A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who has continued reading this and to anyone who has followed/favorite it! Also, thank you so, so much for all of the reviews! Sorry for such a long wait. Promise the next update won't take nearly as long as this one. Hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think!
Just a warning that it's a long-ish update and Regina's past is touched on in a little more detail in this one, so there is a trigger warning.
Chapter 6: The Need to Know
Regina's hand was tucked comfortably inside Emma's, keeping them physically connected in some way, as they silently made their way down the trail to the beach. Birds could be heard chirping happily above them, hiding in the peeling white birch trees and different species of prickly pine, whose branches stretched toward the sun. Regina lifted her eyes to see the light streaming through the leaves and branches shading them. Even as the brightness caused her to squint, she still sensed how Emma's gaze drifted to her briefly, before falling back down to the ground. Brown eyes had tried to catch the green ones when they were studying her, but the loose waves of Emma's hair were all they met, since the other woman's eyes were already lowered and she seemed to be concentrating on watching for any rocks or roots that her feet could get caught on.
Without missing a beat, and having apparently felt Regina's eyes moving rapidly to settle on her, Emma slid her thumb over the back of Regina's hand, before it slipped back the other way and began to rub circles against the soft skin. The soothing, almost relishing motion, had Regina wondering if the blonde could sense the nervous flips unsettling her stomach and was trying to comfort her, or if Emma was just as desperate to touch her as she was to touch the blonde after being apart for so long. Something gave Regina the feeling it was a little bit of both, once the thumb stroked the back of her hand from the bumps of her knuckles to her wrist and back again.
Swallowing any emotion that tried so hard to stick to the back of her throat, Regina forced away the silence with her quiet question. "Did you really think I wouldn't have gone looking for you and my blanket?"
Emma's eyes rose to hers and she stopped the two of them right before the small gap in the shrubbery that lead to the beach. "Well, I was hoping you'd care about one of us enough to, even if it was the blanket."
There was a teasing smirk on Emma's face, but her words still hit Regina a little harder than the blonde had intended them to. "Emma, I do care-"
But the other woman interrupted her with a gentle smile and seriousness in her green eyes. "I know you do," She pulled on Regina's hand and moved in to kiss her softly. "And I knew you would come looking. For once I was smart, though, and realized you'd have to figure out where I was and that would take time. So, I came back to you instead."
"I suppose I should be thanking you, then. Saving me the trouble of running all over town."
"You've been sending me coffee every day, I'd say we're even."
A small smile flashed across Emma's face. Then, she led Regina the rest of the way onto the beach, stopping a few feet from the water tumbling in little waves against the sand. She barely noticed when the brunette pulled the blanket from the arm it was folded under. Instead, Emma was becoming distracted by the millions of different thoughts flying through her head about what she should say.
She gazed out at the water, watching wave after wave move toward the shore. In the distance, seagulls swooped down to meet the cresting water, while even further out, some boats sailed lazily across the sea. The serene view in front of her, however, did little to stop Emma's mind from whirling and rattling, so she gave up on trying to find the perfect way to start the conversation about them, and decided to confront the other woman, allowing their talk to flow whatever way it would. "Regina-"
She turned to face her, but was met by Regina's crouched back as she spread the blanket out, before sitting down.
"Come here," Regina instructed, her legs open enough for Emma to sit between them.
Green eyes looked to her skeptically, wanting to do what she was told, but wondering if sitting that close was a good idea if they were actually going to talk. "You know, the last time you said that you gave me the best massage I've ever had."
Regina looked up at her pointedly. "I thought you were hell-bent on talking."
"I am. Just making sure you are."
"Afraid I can't keep my hands to myself, dear?"
"A little."
That familiar smirk Regina always gave her, which now held more amusement than the malice it once did, appeared on her face. For some reason, there was still the fluttering and burning in Emma's stomach at the curling lips, but now it resulted from her own desire and attraction, not anger and frustration.
"I can promise you, I'm not the one we'll have to worry about being distracting or purposely trying to avoid talking. "
"You're already distracting," Emma grunted, and brought her arms to cross over her chest.
Regina rolled her eyes. "That's not my fault. I'm not doing it on purpose."
"Nope, you're not," Emma exhaled, her posture falling with the release. "I can tell when you are."
"Can you?" A dark eyebrow rose to challenge the cocky statement.
