We've reached Shelby's explanation chapter, her backstory, and the reasoning why she's been gone for 11 years. If you're new to this story: welcome! If you're returning, this is a chapter where all of the major details were changed, so pay close attention to the rewrites! Thank you all for sticking with me and this story, as it holds a place in my heart and means so much to me.

Big shout out to images-in-words, a very talented writer, (Seriously! If you get the chance, images-in-words has some AMAZING stories to read!), who has helped me tremendously with some of the details of this story, many of which are included in this chapter. Another big shout out to defygravity09, (another very talented writer!) for her constant words of encouragement, and for rereading my chapters and staying up late to help me talk through them.

I know this chapter is long, but it's necessary and a long time coming. As always, feedback and reviews are welcome and encouraged!

Love to you all, and happy reading, Hayley

Ch.6

Shelby sat in what used to be her favorite grey chair, near the middle of her old living room. It was odd to know that this was a place that Holly, Cassandra, Rachel, and apparently Santana still called home. She felt extremely uncomfortable and more than a little nervous.

A wave of memories had washed over her the second she entered the house. She pictured the kitchen, where she and Cass would spend their mornings cooking, talking, and drinking coffee before Rachel would wake up and they'd start breakfast. On show days they'd even spend lunch together before Shelby got her kisses goodbye, and wishes good luck. In her mind's eye, she saw that Christmas tree in the corner by the fireplace, where she and Cassie had placed all of Rachel's presents at 4 in the morning because she had refused to go to sleep on the off-chance she might catch Santa. She could see the bedroom she used to share with Cassie, and their big, inviting bed. There, they would cuddle up next to each other even in their dreams, and sleep in each other's arms so comfortably, even though Cassie was a blanket hog and Shelby never laid her head on the pillows, only on Cassie's chest.

She nursed a cup of tea in her hands; though she hadn't really taken a drink from it yet. Holly had fixed it for her, and for all she knew she was being drugged. It might have sounded extreme, or crazy, but she knew enough about Holly to believe it was a possibility, and she was weary enough of other people these days to stay alert to the idea.

Glancing up from her lap, where she had been staring and thinking, she felt like she was about to be interrogated. Her chair sat directly across from everybody else's seat in the room; Santana, Rachel, and Holly were on the couch, the one that Shelby and Cassie had ordered from Pottery Barn and fallen in love with at first sight. Cassandra had her legs crossed in a black leather chair next to them, which Shelby had never seen before. For a long, awkward moment, they all just stared at each other.

Cass had a glazed over look in her eyes and Shelby felt so guiltily responsible for it that she had to bite her tongue. However, Cass also looked bold…brave…strong…some of her best qualities that had made Shelby fall head over heels in love with her to begin with.

But no matter how daring Shelby usually felt herself, she didn't dare be the first to speak. Not when she was this outnumbered. Shelby Corcoran was gutsy, but she was not an idiot.

"Why'd you go?" Rachel finally asked, her voice wavering. It was the first time she'd spoken directly to her biological mother since her return to New York, and it shocked the entire room. Santana rubbed Rachel's arm softly as a gesture of comfort.

Rachel's look of abandonment broke Shelby into pieces.

"Baby girl, I wish I would have had a choice." Shelby sounded desperate. "I would've chosen you and your mom in a heartbeat. I did choose you, originally. I…I left Sophie with Garrett the day I gave birth to her, I signed over my legal rights, she was his daughter exclusively-"

"Do you make that a habit of yours, then? Walking out on your kids?" Holly's tone was low. Cass gave her a look of warning that begged her to tone it down, but since when did Holly Holliday ever do what she was told?

"I was sixteen then, I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. He was ready for a kid, and I…wasn't." Shelby set her tea down on the table in front of her, seeming unharmed by Holly's most recent jab. She played with the sleeve of her sweater. "Garrett." She answered finally, and as soon as she said his name the hair on the back of Cassandra's neck stood on end. She could detect fear in Shelby's tone, and red flags flew up all over the place. "He…He forced me to leave you. He threatened to k—" she inhaled sharply, pinching the inside of her hand to give herself a pressure point. "He threatened to kill me." She managed to keep her voice even, controlled.

