"I'm going to the store, are you sure this is everything?" Namie waves the shopping list I gave her in front of my face, effectively distracting me from the chat room I'm currently trolling.
"I'm sure." I shoo her off, but glance up when a few seconds later she hasn't budged.
"Do you need me to change your bandage before I go? It'll be longer than twelve hours since your last change by the time I get back from the store." She proposes, trying to maintain her cold and clinical air. I can see the way her forehead creases ever so slightly in concern though. I ignore it and flick my eyes back to my laptop.
"It'll be fine, it's been four days and there's no sign of complications. An extra hour or two won't hurt it." I insist. She doesn't look convinced, but she finally moves away from my desk.
"Text me if you remember anything else for the list." She calls from the doorway. I nod in reply, keeping my eyes on the chat. Namie sighs and I wait for the door to close behind her before I lean back further in my swivel chair and stare at the ceiling.
I hate being stabbed. It takes longer to get back on my feet from being stabbed. I prefer a nice smooth slicing motion. I can be jumping from building to building less than a week after those. Shinra, Namie, even Shiki all demanded I take at least two weeks off from field work. I'm going stir crazy and it's only been four days.
I sigh and kick my foot to spin around in my seat. Life is so fundamentally boring. It feels like I'm living the equivalent of watching beige paint dry. If it weren't for my online schemes I'm sure I would have crawled up to the roof by now.
Most of all I keep thinking about Shizuo and how happy he must be to be rid of me for a while. He's probably savoring each day of peace in Ikebukuro like a fine wine. Maybe I'll hire some small time thugs to give him a hard time. That would certainly be amusing.
My phone rings and I swipe it from my desk as I spin past it, putting it to my ear as I continue kicking myself into motion. "Yes?"
"IZAYA HOW COULD YOU?!" I jerk my phone away with a sigh, already anticipating a headache. "How could you get stabbed and not tell us?! What kind of big dummy doesn't call his sister to let them know he could die?!"
"I'm hardly dying, Mairu, it was by no means a fatal stabbing." I drawl.
"We had to find out through a chat room Iza-nii!" She reiterates harshly. There's some shuffling and then a thankfully softer voice comes over the line.
"You should have told us, Iza-nii. We could have helped look after you." Kururi claims over the sound of Mairu continuing to rampage in the background.
"Namie-san hardly needs assistance." I assure her. She sighs patiently.
"Not for her sake. And not for your sake." She admits. I pause in my spinning, and Mairu even quiets down. "We were worried, nii-san. It would have been nice for us to see you and make sure you were okay with our own eyes."
I blink a few times, refusing to let the guilt in my stomach settle in. "I apologize for worrying you." I state, trying to sound as unapologetic as possible.
"You better apologize, you big jerk!" Mairu yells from the background. A smile curls up the side of my lips. "Just you wait until I tell Kyouko-san! Oh, she's gonna slap you so hard when she's back-"
"Can we come visit you tomorrow Iza-nii? It's a Sunday, we're off school." Kururi talks gently over Mairu, while her sister lets loose all the pent up frustration within her.
"For a little while, you can. I'll have Namie pick you up at the station." I agree tiredly. It might be nice to have them here. It could break up the monotony I'm slowly sinking into.
"Thank you Izaya." I can hear the soft smile in Kururi's soft voice. There's an indignant groan and then, "Thanks Iza-nii," from a very begrudging Mairu. "We'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well."
"Mmm hmm." I agree softly, hanging up once I hear the dial tone from their end. I play around on my phone for a little while before sighing and getting up to scour the kitchen.
There's not much to be found- there never is by the time Namie goads me into writing a shopping list for her to pick up. I find a package of instant ramen at the back of the pantry that may or may not be good. With a shrug I decide to risk it and set some water to boil on the stove.
In the meantime I pour myself some coffee and put a few dishes into the washer. Even as I do it I hate how freaking mundane it feels. It's a blessing when I get to stop to put the noodles in, and then again when the timer goes off. I mix in the seasoning packet and a handful of green onions left over from the fried rice Namie made the other night.
I pick up my phone on the way to the couch and slowly lower myself down into a comfortable sprawl to click through channels.
When my phone buzzes maybe thirty minutes later, I'm almost hoping for bad news. At least it would be something to brighten the day. Reading through Namie's text about the normal shop she goes to being closed feels like getting more beige paint thrown over my life. I hardly even take in the last bit about her being back late because she'll be going to a store further away.