With a dry laugh and shake of her head, Emma turned to stare at the water again. "Don't you get that I know you? Picking up on all of those little things…it may have started out as a way to protect myself or try to get the upper hand in an argument, but now, I'm glad I can read you. And probably better than anyone. So yeah, I can tell when you're trying to get my attention or you're being overly seductive."
Their eyes met again, and Emma could see the vulnerability in the ones staring back at her. It was almost as if Regina had dropped her guard, hearing that there was no reason to keep it up.
"It goes both ways, you know," Regina responded tenderly.
"Oh, I know. And that means you know I'm not going to distract you on purpose either."
Regina nodded with a hint of a smile that never really appeared. "You should come down here, then. I—I…"
An eyebrow arched into Emma's forehead, her eyes staring at Regina quizzically, but instead of waiting for the other woman to say what she was thinking, Emma lowered herself into the space Regina had designated as hers and leaned against the pleasingly familiar body, as the brunette's arms immediately wrapped around her. Slender hands slid down the light sweater covering Regina's arms and their hands came to rest over each other, against Emma's middle.
"I've missed you too," Emma finished Regina's former thought, and turned her head to place a kiss on her cheek, before she nuzzled into Regina's neck and breathed her in; pink lips pressing against the spot that always seemed to make the other woman tilt her head more.
"I—I thought…no distracting…"
"Right," Emma smiled with a wicked glint in her eyes. "No distracting. For now."
Brown eyes narrowed at her, but Emma moved her head to look back out at the water, and leaned her back comfortably against Regina again, sighing in contentment while their fingers played with one another.
"You never showed up for breakfast four days ago," Emma said quietly, and Regina could hear the thick disappointment that clung to the younger woman's words.
"No, I did," Regina objected gently. "But then I left."
"That doesn't really count as showing up," Emma lifted a hand from Regina's to wave the statement away with a light chuckle, before it fell back to the other intertwined hands. "Why didn't you stay?"
A few strands of dark hair blew lightly against Regina's cheek, and Emma still picked up on the emotion that flitted through the brown eyes, even though she could only see the side of the other woman's face.
"I think you already know the answer."
"I don't really know anything. I've only been assuming things. Talk to me."
Regina turned her head, bowing it slightly to look into Emma's eyes. "And will you talk to me? Honestly."
"You're seriously doubting my sincerity after the past few weeks?" There wasn't any frustration or anger in Emma's voice, only disbelief.
The smallest bit of pink tinged Regina's cheeks, but the blonde could tell from the insecurity that she saw in her eyes, it was more out of embarrassment of the need to be reassured than feeling sheepish about doubting Emma. She ran a hand halfway up Regina's arm. "I'm not going to lie to you or keep anything from you. I promise."
Emma observed the way Regina looked at her. It wasn't hard to see the questions rushing through the other woman's brain, nor the moment she, again, accepted the trust that had been forming between them.
The desire to lean in and kiss Emma flitted across Regina's mind and tickled her lips, but she thought better of it, knowing it was not the time. Plus, she couldn't deny it would most likely end all conversation and stop any coherent thoughts, which wouldn't solve much of anything. Or at least anything that wouldn't end in physical needs being temporarily satiated.
"I needed some kind of space," Regina finally admitted, once she'd gotten her mind away from acting on any tempting ideas. Her eyes left Emma's suddenly, not because she wanted them to, but more out of a need to keep herself speaking the truth without becoming too emotional to continue. Normally, she would have been able to keep any tears or haunting thoughts buried, yet Emma had somehow made that more and more difficult for her, lately. "I'm not used to…I've never—there's only been one other person who has ever treated me the way you do. Like I mattered to them."
"Daniel."
Regina tilted her head in a barely noticeable nod.
"But we never got the chance to-" The rest of the statement got cut off by the sinking feeling in the brunette's chest, followed by the dull ache that hadn't been there for a few weeks. Regina felt the body resting on hers shift slightly, and Emma's grip tightened on her hands, as if the blonde could see the tears that had just been fought back in the brown eyes. Her chest rose with the long breath she took until it fell again, and she continued. "As I said the other day, I wish I could erase the others. No one has ever done that before—made love to me. And I've never felt deeply and connected enough to anyone to make love to them either."