There was a sudden tension in the room, where nearly everyone was at a complete loss of how to interpret what Shelby had just said. Although a small part inside all of them truly wanted to believe her, years of hurt and pain built walls over their hearts. It was going to take more than a statement from her for them to trust in what she was trying to say.

Santana scoffed so loudly, so suddenly, that she made Rachel jump. "Please. You expect us to—"

Rachel held up a soft hand, silencing and surprising the hell out of Santana. "Let her explain, San."

Flabbergasted, Santana rolled her eyes, crossed her arms over her chest, and leaned back into the couch. Her defense mechanism, much like Holly's, was to protect and fight back. Meanwhile Rachel and Cassie shared the coping strategy of listening, feeling, and suffering.

After a short pause during which Shelby gathered what she was going to say—she knew she had to be very careful with how she worded everything, and she figured this may be her only chance to truly explain what she needed to—she finally spoke.

"When I first slept with him, I was sixteen years old, and that was when I got pregnant with Sophie. It only took once...But it was one of the worst decisions I've ever made. As much as the thought of sleeping with him chills me to the core now, I can't fully regret what I did…It brought me Sophie. My intention from the start was to leave Sophie with Garrett. Originally, he agreed to the arrangement if I would still send child support. Although I'd signed my rights away and my obligation to pay child support was terminated, I agreed to the condition. I wasn't ready for a daughter, I wasn't fit to be a mother, but Garrett knew what he was doing and he was ready to do it alone. At least, I thought he was."

She took a breath and looked up as she spoke, to instill the fact that she was being honest. She needed them all to see the sincerity in her eyes. She'd never told anybody what she was saying to any of them now, and she feared even as she spoke that it would somehow get back to him. That he would find out she was telling his secrets.

"Suddenly, Sophie got older, and child support wasn't enough. It was visits once every other month, and then every month, and then every other week because "Sophie needs her mother in her life"…But by then I had you, Rachel, and was in love with you, Cassandra. Gods, I was so in love with you…" her voice trailed off but she forced herself back on track. No distractions this time. She had to get this story out. "I had started my life, my career, the family I'd always wanted. I didn't want to go see them all the time. Once every other month was fine, but every other week? It was pushing it, and it was starting to bother you, Cassie, because he wouldn't let me tell you where I was going. I knew Sophie would grow too attached to me, and although I loved her dearly I was trying desperately to stick to my original decision of giving her to her dad. It had to have been confusing for her, for me to go back and forth like that, just like it was for you and Rachel…" Shelby took a deep, shaky breath to try to compose herself. She gave Rachel a guilty look and the young girl averted her gaze, staring hard at the ground. This wasn't going as well as she had hoped, but when did anything?

"Then why'd you agree to all the meetings?" Santana wondered.

"Well," Shelby continued, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear. "I was right, Sophie did grow too attached to me, and so did Garrett. I wanted to tell you where I was going every other week, Cassie." She turned her attention to her ex. "I hated lying to you, but it was the only way to keep us safe."

Holly turned her head, curiously. "I don't understand." She cut Shelby off. "He was threatening you and Cassie? Your lives?"

Shelby nodded, pulling her knees up in the chair so they were closer to her body while she spoke. "He's a sociopath, Holly. It was something I didn't notice until later. I didn't catch on to the little clues, it's hard to realize how scary he can be when you first meet him…he doesn't seem as sadistic as he is…"

The others were obviously confused and Shelby knew that at this point, she was going to have to force herself to speak more bluntly. They needed to understand the severity of her situation. She hoped to god he wasn't watching her somehow, ready to jump her for telling on him when she went back home. Gods, after this you have to go back to him… Taking another deep breath, she continued.

"I…look. When Rachel was three and Sophie was six, I started to realize there was a problem with him. He was rough with me. Would grab my arm a little too harshly when he was trying to get my attention, and press his face close to mine to yell at me when I didn't show up as often as he wanted me to. He'd act "normal" and "nice" around other people, but then once he got me alone he would pounce. Everything he did was carefully thought through, but cruel, like he'd been planning it in his head all day. By the time Sophie was eight, he'd forced me to move back in with them. That was when…" she wet her lips. "When I left. That night, Cassie, the night that we…" she trailed off again, knowing there was no need to say more about that night than she absolutely had to. "You were right, I wasn't at a meeting. He saw me leave the theatre, and once I was in my car I'd meant to go straight home to you—"

"So why didn't you?" Cassandra had tried her best not to cut her story off up until now, but she was desperate to know what he had over her that made her decide to leave.

