AN: Okay, I just gotta say, this was one of my favorite chapters to write. I loved this episode of Spriggs for some reason. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own "Spriggs: A Halo 3 Machinima." Running Gun does.
Chapter 6: "Spriggs Unloaded"
"That's it! The truce is off, you son of a bitch!" Willy bellowed at Spriggs, pursuing the Mongoose driver in a considerably damaged tank. "I'm coming at you like a baby-making machine: balls to the wall!"
The tank itself had definitely seen better days. The cannon barrel had enormous dents in several places, and the back of the tank was on fire. The secondary turret had apparently been blown clean off of the tank's body, and even the driver's canopy was missing. It would be next to inoperable if it weren't for the treads, which remained intact and allowed for movement.
Unfortunately for everyone else, Willy had taken the opportunity to try to gun down Spriggs with it. Again.
Ignoring the obvious damage, he addressed the tank's computer as he ordered, "Select armor-piercing rounds, computer!"
"Ammo count: zero," the computer replied monotonously.
Unnerved by this diagnostic at first, Willy changed tack quickly. "Alright...select high explosive rounds, computer."
"Try again," said the computer flatly.
Willy frowned. "Regular rounds?"
"I'm out."
"Nerf rounds?"
"Nope."
Frustrated, Willy turned around and shouted, "Where the hell is all the ammo?! Triple M, are you drunk or something?!"
He might as well have done nothing at all; Triple M - who was still in the middle of repairing the tank when Willy took it - was punching it near the back in an attempt to stop it, and he was situated right in one of the tank's blind spots. From where he was sitting, Willy couldn't see where the sergeant was or what he was doing.
"Damn it, Willy, I haven't fixed it yet!" Triple M yelled angrily, still punching the tank. "Why would I load it?!"
Willy shook his head in disappointment. "Some people just can't get their priorities straight. Guess I'm just going to have to ram him."
Back at Zambai Seven, Soltri, Rotri, and Boltri were almost out of the accursed human base. Soltri was relieved; they had gone in for another run through the base to look for food, but he was convinced that the white one had almost spotted them. And he was pretty sure that they had gotten lost at least once, despite Rotri's certainty that he knew exactly where they were going. His prowess with vehicles and directions was nefariously poor; Soltri made a mental note not to trust Rotri with so much as a toy Ghost in the future.
Regardless of all this, however, the humans didn't have anything worth taking, just like last time.
Turning to his brothers, Soltri announced, "We're almost home free!"
They made a jump off of a rock ("Wheee! Look, Ma, no hands!" -Boltri) just as Spriggs passed by underneath them on his Mongoose, with Willy and Triple M close behind on the tank.
The rest happened quickly: the tank and the stolen Warthog collided; bodies flew through the air (it was difficult to discern who they were in all the chaos); the jeep spun out while the tank spurred on unperturbed.
Soltri blinked a few times, holding his dazed head for a moment. When he shook off the dizziness, he saw the tank that they had run into.
"Stupid human tank," he said contemptibly. "Everyone okay?"
"Fine," an unknown voice answered from the passenger seat. Soltri had an uneasy feeling that something was wrong, and that this particular something was connected to that voice. He shrugged off the notion; he would worry about that when they were safely out of the base.
"Then we're out of here." Putting the Warthog in reverse (one of the two gears that would work properly), Soltri started to back out of the base when the voice stopped him again.
"I don't think so."
Soltri turned to his passenger, alarmed. "Are you crazy?! You want to get caught by the -" He stopped. He found himself looking into the barrel of a pistol. And the owner of that pistol was one of the...
"...humans...?" Soltri finished with a growing sense of dread and humiliation.
"Hey-o!" The human Sergeant greeted his new hostage.
"Well, this is embarrassing."
Still pointing the pistol at the alien, Triple M ordered, "Turn around and follow that tank."
'How did I get into this?!' was one of the first coherent thoughts that ran through Rotri's mind as he found himself on top of the tank, with Boltri near the back.
Bashing the tank with a Gravity Hammer in an attempt to stop it, he shouted fruitlessly, "Human, please, let us in! We promise we won't hurt you too much, and not badly, too! Please slow down!"
Boltri, on the other hand, tried a different tactic. As he fiddled around with the wires in the rear of the Scorpion, he shouted, "Look, I promise I won't hurt you if you open up!"
Rotri had neither the time nor the balance to give his younger brother a look of disdain, so he compromised.
"If he won't listen to me, he's not going to listen to you!"
"No, but if I rewire this, he might listen if it goes boom!"
'Uh-oh...' Rotri thought wiith dread. Chancing a quick glance, he looked around at Boltri. What he saw filled him with an all too familiar sense of fear: his blue sibling had donned his trademark evil grin on his face. The kind of grin that meant that he was doing what he was best at, and one wouldn't want to be in the same area when that happened.
"What do you mean, 'boom'?" Rotri asked, though he already knew the answer.
"What do you think I mean when I say 'boom?' I mean 'boom!'"