The word "love" had Emma's heartbeat quickening, her palms becoming sweaty as they still mingled with Regina's hands. She wondered how difficult it had been for Regina to verbally define what they had done, because as true and accurate as the phrase was, Emma had not brought herself to label what she was feeling for the other woman. Of course, she cared for Regina more than she cared for pretty much anyone, except Henry, but love? Not that it should be surprising, since there had never been anything conventional about the two of them. Still, it made Emma wonder how she could have made love to someone she'd never been on a date with or kissed until that day.
But then, she became conscious of the way she was settled between Regina's legs; the warmth, connection, and comfort she felt in the arms wrapped around her, and that easily reminded Emma of why it was possible. Then, that feeling of emptiness and loss that she had revisited so many times after almost losing Regina on the ship, had her stomach rolling for the thousandth time, and even if she didn't know when she had started to fall for the other woman, she knew she had.
Emma's arms tightened against the ones snaked around her, pressing Regina's into her torso in a kind of hug. It was out of her own gratefulness to the universe and need to hold Regina that she squeezed a little harder, but she also aimed to soothe away the regret and inadequacy she heard in what Regina had said.
"You shouldn't have had to wait this long to know what it's like," The blonde spoke quietly and brought one of Regina's hands up to her lips. A shaky breath left the woman, and Emma felt the body behind her quiver, knowing Regina was battling the emotions that wanted to pour out of her. Thin lips lingered in another kiss they placed on Regina's knuckles, giving her a minute to steady her breathing. "I'm sorry that chance was taken away from you and-"
But the younger woman found herself unable to get the rest of her words out, as the truth of the experiences Regina's words alluded to, really hit her. Neal may not have been her greatest lover, but he was better than the seventeen year old not-so-experienced boy she had lost her virginity to, and the other less-than-ideal hookups she had had in her teens. Not to mention, she had been in love with Neal at the time, and from the way he treated her, she believed he loved her, too. Maybe he had abandoned and broken her, until she had begun to glue herself back together in Storybrooke, but compared to her relationship with him and any of the meaningless one night stands she'd had, Emma could tell Regina's past held darker and lonelier encounters.
The blonde pulled herself up and turned around, sitting on her calves, so she could look at Regina. Their eyes met with an intensity sparked by the dark emotions within them. Emma trailed her thumb down Regina's cheek until it stopped, and she used her hand to guide the other woman's face to hers. Their eyes searched each other, finding that understanding they needed, reflected back at them. Then, Emma's lips fell to Regina's, meeting them tenderly a few times, before she pulled back a bit to meet the watery eyes, where love and desire now shadowed the haunting feelings from before.
"I meant them: the kisses; the touches; the way..." She hesitated briefly, the words catching in the back of her throat, until they loosened with the sight of the tear that rolled down Regina's cheek. "The way I made love to you."
Regina's hand rose up to grasp the one Emma still held her with, her thumb brushing over the the thumb that the blonde had just used to wipe the fallen tear away with.
"You know, I never felt beautiful," Emma confessed in something close to a whisper. "I may have the blonde hair, the ass, the pretty eyes or whatever, but the only way I knew my looks were appreciated was by those stares…I guess, you'd probably call them vulgar…but that look older guys give you when they're checking you out. It's weird because it feels good that somebody notices, but it makes you feel dirty, too; that all they see is sex when they look at you. But besides them, I felt unwanted."
Emma saw how Regina looked at her with empathy, and she could feel the heat of Regina's breath against her chin when the woman's face moved nearer to hers, but stopped, before their vision became unfocused with the closeness.
Somehow Emma found herself continuing with the voice she thought she'd lost to emotion. "When people don't care about you, always tell you what you could change about yourself, and make you feel worthless, I don't think you can ever really feel beautiful or like you actually come with a value higher than a wad of gum on the sidewalk that's only there to annoy and disgust people when they step on it and it gets stuck to their shoe. But then, I met Neal…and he kind of made me see that I was more; that I could matter. It wasn't true love or whatever Henry would call it, but it was enough that I felt something. Then, he left me and I pretty much forgot whatever the hell he made me realize about myself," Bitterness rose in Emma's mouth and left with her words. The past was let go when she peered into the brown eyes staring back at her again, and a smile that fought to break through the remaining sadness appeared. "But you made me feel it again the other day. That I'm more than gum stuck to a shoe; that I matter. You even had me believing I might be beautiful. That I should see myself that way."
They were silent for a moment, staring at each other and wrestling with their own demons and flaws that were surfacing, while wanting to help the other's fade away. Nothing was more desirable than to paint over the wounds from their pasts, and heal them into scars that would barely be there and would hurt less.
