Why is it that every single year on September first my house is a complete loony bin? September first really shouldn't be able to exist because of the madness it causes. And no matter how many times we say we'll be prepared, we'll be on time, everything will go smoothly, it never ever does. I mean, we know it is coming up. It's not a surprise; at least it shouldn't be, not anymore. It has been 6 bloody years that we've had to go through the mess of September first before today. And mum and dad should have certainly had more practice than that. You would think we'd have perfected the art of packing everything up and getting to king's cross. But not my family of course. Oh no, not the Weasleys.
So now I am running around trying to catch Hugo's stupid pet rat because my stupid pet cat, MewMews, decided that Critter looked delicious this morning and scared the stupid thing half to death. He's currently shivering beneath Hugo's wardrobe and bloody impossible to corner. Hugo's on his hands and knees, bum in the air, trying to gently call the rat into his waiting grasp as I wait behind him to catch Critter if Hugo doesn't. One squeak and one loud "Ha!" later, Critter is packed in his cage, huddling in a corner and nibbling on some comforting cheese. With one panic wave over, we continue to rush around and collect our things. I head to the bathroom to make sure all my vitamins and such are packed safely away in my Hogwarts trunk. Mum would kill me if I forgot them. That seems to be the common theme for today. Mum's going to kill someone. I just hope it's not me.
Once we're all packed, Mum hurries us into the car and then starts to drive like a speed demon. She's a nutter, my mum. She definitely put a disillusion charm on the car, though. Cars seem to be jumping out of our way and we just sped past a police car and we weren't being pulled over for speeding. I love my mum, really, and she's brilliant and everything, but seriously she's scary. Like, Hello! I'm prego. With a baby. And you're driving like a nutcase? Silly mummy, with your crazy skills. After a ridiculously fast car ride and one vomit stop on the way, we arrive at King's Cross with about 20 minutes to spare. It's pretty much the first time that I've never had to run to jump on the train. Not sure how I feel about that really. It feels unnatural to be here so early. It could be a sign, a bad bad sign.
Once we're on platform 9 ¾, Mum is unstoppable, fighting her way through the throng of students and parents. It's a hassle to keep up with her with our trunks to pull but somehow Hugo and I manage it and we reach Aunt Ginny and Uncle Harry. They give us all a warm greeting and then mum is lost in conversation and I'm left to crane my neck to find Al and Lily. I don't see them anywhere but after a few moments of looking I spot someone that's all too familiar. Scorpius Malfoy is standing a ways off from my family smiling and talking to the biggest bitch in the whole entire school. Okay, so maybe she's not the biggest bitch in the school. Hell she's not even really all that much of a bitch at all but I still feel like punching the girl right on the nose.
These thoughts really are a testament to how horrible a person I am because Camilla Hayes is probably the nicest person in the whole universe. She's kind and caring and is always more considerate of others. She's polite and shy and smart. She's one of those goody-two-shoes that follows all the rules and spends her summer holidays doing charity work. She's also very pretty with long blonde hair, pretty green eyes and skin that looks like it belongs to a porcelain doll. Her body shape is curvy in all the right places and her legs look super long in our school skirt. Camilla Hayes is pretty damned near perfect, which is why I don't understand what Scorpius would see in her. She's like super nice and he's totally not. But it's obvious that they are flirting and when his parents come up he introduces her, laughing the whole time. They look like the happiest little family in the whole wide world. Ugh, it makes me feel like puking.
I don't know why I'm still watching them but I can't pull my eyes away. Particularly from Draco Malfoy. He's handsome, like really handsome, but he has this scowl that seems to be a permanent feature and his eyes scan the crowd as if at any moment someone is going to pop out and attack him. He's tall and muscular and in all honesty he scares the shit out of me. I mean the man is a former death eater and now he's going to play grandda to my kid? Now that's what I call bat shit crazy. Suddenly his piecing grey eyes are on me and I look away, afraid to make eye contact. For a split second it seems as if he can see right through me, as if he knows I'm carrying his future grandchild, but the moment is gone and he looks away, scanning the crowd like before. It's a great thing that I wasn't sorted into Gryffindor, I always feel like such a bloody coward. I can't even look Malfoy's dad straight in the eye. I try to avoid looking in their direction again but I just can't help myself. My eyes feel like strong magnets that can't pull away from the sight of Scorpius and Camilla laughing. The sight's damned near burned into my retinas.
