Chapter Six:

Young and Full of Stupid

On her monitor, Tim Curry in white makeup and an awful wig smiled up from a storm drain. Jessica was extremely annoyed. She'd managed to go her whole life without watching scary clowns, which wasn't something she'd ever prided herself on before. Now, though, it seemed like it was a badge of honor she was surrendering. Ugh.

The day had been uneventful. No visitors, no excitement, no nothing. And yet, when night had fallen and she'd gone to bed out of pure boredom, she'd had another nightmare. Mike's hand, sliding up her leg, had grown long and thin and grey. She'd jerked awake as his nails had dug into the skin of her thigh, barely stifling a shout of fear and anger.

Not only was she watching the movie, she had given in and actually looked up the poem. It was less silly than she'd expected from the name. "Mithridates, he died old," she said softly, letting the words roll over her tongue. It was a fun name to say. She could see why Beth liked the poem, too. It sounded like Beth, like the exact mix of humor and cynicism and wit she had always associated with the girl. Beth always had something to say, a soft, snarky observation to murmur to Jess in gym.

That was when it had started. Eighth grade gym class, when they'd had to run laps. They were graded based on how fast they completed a full mile. Jess, who hated running when she didn't absolutely have to, had been walking lazily and watching the trees along the field shifting in a hot breeze, when Beth had dropped out of her jog next to Jess. "Enjoying the view?"

Jess had glared at her, but unlike so many of their classmates, Beth seemed entirely unimpressed by Jess's expression of disdain. "It's hot," she said slowly, wondering what the hell Beth wanted. Beth was one of the smart girls. She wasn't even in Jess's math class; she was in some advanced thing with Emily and Alexi and Tania. "Running is stupid."

The other girl strolled along next to her. "Yeah. What exactly do they think they're measuring?"

"The limits of our tolerance for being bossed around?" Jess smiled slightly. "Or maybe how good our deodorant is."

Beth wrinkled her nose. "Then they really need to tell Dave to upgrade. I figured they just hadn't noticed."

"You should hang out with him after they play basketball."

"No thanks. It's bad enough just after this class."

They'd both failed that run. Beth had never started running again and they'd spent the rest of the time just chatting and laughing.

She missed Beth. True, she tried not to talk about it much, since she didn't think anyone would take it well and besides, who would she tell? Emily had always viewed Beth as an academic rival and Sam… Jess's pain at missing Beth was nothing to Sam's. She knew that. But it still hurt to think that she was gone, that her own sister had— No. Jess shook her head. She couldn't be angry at Hannah. It wasn't like Hannah had killed her.

Jess had.

Better to watch a horror movie than dwell in that line of thought. Jess had spent enough time there already and it didn't hurt any less as time went on. She'd even watch something with tons of gore rather than remember Beth's delight when they'd found fossils at Vasquez with their girl scout troupe in 6th grade.

Anything would be better than remembering that.

She stared at Tim Curry. She'd have to watch something like Clue or Rocky Horror to get this version of him out of her system. She wanted to think he was cute and ridiculous, not shudder at the thought of him. As Tim Curry tore off the stupid kid's arm, Jess scowled at the screen and alt-tabbed over to her messaging program.

Josh still looked offline, but she figured she'd try him anyway on the off-chance that he was around. He needed to be yelled at.

Urgently.

In all caps.

WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME WATCH THIS? :(

She was another fifteen minutes into the movie, drinking chamomile tea and thoroughly regretting her life choices, when he responded.

You're watching?

What do you mean? It's a classic!

A cinematic masterpiece!

It's creepy clowns killing children.

Masterpiece my ass!

There's only one clown.

And Tim curry is a god amongst mere mortals

…do you not like tim curry?

I don't think I can talk to you if you don't like time curry

TIME Curry?

Tim

Shut up.

Lol

Of course I like him. I just didn't really ever need to see him murdering children.

How on earth is this supposed to help me with nightmares?

I dunno

I like horror movies

Clearly

And you weren't chased by a clown, irght?

So it's already an improvement. You can have nightmares about normal things

Like CLOWNS?

Yup

You're an idiot.

Probably

[…]

So is it like a monster or an alien or what?

