"I'm fine, really." Severus insisted with mild annoyance. To be honest, he wasn't even sure how he felt. Voldemort getting his hands on a time turner could be devastating…but, it could also give him what he most dearly wanted.
"Well, what did he say?" Lily fretted.
"He was just asking about Zahrah, when she'd be ready to return." He shifted away from her concerned touch with a slight sneer.
"Sev." She rolled her eyes. "Do you really believe that after all this time I can't see right through you?"
He set his jaw. If that had meant to relax him it had achieved the opposite. "We discussed the war, he suggested I become a Death Eater." Lily looked at him, eyes wide. "Which I shot down, of course." He hurriedly continued. "As much as I'd wish to continue this lovely conversation, I need to update Zahrah." Severus stepped away before she could question him further.
He walked down the short, carpeted hallway in the direction of the cracked open door that led to Zahrah's room. He pushed it farther inwards, speaking quietly. "Zar?"
A shuffle of movement, a sniffle responded, and he let himself in. She wiped her face quickly, brushing away the platinum blonde strands that clung to her tears before she sat up from her curled fetal position. Severus glanced over his shoulder, checking for Lily before shutting the door fully. The bed frame creaked as he sat beside her. "I spoke with Dumbledore." He looked her up and down.
"What does he want from me now?" She asked in exasperation, her shoulders slumping with exhaustion.
"Actually, I'm the one with the question. Do you know what it is the Dark Lord is after?"
She shook her head. "I told you, he's being secretive. After leading the Order to him it's unlikely I'll ever know."
"Dumbledore seems to think he wants to acquire a time turner."
Her own eyes widened first in confusion before narrowing under a furrowed brow. "What does he plan to do with one?"
Severus lifted his shoulders slightly before dropping them back down. "I'm sure nothing good, but I wanted to suggest that you lead him to it, help him."
Zahrah's voice rose dangerously. "Are you insane?"
"Shhh." Severus glanced at the doorway before dropping his voice further. "I'd prefer to keep Lily out of this."
"Out of what exactly?" She snapped. "What good could possibly come from that?"
"I shouldn't have to explain what a time turner is used for. Perhaps, if the Dark Lord changes certain events in his process…whether on his own or with some… guidance..." He raised an eyebrow.
Zahrah gasped, covering her mouth. "Do you really think it's possible?"
"I think it's worth a try." A devilish smile spread across his face.
"How…how would we even begin to do that?" She sat up straighter, invested in the conversation more than she had been before.
"Dumbledore will be stationing guards outside the Department of Mysteries from now on, to prevent the Dark Lord from returning. I myself have one this Saturday evening. I can guard the door while you sneak inside."
"And steal from the Ministry? Isn't it a little risky?" Her brow came together again.
"Says the death eater." He responded with a laugh and a nod to her arm. "If you can offer this to him you may be put back in his good graces without being harmed further, and we may get what we want in return."
"I'll arrange a meeting with him now." She stood hastily, but Severus gripped her arm before she could go anywhere.
"You understand this isn't a sure thing?" Severus asked carefully. Zahrah bit her lip, nodding sadly. "Are you okay?" He pressed. "Something tells me those aren't tears of joy."
"Its hard, Sev'rus." She exhaled, looking at him in a way that made him uncomfortable. "And maybe I wasn't entirely aware of what else I'd lost until Lily started hanging around."
His grip dropped, giving her hand a gentle squeeze instead with an attempt at a reassuring smile. "It's hard for me too." He pushed himself into a standing position, ignoring what else she'd said and leaving once more.
Xxxx
Zahrah remained motionless, watching him leave. When she could hear his footsteps down the hall she removed her wand. Nervously pressing it into her mark she muttered "Disputatio". For a minute nothing came, and she sat there motionless until a sudden searing pain filled her arm, telling her to come. She did as she was told, disapparating quickly to the empty headquarters.
She wound her way through the stately and silent hallways, finding herself utterly alone. Upon reaching the interrogation room, her wand was placed in a compartment just outside the door, for the Dark Lord's safety. Through the glass she could see him standing there, waiting for her. The expression he wore was not one of pleasure. Taking in a large breath to steel her nerves Zahrah pushed the door in. Her head dropped, facing the ground as she approached with a limp before finally kneeling on the concrete in front of him.
"Why have you contacted me?" He snarled.
"My Lord, I have found a way to get the item you seek."
He glared at her dangerously. "How do you know what it is?"
"It is only a guess, but I wish to help. I would never attempt to understand your knowledge." Her breath came out in ragged bursts of fear. This was a perfect way to get herself killed.
"What exactly is your plan?" He spoke slowly, enunciating every letter. Zahrah kept her face toward his feet, afraid to meet his cold, dead eyes.
"Dumbledore is going to keep Order members outside of the Department door, in case you return. They know me, they trust me. It would be easy to, as they say, 'slip inside' and find what you need."
"It's an interesting proposition. How do I know you will do as I ask? That this isn't an attempt at an ambush?"
