Tegan's POV

Sara is kissing me. That's all I can think about. I can feel her everywhere. She has taken complete control over all my senses. I am drowned in her scent and right when I start to kiss her back, she pulls away. My room is pretty dark, but there's enough sunlight coming through the window to see Sara's face. She's crying. I grabbed her face in between my hands.

"Shh, Sara. What's wrong? Why are you crying? Please don't cry."

"I-I-I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. It won't happen again, Tegan". Her sentence was rushed and she ran out of my room. I didn't even have a chance to tell her to stay. Maybe she really didn't mean to kiss me. I don't know why she would though. Should I go after her? Does she realize that I was starting to kiss her back? We still need to go grocery shopping. Great, just fucking great. Should I go get her? Is it too risky? I guess it's worth a shot.

I very slowly walk to her room. So slow that I'm not even sure I'm moving at all. I'm trying to collect my thoughts before I talk to her. Do I bring it up? What if she brings it up? Shit. I've arrived at her door. I knocked twice and the noise has never sounded so loud. It's like it echoed the whole house. I swallow nervously.

I tried to open the door, but it's locked. I can hear her crying through the door. I bite my tongue to fight back my tears.

"Sara. Uhh Sara, are we still going grocery shopping? Y-you said you can't l-live off cereal, remember?" I chuckled nervously and ran my fingers through my hair. I must look like an idiot standing there biting my lip, knees shaking slightly, a pained look on my face.

I heard her fumble around quite a bit before she finally opened the door. Her eyes are puffy and red from crying. She looks me straight in the eye and I had to catch my breath.

"Yeah, sure lets go", she mumbled and walked right past me. I followed behind her into the kitchen and grabbed my wallet and keys and headed out the door.

Sara's POV

I know she's afraid to bring it up, just like I am, and I'm grateful for that. I also know she wants an explanation. I don't know if I can give her one, at least not the truth. I'll have to make up some stupid lie.

I had a moment of no self control while I was in my room earlier. Right when Tegan came to my door, I lost it. The tears flowed even more and I just couldn't control myself. I rummaged through my bag and found an old friend of mine. I haven't used it in a long time, but I still carry it with my just in case. My razor. I made 5 slashes on my left wrist and watched the very essence of life flow out and fall upon the carpet. I made a mental note to clean it up later before Tegan notices. Which is also why I wore a long sleeve shirt so Tegan wouldn't notice the cuts either.

The walk to the store is silent and unbearable. I want to hear her lovely voice and yet I'm so fucking afraid to.

"Sara", she starts. It's like she fucking read my thoughts. "Sara, we don't have to talk about it okay? Whatever that was is, um, is okay…okay?"

I can feel the tears fighting their way out. I can feel them punching my eyes just begging to be released. I take a deep breath. I still can't look at her.

"I was just really happy about the guitar. So happy that I guess I just decided to kiss you?" Fuck that sounded more like a question than an excuse. I finally decide to look at her. She looks sad. Very sad. Did I cause that?

"Oh…okay, Sar." The conversation ended quicker than it started.