Watch and find out

:P

She adjusted the windows so she could watch the movie while still talking to him. It helped reduce the stress of the film, which was nice. After about twenty minutes, she had to admit that it was actually starting to work. Somehow the more direct and viscerally obvious horror of the movie helped drive away the memories of the mine, or at least made them seem more distant.

Josh helped too, chiming in to make snide comments about casting choices and behind the scenes trivia.

Sooooooooo when does the monster grab him by his ponytail?

Lol it doesn't but it should

He's just Stephen King's self insert character

So he doesn't die, then?

Uh…

Maybe?

That's it. I'm done. You've ruined the whole movie now. Too many spoielrs.

Spoilers

Psh. Ur fine.

This kid is not fat. I don't know why they keep saying he is

He could totally kick that dude's ass if he wanted to

Wait, are you watching too?

Kid just fell down the hill.

Jess grinned at the words. If he was watching it, that made this even better. It was almost like sitting with him, listening to him ramble. Em had always hated when he did that, but Jess liked it. It made the creepiness less severe and sometimes Josh was pretty funny. Not that she'd ever tell him that.

If that's where he was, then she was a bit ahead of him. She paused the movie and slipped quietly, if awkwardly, down the dark hall to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. The red light on the electric kettle warred with the green light of the microwave's clock, throwing the whole room into a kind of weird, separate dimension. If you'd told her a year ago that she'd be watching horror movies in her ugly-but-comfy pajamas and drinking tea with Josh Washington, she would have laughed in your face.

Messages were waiting when she returned with her tea.

Im glad it's so easy to join this club

*random kid shows up* Hey let me be here in your secret deal

*all the other kids* Sure!

No wonder they all get killed by mystery clowns

No common sense

Well, they don't die

OR DO THEY

Fuck

Don't read into any of what I justsaid

No spoilers here

She giggled as she read through them, hearing his voice in her head, getting increasingly desperate. Jess never cared about 'spoilers.' The way she thought about it, either it would be something cool that she'd want to see happen or it would be something that she didn't like and then she knew not to waste her time. And honesty, he had a point. The kids were pretty dumb. Although, really, she had been (and still was) just as dumb. She thought about storming out onto the porch in her underwear to scream at the night and winced. Talk about dumb.

On the nightstand behind her, her phone vibrated loudly and she jumped, only narrowly avoiding spilling her tea. Mouthing curse words to herself, she scrambled across the bed to grab it. The number was unfamiliar but she answered, curious.

"'lo?" Her voice cracked slightly from disuse and she tried again. "Hello?"

"I can't believe you'd answer the phone in the middle of the night. It's like you're asking to be in a horror movie."

"How is that a horror movie thing?" she asked incredulously. Then it hit her and she frowned at the phone. "Wait, no. How are you calling me? You can't tell me they left Beth's phone connected too."

Josh snorted. "It's the house phone. Yes, my family still has an honest-to-god house phone. Please hold back on your shock and wonderment."

"And you called me?"

"Who else was I going to call?"

Chris. Sam. She bit back the names before she could say them aloud. Sam had made it clear that she wasn't interested in seeing Josh and Jess certainly didn't want to bring any of it up. "I'm your default choice? I'm flattered."

"Default is a bit strong. Let's say 'last resort.'"

"Asshole."

He laughed softly, the sound rolling out of the phone and through her like a rush of warmth. It felt like it had been years since she'd heard another person laugh. Mike was always so strained and tense, Em so awkward, Matt so guilt-ridden, and Sam so cold… there was never any laughter in the visits she received. Or at least not any that was even slightly genuine. "Did I scare you off with my not-spoiler spoilers?"

Climbing back into her desk chair and blowing on her tea, Jess shook her head. "You know I don't give a shit. Although… do they all die? All of them?"

"You really want to know?"

"Yeah. That's why I asked."

"No, they don't all die."

Jess smiled at the dorky group of kids on the screen, her fingertips brushing over their determined faces. "Good."

-o-

Jess screamed, letting the sound tear itself from her throat and through the cab of the car. All the windows were rolled down, the night wind catching her hair and tangling it hopelessly. It was late. Some drivers were swerving dangerously. Everything was closed. She couldn't call her friends, since they'd want her to do something calm.