"But this is Willy. He could be anywhere right now - " Hammer started to say to Meme. He stopped when he heard shouting, and the telltale sound of treads moving along rock. With a growing sense of apprehension, they both turned to look, only to find the tank heading straight for them.
"Willy..." Hammer said exasperatedly before he and Meme did an about-face and fled.
Screaming, they ran for their lives, away from the tank driven by the incensed Willy. The lieutenant hopped onto the back of Spriggs' Mongoose when he got close enough; Meme took up the gunner's spot on the Warthog.
Turning to Spriggs, he ordered, "Specialist Spriggs, I order you to stop right this instant!"
He complied. And nearly got run over by the tank.
"Forget what I said! Forget what I said!!" Still panicking slightly, Hammer turned to the one driving the tank. "Willy, as your CO, I command you, pull that tank over! Now!"
Back in the Warthog...
"Another one?!" Soltri said in disbelief. Not surprisingly, he was pissed. One human was bad enough, but now another one, this one female and apparently the captain, had gotten the turret in the back. Not only that, but the jeep apparently chose that moment to start acting up again.
And the human sergeant wouldn't put away the damn gun!
Things couldn't possibly get any worse.
"Sergeant!" Meme said.
"Captain," replied Triple M.
"Triple M, what is that alien doing?!"
"Third gear."
Meme was slightly taken aback. "Oh. Well, um...Carry on."
Knowing that this command was meant for him, Soltri said sardonically, "Oh, I'm so glad I have your permission."
The green-armored soldier said irritably, "Jeez, do you ever stop bitching?"
"Only when I don't have a pistol pointed at my head."
Triple M exchanged the pistol for a shotgun.
"Oh, that's so much more comforting."
"I think we got him now!" Triple M shouted confidently. They were finally gaining on Willy and Spriggs. He hoped that this time, he would be able to knock some sense into them for once, unlikely as it may have seemed.
Then he looked past the tank, and saw something that filled him with horror: there was an enormous gorge ahead, and they were headed straight for it.
The sergeant turned around and looked at Meme, who nodded subtly. Quickly, they both leapt off of the Warthog without the alien's knowledge.
Back in the tank, Willy saw the same thing, as well as something else, slightly familiar...
'Hmm...' he thought. 'I think I've seen this before...'
"Apply brake," Willy ordered.
"The brake option is unavailable," said the tank's computer. "Please contact your main repair specialist."
Willy heard none of this, as he chose that moment to follow his pursuers and jump out of the tank just as it went over the edge of the gorge, its unwitting blue passenger whooping in exhilaration as his brother nearly screamed in fright.
All the Zambai Seven troops looked down into the gorge after the fallen tank and Warthog.
"Whoa," Willy said in amazement. "This gorge is huge. Like your mom," he added, turning to his fellow soldiers with a grin.
"Well, there went my tank," Hammer said.
"And the Warthog," Triple M observed.
"And the aliens," said Meme.
"Who the heck were those guys, anyway?" Hammer asked to nobody in particular.
Triple M shrugged. "I don't know, but they had your Warthog."
"That thing was a piece of crap. They can keep it."
"Right," Willy said, not really paying attention. "Well, I'm going to drive back to base - " He stopped abruptly as he turned to Spriggs. It was then that he realized that the red-armored soldier was the only one left with a vehicle.
Damn it, Willy thought.
The others seem to have realized this as well, and they had no desire to be left behind on the way back to base, as Triple M chose that moment to say, "Spriggs, buddy, pal...how 'bout a ride?"
Spriggs looked at them for a moment, then he turned right around and drove back to the base, leaving his team behind.
Triple M looked sadly after Spriggs. "So cold."
Willy couldn't believe his terrible luck. Spriggs had just freaking drove away on that goddamn Mongoose of his, leaving Willy, Triple M, and everyone else from Zambai stranded where they were. Willy wasn't angry over the fact that he had left them there - he had expected no less from Spriggs - but that now he was stuck with these three other nutcases until they get back to base.
Damn it, Willy thought bitterly. When I get my hands on that prick, I'm going to -
"Willy?"
Willy was startled out of his reverie by Meme calling him over.
"Since we have the time," she asked him, "could I talk to you for a second?"
"Yeah, sure. What do you need?" he asked the medic.
"How did you get all your gear?" Meme asked seriously.
Willy rolled his eyes. He had been asked this question before, or at least questions like it. Regardless, he had already prepared his answer. "Uh, I get it delivered."
Meme looked him in the eye. "Is that why I found your room littered with wrappers from - "
"Whoa, wait," Willy interrupted. "You've been through my room?"
"...Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, Popeye's..."
"You've been getting delivery this whole time?" Triple M said incredulously, his voice rising angrily. "We've been stuck with MREs for two months, and you've been ordering out?!"
"Hold on there," Meme said, with an attempt at a soothing tone. "We need to figure out how he - "
But the incensed sergeant had had enough. With a furious shout of "I'll kill you!!" he tackled Willy and started pummeling every inch of him that he could reach.
Fortunately for the defenseless Specialist, Hammer stepped in. "Sergeant! Stand down."
Reluctantly, Triple M backed away, turning to Hammer with an angry look in his eyes. "I'm going to kill him, Hammer. No jury on Earth will convict me."