"My Lord, all I do is to support our cause. I wish to begin repaying you for the error of my ways."
"If you are capable of retrieving it your placement here will be reconsidered. If not, I see no use to keep you."
Her fingers dug into the stone beneath her. "What is the point if I can't give you everything, My Lord?"
"Is Dumbledore aware of your mission?"
"No, and he never will be."
Voldemort's skin stretched into a tight smile. "Very well, fetch me a time turner and we'll see what to do with you."
"Thank you, my Lord." She breathed sincerely. She kept her head bowed as Voldemort left her alone in the room and couldn't help but smile to herself. She wouldn't be dying tonight.
Xxxx
"Lily? What…what is this?" Severus' voice called. She turned from where she was crouched across the room. She'd brought a box of her things to Severus' place, intending on storing them there. Seeing the deep orange book in his hands she blushed. She had hoped to sneak that one in among his books. Severus flipped it over, so he could read the title. "Charm Your Own Cheese…I can't say I was aware you were interested in this branch of magic.".
"It's more of a joke." She mumbled.
He began flipping through the pages. "Loving with Cheeses. How exactly does that one work?"
"Ha. Ha. It's from James."
Severus deposited the book back where he'd gotten it from with a curled lip, as though the pages would physically harm him. "Cheese was his specialty then, that makes sense."
"No, it was a joke." She reiterated with a glare as she continued sorting. "He tried to cook for me the day we moved in together and used cheese that was bad. It was foul, but I kept eating it to be nice. He bought it as a gag gift a few days later."
"I'm sorry you had to be subjected to that."
Lily rolled her eyes. "It was funny."
"You're keeping it then?
"Yes, he was my friend first. We had a lot of good memories and I'm not going to wipe them all away because of your opinions of him." She ground her teeth together, returning to her work. Behind her she could hear him rummaging through the box and almost asked him to stop.
"Just after everything that happened…there's a snitch too? Stealing school property…"
Lily put her hands on her hips and heaved a sigh. "You do realize you're living with your ex, right? I haven't said one word."
"You know it's more complicated than that." He glared. "Besides, Zahrah is lovely."
"If you've had sex with her maybe." Lily whispered under her breath
"Did she do something?" He couldn't conceive her being anything but nice.
"She didn't do anything, other than kissing you that is. I've seen the way she looks at me, at us and it's obvious she isn't happy about my presence."
He frowned. "That's not true, she-"
"Severus." She rolled her eyes again.
He lifted his hands, conceding. "Alright, I'll talk to her."
"No, that's not- I was just telling you, she's not perfect either."
"Believe me, I'm aware. The Dark Lord was harsh on her. She's struggling, but she shouldn't be treating you that way."
Lily shrugged. "I was making a point more than anything. I can handle it. There have just been a lot of changes."
"I wouldn't count on that changing." If Voldemort got his wish, the very wish Severus was handing him, each week, day, could be an entirely different reality. Every tangible thing could slip through their fingers. His throat went dry at the thought. By Salazar Slytherin, what had he done?
"Severus…what is it?" Her hand squeezed his arm seemingly from nowhere.
He blinked, shaking his head. "It's nothing."
Lily's eyes narrowed, unsure if she believed him. "Okay…"
"I'm, uh, going to take a walk." He picked up his coat which was hanging off the back of a nearby chair, desperate for a breath of fresh air.
"I'll come with you." She smiled softly, going for a jacket of her own.
"I'd prefer to go alone." Severus slammed the door behind him harder than he meant to. He winced at the sound, but was grateful when she didn't follow him.
He hurried to the door of the flat and into the cold before he pulled the collar of his coat up, attempting to warm his ears in the dropping November air. He walked a short distance, taking side streets until he arrived at a nearby park where he sat slowly onto a nearby bench.
He crossed his feet at the ankles, watching the children play despite the weather and wishing he'd stopped for a drink first. Could he do this? Could he risk losing his life and everything in it for something that might not even happen? It was a foolish question, he'd do anything to get that little girl back, even if all of this was selfish. But, he was putting other lives on the line and it wasn't fair…none of it was. He closed his eyes, bringing in the laughter and lighthearted screams around him.
A figure plunked down in the seat beside him. Severus looked at her with a frown. "What are you doing here?" He asked entirely unfriendly.
"What do you think? Lily told me you ran out of there."
"So, what? You're here to scold me? How did you even know I was here?"
Zahrah swiveled her head, looking at the few kids scattered on the playground. "It wasn't that hard to figure out. Wyvern's was my next guess."
Severus exhaled sharply, ignoring the jab. "Did you do it?"
She looked to him again. "Yes…he was pleased, to say the least."
He focused on the children in front of him a moment longer before continuing. "Were we wrong to do this? How can we stop him now that he has it?"
She brought her fingers to her lips. "I don't know." Her voice was a hoarse whisper, seeming to be as ashamed as he was. "Lily doesn't know anything about it, does she?"