But it didn't matter. Nothing could dampen her joy. She was out of the house, finally. Given the go-ahead by the doctors, her parents had grudgingly let her take her car keys back, warning her to come back soon. She'd given them her best innocent smile and promised to just go get some fancy iced coffee or something.

Instead she was rocketing down the freeway, going faster than she should and loving every single ill-advised second of it. Her shoes were tossed haphazardly in the back seat and even the feel of her textured gas pedal under her bare foot felt like a kind of celebration. She cranked up the music, not caring what it was. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered, except the fact that she was making a decision for herself again.

Her parents were probably worried sick at this point, but maybe she could leverage her newfound immunity from being scolded to get a pass. So what if it'd been hours since she'd left? It wasn't like there were any monsters in Los Angeles to drag her through the snow.

…not that her parents had believed the monster part, anyway. No one had.

Impulse seized her and she jammed on the breaks, merging right and taking the nearest exit. She started to drive at least slightly more carefully. Getting pulled over would definitely ruin the buzz of freedom.

She parked along a street of houses that she could never dream of affording. In fact, she was pretty sure that her parents' house could fit into the garage of some of these places. Was it even a street? It seemed like it should have some kind of fancier name than just 'street' to indicate the fact that most of these houses were literally worth more than her entire life. Jess turned off her headlights and pulled out her phone. This was stupid.

"This is stupid," she said to herself, unable to hold back her smile. She was getting to do something stupid again. That thought probably shouldn't make her nearly as happy as it did. She sang it under her breath. "Stupid stupid stupid-id-id-id-id." There was probably even a horror movie where someone did the kind of thing she was doing now.

What r u doing?

Nothing. Reading wikipedia articles mostly.

Did you know that the capital city of Turkmenistan is Ashgabat?

FAcsinating stuff

Jess had been there a few times before, for parties and movie nights, and she had vague memories of the way the grounds were laid out. There was a chance they'd acquired a huge guard dog or flood lights or something, but she was on a roll and she certainly wasn't going to let a little thing like common sense stop her now.

It took longer than she wanted to climb the short wall by the gate, and she was certain she didn't look like a badass action star while doing it. Still, she managed to skirt along the side of the house. The temptation to hum a spy movie theme song was strong, but that seemed like it would be guaranteed to get her caught, so she held back. That one was Josh's room, four windows over from the corner and just over the trellis.

Stooping down, she grabbed a handful of pebbles. They tinked against the window as she lobbed them gently upwards, but there was no movement. Fine. She'd take a more direct method. Rock throwing for the 21st century.

open ur window

She waited, craning her neck upwards towards the window and hoping the house was too far from their neighbors for anyone to see her. This was stupid. She knew it was stupid. But as far as she knew, he wasn't actually on house arrest. Not the kind where they put an ankle monitor on you. And the thought of Josh locked in the house like she had been made her stomach twist. The cool night breeze caught at her hair, sending tendrils down across her face. The air smelled like the jasmine that clung to the trellis. For the first time in a long time, she wasn't afraid of getting dizzy and falling or his parents catching her or… or anything. She felt like she used to: young, free, and gloriously irresponsible. Perfect.

A coyote yipped, somewhere off in the hills beyond the house, the sound rapidly joined by another, then another. There was a click, then the sliding sound of the window opening. Josh stared down her from the dark of his room. "What the fuck are you doing?" he hissed through the screen.

Jess giggled. She felt fucking immortal and it was amazing. Beckoning to him, she pointed at the trellis. It was Josh, after all. There was no way in hell that he'd never snuck out of the house. "Come on, dummy. Let's get out of here."

He opened his mouth to argue, then disappeared back into the unlit room. After a few minutes, she felt her euphoria starting to fade. This really was a dumb idea. He wasn't going to come with her. Then there was a soft thwack as the heel of his palm hit the frame of the screen, popping it neatly out of place.

Sliding out onto the roof, he pulled the window back down until it was nearly shut. Josh slithered down the wood easily, hands and feet finding clearly familiar holds. Once on the flagstone ground, he dusted his hands off on his pants and turned to her, eyebrows raised expectantly. "Now what?"

