Chapter 6: I Bruise Easily
Disclaimer: I do not own Tekken or any of its characters.
It had been a month since the Swede and the Korean first embarked into a new chapter of their lives together. Not a long time by any sort of means, but when you're in love with someone and don't know how to say it, it can be an eternity. Yet, words don't have to be spoken to tell someone how you feel. You tell it to them all the time: in the gaze that just lingers a bit too long, in the innocent touches between hands and of course, when you're in the same room with them despite having an entire apartment to choose from.
Hwoarang stared out the window and let his thoughts swim around aimlessly in his head. Yes, things had settled into a nice routine for both him and Lars, but what's stopping them from taking the next step. They were living together for a month now, and neither of them had given the other a hug, let alone a night of complete passionate abandon. "I shouldn't have asked him to take things slow. But, I didn't want to get hurt again" he thought to himself uneasily. "Should I make the first move?" His contemplations evaporated when approaching footsteps announced Lars entering the room. He wore a black suit and tie with a white shirt. Hwoarang amusedly let out a wolf whistle. He had to admit that the guy really looked fetching in formal attire.
"Does it look bad?" Lars asked anxiously. Hwoarang stood up and neatened Lars's collar. "No, no it doesn't look bad at all. It's just that I'm not used to seeing you dressed up in a suit. Are you going somewhere?" Lars's expression darkened slightly. "Yeah, I am. I won't be home till late tonight, so please don't wait for me." Hwoarang drew back. "Oh… alright." The atmosphere between the two grew heavy with tension. "Well, I'd better get going then. See you tonight. Or tomorrow." Lars walked out of the door, and out of the corner of his eye saw a blank faced Hwoarang. "Please don't be mad at me Hwoarang" he prayed. "It's not that I don't want to tell you. It's just that if I do, I could never face that pain again. I'm not as strong as you."
Hwoarang felt stung at Lars's abrupt departure. The Swede hadn't even told him where he was going, let alone asked if he wanted to come along. The undefined nature of their relationship hung like a sword above the Korean's head. "He doesn't trust me" he murmured, entering the soliloquy of his anxieties again. "Maybe there is something wrong between us. What if… that bond we have isn't enough to hold us together?" A darker thought entered. "Does he love me? Do I even love him?" He paced around the living room in frustration before landing his fist against the wall with a cry erupting out of his mouth. "If I didn't" he whispered, "this wouldn't hurt so much."
Something out of place caught Hwoarang's eye as he withdrew his fist from the wall. On the calendar, today's date was circled in red. Hwoarang's fingers brushed over it as if hoping the calendar would gain sentience and tell him why today's date in particular was marked off. He took the calendar off the wall and flipped through it. The same day in each of the other months wasn't circled or marked off. What was special about today?
In his car with a bouquet in the backseat, on the way to a graveyard, Lars Alexandersson reminisced about today fourteen years ago. Every time he thought about his mother's death, it made him feel like that helpless fourteen year old boy again. Even though he'd seen countless numbers of people die, this one hurt the most. Because the others were faceless. They hadn't promised to stay by his side and protect him no matter what – they hadn't abandoned him. This 'visit' every year was to suppress his guilt. "I'm calm" he thought. "I'm not angry or anything else. Just calm." He ignored the slight lump in his throat that warned him of the consequences if he wasn't.
Hwoarang's head spun. Where was Lars off to? Secret black-op meeting? Adult film theatre? Blood donation clinic? Each reason was feebler than the last. This was a reflection of their relationship – a bond built on something other than trust, destined to crumble and fall into the pain from which it was forged from. "This bites" he remarked irritably. He went into the bedroom and flopped upon it with a sigh. If Lars really did hurt him, even in this vague semblance of a relationship, he wouldn't be able to handle it. A crinkling sound came out of nowhere. Hwoarang sat up. He bounced again on the bed, and the sound followed. A stained piece of paper was jutting out from underneath the mattress. Hwoarang leaned over and grabbed it. Time had certainly aged it, but it seemed well preserved. A corner of it was stained in a tinge of reddish-brown. It was addressed to Lars. "Strange place to keep something like this" muttered Hwoarang. Was this a clue to the big mystery? He carefully opened the paper.