"Emma, you are beautiful," Regina's hand cupped her face, and she found herself returning the heavy smile that fought against being weighed down. She tried so hard to make Emma believe the sincerity of the reassurance, imploring her to with her eyes. "I know what that's like to feel like less than you are…to think you're a disappointment. Daniel was the only one, other than my father, who I was good enough for just as myself. And he couldn't have cared less if I was wearing my riding clothes or some fancy gown," Her eyes practically rolled away from Emma's at the disgust she felt toward the typical men who only considered her beautiful when they believed her to be dressed up for them.
Regina could feel the uncomfortable ache of her heart when she remembered how there was never anyone who saw her for who she was, after she had left her home to marry the king. "When I moved to Snow's castle and was married, I never felt that way again. Of course, your mother always told me how beautiful I looked, and the king...the king's eyes never failed to indicate whether I would be summoned to his chambers or not on a particular night, but it was those dresses that pushed and pulled and trapped me in them that made me feel beautiful, not that man's lust for me," The bile that rose in her throat was kept at bay and she pushed all of the disturbing, plaguing memories to the far back of her mind. Only one bothering thought remained and her body shook with rage and remorse, as it concentrated on it. "I-I don't think he even looked me in the eye when…he never…he didn't even try to see me!"
The strength of her voice crippled with the fury and grief at all that had been stolen from her, and the painful cry came out hoarse and low. A few tears slipped down her cheeks, and Regina instinctively used her free hand to wipe the raw emotion away.
"Don't you ever think you're not beautiful, Regina," Emma said seriously, grasping the wrist of the hand Regina had continued to keep on Emma's cheek. "Anyone who used you or neglected you-they're all assholes, who didn't even deserve what they had when it came to you. Just thinking about them touching you disgusts me. Sure, I know what being neglected and unwanted is like after growing up the way I did, but hell, at least if someone forced themselves on me or used me for their own purpose, I could try to fight back. And at least at some point, I had someone to make love with in some kind of way…not that it was anything compared to the other day."
A smile managed to appear on Emma's face, even as tears stung her eyes, and it even found a way to grow wider when Regina smiled, too. "You saved my mom from a fucking runaway horse and all they did was take away everything you ever wanted. You were more of a hero than I've ever been, saving someone you didn't even know, and all Leopold and Cora thought about were their own selfish needs. You were brave and amazing, but they only cared about what that rescue meant for them. I mean, what kind of a man is so arrogant that they'd think an eighteen year old would want to marry someone at least three times her own age, just so she could become a mother and wife to people she doesn't even know? Being queen doesn't come close to paying the price for that! Hell, nothing would ever be enough. He didn't even care about you and still made you…That is so fucked up! I just—no one ever took the time to see you."
This time it was Emma who was swiping at tears that escaped her eyes. All she wanted in that moment was to hold Regina and keep her from anything that would ever hurt her again. Emma couldn't deny how strong the other woman was, but she also understood why the walls around her were so high and resilient: all of the pain and real-life nightmares had been internalized and kept secret. Like herself, Regina hadn't wanted to share them with anyone until an unexpected person came along and was stubborn enough not to leave. It may have taken time, but they were the people who had managed to get under each other's skin, wouldn't leave each other's minds, and eventually, broke through the barriers around each other's heart.
"You see me," Regina said through her raspy voice, still holding Emma's face with her hand. "Even when you don't like what you see, you accept it's me and usually choose not to run. Or, if you do, you eventually come back to me."
Emma smiled sadly. "Everyone has something that's not so easy to look at. There are plenty of scary things in other people that we don't want to see, just like there are in ourselves.
Quiet hovered over them, as Emma's observation sunk in, and she continued, "Who knows, maybe they're the parts we should be looking for to begin with."
"They probably are," Regina agreed, knowing all too well how never taking the time to see another person's flaws or unhappiness could lead to irrevocable damage when that less desirable side of them was left to be ignored and had time to break them over and over. "What you just said is why I trust you. You've always taken a person's story into consideration and tried not to jump to conclusions," Regina commended. "But you also don't give yourself enough credit. You've saved my life multiple times when you didn't have to, so don't suggest you're less of a hero."
"You're wrong," Emma finally leaned forward and pressed her lips to Regina's in a soft, meaningful kiss. "I had to. Maybe I didn't know why the first time, but something inside of me did. I can't lose you."