She didn't answer, instead turning and heading back the way she'd come. They didn't speak as they snuck back down the side path, around the carefully pruned rose bushes and the pool's pumphouse. Getting back over the wall was easier now that Jess had done it once and she fancied that this time she looked at least marginally more graceful.

They didn't speak until they were both in the car, the doors shut and windows up. Jess let out a breathless giggle and her head fell back against the seat with a soft thump.

"No, really though. Now what?" She cracked an eye and glanced at him. Josh looked wary and more than a little paranoid, his eyes darting from side to side as if he was expecting people to jump out of the bushes and yank him from the car.

"Up to you, Mister Washington." Jess gestured out at the street. "I want to go do something dumb. You in?"

Josh stared at her and she felt her excitement falter once more. His hand was still on the handle, ready to leave and go back inside. Then he smiled, his eyes softening. He nodded. "I'm definitely in. Let's go somewhere."

"Everything's closed," she warned.

"Oh yeah."

For the second time that night, inspiration struck her. "I have an idea."

They parked in the lot of a closed sandwich shop under a lone, flickering fluorescent light. Jess was only about 70% sure her car would be here when they came back, but it would be worth it. Together they jogged across the street and dove into the bushes just as another car came around the bend towards them. It probably wasn't a cop, but on the off-chance that it was, Jess didn't want them to get spotted. That would ruin all of this before it even really got good.

Josh scrambled down the rocky slope, Jess following more slowly. Her head wasn't spinning constantly these days, but every now and then it still got the best of her. Coupled with her still painful foot, she wasn't as agile as she had been. As she put her foot down on a wide, flat rock and shifted her weight towards it, there was a soft sound of dirt shifting and the rock started to give. She barely had time to gasp before she felt herself falling. Josh, just a few feet below her, turned and caught at her arm awkwardly, pulling her up and keeping her from collapsing completely. She grabbed as his shoulder to steady herself. His hand on her arm was cold, but he felt almost abnormally warm.

"Thanks," she said, laughing lightly. "Some dancer, huh?"

His eyes were fixed on her face, dark and unreadable. "You're not better," he said finally. "You're still injured."

"I'm fine."

"No, you aren't."

She yanked her arm out of his grip. "You don't know everything, you know? And you sound like a dick when you pretend you do." Without another glance, she moved past him, almost running down the last few feet to where the rocks began to grow smaller and smaller. This stretch of the beach was deserted, though she could see tiny lights much further down. Beyond that, small and picturesque, she could see the pier, still aglow with its rainbow of neon, flashing in the darkness. The air, damp and cold and smelling of salt, caressed her face.

Her smile bloomed once more. This was what she'd wanted. There was something about the ocean that she'd always loved. It had something to do with the fact that it was beautiful and seemed so friendly, but could kill you and not even pause. She'd tried to articulate it once to Emily, but the other girl had just scoffed and told Jess that goth was no longer de la mode. "Fuck it," she murmured to herself, then giggled. Jess kicked off her shoes and bent to roll up the legs of her jeans.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm getting in the water."

"Why?"

Jess flashed him a defiant grin. "Because it's the ocean. Because we survived monsters and hypothermia and doctors and waiting and now it's time for me to get in the god-damned ocean." She shrieked as the frigid water lapped at her feet and laughed again. "So cold!"

"You're nuts." He said flatly.

"Takes one to know one!" she called back in a sing-song, raising her hands over head and letting the breeze slip through her fingers and tangle her hair still further. "Come on, Josh."

"No."

"No?" She spun back, smiling wickedly. "You would deny a lady her most fervent request?" Putting a hand on her hip, she took a step towards him, walking with all the over-the-top seductive allure she could muster. Jess stuck out her bottom lip and pouted, batting her eyes.

He laughed and shook his head. "That's not going to work on me."

"Oh come on… I know you're not immune to my charms."

"You are like the human equivalent of the winking emoji. Holy shit."

"I am choosing to take that as a compliment."