I can feel myself turning into a vegetable with each passing second. There's nothing stimulating here. Everything on TV is trash. All of my books are too, for that matter. I'm even getting bored of the Dollars chat rooms for fucks sake! There's no way I'm going to last tonight, let alone another week and a half of this limbo hell.
I'm debating the pros and cons of leaking nuclear codes when my door shakes with rapid and deep knocks that can only be from one person. Sure enough, less than a minute later, "I-ZA-YA-KUN!" comes clearly through the door and I find myself laughing at the absurdity of it all.
Shizuo must hear my laughter, because his pounding on the door only gets louder. The only reason I end up standing and stumbling to the door- still wracked with laughter- is out of genuine fear for the frame's integrity.
His knocking stop when he hears me taper my laughter off in favor of turning the locks. The second I press down on the door handle, I have to jump back to avoid being hit by how fast it swings open. Shizuo spills into my apartment like a god of rage and accusation. I instinctively turn my right side to him, shielding my wound from any immediate attacks.
"Shizu-chan. What an unexpected pleasure." I back up more while he slams the door, furious eyes never leaving me.
"What. The. Fuck." He growls, stalking after me with the air of a predator. I swore I'd never see the day I let myself become his prey. Then again, when I first met him I swore I'd never let him have any power over me, and that didn't exactly go to plan.
"I'm afraid I don't follow." I drawl, eyeing the approaching couch. It's something to put between us at least, and I desperately need something like that.
"Stabbed? You got fucking stabbed?" He hisses, eyes blazing. Is this just the designated day for people to randomly find out about my random life events and overreact to them?
"A few days ago, yes." I cautiously step down into the area of the couch, glancing away just to make sure I don't fall off the few stairs between the levels. It's a mistake, I realize, when I look up to find his hand inches from gripping the front of my shirt.
It's too late for me to avoid it, but I still try. My hand shoots up to intercept his, letting his grip wrap around my wrist instead of the collar of my shirt. It doesn't seem to make a difference to him. He jerks me forward so he can grab my other wrist and backs me up until my calves hit the edge of the couch.
Shizuo pushes me down to sit- still more gently than I know he normally would. Clearly he's making himself be mindful that somewhere on me is a gaping wound that probably wouldn't appreciate being reopened. He remains in front of me, leaning down to plant his hands on the back of the couch to either side of my head.
"What the fuck were you thinking?" He demands.
"No thinking involved, Shizu-chan. I was just doing my job." I am aware that it's not the best idea I've ever had to goad him at this moment. But old habits die hard, and I'm nothing if not sadistically pleased by the pure rage that flashes across his face.
"You little piece of shit." He growls, bringing his hand in from the back of the couch to clench into my hair. A hiss seeps through my clenched teeth, but is interrupted by the sudden press of his mouth to mine.
As much as I hate to admit it, it can sometimes be hard to keep up with Shizuo. In public it's easy to outwit and outrun him- well it's sometimes easy to outrun him. But ever since I started getting him to fuck me, I've been left at a loss too many times to count when it comes to my monster. This is one of those times.
I can only stare wide eyed and try to process the fact that Shizuo is kissing me. It's not sweet, and it's not loving, but I never imagined it would be. It would be more disturbing if it was.
He nips at my lips and coaxes my mouth open, immediately sticking his tongue in when I do open to him. It's messy and filled with the fury I can feel leeching from him like a wave of heat. By the time he jerks my head back to give us both some air, I feel like I just ran halfway across the city.
Shizuo glares down at me, clearly waiting for me to insult him or something. All I can do is raise my hand to my lips and feel how swollen and warm they are. Shizuo grabs my wrist to move it aside and seal his lips to mine again.
His kiss is just as intoxicating the second time, a little less frantic and a little deeper. But when my brain stops playing catch up, it starts screaming 'What the fuck' at me on repeat. I can't accept this. I can't let him kiss me so that he can assure himself I'm real and here- or whatever Kururi said the people close to me need.
I try to pull back from the kiss, but his hand keeps me locked in place while he attempts to devour me. When pushing at his chest and shoulders proves just as effective, I resort to biting his tongue as it tries to fucking crawl down my throat.
Shizuo pulls back with a snarl, gripping my hair tighter.
"Stop, you have to stop." I immediately order, my voice firmer than I honestly believed it would be currently. He still scoffs in reply regardless. "Shizu-chan, I mean it. I'll kill you if you kiss me again." His eyes dart down to my pockets, searching for the shape of a knife. Which I only now remember I've been leaving on my bedside table since I've been under house arrest. Great. That's useful.