Regina glanced down and licked her lips, which only reminded her of how much she had missed Emma when she tasted the unique flavor of the other woman in her mouth and recognized the warm tingling still present from the contact. "Perhaps, I wasn't as selfless as you think when it came to saving your mother. Maybe something inside of me knew too."
Emma gave a short laugh. "That the daughter of the girl you saved would end up being the mother of the son you'd adopt and the woman you'd consider starting a relationship with?"
"It sounds ridiculous, I know, but…" The embarrassment that had Regina rambling disappeared when she realized the rest of what Emma had said, and her eyes snapped up to the green ones that were staring at her almost adoringly. "Relationship?"
Emma became slightly defensive at the shock the other woman didn't even try to hide in the word she choked out. "Well, that's what we're supposed to be figuring out, right? If we want to do this; make us work."
"Yes. Yes, it is," Regina offered in an attempt to quell the obvious negativity bubbling up in the blonde. She had a feeling the gruff tone Emma used was more to protect herself than to attack Regina. "I'm sorry, Emma. Just the way that you said it, it made it sound so simple and intimidating at the same time."
"But not impossible, like it probably would have sounded a few months ago," The way the words rose with a higher pitch at the end was the implication that the statement was actually a question for Regina, and she could read the challenge in Emma's eyes. It was her turn to assure the blonde and be honest with her, yet Regina had no doubt that Emma had sensed some of the hesitation she was suddenly feeling, especially once she had retracted her hands.
"That's the part that troubles me. It's true that so much has changed, but it all happened so fast. I know what I feel for you, and I want something with you, Emma, but it's something I don't even know how to have. And you don't either," The words were blunt, but true, and Regina had to push past the way Emma winced. Disappointment extinguished the remaining light in Emma's eyes and she saw the other woman part her lips, ready to counter her, but Regina's hand rose up to silence her. "I know you don't. Just because we have feelings for each other, doesn't mean that they can survive a relationship, especially once everyone starts finding out. How will Henry react? And your parents? You said Snow could tell you were feeling something for me, but did she think of what it would mean if I felt the same way; if we ended up in a long-term relationship? I'm not sure either of your parents would appreciate that."
Emma shook her head in defeat, yet tried to add lightness to her voice. "They're already dealing with the fact my son is related to Gold, but I see your point. It's not like I knew I was sleeping with Rumpelstiltskin's son at the time. I had no clue who Neal was. Everything is different with you," She kept their eyes locked, even as she tucked her yellow hair behind her ear. "I know who you are, Regina, and being with you is my choice. Believe me, I know how easily it can blow up in my face and break me again. It doesn't take much to rile each other up or want to bite the other's head off. We're alike in so many of the wrong ways and clash in almost all of the others," Both women weren't sure about whether to frown or laugh at how absurd their relationship sounded when put into words, and settled on the straight lines their mouths were already in, before Emma went on. "But see, when I choose whether or not to be with you, Regina, I'm not thinking of you as some evil queen. Maybe I should be, but I'm not. I'm not forgetting that part, but it doesn't define the person I see now; the woman that I want a relationship with no matter how many warning signs tell me not to go there. So, my parents need to understand that I see you for everything you are, and not just her."
This time it was Regina who fixed her hair, but unlike Emma her eyes drifted to the hand that she had dropped back to her thigh. "Perhaps, but that doesn't erase what they've known me to be."
Emma couldn't help but reach for the hand that she followed the brown eyes to, clasping it in a gentle command to get Regina to look at her again. "They know you've changed."
"I've hurt people, Emma. I had Snow's father killed."
There was little fight in the way Regina tried to make Emma understand the severity of the complications that the Charmings' daughter clearly hadn't thoroughly understood the magnitude of, but the firmness in the words still caused the blonde to swallow hard. "You were abused, angry, and brokenhearted. No one can tell me I wouldn't have done the same thing if I had been in your place."
"It still doesn't make anything that I've done right. It doesn't take away the fact that no matter how many times I've thought about it, I can't find it within me to completely forgive your mother."
"I know," Emma breathed, finding a desperation within herself to convince Regina she really was aware of the horrible past their families shared, but that the future was what had become important to her, after everything that had happened in her life, especially recently. "I also know who you are and how you've changed. And I know you care about me. That's enough for me and it'll be enough for them, because I know they love me. If they see me happy, they'll learn to be okay with it."