"He called me from his apartment, he'd made it home first. Sophie was screaming in the background, like she was in pain. He set me up, I thought he had hurt her the way he'd hurt me before. She was so little…It turned out that she had misbehaved and he'd spanked her too hard…I'm not sure what I was thinking at the time, I was just scared. I stopped by to make sure she was okay. But he did it to get to me, he did it on purpose."

"So then he said, "Leave them and stay with us," and you said "Sure,"?" Holly asked, unable to help herself.

Shelby shook her head. "No. He yelled that if I had been there in the first place, he wouldn't have had to go that far to get my attention. That he was tired of waiting his turn to have a chance to see me, for Sophie to be able to see me. He swore that even though we'd originally agreed for me to be out of her life, he now felt that I needed to be there with her. When I tried to protest, he grabbed me by the throat...slammed me against the wall…" fresh tears spilled from Shelby's eyes, and by the sight of them, Cassandra could tell that this wasn't a practice that stopped eleven years ago, and that she wasn't making this up.

"I would've seen those marks," Cassandra argued back regardless, trying to think back to that night. "In the shower, I would've—"

Shelby shook her head sadly. "But you didn't. He knew how to hurt me without leaving noticeable marks. At least at first. He never abused Sophie, save for that one spanking he gave her….and she doesn't know that he abuses me. No…No one does. I've…never told anybody before. I've been too scared to."

At this point, Cassandra was sitting up, listening intently. There was too much pain radiating from this woman for anyone not to believe her, though Santana and Holly seemed skeptical about the whole thing; Shelby was an actress, after all. Rachel, much like Cassandra, was in complete shock. Out of all the reasons she'd been expecting Shelby to give—that she'd fallen for Garrett, or that the theatre was calling her name too often for her not to respond—this was definitely not the one she expected to hear.

"Things got worse. It wasn't that I didn't love Sophie—I do love her. But it ruined everything I had planned, going to see her every week. I hadn't intended to see her much at all throughout her life, honestly—I'd thought, at the times, that she was in good hands with Garrett. She was the best thing he had in his life, and he wasn't about to jeopardize that. But once I realized what kind of a person he was, I couldn't stand to leave him alone with her."

Shelby cleared her throat. Having never explained her story aloud before, she didn't realize how much she really had to say.

"Garrett sort of took matters into his own hands. This one night…" Shelby stared at the floor, remembering one of the larger arguments between herself and Cassandra. She had hated herself for what she got them all into.

"This one night…?" Rachel prompted her, sitting on the edge of her seat. Santana rolled her eyes from behind, putting on a front that said that Shelby was a fraud. Secretly, though, she was interested in what the woman had to say to defend herself. If Shelby was telling the truth…then these past eleven years had been worse hell for her than any one of them had imagined.

"This one night, I told him I wasn't going to show up to his house. I had promised to go to Rachel's dance recital—we were so excited for her, and I wanted to see my baby girl be the shining star I knew she was. She had worked so hard…"

The memory made Cassandra's stomach twist. She could recall everything about that night, and why wouldn't she have been able to? It was the first real fight she and Shelby ever had. Shelby looked right at her as she spoke, her constant soft tears a reminder that she couldn't have been making this up. That was something only Cassandra understood—Shelby Corcoran did not cry. And for her to be crying now, especially as much as she was...

"I told him I wasn't going to his house—that we'd made a deal a long time ago, and that I was going to see my daughter perform her first recital. Maybe he didn't like the fact that I felt like I had some sense of control, or the fact that I had called Rachel my daughter instead of Sophie, I don't know…But he wasn't happy about my decision. He…" her voice went quiet, and she felt so small she could have huddled into her sweater and never come out. "He likes to be in control...Cassie, I didn't know what to do. I was so scared. He'd hit me, hard, in my side, and told me it would be hard to juggle both families if I was…If I was dead."