No year was given, but today's date was written in the top right hand corner. Hwoarang's eyes were immediately entranced by the flawlessly neat handwriting. Whoever wrote this was must have spent a lot of time putting their thoughts into words like this. They must have loved Lars very deeply. Maybe even more than he ever wanted to… or could.
22 May
My dearest Lars
My son, I write this with a heavy heart, and yet it is simultaneously filled with peace. This mere letter will not be enough to cover the multitude of 'I love you's' I'm supposed to say over the rest of your life, but it will be the final mark of my affection to you.
If you are reading this, then you probably already know what I have done to myself. Please don't ask why. I don't even have the answers to that myself. All I know is that these past couple of years have been filled with melancholy lulls for me, and it's getting tiring to pretend that everything's fine when its not. Remember when you were little, and we would go to the park and stare up at the clouds and see their shapes? From then I knew, that I wouldn't be enough of a mother for you. You deserved someone who was truly happy, and who would fill your days with innumerable moments of joy. I'm sorry I couldn't be that for you.
Please do not blame yourself for my decision. This was not any fault of yours. You are, and will continue to be, the light of my life. I will always be with you.
With all my love and more
Mother
As if a light switched on within him, Hwoarang understood…
A half moon was the lone onlooker to Lars trudging his way to the grey tombstone. A stone cherub sat on top of it, his eyes downcast over the grave as if protecting him. Lars read the tombstone with wounded eyes: Here lies Nikki Alexandersson. Beloved daughter, sister and mother. "Mother" thought Lars acidly. "More like betrayer." He stood in silence before he decided to speak. "You really hurt me 'Mother'. You said you did it because you couldn't live with the sadness anymore. It's ironic because you left me in more pain than you could ever imagine. I cried myself to sleep every night for years. All because of what you did." He paused before continuing. "I found someone. A guy. Not exactly how I how I thought things would turn out, but it doesn't matter. I… I love him." The words finally broke free. "I love him. He's a bit broken too. But I'll make him happy. I'll make sure that he'll never feel the pain you made me feel. I swear it." A breeze swayed by as if in reply to his tirade. He sighed. "I really am a fool aren't I?" He turned around and made his way back to the car, feeling the years of emptiness consume him.
Lars entered the apartment at around midnight. His face was weary with the day's events. "I waited for you." A soft voice came from the sofa. Hwoarang was awake, his face filled with concern. Lars sighed and seated himself next to the Korean. "You shouldn't have" he said, his face looking straight ahead. Hwoarang moved closer. "I wanted to." Silence. Hwoarang pressed on. "I found the letter." Lars's neck snapped around and looked at him with mixture of shock and fear. "You… you read it?" His voice was shaky. Hwoarang nodded slowly. Lars looked down, his breathing deep and uneven. "You shouldn't have done that."
"Maybe not. But you can't keep on holding on to that pain." Lars snorted sarcastically. "You're one to talk." Hwoarang looked at him deeply before giving his reply. "This isn't about me." Lars stood up suddenly. "Can we not talk about this?"
"You can't keep holding it in." Lars rounded on him, fury blazing in his eyes. "You really don't get it!" he bellowed. "SHE LEFT ME, OK? She murdered herself because she didn't want to face up to the pain! She abandoned me!" Lars's outburst left him drained emotionally. He was sobbing heavily. It reminded Hwoarang of that day in the park, but now the roles had reversed. He had to be the rock now.