"Yeah, you look real threatening, flea." He smirks, letting go of my wrist to stroke his own fingers over my lips. "Fuck, look at you."
"Goddamn it Shizu-chan, stop! I've been stabbed and all you can think about is a quick fuck?!" The lust in his eyes snaps back to anger in a blink and his soft touch to my lips turns into a fierce grip at my neck.
"And who's fucking fault is that, huh? Who fucking conditioned me to expect to get off whenever I see him? Who didn't tell me he'd been fucking stabbed? I had to hear from Celty, Izaya-kun! And the only reason she told me was because she was worried I would jump you first chance I got!" Well, it doesn't look like she was wrong to assume that. Shizuo must realize it too, because he eases his grip a little.
"Boo hoo, I'm so sorry I didn't think to call the man who wants to kill me and let him know I was at a disadvantage! How could I ever be so foolish?!" I can feel the desire to snap my neck coursing through him. He probably wants to kill me more than he wants to fuck me right now, but he holds back on both.
"You're the most despicable, irritating, piece of shit fleabag on this planet." He growls. He's tense with rage and manic passion. But before my eyes I watch as it starts to seep out of him. He's still plenty angry when he speaks next, but only a fraction of his previous rage. "But for some fucked up reason, I can't imagine you not being in my life. I freaked out when Celty told me. I was…god fucking dammit…I was fucking worried. About you of all people." His disgust is blatantly obvious.
"I'm sorry to be such an inconvenience for Shizu-chan." I mutter, earning myself a growl.
"Shut up for one goddamn second Izaya-kun." He shifts his hand again, this time covering my mouth with a strong grip. "I must be the craziest fucker on this planet, because I care about you. I hate your guts, and yet I thought I would uproot a building when I imagined them spilling out of a stab wound."
Unable to do much else but stare at him wide eyed, I blink slowly in pure expectation of him to vanish any second. This has to be some kind of hallucination. Maybe I finally cracked the rest of the way. Figures it would be boredom that did it.
Even without words, he must be able to sense what I'm thinking. Maybe he's more adept at reading body language than I gave him credit for. His face hardens as he gazes down at me, settling into something determined. "Fine, I'll fucking show you then." He mutters, more to himself than to me.
He crushes my mouth to his for another brutal kiss that only lasts a few seconds this time. It still leaves me entirely too breathless.
"How much longer until you're back to fucking up my city?" He demands, leaning his forehead against mine. I have a quick debate in my head about telling him the truth or not. In the end I can't really think why I should lie to him.
"Week and a half." I breathe, and he growls in disappointment. Another bruising kiss later and he finally straightens up, sliding his hands off of me with obvious reluctance. But the mess he's made of me with only a handful of kisses keeps him in decently good spirits.
Shizuo reaches down to trace my lips with his thumb again, eyes hungry but determined. "If you know what's good for you, stay the fuck out of Ikebukuro once you're healed. If I see you, you're mine."
I blink up at him, and after a few more seconds of lingering, he growls again and storms out. The door slams behind him- I'm surprised that it even stays in one piece. I'm more surprised that I'm in one piece. It's been a long time since a confrontation with Shizuo hasn't left me in some measure of pain.
I slide to my right until I'm sprawled out on the couch, still just staring blankly at my apartment around me. How much of that was real? How much can I pass off as wishful thinking once I obsessively analyze every aspect of it?
At least one thing can't be denied. The swollen heat of my lips is impossible to pass off as fantasy. Shizuo kissed me. Something I made myself accept would never happen. He did it of his own volition- his own lust. And he did it again and again. Like it wasn't enough. Like he needed more.
I'm still rubbing thoughtfully at my mouth when the sound of a key turning in the lock announces Namie's return hours later. She makes a noise of surprise in her throat when she realizes the door was already unlocked, letting her in with no protest. And then she's leaning over the back of the couch, eyeing me suspiciously.
"Did you go out?" She demands angrily, ready to actually murder me if she finds out I took advantage of her absence to sneak out and cause mayhem. I give her a smile that catches on the fingers still tracing my lips.
"Of course not, Namie-san. I'm far too scared of my nursemaid to ignore her orders." I promise. She looks doubtful, glancing over me again as if looking for evidence to prove me wrong. Suddenly her eyes widen and her scowl turns into a full out glower.
"He was here, wasn't he?" I blink guilelessly up at her and she mutter under her breath. "Please don't tell me you two-"
"You're such an alarmist Namie. Even Shizu-chan wouldn't put his dick in a recent stab victim." I wave her off, and she deflates a little in relief. Only to tense up again.