Either he hadn't noticed how close she was getting or he simply didn't think she would really try anything. But regardless, Jess was going to take advantage of it. She grabbed him by the wrists and pulled him forward towards the water, laughing. Josh yelped and tried to dig in his heels, but he stumbled after her instead. "No! No no no no… Jess, at least let me take off my shoes first!" She let him go and he fell backwards, landing hard on his rear. Glaring balefully up at her, he yanked off his boots, tossing them behind him into the rocky sand. "You suck."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm just the one who busted you out and am now trying to help you live in the moment. I'm so mean." Jess stretched, feeling her back pop deliciously. "And I did let you take off your boots. That's pretty damn nice, I think."

He rolled up his pant legs a few times, muttering something about pushy blonde girls getting ahead of themselves. The breeze picked up, carrying a fine mist to Jess's face and she closed her eyes, savoring it. It was cold and damp and she was barefoot on rough sand. Perhaps it should have been unpleasant, after the similar characteristics of the mine, but the air made all the difference. The air, and the distant lights of civilization. They were alone, but they weren't alone.

Jess had always thought of herself as a bit of a cynic—though not nearly on Em's level—but now every sign of humanity was like a tiny blessing. She took a few steps forward, the water stinging her feet as it ebbed and flowed with its comforting rhythm. "Perfect," she said softly, looking out at the darkness beyond. She could hardly even tell where the water ended and the sky began, but it was a living darkness quite unlike that of the tunnels.

There was a soft hiss of indrawn breath and she glanced over to where Josh had stepped tentatively into the water. "Fucking freezing," he said bitterly, glowering at her.

"Whiner."

"Just stating a fact is not the same as whining."

"Said the whiner."

He rolled his eyes. "If I'm such a whiner, why did you bother picking me up?"

The laughter died in her throat and she turned back to the water. For the hell of it, she wanted to say. Because I was bored would work too, in reference to his excuse every time he'd visited her hospital room. 'Cause your hot would be a quick answer, easy to distract him with and not technically untrue. Or she supposed there was always the truth. But that way lay a more serious mood and just as she'd wanted to avoid his comments on her physical wellbeing, she didn't particularly want to talk about the rest of it either. "I just tried to think of the stupidest, most reckless thing I could do and you were top of the list."

"Does that mean you intend to 'do' me?" he asked, layering innuendo into his voice.

Jess scoffed. "You wish." Her skin felt tight and she stretched again, arching her neck back and trying to relieve some of the intolerable tension she'd felt building for the last few weeks.

"Hey…" His fingers brushed lightly against her shoulder and then pulled back. "Really. Why me? Why am I here and not one of your cronies? Not that I'm not grateful for the chance to lose my feet to hypothermia, but…"

After being lost in the mine for so long that she forgot what warmth felt like, the hypothermia comment felt like a bit of a stretch. Still, though, she supposed she owed him the same kind of honesty she'd asked him to give. "Josh, I don't want to answer that." She'd left him alone when he'd used that option. Maybe he'd extend her the same courtesy.

"Tell me."

Jess scowled at the ocean. "Figures you won't leave well enough alone. I don't even know why you care. Isn't it enough that you're out of your stupid house for the first time in who knows how long? But still you just keep pushing and I—"

"Jess."

She jerked her shoulders in an approximation of a shrug. "I like talking to you. I'm lonely. I wanted to do something reckless and I wanted to do it with someone who will talk to me."

The dark-haired man sneered, looking down at where the tide was coming up, lapping around his ankles. "Cry me a river. You've got friends. You've even got your precious asshat boyfriend. You can't talk about being lonely when you're actively dating someone."

"Are you kidding?" She glared at him. "Mike won't even fucking touch me."

He glanced at her, curious. "What? Why not?"

Jess shoved his shoulder, forcing him to take a clumsy step to the side to catch himself. He stumbled in the soft sand and his eyes widened in momentary surprise, then darkened. He folded his arms over his chest, a wall. She tried to explain and felt the words burst forth in a rush. "Because he still thinks I'm some fragile piece of glass. Everyone fucking does. My parents can hardly look at me without tears in their eyes. Mike kisses my cheek like I'm a child and can barely hug me. Emily—Emily —brought me a fucking teddy bear. It talks. It says 'Get better bear-y soon.'"

He shrugged. "What do you expect?"

"I expect them to treat me like an adult. I don't see them treating anyone else like this. Not even Ashley, and she's having panic attacks constantly, if what Matt said is true. That's not friendship. That's pity." She spat out the word, the taste of it lingering on her tongue. Bitterness curdled in her chest like heartburn.