"Hey, Rosie. What's up?" Lily walks up behind me and puts her small hand on my shoulder.
"Oh nothing much…" I can hear myself trailing off, not really paying attention to her. Scorpius puts his hand on the small of her back and I think I see red. These small waves of jealousy really aren't healthy at all. Scorpius and I aren't dating! We are not in any way romantically involved, I can't stand the sight of him, and I'm seeing red all the sudden when he talks to another girl? I've gone mental! Seriously, I've said it before but I've never meant it as much as I do now. I need to be locked up in the safe confines of a mental institution.
"Rose!" Scorpius's head shoots up at the shout and I'm forced to turn quickly before he finds out that I've been staring. Lily, with her hands on her hips, is glaring at me and pursing her lips. She must have been trying to get my attention for a while and I feel bad for not hearing her.
"Sorry Lils," I run my hand through my hair and my nails feel good against my scalp. It's a soothing feeling when someone plays with my hair, even if that someone is just me. "What's up?" Her face softens and she rolls her eyes.
"Look," she instructs me as she points behind me. Well that's honestly not comforting because there could be a number of horrible things waiting behind me and I really don't want to look if it is something horrible. Lily doesn't sound exactly happy about it but she's not scared so I'm guessing it's not that bad. She smiles at me and I roll my eyes as I turn around. At first I don't see anything, looking at the horde of people. To be honest, I feel a bit like an idiot for turning around, like at any moment Lily will turn around and say "Made you look, you dirty crook! haha gotcha Rosie!" like she used to when we were little. Then I see it, well him really, 'cause my dad certainly isn't an it. He's a ways off, hands shoved dourly in his jean pockets, looking extremely uncomfortable as his eyes scan the crowd. He's here for me and the thought makes me smile. But then he spots me and I let the smile vanish. Here or not, he still left me when I needed him and that wasn't okay.
Still, he's here! I can't believe it. I didn't think he'd ever come back and it's been a long month without him. I've missed my daddy and I need him now more than ever before. I half believe he's a day dream, like at any moment I'll snap out of it and I'll be on the train stuffed in a hot compartment with Scorpius and several of my cousins. But no, he's actually here, fighting the crowd of students to get to me. By the time he reaches me, Lily has tactfully gone off to her parents and my arms are folded defensively across my chest. It actually hurts a bit with the weight of my arms resting on my sore breasts but I think I'll live so I ignore the pain. The train whistle sounds which means my ass needs to get on that train before it leaves in ten minutes. But that can seriously wait. I want to see what my dad has to say.
"Hi, Rosie." Rosie. No one has called me Rosie since the night he left. I hadn't even realized how much I liked the nickname until now.
"Hello, dad," he squirms uncomfortably and turns a bit pink at my cold tone. Clearly this reunion isn't going the way he planned because he takes off his flat cap and wipes his forehead of sweat. I feel bad that I'm making him nervous but a few moments of discomfort should make up for a month of absence. He shuffles his feet as I wait for him to speak again. I refuse to make this easy for him.
"Rosie, I'm sorry and I know that's not good enough for not being around but I truly am and I miss you and your mother and Hugo and I've had some time to think and I'm just a thickhead and a horrible father and I—" he says it all so fast that I can barely understand him. Merlin, he does not do apologies well.
"Stop! Stop it, Dad, just stop talking." His face sinks even lower into his frown if that's possible and his face is turning a brighter red from embarrassment. I don't think he fully understands why I've stopped him.
"Well I guess I'll just leave then…" Seriously, is he thick or what? As he turns to leave I grab his hand to stop him.