"There are other things you could have done." She points out, eyeing the way I keep touching my mouth.
"He kissed me." I admit easily, and she gapes a little. "It was weird. Like he wanted to crawl inside of me." Here she shudders and I grin at her discomfort. "But that's all he did. He yelled, he kissed, he told me to stay the fuck out of Ikebukuro when I'm healed. Business as usual." I shrug.
"I'm half convinced it would take an exorcism to keep you out of Ikebukuro." She rolls her eyes and straightens up, disappearing from my sight. I hear her moving bags into the kitchen, and the occasional mutter to herself. When the rustle of groceries being put away fades, the metallic clangs of pots and pans being sorted starts. The stove clicks on as she starts making food, the noises all very domestic.
And then she's back, leaning over the back of the couch again. "Your sisters are coming tomorrow." She states it, probably knowing there's a 50/50 chance I don't know yet. I nod and she looks a little relieved. "Try to recover from your schoolyard crush enough to interact with them by then." She suggests.
"Big talk from a woman who regularly fantasizes about the murder of the high schooler who's dating her brother." I drawl. Namie's lips quirk up at the corners- an unusual reaction to this line of badgering.
"I wonder if your sisters would be interested in planning some murders with me. At least it would give them something to do instead of listen to you whine all day." She suggests cheerfully.
"And people think I'm a bad influence on them."
"Well he doesn't have a fever." I glower up at Shinra and his stupid smirking face. He straightens up from his crouch to continue talking to Namie. "It just looks like he's being Izaya to me."
"He's been lying there all day. All week!" She points vehemently down at me with a scowl. I roll my eyes. And she thinks I'm dramatic. Just because I have a new appreciation for lying on the floor to contemplate the universe and my plans for it, she decides to call Shinra and whine about how there's obviously something wrong with me.
"I'm sure you're exaggerating." Shinra tries to insist. Namie burns red with irritation.
"I am not! The only time he moves is when I make him move! He hasn't even tried to go wreck havoc!" This gets Shinra to crease his brow in confusion.
"Izaya you know you're done with house arrest, right? Like four days ago, you were done." He points out. I shrug one shoulder aimlessly.
"See! I was expecting him to slip out of here as soon as he could, but he's just been laying around on his phone- or staring at the ceiling for no apparent reason!" Namie fumes.
"Well, it is a very pleasant ceiling, I suppose." Shinra hums. Namie looks like she might be debating getting some practice for her Murder Mika plans. "Izaya, get up. Your secretary thinks you're depressed."
"Don't all of you think that?" I point out dryly.
"We tend to use the words 'self sabotaging' and 'ticking time bomb of destruction' more often." He chirps happily. "Speaking of which, I'm surprised you haven't taken advantage of your freedom and tracked down Shizuo yet. It's been almost three weeks, hasn't it?"
"It's so much effort to go outside. Maybe your forced bed rest gave me a new appreciation for homebodies." They share a look that's so unimpressed I almost cackle. "Don't tell me you're encouraging my self sabotaging ways, Shinra."
"On the contrary, I've been having a very blissful few weeks of not seeing your face- and other less savory parts of you as well." I frown at his annoying face. "But I have to agree with Yagiri-san on this one. It isn't like you to stay holed up and sedate. It's worrying."
"Worry, worry, worry, worry…" I mutter.
"Izaya, get up!" Namie snaps. I sigh and slowly shuffle into a seated position. Shinra reaches down in offering and the surprise that crosses his face when I accept his hand is satisfying.
"There, I'm up, are you happy?" I sigh again, stretching mostly for effect.
"I'm prescribing you with post traumatic sedation disorder." Shinra decides.
"Isn't it 'stress disorder'?" I drawl.
"The only stress around here is the stress you're putting Yagiri-san through. You need to get out and rejuvenate yourself with whatever sick thing it is you do for fun. Go people watch from a tree in the park, or bribe some gang members to attack Shizuo. Bother your sisters, something. Just go out." He commands.
"First you won't let me go out, now you won't let me stay in. Make up your minds, you psychos." I mutter, but gravitate to my shoes and jacket anyway. They watch me prepare for my first venture beyond my front door in weeks almost like parents sending their kid off to school for the first time.
"Don't have too much fun now." Shinra waves with a grin.
"Get fucked Shinra." I sigh, stepping out into the hall and closing the door behind me. I make it down the elevator and to the doors of my apartment building before I stall. What now?