"You don't know that."
"I know that if I saw Henry happy, I'd do whatever I needed to (to) be a part of that. Just like I try not to complain when I walk in on my parents doing things I don't need to see. I don't know much about this family stuff, but I know that all I care about is that they're happy."
"And you'd be happy with me? Even with the clashing and frequent need to bite each other's heads off?"
"As long as we fight healthy—no running away, no going to bed angry, and of course, lots of make-up sex, we'll be fine," Emma assured lightly and smirked at the playful, knowing look that appeared despite the pain in Regina's eyes. One of her hands fell back to the one sitting in the other woman's lap, after brushing away a few strands of hair that Regina hadn't managed to sweep out of her face. Emma became serious again and linked their fingers. "You—you make me feel all those things I gave up trying to find, because after Neal, it all just seemed hopeless. I never really had a family, no home, nobody to love or care about me. You know, those days I sat in jail with Henry kicking and driving me crazy with how much he was moving around inside of me, I thought there was a chance I could still have all that. I felt like he was my last chance at having it all, but even if he was enough for me, there was no way I'd be enough. There was no way that just the two of us together would have worked. I couldn't have given him a home or the comfort and security like you've given him. So, I let him go and gave him the chance to have all of those things, accepting how I'd probably lost any chance at having them. I didn't know that by giving him his chance, he'd come back to give me another one, too. It's so weird how life works like that. But Henry brought me back to my family and now I have everything, even if I still need to get used to having parents and being settled in one place," Emma glanced down to their joined hands with a smile that only brightened some more. "The best part is, I got the home I needed. Not just a place with a roof over my head, family, friends, and a job, but somewhere where someone understands me, or tries to even when they'd rather use magic to send me flying as far away from them as possible."
Regina's eyes managed to glare at her, even with the tears that collected at their corners. "I haven't felt the urge to do that in a while."
"Not even the day you caught me on this beach a couple of weeks ago?"
"You surprised me."
"So you did want to blast me away with magic?" Emma quirked an eyebrow, enjoying the familiarity of their banter and the balance it seemed to always give them.
"Like you said then, if I wanted to, I would have."
Emma shook her head with a laugh. "Okay," and her eyes returned to Regina's. She could make out the happiness that mingled with her reflection in the dark brown mirrors, and knew that she never wanted to not be able to see into Regina's eyes and lose herself in them. "It might sound crazy, but after sitting here by myself every morning with your coffee and your blanket, I know it's way too soon and I'm not rushing this, but you give me that feeling of being home. That's why I think this will be worth it, as long as you feel it is, too."
Regina lifted their hands from her leg and pulled them beneath her chest, offering Emma a small smile. "The pillowcase on the other side of my bed doesn't match. I changed the sheets Monday, but not the pillow. It still smells like you."
"Like me?"
"Mmm. I don't want you to start gloating, but it's the only way I've been able to fall asleep. It makes me feel safe and comfortable."
"Like home," Emma nodded in understanding, but couldn't help smirking at the woman in front of her.
"I said no gloating."
"I'm not. Really," A chuckle rippled through Emma and the hard stare Regina gave her turned warmer with her own amusement. "I want you to feel that way. And this way, too..."
Emma leaned forward to capture Regina's lips with hers. The touch was chaste at first and caring. Soon, though, Regina responded and pressed her lips against Emma's, who slid hers over Regina's, deepening the kiss. Their mouths moved in a tender dance, slipping against each other in a heated, yet loving way. A hand reached up behind Regina's neck and another slid to her back, before Emma guided her down, so she was lying on the blanket.
Emma immediately followed the motion of the body under her and came to hover over Regina as they claimed each other's lips again and again. Regina's fingers tangled in the gold waves of Emma's hair, while her other hand moved from the blonde's shoulder to her back. She slid her fingers under the shirt Emma wore, feeling the bumps rising on the skin beneath her hands to meet the cool touch. A moan passed between their joined mouths, and Regina nipped at Emma's lip in response to the woman's appreciation.
Before Emma dared to let her hands take part in exploring the body beneath her like they wanted to, she pulled away from Regina's mouth and continued the kisses down her neck instead. She stopped her lips at the exposed skin near her collarbone and lingered there. She heard Regina gasp when she swirled her tongue over where her lips had been and kissed the place once more, before picking her head up to stare into the dark, chocolate eyes of the woman who was breathing heavily under her.