"You are not a horrible dad, I promise you're not." I pull him in for a hug and he seems a bit confused, but he hugs me back and I know everything is going to be alright now that he's come to see me off. The train whistle signals five minutes until departure and I finally let him go.
"Come on, let's go find mum and Hugo," I say grabbing his hand and pulling him in their direction. He follows wordlessly and I get the feeling he's slightly afraid to face mum. Then again, who wouldn't be? Mum's been a terror honestly. Hopefully dad can sort her out and everything will be back to normal, or as normal as they can be with me being a red-headed whale and all. When she sees him, mum goes red, surpasses red to maroon, and then turns the plum color my father can only achieve on special occasions. Her face is puffed up as if she's holding her breath. Actually, I think she is holding her breath. And in a big gust she lets her cheeks deflate and she smiles.
"I thought I was a goner for a moment there," he whispers to me.
"For a second there, so did I," we laugh and everything really is back to normal. Mum comes to stand next to him and grabs his hand squeezing gently. Hugo comes over and is beaming at dad. They hug briefly and I have this sappy moment in which I hug them all and try very hard not to burst into tears. I know I know, sappy and completely out of character but I couldn't help it. I blame the parasite. The whistle sounds for last minute boarders and I give my parents a tearful goodbye. Hugo and I hop onto the train and then they're gone, lost in a blur of train tracks and smoke. I hope they smooth everything over. I know mum just didn't want to cause a scene or stress me out. I'm sure dad's going to be sleeping on the couch for a fair few days, but mum will forgive him eventually. She always does. I turn to see if Hugo wants to sit with me but he's already half way down the train car searching for his friends. I guess the family moment is over.
So I head in the opposite direction to look for Al and Lily, or at least Lily, at the back of the train. I know that Al is probably sitting with Scorpius and I'd rather not see him right now. Holding MewMews's basket and lugging this giant trunk behind me is becoming a major pain in the arse though. You would think Hugo would have been the gentleman and carried it for me, but of course this is Hugo we're talking about and I don't even think the word "gentleman" is in his vocabulary. And Lily could have least picked a compartment close to where we got on so that I wouldn't have to walk so far. Does no one think about someone other than themselves? Really I'm surrounded by selfish people.
After walking down about three train cars, I'm about to give up my search. I mean how long is this damned train anyway? Feels like I've walked three miles already. And I haven't even checked the front compartments yet. But those are usually where the first years congregate. Closer to the prefects and all I guess. That and all the older kids know better than to sit near the prefects' compartments. They're a bunch of bloody wankers out to ruin any fun. I know Al would avoid them at all costs seeing as he is one. He hates being a prefect, says it makes him seem like a rule-abiding twit. I always tell him he is a twit, even if he doesn't always follow the rules. He never goes to the meeting on the train at the beginning of the year so he hides in the back and sits with the non-prefects. And as predicted Al is sitting in the second to last compartment with his sister, Malfoy, and the ever so perfect Camilla Hayes.
"Well isn't this just a peachy sight?" I try to keep my voice light and airy but I'm not sure if it works. I drag in my trunk behind me and close the compartment door. They all look happy enough and for some reason this annoys me greatly. I've been searching for them all along the train and here they are having a right good laugh together. Just forget the red-headed whale and her feelings right? Lily must see my mood change coming on because she looks at me with panicky eyes.
"Here Rosie, we saved you a seat," she slides closer to Camilla and pats the seat next to her. I sit down, trying to calm myself. There really is no need for this sudden anger. I shouldn't make a scene, not here, not in front of miss perfect. Instead I focus on the spell to lift my trunk onto the shelf above me and answering my cousin.
"Thanks," I mutter. "Avoiding prefect duties again Al?" My dark-haired cousin grins and I just want to smack it off his face, but I don't. I just raise an eyebrow and try to act like a normal human-being.
"I'm not a prefect anymore," Al grins bigger and Scorpius shakes his head smiling. "I'm head boy!"
