dripping down his face. He knew Gibbs hadn't come yet, and he tried to gather himself for further efforts to take him to his climax as well, but his body felt like his bones had melted, and he began to feel a helpless fear he wouldn't be able to take care of Gibbs. But Gibbs knew how taxing Tim's orgasm had been, and he sat up and rolled them over so he was on top of the trembling, exhausted, younger person. He kissed him languorously, and started a slow rocking, still deep inside him.

"Gibbs, I-" Tim wanted to apologize for his failure, but his lover stopped him.

"Shh. We take care of each other, baby. It's my turn," Gibbs interrupted quietly, then resumed kissing him and thrusting his hips hypnotically. As Tim recovered, he started shifting to meet Gibbs' motions, shuddering at how good it felt and beginning to get hard again.

Gibbs smiled and looked deeply into Tim's eyes. This man was everything to him. He'd been pushing him away through his twisted work behavior, and it was time to stop that. Whether he deserved Tim's love or not, he had it, and he was going to do his damnedest to keep it. His breath quickened and he began to speed up.

"I love you, Tim. I'm never gonna let you go. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, baby. Love you... Oh, yeah... Love you so much..."

Kissing him, Gibbs felt his entire body starting to shake. Tim gasped and held him tighter, raising his legs and rocking to meet each push, welcoming him deeper and harder as their lovemaking grew more and more intense.

"Yes... Yes, Jethro... Love you... Oh, god! Love...you... Ahh! Yes! Oh! Yes!"

Tim moving and changing the angle they were at made Gibbs cry out as he sank in further, reaching for more connection between them, wanting to unify completely, to meld into one being. He wrapped his arms around and beneath Tim and held him close, plunging into him faster and faster as tears began leaking from his closed eyes. Tim's words devolved into one long moan, rising to a keen. Gibbs was sobbing at the ecstatic sensations, rising incandescent inside him, further and further, until his entire awareness, his whole existence, was pure light, pure joy, pleasure, love...

Their voices howled together in a perfect harmonic as they came at the same time, flying, transcendent, completing each other, erasing every doubt, all the fear melting in the power of their fusion.

They lay for several minutes, chests heaving with hard breaths, both trying to come down from the high of the amazingly intense sex. Tim roused first and lowered his legs from where he'd locked them against the sides of Gibbs' ribcage, his heels digging into the small of his back. He wrapped his arms around the older man and stroked him lovingly. Gibbs' breath hitched, and he tried to get his emotional reaction under control.

"It's okay, Jethro," Tim murmured. "I love you. Everything is gonna be fine. We're good. We're great, really. I love you so much..." He kissed the side of his lover's head where it rested against his shoulder.

Gibbs stayed as he was, hiding the tears he was shedding in reaction to the overload of sensation. He had never had an experience like that before. He wasn't sure if he'd lost consciousness or just been sent into a stupor by the tremendous, breathtaking orgasm, but even more than the physical reaction, he was shaken by how profoundly he felt his connection to Tim. It was as if they had actually melded into one another, and now were separate again. There was a sense of loss, a desire to recapture that elusive union, and more than anything, Gibbs just felt utterly drained. He wanted to sleep, and to hold Tim all night, but he was unsure if Tim wanted to talk more.

Groaning in tandem as Gibbs finally shifted off of Tim, the looked at each other as they settled side by side. Tim's eyes were still glazed in post-orgasmic satiety, but he reached out to the nightstand for tissues and wiped the worst of the mess off of both of them before pulling the blankets back up and hitting the light. He snuggled against Gibbs, pressing close to his side, and it was only a moment before Gibbs turned and enveloped him in his arms. Tim felt him bury his face tightly against his neck, and rubbed his back soothingly as he felt the older man's eyes release wet tears.

"I'm sorry," Gibbs whispered, his voice raw and thick.

"Shh. I understand. Sleep now, my love. Sleep..." Tim replied. And with that reassurance, Gibbs let his consciousness go and fell into a deep slumber. Tim followed soon after, feeling more hopeful and light in ways he hadn't even imagined he could.

~~~NCIS~~~

A/N One chapter left, my friends. I have already started the third story in this series, although I am considering a one-shot in between. Could be a while before it's posted, but I hope that it's worth the wait when it is. Thanks for going on this adventure with me. And thank so much to everyone for the support with favorites, follows, and reviews!