Hwoarang stood up and pulled Lars into a hug. It was the first contact they had in a month. However this was going to end, the platonic days would end with it. "I feel too much for him to carry on safely" he thought. Lars was still crying on his shoulder. "Lars" Hwoarang said in a low voice "she really did love you." He felt Lars's head shift on his shoulder. "I find that hard to believe" he said in a muffled voice, thick with tears. Hwoarang pulled back and placed his hands on Lars's cheeks. Lars responded by taking his hand and opening it with his own and planting a small kiss on it. "I wasn't enough for her Hwoarang. I couldn't make her pain go away. She pretended to be happy each day, and I fell for it like the idiot I am." He looked deeply into Hwoarang's eyes, his chocolate eyes tearing up again. "I couldn't save her" he whispered sadly.
Hwoarang pulled him in closer. "I know it hurts. And I also know it's easy to be angry with her. But you can't blame yourself. If you could have saved her, you would have. But she felt that you deserved better… and she loved you too much to let you see her unhappy for even one moment." Lars gazed at him in awe, reminded of the polar symmetry in the park a month earlier. Hwoarang tilted his head to the side. "We do strange things for the people we love Lars. They may not understand it… but we do it because we love them." Hwoarang moved his lips mere millimeters away from Lars's. "I love you" he murmured, his voice making Lars lightheaded with desire. Lars moved his mouth over to Hwoarang's ears. "Do you really?" he whispered. Hwoarang pulled back and gazed into the Swede's eyes, instantly desiring the emotional distance between them to be removed. "Yes I do." His reply was warm and comforting. Before pressing his lips against the Korean's, Lars breathed his response: "I love you too."
The kiss was reminiscent of that first one shared between them all those nights ago, but something had changed. Now, it meant something deeper, something definite. Hwoarang granted the entrance of Lars's tongue into his mouth and melted into his arms. He wrapped his arms around the Swede's body, and for the first time in over a year felt his heart soar. Lars pulled back from the kiss and went for Hwoarang's neck, kissing and gently biting his pulse point, eliciting a moan from the copper head. His hands roamed all over the Korean's body, lovingly paying attention to each muscle they encountered.
Lars pulled back, causing Hwoarang to stare at him in confusion. "Let's go to the bedroom. I want to do this right." Hwoarang nodded and took the blonde by the hand. On they way, they shed their clothing in a heady rush of passion and practically ran to the bedroom. Once their Hwoarang took Lars in his arms and pulled him onto the bed. Their lips crashed together in another heated kiss and pulled apart to look in each others eyes. Each one saw the mirror image of what they felt: wholeness. Lars started kissing a trail down Hwoarang's body before reaching his entrance. He grabbed the Vaseline on the nightstand and dipped his fingers in it. He pulled himself up for another kiss, before allowing his fingers to enter Hwoarang. The Korean gasped, before moaning. This felt right. "Now. Do it now" he whispered urgently.
Lars slid his length into Hwoarang while kissing his neck and chest to get him to relax. He started moving slowly at first, building a steady rhythm before increasing it. They both spoke in a language of grunts and moans, both of them burning with yearning for the other person. This night signaled the end of two separate worlds and the birth of a new single one. They both connected physically and emotionally. They finally defined their relationship.
Lars threw his head back, his face contorted with lust. He was close. He reached down and brushed his hand over Hwoarang. "Fuck, I'm coming!" they both shouted at the same time. Hwoarang's seed shot forth onto Lars chest, while Lars deposited his load deep inside Hwoarang. He collapsed on top of his lover, panting and sweating. He pulled himself up till he was the same level as Hwoarang and gave him a light kiss. As their eyes closed from the fatigue of their lovemaking, they both said it at the same time. Those three words that seal the emotional connection between two people, the words that bind two people together: "I love you."
Halfway across the world, in a seedy rundown bar, a blond woman was impatiently waiting for someone to arrive. "Damn him, he always does this!" As if on cue, a tall man appeared and took the seat opposite to her. His cheeks were hollowed out and his cupid bow lips were pulled into a slight smirk. The pitch black bangs of his hair shielded her from the full intensity of his eyes. His looks were truly godlike. The blond woman gave a small sigh as she supported her head on her arm. "So… what can I do for you Jin?"
Uh oh… trouble's looming over the horizon for Lars and Hwoarang. What's gonna happen next? Find out soon! Please review.