Manhattan 2017
"Thank you," I say to the cab driver as I get out, "Keep the change." He nods to me, then opens his door to and goes around back to get our suitcase. I pick up my carryon and sling it over one shoulder and then sling Hannah's over the other. "Come on baby," I say to my sleepy child, as I kneel down, allowing her to crawl into my arms.
"Where are we mommy?" At the hospital sweetie.
"Wanna sleep."
"I know baby, I know. Soon. We'll get inside and get caught up and then Aunt Izzie can bring you to the hotel."
I wave to the cab driver as we make our way to the curb where the suitcase lies. At this point, I'm very thankful I only packed one bag between the two of us. They have stores in New York...and the less I have to carry, the better. That and I didn't plan on staying long. I stop in front of the suitcase and begin to wonder how exactly this is going to work. The suit case has a handle and wheels, so it shouldn't be too tough to manage. I look down at it and almost chuckle. Who am I kidding. There's no way I can manage my bag, her bag, a suitcase, and a child.
"Hannah, baby, wake up." I say, nudging her head with my shoulder. "I have to put you down. Just for a few seconds."
"No!" She says, starting to cry.
"Hannah. You are ten, not three. It's late and mommy is tired too. We need to get in the hospital and then Aunt Izzie will take you to a hotel where you can sleep in a bed..."
Before I can finish, we are interupted by a familiar voice. "Can I help?"
I look up and am face to face with none other than Addison Shepherd, a very pregnant Addison Shepherd, who looks about ready to fall over. I almost feel sorry for her as I remember those days.
"Addison, hi." I say to her. It seems that after ten years, I should have something more to say, but it's far too late and I'm far to tired and worried to even think about Addison Shepherd and the fact that she looks about five months pregnant. "Thank you, but, we can manage. I can't have you carry anything."
"Carry, no. But I can pull this," She says, picking up the handle to the suitcase before I can stop her.
"Thank you." I say to her, as she begins pulling the suitcase in the direction of the hospital.
"How was the trip?" She asks.
"Not too bad." I tell her, thankful that she's making the small talk. "Got delayed coming out of Chicago, so I'm much later than I'd like to be. And I'm pretty sure I'd be sick with worry if I'd had time to think about it. But honestly, I went from surgeon mode to organizational mode to chasing mode. Worried mom mode will kick in as soon as I see her."
"I'm sure it will. I haven't even met him yet, and I'm already feeling it." She says, gesturing to her belly.
"Congratulations." I say to her, in a manner that is almost forced. "When are you due?"
"June. And it's not Derek's," She tells me as if she can sense the question I am fighting the urge to ask.
"Oh..." I say to her. Wondering how to fill the ackward silence. Luckily, she does it for me.
"And who is this?" She asks, gesturing at Hannah, who momentarily had opened her eyes.
"This is Hannah," I tell her.
"Hi Hannah," She says in that painfully nice voice that if you didn't hate, you'd have to love, causing Hannah to bury her head into my neck.
"Sorry, she's a little shy...even more shy at two am."
"That's quite alright."
"My other daughter, she's quite the talker."
"Halle."
"Yes, Halle...did you..."
"Long story. Yes. Ran into Izzie. She had to run out, I believe to call you, didn't want to leave Halle alone, so I sat with her. Beautiful little girl you have there."
"Thank you, Addison." Good job Izzie. Thank you for not leaving her alone, but couldn't you have found better company than her unknown father's ex-wife...wife...whatever she is. It's at that moment I realize I don't have any idea where I'm going.
"Room 3113. I can take you up there. Confusing wing, neuro ICU, confusing hospital if you ask me." Addison told me, as if she could sense my distress.
"Thank you. But I just spoke with Izzie, she should be on her way to meet me right now. Going to hand this one off," I say, nodding toward Hannah. "Addison, how...how is she."
"A little angry that she can't move, but other than that, she seemed to be holding her own. They were taking her for a CT last I checked. Derek can explain the rest when you get in there."
"Derek..."
"Yes. He was on the case before we knew who Halle was."
"Does..."