Hammer shook his head quickly. "You're not allowed to kill him, M."
Triple M stared at the Lieutenant. "B-But..."
Willy had gotten up and looked at Hammer gratifyingly. "Thanks, Lieutenant. He caught me by surprise - " He stopped when he saw the grin forming on Hammer's face. When Hammer was grinning like that, it usually didn't end well for Willy. He gulped.
"Officers get first dibs."
Nobody got a chance to get at Willy again, however, because Meme chose that moment to yell at them both, "Both of you! Sit the fuck down and shut the hell up! If anyone is going to be killing anyone, it's going to be me, ha ha!!"
Both Hammer and Triple M were shocked into silence. Even Hammer, who was Meme's ex-boyfriend, had never seen this side of her before. He hadn't known that she could be so insane...or maybe it was just the lack of food. It was hard to tell where Meme was concerned.
Turning back to Willy, Meme continued, "Now, Willy...Let me cut to the chase. I just spoke with every base from here to Tuscany Twelve. You know what they said?"
Feigning ignorance, Willy asked, "What?"
"None of them have been getting any deliveries for over two weeks!" Meme explained.
"They just don't know the right people," Willy replied, speaking as if this fact was completely obvious.
Intrigued, Meme inquired, "What people?"
"I have the connections..."
"Damn it, Willy, there aren't any Pelican supply drops anywhere!"
"Well, the Pelican Pilot's Union is probably on strike."
"What?"
"Nobody in their right mind would dare to cross that picket line," Willy said seriously.
Meme stared at Willy. "What is your psychosis? What is wrong with you? Hell, what's wrong with all of you?!"
Smirking, Willy said mockingly, "Pot, this is Kettle, over."
"What are you saying?" Meme asked, confused.
"Maybe we're not the only nuts in this palm tree," Willy explained.
Meme's face lit with comprehension. "Are you implying that I'm one of these nuts?"
"Why, yes, maybe I am. Let me instruct you in the fine art of sarcasm. First we begin -"
"Oh, stop being pedantic," Meme cut across him irritably.
"Fine. Eleven-year-olds aren't my thing, anyway."
Meme paused for a moment. "You know, I think I like you even less than I like Hammer."
"Give it time. Then you'll be sure."
"As your superior officer, I demand - "
"Superior? Ha!" Willy interrupted, laughing. "You merely outrank me. And I really mean 'rank.'"
"Do you know what a captain is, Willy?" Meme asked rhetorically.
Willy mocked, "Oh! Oh! I know this one! The three O's: Oversexed, Overpaid, Over-promoted!"
"If I was Command..."
"Oh, yeah, sure. What would you do, Miss 'I'm a captain, this is impractical'?"
"If I was Command," Meme informed the yellow-armored soldier quietly, "I'd send you all to a rock in the middle of nowhere to rot in peace."
"Oh, yeah?" Willy shot back. "Well, if I was Command, you'd be here with us, in this shit hole, rotting on some random rock in the middle of nowhere! Hell, I'd even invite all these other nut jobs and we'd throw a damn party!"
Upon hearing this, Triple M said slowly, "You mean, kind of like the way Zambai is now?"
"Yes, exactly! Just as Zambai Seven is...right...now..." Willy replied, his voice falling as this realization sank in. "Damn..."
Judging from the similar looks of horror on each of the group members' faces, Willy could tell that they were all thinking the exact same thing that he was.
"You don't think...?" Triple M said.
"Nah, they wouldn't just abandon us here," Willy answered Triple M's unfinished question, shaking his head.
"It'd be...unethical..." Meme reasoned without any real conviction to her voice.
"True, true..." Hammer said, worried.
Triple M said, "They'd never get away with it...People would find out..."
"...Sure..." said Meme uncertainly.
"We're totally hosed, aren't we?" Hammer asked.
"Absolutely," Willy confirmed, nodding grimly.
A few yards away, a Lieutenant in Orbital Drop Shock Trooper, or ODST, armor was watching the soldiers of Zambai Seven. He had heard every word of this conversation and most of the others before it.
"Wow. They do have a brain!" the Lieutenant said in mock amazement.
He suddenly heard General Vollin's voice on his communication link; apparently, she too had been listening in, and she didn't sound happy about what she had heard. "Ah, fuck, now we're officially compromised," she said irritably. "Pull back to base! We need to get the ball rolling on Plan B."
The Lieutenant, convinced that his presence was unknown to anyone else there, told Vollin, "Actually...take your time. It would take a miracle for anyone to find me out here."
Had he taken a moment to check his surroundings for anything unusual (well, more so than usual, anyway), he would have noticed a certain, dark-purple Elite sneaking up behind him with a Gravity Hammer...
Author's Note: The plot thickens! Now we know why the people at Zambai are there in the first place. AND there's a new character introduced…sort of. I'm assuming that you guys have seen the machinima already, but just in case some of you haven't (why that would be, I have no idea...), I won't actually say his name until the next chapter is posted.
Anyway, y'all know the drill. R&R, please!