She smiled down at Regina, noticing their chests rising and falling in sync. "You're beautiful," Emma pressed her lips to Regina's forehead and pulled back. "We'll figure this out and make it work. Like I said four days ago, you're more than a one-night-stand."
"Does that mean you'll be taking me out?" Regina's fingers played with the curls that had fallen over Emma's shoulder, until the blonde sat up and Regina copied her movement a moment later.
"You want to go on a date?" The question was serious, almost shocked, but the corners of Emma's mouth twitched up. She waited for Regina to answer, watching the hope, worry, and embarrassment blurring in her eyes. A hesitant breath of air could be heard just about leaving Regina's mouth as she started to speak.
"I thought we could do someth—you know what, nevermind."
Regina's head whipped away and she turned to face the trees along the beach.
"No, Regina, I want to. I just didn't think you'd want to go out this soon."
The brown eyes traveled back to Emma again, not as soft as she wanted them to be when they looked at her, but less tentative and humiliated. "Well, I don't want to do anything too public. But I thought spending time together in that way might be nice."
Emma scooted closer to her. "It would be," One of her arms wound around Regina, and she pulled her closer. "And please, stop with the mask. Remember, I want to know. I'm never going to think anything you feel is crazy or weird."
"Wish I could assure you of the same thing," Regina jabbed, her head falling against Emma's shoulder.
"Hey!" Emma shoved Regina's leg with her own, taking some offense, even if she did laugh. "Guess, I can't blame you."
"I knew you'd see things my way," Regina smirked up at her and placed a kiss on her jaw.
"Don't start thinking that's going to happen every time."
"Of course, not. I am looking forward to that make up sex you mentioned earlier."
"I wonder how long we can go for without needing to make up," Emma bent her head down to peck at Regina's lips.
"I do hope it's longer than the amount of time it'll take me to convince you to come home with me."
"That doesn't really count because I don't need any convincing," Emma rested her forehead against Regina's, becoming intoxicated by the other woman's closeness.
"Mmm. We can go make you and me official. Right. Now," Regina's eyes fell to Emma's lips and she leaned in to cover them with her own, slipping her tongue out to tease the blonde. She felt the way the other woman shivered, but then, Emma was breaking the kiss.
"I'm supposed to be working and so are you, Madam Mayor. I'm sure you don't want Mary Margaret calling you with a hundred questions," It was not easy to contain a laugh as Regina practically shuddered at Emma's words. Her lips fell into a frown at this unusually responsible Emma Swan.
"What about later?" Regina inquired, lifting her head out of the intimate proximity they were in.
"I have to take Henry to an appointment with Archie."
"Then, after that?"
Emma was genuinely surprised by how much Regina seemed to need her. Honestly, it had her heart beating a little stronger to see the truth revealed in the brown eyes as to how much the other woman had missed her. Of course, she'd been longing for Regina too, but Emma had been so distracted with Henry and everyone else over the days they were apart, that any thoughts and feelings about Regina were only able to hit her when she was alone. Now that she was here with Regina, though, her need was becoming overpowering as well.
There was the tiniest pout on Emma's face, knowing she was going to let Regina and herself down. "It's supposed to be a big session for him. Archie wants to talk to me afterward. And I was going to take Henry out for dinner and ice cream, then try to get him to beat me at video games and finish the next chapter of the book we've been reading."
"I understand."
Emma could see Regina battling the disappointment she felt, even though, she had no doubts that Regina really did understand the need to be a mother first.
The blonde rested a hand on Regina's arm. "He's really doing a lot better. Last night he told me that he misses you," Emma nodded in assurance at the disbelieving look in the brown eyes, and could feel Regina's relief through the shaky breath she released. If that hadn't revealed how much the heartfelt mention from her son meant to Regina, the tears that she had to lift her eyes to the sky in order to keep from flowing down her cheeks, did. Emma gave her arm a squeeze. "He's just not ready to talk yet, but don't worry, he'll want to soon."
"That's—I miss him. So much."