"Yes, he knows."
"Is he..."
"Confused? Angry? Hurt? Overjoyed? Probably a little of everything."
I just sigh deeply in response. Cause right now, I really don't have one.
"Meredith," says Addison, touching my shoulder with her free hand. "It will be ok..."
I don't get to hear the rest of her response because the elevator in front of us dings and out steps Izzie.
"Mer..." She begins, then stops when she sees who I'm talking to.
"You two should probably get upstairs. I'm going to head home and catch a few hours of sleep before I have to be back."
"Thanks Addison," I call to her retreating figure. She nods her head in acceptance.
"Do I even want to know?" Izzie asks me.
"First of all, take that," I say, nodding at the suitcase Addison had dropped. "Second of all, I'm going to be the new 007 after I kill you."
"What?"
"You leave my child alone...with her? You couldn't have found better company?"
"Addison? She's great with kids. And she and Derek have been divorced for almost five years now."
"Five years, I say softly, five years and...he stayed." Izzie said nothing, just wrapped her free arm around me and squeezed my shoulder.
The elevator beeped, indicating their arrival on the third floor. Suddenly, I'm afraid to move.
"Come on," said Izzie, guiding me out of the elevator. "Halle's this way." As we make our way down the hall we see the code team leaving a room.
"No way," uttered Izzie, and she took off running toward the door.
"Izzie!" I yell, taking off after her, as fast as my two bags and sleeping child would let me.
I make it to 3113 in record time for someone with two bags and a kid, and let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding once I get there and hear the steady beep of Halle's monitor.
"Thank God." I breathe.
"Meredith..." I think my heart stopped when I heard him say my name. You would think that after ten years, I would have gotten over it, that I would have moved on. But you never forget your only love. "Meredith," he says it again, with the same McDreamy tone he had when my mother was first brought into the hospital.
"Izzie," I say, "Take her," nodding toward Hannah. Sleepily, Hannah falls into Izzie's arms and she makes her way toward the door.
"I'll call you." She says before walking out.
"Halle?" I say, my voice thick with raw emotion, as I walk over and run my fingers down her arm.
"She, she was sedated." He tells me, reaching out to take my hand. I pull it back. He drops his arm, defeat crossing his face. "For a CT. CT shows...a brain injury. Pocket of blood, pushing on her brain stem, causing the paralysis. The same injury, caused her heart to stop just before you came in."
"She's stable now?" I manage to say. The girls, they are my world. I don't know what I would do without them. Oh God, please let Halle be ok. Let her pull through this. I pause for a moment, and wipe tears I didn't know were fallling.
"She's stable now, but, we...we need to operate. We need to clear the blockage if she's going to live through the night. The chief here is an excellent brain surgeon. He's prepping the OR now. I...I need you to sign this. Risks and..."
"I know," I tell him. Taking the form and signing it. "It's different when they're yours."
"I know," he said softly.
I haven't cried since...well, maybe since my mother's funeral last november, but even then I had to stay strong. I don't think I've cried, I mean, really cried since I found out I was alone and pregnant. I look up into Derek's glassy eyes, quickly looking back at my baby girl, motionless in a hospital bed and for once, I think it might just be too much. The events of the day, week, month, life, catch up with me before I can stop them, and before I know it, I'm having a full blown breakdown. It's just...it's too much. I start crying for Halle being paralyzed and having a brain injury, for the father of my children who just found out about them, for myself, who I haven't let feel anything in ten years, for the soul mate I lost, now standing in front of me. For all those reasons, I cry until I am shaking, and then cry some more.
I am crying so hard, that I almost don't feel Derek pull me into his arms. I want to pull away, I don't want anyone to touch me right now, least of all him. But, it feels so damn good. To be held. To be the cared for rather than the caregiver for once in ten years. When I start to cry harder, which I didn't even think was possible, he just squeezes me tighter. Once my sobs quiet he scoops me up and carries me to the bed next to Halle's. I'm sure I said something in protest or out of need to talk, but he just put a finger to my lips.
"Hush. We'll talk later. Just relax now."