"What?" Embarrassingly enough my voice is just a squeek, somewhere between outraged and elated. Even though the git doesn't deserve it, being made Head Boy really is a big deal. On the other hand, when was he going to tell me? Was I always going to be last to know everything? Lily must have known and she didn't tell me. Scorpius obviously knew, he was grinning from ear to ear. Even Camilla seems happy for Al. Was I the only person who hadn't heard Al's good news?
"And when were you going to tell me?" I couldn't help it, my hands went straight to my hips in what my cousins called "The Weasley Woman". Apparently every Weasley woman did it when they were angry, even my mum who's a Weasley by marriage. She says she learned it from grandma Weasley at a pretty early age; she used to use it on dad all the time. Still does actually. So it's in my blood, the stern look, hands on the hips, and somehow I know I manage not to look stupid though I'm sitting down. Al's grin fades a bit.
"Calm down, Fox."
"Great now you too, Al? Thanks Malfoy." I glared at Scorpius but they both ignored me, smiling at my annoyance.
"I just found out today. Tracey Herman would have been Head Boy, if he hadn't been caught with drugs in his room. Muggle parents and all. They pulled him out of school so he could go to rehab. Apparently he had a problem. He used them to stay up late and study and all. That's how he got the good grades and all." Al could barely hide the glee in his voice and when he finished he began laughing. Scorpius joined him and Lily just rolled her eyes at their stupidity.
"Al don't laugh, that's so messed up," usually I would have laugh with them but I just couldn't laugh at someone else's stupid mistakes anymore, not when my own was so colossal and soon everyone would be laughing at my dumb mistake.
"It's just so stupid," Al replies, "I mean come on he was a Ravenclaw and of age! Surely there were better hiding places than his sock drawer? How thick can you get?"
"Anyway Al, how do you know all this about Tracey? Surely McGonagall didn't tell you."
"I overheard his girlfriend crying about it in the loo. Seems he wrote her an owl last night telling her why he wasn't coming back to school. She seemed quite upset about it. I was just telling your cousins and Scorpy when you walked in." It's Camilla who answers, her voice as sweet as honey and seemingly concerned for Tracey Herman's girlfriend. But if she was so concerned for the girl's feeling she wouldn't be spreading gossip about Tracey Herman. I know I wouldn't be. Knowing Al and Scorpius, the whole school would know about him less than an hour into the feast. They wouldn't be able to resist making Tracey look like an idiot in front of the entire school. Not that it mattered much anyway since he wouldn't be there. Still it wasn't right, poor Tracey didn't deserve it. Maybe I was right about Camilla Hayes. Maybe she is the world's biggest bitch afterall.
"That's horrible," I say, not even looking at her. I was too busy trying to hide the self satisfied smile that I knew would be appearing on my face. I really did love being right, especially when it came to people like Camilla. She thought she had everyone fooled but not me, I was too smart not to beat her at her own game. If she wanted to play the nice game, then I could too.
"So how was your summer, Camilla?" I wasn't interested, at all, but I figured why not? I didn't exactly need everyone knowing that I didn't like her. Especially since there is no particular reason and I don't want Scorpius to think I'm jealous or something. Because I'm not. At all. She starts talking and I kind of tune her out. I'm still listening but only for the sake of nodding my head and "oohing" and "aahing" at all the right times. I dimly notice her place her hand on Scorpius's knee but it's a minor irritation. My real attention is focused on my thoughts, flying around in my head like a swarm of angry bees.
Camilla really was self absorbed and a gossip too. I'd have to store that information in my head to use later. I also was processing the story about Tracey Herman, his girlfriend, and the drugs. It just didn't make sense to me. I knew Tracey pretty well. He was smart and a little bit pompous, never failing to get good grades and he always freaked out when it came to exams. The part about being desperate for good grades made sense but Tracey wasn't stupid. Did he really need extra time to study? Because usually I could find Tracey in the library when I needed a good study buddy and there was barely a moment he didn't spend studying. I am thinking it all through while I pretend to listen to Camilla. I nod and smile and laugh and then she shocks me back into full focus.