Panicked understanding flooded Cassandra's face. "You didn't run into the door at the theatre that day…that was where he'd hit you."

Shelby dropped her head down in shame, feeling weak. "I know. I used to be so strong, but Cassie," she pulled her gaze back up, looking absolutely exhausted. "He's so much stronger." She took a breath. "I was already letting Rachel down; I was a horrible mother to her and it was never my intention to be. When we had Rachel, baby," she turned her attention back to Cassandra. "I was ready to give her my all. I was ready to take her to shows, and introduce her to the stage. I was ready to give her everything we could—she would never want for anything. But thanks to me all she ever wanted was her mother, and I couldn't be there because of mistakes I made before she was born…So we fought and fought. You finally yelled at me to go. I knew I had to push you to do that. I cried all the way back to Garrett's house. You filmed her recital for me only because Rachel begged you to, and when you showed me I could hardly stand it. I wasn't there to give her flowers, or hug her and tell her how amazing she was. I wasn't there to see her in person and I'm so, so sorry…"

Cassandra bit her lip. Shelby's story made a lot of sense—a lot more than any other excuse that Cass had spent years trying to make up for her. She had no reason to lie now that she was back, and she was clearly crying out for help. Who would lie so intensely about something like this? Shelby was smart and good with details, but not this good.

"What made you come back now?" Cassandra asked, genuinely curious. "Did Garrett randomly come to his senses?"

Shelby shook her head. "No, not exactly. When he made me pack up my things, when he dragged me with him in the first place, and forced me to leave you…he told me that as soon as Sophie was old enough to move out and be independent, on her own, then I could come back. She wouldn't need me anymore, I would be free to leave him. Well, she got in to a school of fashion here in New York. She'll be moving out in a few weeks…so he agreed that we could move back."

"Why would he just let you go? And why didn't you call the police during any of this?" Santana asked, still unsure if this story made complete sense to her.

"I was scared to call the police," Shelby admitted. "I've seen what he can do. He would have killed me before they even got there…and made it look like an accident." She shivered. "Besides, that didn't work the first time."

"You were never one to let anybody take control of you," Holly pointed out, suspicious.

"You're right, I wasn't. He was the only one who ever figured out how to do just that. I couldn't get out of his grip. Calling the police or trying to run away wouldn't have done me any good, like I just said, I'd tried that before…"

"When?" Holly asked.

"When Sophie was around eight. We'd just moved to Seattle from New York, and I'd just left Cassie and Rachel…Since I only had him to go home to, and we left as soon as my contract with "Chicago" was up so I didn't have a job, I guess he felt that he finally had a chance to show me what he was capable of. I fought him hard over going to Seattle, and back talked him more times than he was willing to let slide. He…" she stopped, licking her lips. "Can I just say that he left bruises? And I knew I had to call somebody, but I had to get away from him first. He was too smart for me to just call the cops on the spot, that's why I didn't do that in New York…But if I could manage to get us away from him first…well I figured it was worth a shot. I would get us out or die trying…I didn't feel like I had another choice."

She took a breath, forcing herself to keep her gaze directed on the people in front of her, instead of at the floor. "So, while he was working his first day at his new job, I packed a bag for me and for Sophie, which wasn't hard since we had just moved. I took all the money I had, which was saved up from "Chicago", and got us the hell out of there as fast as I could. I flew us to Chicago, Illinois."

She blushed at the irony. "It was the first thing I could think of. We stayed in a hotel while I tried to get things switched over. I was working on trying to change my name, switch over my bank account, find a job, all of that. I called the police and explained my situation to them one night while Sophie was asleep, but by then my bruises had faded and I had no evidence besides the fact that I was a scared single woman with a daughter, in a town nowhere near our new home. They watched over us for a week or so, but when he didn't come after us they gave up. They told me it was more or less a "he said, she said" case, and that if he showed up and I felt threatened, I could call them back." Shelby swallowed heavily, her throat catching as she admitted. "I thought I'd actually gotten us out of there. I felt safe for the first time in a long time… I was so proud of myself. I knew that obviously he was trying to find us, but he hadn't yet, which was so promising…I was in the shower when Sophie called him. Although I'd tried explaining to her that we had to get away as best as I could without terrifying her, she didn't understand what was going on, and she missed her dad. I think she thought we were just on a vacation or something…but he tracked the call. I didn't know she'd been the one to call him until he was there, in Chicago with us."

