Welcome to class six. Tonight, we will consider Daughter!Sues. This most recent edition of the Sue Guide also includes Dumbledore'sGranddaughter!Sue.
Because of the proliferation of different types of Daughter!Sues, This chapter will be presented a little differently, to include a brief section on each particular Daughter!Sue. However, the author would like to provide a few general thoughts about all Daughter!Sues. First of all, I have never, ever, in my long fanfiction career, seen a good character who is the daughter of Snape, Sirius, or Remus. I would like to see such a fic, if it exists, so if someone can recommend one, and I agree that it is good, I will give you a present. And that present shall be my happiness, which is all you really want out of life anyway.
Now on with the lesson…
In the interest of brevity, the summary of each Daughter!Sue's story will be condensed. Also, this chapter has a new feature…using the most modern and scientific methods, including hours and hours of painstaking research (no, really, I had a boring day at work) I have figured out the MOST frequently occurring name for each kind of Daughter!Sue, and included for honorable mention other names, with completely arbitrary awards that I made up.
Now, let us consider the four main breeds of Daughter!Sue. They include: Voldemort'sDaughter!Sue, Snape'sDaughter!Sue, Sirius'sDaughter!Sue, and Remus'sDaughter!Sue, followed by a section on Dumbledore'sGranddaughter!Sue. We will begin with Voldemort'sDaughter!Sue.
Name: Voldemort'sDaughter!Sue
Possible Aliases:
The Most Common Name: Natasha
The Could You Be Any More Obvious Award: Volda
The OMG So Trendy Award: Cooper
The WTF Award: Tiyuila
The What Country Are We In Again Award: Hikari Tsuki-Riddle
The You've Got To Be Kidding Me Award: Genesis Phoenix
The Freudian Award: Phalisa
Parents: Voldemort/Bellatrix, Voldemort/Lily, Voldemort/Some woman he raped
Her Story: Goes to Hogwarts to kill Harry. Is hot. Trades predictable insults with Draco. Is hot. Falls in love with Harry. Angst. Snogs Harry. Angst. Shags Harry. Angst. Turns to the light side. Angst. Kills Voldemort. Probably angst some more.
Love Interest(s): Harry. Angst.
Other Defining Characteristics: Black hair that is usually streaked with red. Eyes that turn red when she's angry (sos they match her hair, duh). Some sort of ancient pendant that is about as subtle as a huge blinking "Offspring of Voldemort" sign. Animagus skills.
May Be Combined With: TragicPast!Sue, Rebel!Sue, Foreign!Sue
Name: Snape'sDaughter!Sue
Possible Aliases:
The Most Common Name: Raven
The OMG So Trendy Award: Rory
The That's Not A Name Award: Baron
The WTF Award: Inscribson (No, seriously….)
The Alliteration Award: Serafina Samantha Snape
The I Swear I'm Not Making This Up Award: Foxlyn Elizabeth Athenea Seline Croft Dumbledore Snape
The I'm Going To Be Sick Award: Chanson D'Amour (Yes kids, it really is "Love Song" in French)
Parents: Snape/High school girlfriend, Snape/Lily, Snape/Hermione, Snape/Some woman with a weird name who was the love of his life but died.
Her Story: Taken away by Mum because Dad is a bad guy. Mum dies. Abused by foster family/orphanage. Expresses anger and unhappiness by wearing goth make-up. Goes to Hogwarts. Insta-bestfriends4eva with the Trio. Meets Snape, discovers he's a bastard. Angst. Meets Harry. Angst. Meets Draco. Angst. Can't choose between them. Angst. Awesome power of father-daughter love reforms Snape. Snape becomes a nice guy, renounces his Death Eater ways, and become a the parents Harry never had. Readers get sick. Snogs Harry. Shags Harry. Kills Voldemort.
Love Interest(s): Harry. Draco. Righteous indignation.
Other Defining Characteristics: Unusually good at potions (that much-referred to amazing father-daughter bond), Slytherin, fishnet stocking and FM Boots.