"Let me get this straight… You're angry that they're being nice to you?" She didn't think Josh could layer more derision into his voice if he tried.

She swallowed hard, furious tears stinging her eyes. She hated that she cried when she was angry. It only confirmed what people always suspected. They always assumed she was just sensitive, easily hurt, when really it was rage. "I knew you wouldn't get it," she mumbled, pressing the heels of her palms against her eyes.

Cold fingertips brushed along her cheek and she froze, not moving her hands. His fingers slid back into her hair and tightened, tugging her hair slightly, drawing her head up. His voice was soft, measured. "I get it."

"You don't. You obviously don't. I don't know why I thought—"

"You forget," he said slowly. His hand, fingers tangled in her hair, tipped her head to the side and she finally dropped her hands. Josh's eyes bore into her, those strange, dark, deep-set eyes that had always unsettled her. "I was down there with you, Jess. I know you aren't fragile."

"But—"

"And you're like me." The muscles in his throat shifted as he swallowed, then his lips quirked in a slight smile. "Too much pride. Hubris, Chris would say."

She scoffed. "You're just a cocky asshole."

"So are you."

Jess couldn't blink, couldn't look away. It was like he'd caught her with his eyes, holding her fixed in place the way she'd always imagined a snake would. And there was the gentle, confident pull of his hand in her hair, the subtle scent of him, like too much coffee and ink and the salt of the ocean that seemed to be everywhere.

He pulled her forward, his lips crashing down on hers. It was such a relief that she could have wept. Instead she moaned, letting him take advantage of it to deepen the kiss, moving with a surety that she should have expected from him. That was how Josh had always seemed in school and other social situations: supremely confident. He was always in control; the master of the world. His free hand came up to cup her cheek and she felt his fingers tremble slightly.

Her heart thudded painfully in her chest. He wasn't nearly as confident as he wanted to seem, then. Somehow, that made her feel better. Jess stepped in to him, sliding her hands over his shoulders to twine behind his head, wanting more, needing to be closer. His skin was warm, even hot to the touch and the curls at the nape of his neck were soft. He felt solid, if skinnier than she would have imagined, though that probably came from the long time in the mine. God knew she'd lost more weight than she'd ever wanted to.

Breaking away, he let his head drop down, kissing and nipping his way along her throat and setting her skin on fire. She groaned, her hands tugging instinctively against him, pulling him in. His teeth dragged along her collarbone and she bit back a curse. "Josh, what are we—" His free hand slid up her side, brushing against her breast and she lost whatever words she'd had. It was good. It was too good to be real.

It was like being warm again for the first time after the mine or getting to finally dig her teeth into a burger and dip her fries into her milkshake. She'd known she missed sex, but she'd had no idea how desperately touch-starved she'd been. Not until she was being held, touched, kissed, wanted the way she was.

Josh recaptured her lips, yanking her into him with almost bruising force. They both overbalanced and fell backwards onto the sand. Pushing herself up and straddling his lap, Jess looked down at him. He looked dazed and a little lost, his eyes shaded with something dark that she'd been missing. She dragged her nails lightly down his chest. At a spot near the bottom of his ribs, he jerked, growling, and she grinned with delight. "Joshua Washington, are you ticklish?"

His hands slid slowly up her thighs, pressing through the denim of her jeans, and her hips jerked with an entirely different kind of frantic energy. Josh smirked. "Jessica Riley, are you ticklish? Or is it… something else?"

She rolled her hips again and his smug smile faded into something more predatory and raw. He was hot under her hands, hard and sinewy and real and there. With her. Looking at her like he wanted to do things to her that would make her shudder and scream. Her tongue darted out to moisten lips that suddenly seemed too dry. Slowly, carefully, she leaned down and kissed him. Strong fingers gripped her hips, guiding her as she surged against him. Heat, already racing through her veins, pooled low in her belly, urging her on, begging for more.

The fact that it was Josh underneath her made it all the more intense: strange, off-putting Josh with his knowing smile and his puppet master instincts. It wasn't like she'd never thought about it. Anyone with eyes who was interested in men would think about it, she was sure.