"No, and I can't tell her. I don't think she'd understand."
"You have to figure out something, Sev'rus." She patted his knee gently before leaving it there. Severus cursed to himself, maybe Lily was right.
He lifted a hand, palm to the sky. "How can I when nothing makes sense?"
"Have you seen your father?"
"Absolutely not. The man is a monster."
She sighed. "I just thought-"
"You women." He shook his head sharply. "You're going to drive me to drink." Severus opened his mouth a crack, realizing what he'd said. "It's a phrase…but not a bad idea."
"No, too late…You need to talk to her, Sev'rus, really talk to her." She looked down at her lap. "Or you're going to drive her away too."
"…I've never treated her right." Severus was silent for a minute, staring straight ahead again and patting the hand still resting on his leg. It dropped from his lap as he stood. As Zahrah followed him he wrapped her in a warm embrace, closing his eyes and breathing in the exotic scent of her perfume. "How do you always know what to say?" He felt the rise of her chest beneath him as she laughed.
"Come on." She pulled back, out of his arms. He followed in her footsteps back to the run down building they called home. "Real walks wouldn't be a bad idea once in a while." She smirked.
Severus punched her on the shoulder playfully. Zahrah slid the key into a lock, smiling at a muggle neighbor who walked past. The door squeaked open and she threw the shared, rarely used keys on a table next to it.
"You're back." Lily's tone was clipped. She sat curled on the couch holding a pillow tightly to her stomach. Severus sat next to her, attempting to grab her hand which she snatched away. When Zahrah had wandered far enough away and he was sure they were alone he spoke finally.
"I need you to understand that just because I'm back in England doesn't mean everything is okay."
"Why did you come back then?" Lily asked, picking at a loose thread hanging from her shirt and carefully avoiding the intent gaze he was giving her.
"It was two years, it was time. I couldn't live in a dream, Lil." He swallowed. "I tried to escape and got hurt just as badly there as I did here."
"What else are you keeping from me?"
"I want to tell you, I do, but- no, Lily, wait!" He chased after her as she made to leave.
"Is this whole thing going to be a lie?!" She rounded. "Why am I even here?!"
"It's the Dark Lord, I can't, I can't. It doesn't matter what I want. I love you, I do. I just need you to trust me." He pleaded, not ready to lose her again.
"Why? Do you even care? You have yet to ask me about yesterday."
"Yesterday?" He screwed his face up in confusion.
"With James, it was awful. Now I have all this…this garbage that he insisted I have. They've been together four months! At least, publicly and they're getting married. I was with him almost four years and I don't even know if he ever even loved me…"
Severus watched her sadly. "He did, without a question he did. Do you have any idea how hard it was to watch you two? To see the way he looked at you, how he kissed you…I don't know when, or how it could change, but he loved you."
She came closer, laying a head on his chest and wrapping her arms around him. "Then you were making fun of the few untainted, pure memories I have left with him today. I know you hate him, but I don't. It was hard when you called me that name and even harder when I told you to leave, but James was there. Even though he didn't understand what we had, he was a really great friend to me. The four of them accepted me like one of their own almost immediately."
"I don't think I ever even apologized properly, unless you count my bawling outside the Fat Lady. I meant every word of it though, even now."
"You don't have to do this, Sev. I get it." Her voice was muffled by his robes as she spoke. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't."
"No, I do, Lily, I do. I became too involved in the wrong crowd and the word just became natural. Maybe I meant it then, but I don't anymore. I'm sorry and I didn't mean to upset you today either."
Lily reached up, wiping the wetness from her eyes. "I shouldn't have… I understand how difficult this whole thing has been for you, and it must be even worse for her, but it isn't sunshine and rainbows for me either."
"She was crying earlier, when I went to talk to her. There's a lot about her you don't know. Her life has been very similar to mine."
Lily was quiet. Severus watched her eyes close as she leaned against him and he wanted to close his too, to sleep and wake up when all of this was over. He wanted a stiff drink and something sweeter than an apple, but he pushed away the urge. "Lily?"
"Hmm?"
"It's only been two weeks for us, but I have known since the day we met that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. That hasn't changed. I don't want to propose, yet, but I won't string you along either."
"I won't say no." She promised.
"Is this an engagement to be engaged?"
She laughed lightly in his arms. "I'll take it for now."
Severus placed a finger beneath her chin, raising her head so that she was looking at him. He stared deeply into her jasper green eyes and she stared back. "Should we find out what cheese related spells we can learn?"
Lily giggled again. "I think James might kill me if he finds out you're using the book." The two of them separated momentarily and meandered into the other room. "I kept your dragon, you know."
"I do, actually, I saw it." He responded, grabbing the book of before and climbing on to the bed. She followed suit, nestling into his side.
"Oh." He said, flipping through the pages. "Cheesy murders."
"If we go to Sirius and James' wedding you better not give them cursed cheese as a gift."
"I can't make any promises." He smiled wickedly, planting a kiss on the top of her head.