"It was all so wonderful but I missed my Scorpy so much I couldn't wait to get back to start this year!" She giggles and then leans up to kiss him and my stomach drops. I hope that Scorpius moves away, looks at her like she's some freak for thinking he would be interested in her. But he doesn't. He lets her lips push against his cheek which is a faint pink. He won't meet my eyes and I look at Al, my smile slipping slowly as I realize my cousin knew. Al knew that they were together and he didn't tell me. I can see it in the way his shoulders are slumped. The way he's looking anywhere but me, the way he's trying to disappear into the seat beneath him. Al kept it a secret from me. Lily on the other hand looks like a dear in headlights. She opens her mouth to say something but I interrupt her.
"Lily?" I can hear the panic in my own voice; feel my stomach start to churn violently. She looks at me concerned and I'm happy to have avoided a crisis. Whatever Lily had to say would not have been nice and I'm totally on her side, but I don't need Camilla Hayes to try and piece together whatever's happening. The happy little bubble inside me deflates. Last night was all a fluke, the idea that Malfoy and I were in this together no matter what has gone out the door. He's got his own problems to worry about. He's not going to be there for me or our kid. He's not going to admit that it's his kid that I'm carrying. That would mess up his perfect little world with his perfect little family and his perfect little girlfriend. Why would Scorpius ruin his life to support me? I can't even stand the sight of him most of the time.
An ugly monster rears in my head. How long were they together? When was he going to tell me? What is he going to tell Camilla when I start to show? Was he with her when we-? Am I the other girl? Did everyone know but me? And Al, his betrayal stings worse. He chose to keep Scorpius's relationship a secret rather than tell his own flesh and blood when it concerned her, when it would hurt her to be kept from the truth. I close my eyes and my hands fling to my stomach.
"Rose? Rose!" Al's voice is worried but I shake my head afraid that if I open my eyes, if I take one look at anyone in this compartment but Lily, I'm going to puke.
"Lily, help me to the loo," I order stretching my arm out for her blindly. She takes my arm and helps me up. "I think I'm going to be sick." I let her know as she walks me out of the compartment. We're far down the corridor by the time I open my eyes safely. Lily is right next to me, her face alternating between concern for me and anger for me. We reach the bathroom and she's right there holding my hair back as I empty my stomach into the toilet. The image of Camilla Hayes kissing Scorpius Malfoy's cheek repeats over and over in my mind, a jumbled blur of color, sound, and sickness. I can't think of anything else. Once my stomach is empty I start to dry heave, my stomach refusing to relax. It's then that I notice that my eyes and cheeks are wet. How long have I been crying?
It doesn't matter. I spit one last time into the toilet and flush. Lily hands me a paper towel and I wipe off my mouth. Wordlessly she leads me over to the sink and turns it on. I wash out my mouth vigorously and then splash my face with water. Lily rubs my back soothingly and I smile at her. It seems like Lily and I have spent a lot of quality time in the loo these days.
"Thanks," I say, taking the tissue she hands me for my tears.
"No problem, love," she smiles and hugs me. There's a knock on the door. It is a sharp sound, hard knuckles against unyielding wood. I don't want to answer it but I know that I should. It's probably Al concerned for my well being. The thought makes me angry and I clamber to my feet to pull the door open. There's a second set of knocks and I yank the door open, ready to give Al all hell for keeping this complication from me. But it's not Al, it's Malfoy, concern tugging down at the corners of his lips, his annoyingly perfect blonde hair just barely grazing his right eyelashes. I couldn't give a damn if he's concerned or if he has perfect bloody hair.. I glare at him anyway.
"What do you want?" I try not to let it show just how upset I am at this new revelation as if I'm only being my usual haughty and irritated self. The girl who would be miffed about blowing chunk on a crowded train.