He thrust upwards, grinding her down into him and she pulled away with a gasp, her head falling to rest heavily against his jaw. His pulse raced wildly in his neck and she pressed her lips to it, her tongue darting out to taste the salt of his skin and the ocean mingled. Josh let out a strangled sound that was almost a moan and another thrill of need shot through her. She wanted him. They were still fully clothed, for fuck's sake, but she wanted him. She needed him.

His hands were fumbling with her shirt, sliding under the hem to stroke up her back. As his fingers slid along the edge of her bra and flicked across one sensitive nipple, she reared back. "Oh fuck."

That knowing little smile played across his lips once more and he did it again, teasing her. She felt like she was going to go mad. It made no sense, any of this, but it didn't matter. She felt more alive than she had in weeks. Maybe months.

Then his hand vanished, slipping back out from under her shirt. Instead, he rested his palms on her shoulders and his smile turned rueful. "We should go back." The words made sense individually, but didn't track in her head. He smoothed his hands down her sides in a way that did nothing to abate the need still pulsing through her. "We should go back, Jess. Before they realize I'm gone."

Reality crashed down hard. Stupid. She was so fucking stupid. Jess shoved herself off of him, stumbling as she regained her footing and headed for her shoes. Yanking them on, she tried to get her breathing back under control. She was halfway up the rocky slope back to the road before he even had his boots on and they dodged across the street one at a time, skirting around a bus stop and back to the car.

They drove in silence. She didn't even want the radio on. Of-fucking-course it would end like this. She always did manage to forget that her adventures often ended in disaster and awkwardness. And now she was losing out on the one person who would talk to her normally just because she couldn't keep her fucking hormones in check. Great. Just fucking great.

He climbed out of the car and hopped the wall easily, heading back towards his house. Jess stared numbly at the wheel for a few minutes before pulling away from the curb and heading home.

Whether it was by conscious choice to let her stay out without repercussions or because her parents simply hadn't realized she was going to be out so late, the house was dark and her parents were in bed. She deposited the keys as quietly as she could and all-but ran into her room. Sand scattered across the carpet as she stripped angrily out of her jeans and threw them across the room. Not only was that idiotic and now Josh was never going to talk to her again, but she'd actually… her blood went cold. She'd actually cheated on Mike.

She was going to break up with him tomorrow. There was no way around it. Obviously he wasn't getting over his whole issue of her being breakable and if she was willing to… no. They were done. It was time. Really, she felt like Mike had dumped her weeks ago, when she'd seen him in the hospital. He'd just been too scared or felt like too much of an asshole to actually do it.

Her room seemed too small after the beach. Jess yanked her window open and shoved her fan onto the sill, letting it draw in air from outside. A blue light blinked on her phone. She watched it for a minute before sighing and grabbing it off of the floor where it had fallen. The messaging app was blinking an alert.

Hey.

[…]

[…]

I didn't get busted. Thanks fo rrushing me home

[…]

I'll try to think of something fun for our next jailbreak.

If you want

Rly? U were done so fast

I am going to choose to not take that as a commentary on my stamina

U know what I mean

[…]

[…]

[…]

I panicked.

Sorry.

Jess stared at the words. "I panicked," she mouthed, reading them silently to herself. "Sorry."

It hadn't occurred to her that Josh might be just as freaked out by what happened as she was. And even now, after the frustrated, angry drive home and her subsequent anxiety about Mike and whatever the fuck she was doing, there was still a knot of need deep in her chest. She wanted the force of his hands and his bruising kisses and the way he acted like nothing had changed, when obviously so much had. It was easy to remember the way his fingers had been shaking as he touched her. He needed her too, in some sense or another.

She wouldn't pretend to understand Josh and she wasn't even entirely sure she understood herself, but the words shone black and crisp against the blue background of the app. "I panicked. Sorry."

In the morning, she had a very unpleasant conversation to have with Mike and more strained talks with her parents and probably more doctors and isolation and feeling stuck. For now, though, she just messaged back, her thumb sweeping across the screen.

It's okay.

I panicked too

Talk tomorrow?

Yeah.

Night Jess

Good night Josh

Sweet dreams

Clowns only

No cave monsters