Chapter 6- Enough for Now...
Ben Cartwright stared down at the telegraph message he held within his hand, chewing anxiously against the bottom corner of his lip as he began to reread its enthusiastic content for a second time, while troubling guilt took a further hold upon his conscience.
Wonderful news/ Stop/ Will relay to Hoss/ Stop/ When will you be returning home?/ Stop/ With winter's approach, the weather might turn bad./ Stop/ Give Joe our best/ Stop/ Adam
He had not meant to deceive his two elder sons when he relayed to them at last the news of their brother's awakening, but all was not as rosy as the wired announcement had led them to believe. No, he could not go into detail through an impersonal telegraph the lingering effects caused by Joe's injuries.
Ben wished he could share the wholeheartedness that sprang forth from the sheet of paper now in front of him, but he was privy to knowledge that Adam and Hoss were not. That Joe's reawakening had been anything but peaceful. No, he shook his head sadly. The continued seriousness of his youngest son's condition would have to be conveyed within the pages of a private letter, which he would send to them later down the road. But for now, it would be enough for them to know that their brother had been returned to them.
'Returned?...Yes, his son had been returned to him so to speak… Shouldn't that be enough? What had he expected? That the boy would be whole again and as good as new like he had been before the accident…as if it had never happened? No, the explosion had happened, and it had nearly killed Joseph. It was unreasonable to expect that his son would remain the same in its aftermath, but in his heart of hearts he had hoped for such an end result to have taken place. He had dreamed of Joe's reawakening and of life continuing on for them as it had done before. But that dream was to be shattered, much like the remnants of the livery stable door that had been blown off its hinges by the force of the ignited kerosene before taking what had been of his son's previous life with it.'
Looking skyward towards the cloud strewn heavens, his dark eyes squinted in the brightness of the mid morning's sun, while he placed the now refolded telegram into his vest pocket. 'No, God.' He apologized humbly in his thoughts for his prior ungratefulness. 'No, to have Joseph back with him was enough. He would get through the rest. That Joseph was alive was all that was important.'
"Be with my son, Lord,…" He uttered almost ashamedly thinking back towards his previous anger at his Creator while continuing to make his way down the dusty, rut covered street which led towards the town's sole boarding house, "for he's still in need of your care… Help him…And help me…help me to sort through this…And allow Joseph…" His quiet words stumbled as he struggled to continue his heartfelt appeal.
'Allow Joseph what? Allow him to return the bright eyed, enthusiastic boy he had been before they had left on this cattle drive? Why had his mind's eye sought that particular frame of reference instead of the moments preceding the explosion? Perhaps because,' he shook his head sadly, 'it was not only the explosion, which had driven Joseph away from him, but his own words of anger as well…' Exhaling a long pent up breath, he pushed himself to remember the moments before such callous words had left his lips.
' They were herding the cattle along the flats during the last phase of their drive. Their destination, market, was but hours away. The air around him was thick with anticipation along with the heavy dust kicked up by the pounding of hundreds of hooves upon the good earth. Though fraught with problems, another drive would soon be over, and they'd be heading back towards the comforts of the Ponderosa. A hint of satisfaction tried to take root within his breast, but it was tempered by the unforeseen complications they had encountered along the way, especially with the sudden, tragic deaths of Pete and Sam. How could he feel even the slightest success in this journey, when the weight of such a loss hung over him like a dark cloud? It was with these thoughts a buzz that he had rode up to his youngest son on that final morning.'
Breaking from these thoughts abruptly, Ben inhaled sharply before once again hearkening back his recollection of Joe on that fateful day to the forefront of his memory.
Even upon moving horseback, the boy's gaze had been turned intently skyward, and not for just a brief second.
Suddenly the impact of his son's recklessness returned to startle him. Not only had Joseph not been keeping his eyes upon the moving cattle around him, but he was putting his own continued safety in jeopardy as well by his foolish inattention. How many times had he or the boy's brothers in the past lectured his son on the importance of keeping his thoughts grounded, especially while in the thick of things? And there was Joe allowing such sound reasoning drop to the wayside while he became caught up in the moment of the day surrounding him.
The troubling thoughts that had been simmering within him immediately boiled over at that point as he urged the horse beneath him to pick up speed while galloping towards his son. As he drew closer, Joe's celestial gaze turned earthbound once more. His face still dazzled with momentary brilliancy; his green eyes aglow with wonder. Releasing his right hand from the loosely held reins within them, he moved it forward to point towards something heavenly, as the making of a smile played upon his lips before he attempted to speak. But he had not allowed his son the chance to utter his thoughts, for it was he who had spoken first.
Ben lowered his head shamefully while bringing a clenched fist forward to rest against his furrowed brow as he squeezed his eyes shut in a futile attempt to block the succeeding image from playing back once again in his memory. If only he could take back the harsh words that had sprung from his lips that day, remembering how his potent response had effectively killed the enthusiastic smile that had promised to spread across his son's expressive face. Hindsight was a great educator, but it did little to rectify past wrongs already done.
Biting back the bitter taste of regret, Ben redirected his attentions towards the here and now. The boarding house stood just across the way from him. Since the time of Joe's accident, he had spent precious, little time away from his son's side. He had instructed Sadie, earlier that morning that he'd be just a short while carrying out his much needed errands, remembering how the boarding house's owner had readily agreed to keep a watchful eye over his resting son. Hurriedly, however, he crossed the remaining distance between himself and the boy, wanting to be with Joe before he reawakened within their room, hoping, praying this time for some spark of recognition to alight upon the boy's fair face and replace the troubling, vacant stare that had been returned to him since Joseph's arousal from his coma short days earlier.
A/N: Sorry, I know this is not much after the long break between posting chapters. Next chapter should include more Joe and Ben, but I needed to set this up before I could go on further. Thank you for the continued interest in the story. I promised myself, I'd get another chapter out before the story count reached a certain point and that number was looming over me. :) Until next time...