"Are you alright?" his voice is gentle, actually concerned and that just pisses me off. Here he is, acting like this is so normal, doing exactly what someone should in this situation. But that's the thing, this isn't normal, and it's not alright. Everything is so screwed up. If this was last year he'd be laughing his arse off at me, calling me insulting nicknames that allude to me puking, and making this as torturous a process as possible. And the funny thing is: I was okay with that! Sure, I'd yell and storm, insult him back, maybe even throw something at him (okay, in all likelihood throwing something would be the first thing that I'd do) but it was normal. Our fighting and bickering and extreme dislike of each other was our usual behavior, that's just the way things were, and everything back then seemed so peachy. But this… this pretending that we can stand each other, acting like we can be in a room with each other for more than five minutes without something being thrown feels so wrong and it was only a matter of time before it all came crashing down. You would think that I would have seen this, but no, I kept telling myself that we could at least get along but in truth one of us always ends up pissing the other off. And this charade is making me bonkers.
"Fine," I tell him curtly. I try to move past him and into the corridor but he blocks me. I glare up at him, my nose only barely up to his shoulder, and say, "what?"
"What's wrong?"
"You're in my way," I ground out, meeting his steady gaze. "Now if you'll move, I'd like to get back to my seat." Frustratingly enough, he doesn't back down and move out of my way. He just stands there, frowning, eyebrows almost touching as he looks down on me. I raise an eyebrow, using all of my self control not to just run him down and push him out of the way. I mean I don't get it. Why is he so confused? Did he really think I'd take the news that he has a girlfriend well? Especially in my current, very pregnant, condition? Was he really that stupid? Finally my resolve breaks before his does. I sigh in frustration and then push past him, our shoulders connecting hard. I'm probably going to have a bruise where our bones collided, but I'm pretty sure I'll get over it. Getting away from him is my main concern at the moment.
I turn, unable to resist seeing his reaction and his cheeks are slightly pink. He seems stunned. Finally, I've hit a nerve. Satisfied, I look to Lily behind him and raise an eyebrow.
"Are you coming?"
"Yep," she says and she sidesteps Malfoy, glaring at him for good measure as she passes him and then heads down the hallway ahead of me. As I go to leave, Malfoy grabs my arm before I can turn my back on him.
"What did I do wrong this time?" his grip is hard, another bruise that I'll have from this conversation. His lip is pulled up in disgust and he sounds exasperated, as if this is all my fault, as if he wasn't the complete arse, as if I like being so angry at him that I vomit. I yank my arm away from him and fight to keep my voice even despite my anger.
"It's what you didn't do, Malfoy," I tell him, as if that wasn't the most obvious thing in the world. How thick can he really be? How can he imagine that I wouldn't react like this? It doesn't matter anyway. I just shake my head and walk away, not looking back again and not caring if he caught my meaning, not caring if he knows how I really feel, not caring if he knows how much he hurt me. And boy does it hurt. I had thought that we were becoming friends, that maybe we weren't crazy, trying to get along, that we were in this together. But I was wrong. He wasn't being honest with me and about what I was going to be facing once I got back to Hogwarts. And that hurt. And that's my fault for ever even letting him close. I pretend I'm not crying as I catch up to Lily who is waiting a little further down the hall.
"Come one, Rosie, Let's get a different compartment," and that's what we do. We find an empty compartment and I spend the rest of train ride abusing Scorpius Malfoy in animated language, while Lily listens, speaking only when I've stopped ranting to catch my breath.
Hey guys, So I know it's been a super duper long time since I've updated this or anything of my stories. I'm sorry that I'm not a very frequent updater and that I've kept you waiting for so long. I just haven't had the spirit to write anything for a very long time and college and life has really gotten in the way of all my creative pursuits. I wish that this update will mean that I will start to write more often, but I'm honestly not sure and I can't make you any promises other than that this story will get finished eventually. (i know exactly where I want this to end and everything. it's just getting there that will take time.)
For the people that have read and/or reviewed, and Favorited/followed this story or me in general, I just want to thank you for your kind words and if it wasn't for that support I probably would have given this story, and fanfiction entirely, up. If you're reading this thanks for getting this far and I hope you'll be patient with me. I hope you review because they really mean the world to me, good or bad, and they keep my writers block at bay.
I 3 you guys!
-Bee