I have no reason to go out, and no idea what to do for 'fun'. Shinra's suggestions were decent enough I suppose, but they all involved going to Ikebukuro, and I haven't been out to stretch my legs in what feels like ages. Outrunning Shizuo would be good exercise, but I'm also disgustingly self aware right now. At least enough so that I can admit that I may not be able to outrun Shizuo currently.
There really isn't anything fun to do in Shinjuku though. At least, nothing I'm interested in. I want to go to Ikebukuro, it calls to me like a moth to flame. But I can't help but to feels wary.
Shizuo's warning is still ringing in my ears. Normally I would ignore things like that before they've even been said. But Shizuo is different. I can't underestimate him- I've done it far too many times and regretted it just as many.
Then again, if I managed to slip in and out of Ikebukuro without Shizuo knowing, he'd be furious when he found out. I can just imagine the look on his face.
With that made up, I start towards the city, pulling out my phone to text Namie that I'm picking up Russia Sushi. She replies to ask if I want her to stay until I get back, but I'm quick to assure her it'll be fine for her to head home. It's already late after all, nearly eight, and I want to take a nice long stroll if I can.
Namie assures me she'll see me in the morning and with that I turn my phone to vibrate and tuck it away to appreciate the passing city.
I decide to walk, though it more than doubles the time it would take me to ride the train into Ikebukuro. It's such a nice night that I don't mind. And it's absolutely not because I'm delaying the inevitable. I'm just very appreciative of having solid legs to walk on.
Eventually I cross into the city, and it's like I can taste the difference in the very air. I'll never get over how much I love this city, and it's people. There's so much to see and analyze and there's chaos brimming in all of my lovely humans, even if they don't know it.
Even with the constant anxiety that a vending machine will come dropping out of the sky at any moment, I find myself relaxing into the flow of the city. I keep an eye out for anyone I know, but I don't seek them out even when I see them.
Mikado and Masaomi linger together in the park as I pass, and I wave without changing course. I'm pleasantly surprised when they wave back. A few streets later Dotachin nods heavily in recognition from where he leans on his friends van. I respond with a wave to him too and carry on.
The first person to break the flow is Celty, who draws to stop beside me when I send a friendly wave her way.
'Hey, it's good to see you out and about.'
"You don't have to lie transporter. No one really thinks it's a good sign to see me." I tell her with a wide, fake grin.
'I meant it's good to see that you're healed.' I can just hear the sigh in her nonexistent voice. 'Where are you headed, do you want a ride?'
"No thank you, I'm under orders from your beloved to get out and stretch my legs. And I have been craving Russia Sushi lately." She perks up.
'Sounds great! I hope it's really good!' She's so animated for someone without a head. I nod to her and she speeds off into the city. I wonder vaguely if she's going to start keeping an eye out for Shizuo. And if she finds him, will she tell him to come see me or try to lead him far away from my direction?
With a shrug I continue on, absorbing Ikebukuro like a plant absorbing the sun. It feels so good to be able to breathe it all in again. Not that I'm going to admit that to Shinra or Namie. They're both already too smug for their own good.
Russia Sushi slowly gets closer and closer until I turn a street and hear the familiar bellow of Simon nearby. I wonder if he's noticed that I haven't been around lately. I catch his eye as I'm crossing the street in front of the restaurant, and his already big smile widens.
"Izaya! It is long time no see, da?"
"Da, Simon. I've been preoccupied." I tell him with an easy smile.
"I am glad you have come back to the city." I want to call him out on this just like I did Celty, but there's the most curious note of honest relief in his tone that stops me.
"Are you?" I raise an eyebrow, intrigued.
"Da. Shizuo has been very moody since you are absent. Restless and pubescent like." Simon cringes at some recent memory, and I laugh.
"Isn't Shizu-chan always moody?"
"This worse." He vows solemnly. I find myself frowning.
"Even if that's true, it can't have anything to do with me. Everyone knows he wants me out of his city, he should've been having the time of his life." Simon shrugs.
"I only know what I see. And what I see is moody Shizuo. Now! You come, eat sushi!" He switches back to billboard Simon, ushering me towards the doors behind him. I go willingly, but I find myself still frowning even when I'm seated and watching Dennis prepare my meal.
Has Shizuo really been making a nuisance of himself? Well, more so than usual? It's not like Simon to lie or soften the truth, so it must be at least some part true.
Interesting. I wonder just how much of a nuisance he'll be when he finds out that I'm here. I guess, if I stick around long enough, I might just find out.