Regina cleared her throat and brought her arms across her chest in a way that made her look like she was hugging herself. At first, Emma wasn't sure whether the way Regina was holding herself was a hint that she wanted space or not, and she hesitated to touch her. Finally, she decided to settle her hand on Regina's back, and the other woman wasted no time in falling against Emma as soon as she felt the contact. The desperate need to be held still felt so out of character for the woman who always forced herself to appear strong and stoic, and it left Emma to wonder how long it had been since Regina had anyone to lean on. It also had her becoming overly aware of the loneliness that she had always recognized in Regina, and for the first time, Emma felt it seeping through to her. She had experienced isolation and loneliness, but never had it held such a permanency and hopeless emptiness like the kind she was sensing from Regina. Maybe it was the fact that she'd lived longer than Emma. No matter what the reason was, though, it wasn't something she wanted anyone, especially Regina, to feel.
"What about meeting here tomorrow around five? I'll take you on a date."
"You're not going to pick me up?" Regina wondered in mock offense and brought her head up to peer at Emma.
"No, I'll need all the time I can get for what I'm thinking of doing, but I'll definitely bring you home."
The implication and longing in the green eyes that stared at her, brought some levity back to Regina and she grinned up at Emma. "Good, because I want you to."
"Not as much as I want to go home with you," Emma flirted, and her face scrunched up when she realized what she'd said. "Ugh. When did I start to sound so…"
"Like your parents?" Regina supplied.
"Yeah. Cheesy and sappy."
Regina shrugged a shoulder. "I suppose it didn't skip a generation like you thought."
"Guess not," Emma resigned with a hint of distaste on her tongue.
They stood up and Emma helped Regina shake out the blanket, watching the sand being carried away by the wind, before they stepped a good distance apart and began absentmindedly folding the blanket. "So, where are you taking me on this date?"
"Not telling," Emma sent her a smug smirk over the blue material.
"Well, at least give me an idea of what to wear."
"I'd go with beach attire."
"Our date is going to be here?" Regina wasn't sure if she was pleased at the idea and found it sweet, or was slightly disappointed that they'd only be continuing with their meetings on the beach.
"You'll see," Emma winked, walking over to Regina with the ends of the blanket that she held, and helped her fold it the rest of the way, so it fit neatly in her arms. "Trust me, I know what I'm doing."
"I hope so."
"Close your eyes."
The order earned Emma a glare from Regina, before her eyes fluttered shut. "Why am I doing this?"
"Because you love-" Emma froze before she could finish her thoughtless remark. It seemed like such a natural thing to say in response that she didn't notice what she was saying until it was almost completely out of her mouth. Her heart fluttered in her chest and her stomach felt like there was something much bigger than butterflies suddenly flying around inside it.
"Because I love what?" The way Regina's bottom lip trembled with her question was an admission in itself that she was just as nervous to hear the response as Emma was to say it. No matter how self-assured the way Regina baited her was, there was always that hint of vulnerability creeping in.
Choosing not to answer and doing what she had intended to from the moment she instructed Regina to close her eyes, Emma brought her lips to Regina's in a slow kiss. She made every move deliberate from the way she initially pressed her lips against Regina's, to the way they moved gently over hers; to how she touched and sucked, and flicked her tongue out, savoring, appreciating and cherishing the other woman in a fervent need to make Regina feel the way Emma felt about her. Her hands found either side of Regina's face in a brief caress, and then, she used the light hold on Regina to anchor them, as the other woman began to respond with her own nips and strokes of her tongue. After a few deep moans that added to their breathlessness, Emma finished what she had started with a few short, relishing kisses.
When Regina's eyes sluggishly opened, they were met with a soft smile. "Because you love when I kiss you. And because I want you to feel the way I feel about you. I want to make good on the promise I made to remind you that you deserve this."
Regina echoed her smile as any earlier doubts and insecurities left her. No one had ever kissed her like that, and she only hoped that the way she reciprocated it was enough in return for Emma. "Thank you."
"See? We can do this."
"Not if you find a way to ruin our date," Regina's eyes gleamed playfully, as they stared at Emma, taking in the slight frustration as it became evident in the blonde.
"I'm not going to, but I think you'd give me another chance."
"Would I?"
"We all make mistakes. Not to mention, there would have to be some kind of making up involved."
With an amused roll of her eyes, Regina grabbed Emma's hand and led the way back up the beach and onto the trail. The hand tucked in her own gave her the courage to allow the happiness she felt to wash over her. For the first time, Regina wasn't alone, empty, or hurting in any way. That left her grateful and overwhelmed with the warmth flooding her heart. Maybe she could have a new start and a happy life; maybe they both could with each other and Henry. If only that voice inside of her that had seen every good thing broken and ripped away from her, would stop trying to convince her otherwise.