May Be Combined With: TragicPast!Sue, Rebel!Sue, Foreign!Sue
Name: Sirius'sDaughter!Sue
Possible Aliases:
The Most Common Name: Samantha (with "Raven" and "Jade" tying for a close second)
The WTF Award: Sakhmet
The I Have Teen Angst Award: Rage
The Sticky Keyboard Award: Chlloee
The You've Got To Be Kidding Me Award: Fireian Marie Sirius Julius Winter-Black
The Couldn't You Pick A Better Star Than That Award: Polaris
Parents: Sirius/random girlfriend, Sirius/Remus (Don't ask. Please, just don't.), Sirius/Lily, and in one particularly scarring case, Sirius/Draco
Her Story: Mum dies. Sent to foster family/orphanage and abused. Becomes rebellious (which, remember, in fanfic means she wears goth make-up and dresses like a whore.) Angst. Goes to Hogwarts. Insta-bestfriends4eva with the trio. Angst. Finds out father was Sirius. Angst. Finds out he's dead. Angst a whole bunch. Is jealous of Harry (for spending time with Sirius). Angst. Falls in love with Harry. Angst. Awesome power of father-daughter love brings Sirius back from the great beyond. Vomit-inducing father-daughter moment.
Love Interest(s): Harry. Black eyeliner. Music by Evanescence.
Other Defining Characteristics: Magical ability to penetrate the mysterious veil o' doom.
May Be Combined With: TragicPast!Sue, Rebel!Sue, Foreign!Sue
Name: Remus'sDaughter!Sue
Possible Aliases:
The Most Common Name: Selene (yeah, moon, we get it, you're so clever...) with Katherine and variations (Catherine/Kathryn/Cathryn/Kathrynne) a close second
The OMG So Trendy Award: Piper
The WTF Award: Saybel
The Arbitrary Z Award: Lynz
The Someone Saw "Memiors of a Geisha" Award: Sayuri
Parents: Remus/random girlfriend, Remus/Sirius (again, don't ask), Remus/Tonks, Remus/Ginny (huh?)
Her Story: Sent away (usually to America) with Mum for "protection." Mum dies. Abused by foster family/orphanage. Comes to Hogwarts. Insta-bestfriends4eva with the Trio. They find out she is a werewolf. Angst. She meets Remus. Angst. She hates being a monster blah blah blah. Angst. Falls in love with Harry. Draco reveals to schools she's a werewolf. Angst. Awesome power of father-daughter love renews her and restores her self-esteem and suddenly she finds a cure for lycanthropy! Vomit-inducing moment.
Love Interest(s): Harry. Draco (secretly in love with her and in a mad rage of jealousy reveals her secret) Undercooked meat.
Other Defining Characteristics: Usually an animagus. Sometimes a vampire too (Why? I don't know. Just because.) Has offensive werewolf-related nicknames like "puppy" that are meant to be cute but really just make us cringe.
May Be Combined With: TragicPast!Sue, Rebel!Sue, Foreign!Sue
Name: Dumbledore'sGranddaughter!Sue
Possible Aliases:
The Most Common Name: Anastasia (although spelled as Anistasia, Anastassia, Anystaya, etc)
The Who Knew He Was Japanese Award: Yumi (although, bizarrely, Dumbledore seems to have an unusually large number of Japanese granddaughters)
The WTF Award: Brynde
The Normalest Name Award: Sara
The So Obvious It Hurts Award: Alba
(And yes, since I know you were wondering, I did find at least one obligatory Raven)
Parents: Dumbledore's anonymous son or daughter/spouse, Sirius, Snape, Lily, James, Remus, McGonagall in various combinations (apparently Dumbledore is the father of every single person, ever.)
Her Story: Sent aware for "protection." Parents killed for "revenge." Anger! Rage! Resentment! Oh boy, a teaching position at Hogwarts! Comes to Hogwarts. Angst. Fights with Dumbledore. Angst. Makes up with Dumbledore. Angst. Dumbledore dies. Angst. Rebuilds Hogwarts and takes his place. Yay.
Love Interest(s): Snape, Remus, Sirius, Harry, Draco...there was no real pattern for this one.
Other Defining Characteristics: A phoenix. Tattoos. Resentment. The ability to speak Japanese?
May Be Combined With: TragicPast!Sue, Rebel!Sue, Foreign!Sue, Adult!Sue