"How did he get to you?" Rachel's voice was almost a whisper.

"I have absolutely no idea," Shelby admitted. "I think that's what scares me the most. Sure, he tracked the call and found us, but I don't have a clue how he got into that hotel room. The door was triple locked, I'd been checking every corner paranoid that someone was in there…and then suddenly he was behind me, with his hand over my mouth. I closed my eyes and knew it was over, that I'd lost. He whispered in my ear that if I ever disappeared or called the police on him again, he'd find a way to kill me and make it look like an accident, and by then I believed him. I mean. He works for a private security firm, so he's had strength training that's far beyond my capabilities, which is how I assume he knows how to get away with everything he does. I knew I couldn't compete with him. He took us back to Seattle after that."

There was a beat of silence as her tale was processed in the minds of everyone in the living room. This was an overwhelming amount of information to take in at once, but being gone eleven years was bound to make for a long explanation.

"Why didn't you tell me before then? He didn't have to know, we could have—" -Cass started to ask, but Shelby shut the question down.

"He knew everything. I was never completely sure I was ever free of his watch. He would've found out, Cassie, and I was terrified for you. For all of us. Please understand that if I didn't think it was going to put you and Rachel in danger, then—"

"I do understand," Cassandra sighed, feeling defeated. "I don't like a single bit of it, but I believe you, and I understand. I'm so sorry you had to go through—"

"Oh, Cassandra, I'm not looking for your pity," Shelby's tone wasn't rude, but tired. "I'm not even sure I'm looking for your forgiveness, I can't say I deserve it. I just…I thought you guys deserved a reason, some sense of closure." Her throat was raw from speaking so much and she finally took a sip of her tea, after scrutinizing it once more. It had gone cold. "Anyways…" she stood and stretched her legs, wiping her eyes a final time and plucking up the courage to face her fears and get back to her own house. It wasn't as if she hadn't done so plenty of times before. "I know that was a lot. You probably need some time to process it or whatever, and I've long overstayed my welcome."

"But—" Rachel stood quickly, cutting her off. "You can't go back to that! What if he hurts you again?"

Shelby shrugged. "I'm used to it, Rachel, I can't just not go home." Her eyes were those of a woman who had given up hope. Even though he'd promised to let her go once Sophie was able to move out, it was obvious she didn't believe that. It was too good to be true for her, and she was thankful he'd even let her come back to New York in the first place.

"Then let us call the police, let us handle this now," Holly offered. She wasn't sure how she felt about everything yet, there were too many emotions at stake here, but if Shelby was really in such an abusive relationship, the first step would be to get her out of there. It was the only logical thing to do. "He can't hurt you if—"

"He can, and he will," Shelby's eyes widened. "Please, promise me you won't call the police. You don't understand what he'll do to me. He WILL find me, he WILL evade them. This is beyond us. If he really does let me go, I won't even call then…if he's let me go then I'll have no reason to."

"But what if he lies?" Cassandra cut in, standing up and reaching out for Shelby so she wouldn't leave so hurriedly. "What if he lets you go then comes after you again?"

Shelby shrugged again. "Then I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't. Look, I got myself into this mess, and now I have to suffer the consequences. I didn't tell you any of that to try to put a weight on your shoulders, if anything I told you to take a weight off. I know you were torn apart about not knowing why for all these years…well now you know why. I'm really, truly sorry that it had to be this way." She swallowed a lump in her throat. "And if I could go back and change the way my life has gone up to this point, I would do it in a heartbeat. But this isn't your fight, Cassie, and I don't expect you to fight for me. Not after all I've put you through." She pulled her arm softly away from Cassie's hold and whispered, "Please, I really have to go now. I told him I'd be home before nine, and it's already nine thirty…"

"Shelby—"

She turned back around and pleaded with them. "Don't call anybody. Please. I've handled things so far and…I'm still alive. I'd like it to stay that way…" before she made herself any later than she already had, she slipped out the front door, leaving the girls awed and silenced.