A.N
Half lemon on the beginning followed by a course of events which won't make any sense and a nice message to the Guest that keeps telling me what to do or what not to do whenever I make any reference to a movie or a serial:
"Who in the ever living MOTHERFUCKING COCK BISCUITS DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!"
Without further ado, let's begin!
"What the fuck..."Vladimir mumbled as he stood leaned against Syndra's door trying to understand what just happened this retarded night.
Oh wait, he knew EXACTLY what happened!
His best night was completely destroyed by a huge battle all over a bag of drugs, his girlfriend was beaten and shot, both almost got killed by a retarded number of retarded persons and the worst thing was the fact that Syndra wasn't talking to him.
"Excellent, just fucking excellent!"Vladimir groaned before letting out a heavy sigh.
"Watch ya doing playa?"Karthus asked before taking another smoke from his joint and blowing out a ring of smoke.
"Trying as hard as I can not to kill you."Vladimir said flatly.
"Is your girl angry with you?"Karthus asked again.
"Angry with me?!THAT WAS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT AND NOW SHE WON'T EVEN WATCH ME IN THE EYES!"Vladimir spat at Karthus who looked like he could give a fuck, only if he would have any...
"And you stay here like a faggot while your girl is sad on the other door?"
"And what would you like me to do Karthus?!"
"I see..."Karthus said then he tossed the joint away, raised his staff and brought it crushing down in Vladimir's head making him back off holding his head.
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"Vladimir asked which earned him another strike from Karthus who said:
"Think about it you faggot. So you have a sad girl which needs someone to love her and just so happens that you are her boyfriend. Do you see where I am trying to get?"
"Um...nope..."
After Karthus hit Vladimir some more he finally said:
"You see Vladimir, considering the fact that most likely she won't love to lose her virginity at the first date, you need to go there and shove your mortal tongue into her mortal mouth, lick every possible corner of it while enjoying the feeling of her tongue rolling around yours, then while she is busy with that you remove her T-shirt, she will most likely refuse the first time but you need to show her that YOU WANT HER. Then, after the deed is done you will have to get past your biggest challenge in your mortal life...Untie a woman's bra, she will be even more impressed if you can do it with one hand and then you cup her breasts but you don't go down with your mouth right away son. You descend slowly with kisses from her collar bone to the top of her juicy chest then you nibble on her pink and hard nipples and you don't make her moan I am going to come there in person and after I beat you to death with my staff I will shot you how it is done and then..."
20 sex tips later later...
"..and this is where a woman's G spot is. Questions?"Karthus said.
"Yes, where did you learned all that stuff?"
"As I had an obsession with death as a kid, my dad had his obsessions on his own..."Karthus said then left letting Vladimir to gather his courage.
Why would he need courage for this?
He should feel lucky, he should praise the Gods, he should bow to Allah for this chance, one of the most beautiful women in the League and she was at his mercy, oh, this sounded lovely...
He not even bothered to hide his smirk or to knock on the door, he simply entered in her room, his grin only growing when she saw her sitting on the edge of her bed, her T-shirt gone revealing her her black bra.
Oh the glorious moment...
Without she noticing he moved to the bed and embraced her from behind, planting a kiss on her neck.
"Vladimir...what are you doing?"Syndra asked as Vladimir continued on planting kisses on her neck.
"You said you want a special night, there you have it..."Vladimir said then continued on kissing her, going from her neck to her shoulder then from her shoulder back to her neck. She could only close her eyes and moan at the sensation of his tongue and lips brushing against her flesh.
But she wasn't just going to let him do all the kissing now would she?
In a split second she turned around and placed herself in his lap, straddling him and locking her lips with his, making him fall on her queen sized bed with her on top of him.
Oh yea, the situation could only get better from now on.
He broke the kiss only to move to her collar bone and continued his job at pleasuring her. Who knew that Karthus could give such a good advice?
He licked and bite on her collar bone, her moans only making him to want more but he also needed to control himself, he was a gentleman after all.
But tell me now, who can control himself when you have a lusty Syndra on top of you?
With that said, Vladimir quickly reached the top of her generous chest, taking his time to kiss every available skin that wasn't covered by her bra while his hands were trying their best to untie her bra and even if he wasn't looking at her he could that she tried no to laugh.
Oh the bra was a true enemy indeed...
But without them even knowing it, Kassadin and Shaco appeared into the room and Shaco was the first one to talk to the speechless lovebirds:
"WAIT!Syndra, has FOUR limbs, and TWO tits. Four next to two?42. Syndra's spheres look like zeros. Zero next to 42?420."
"420?Blaze it. Snoop Dogg get's high, airplanes go high. 9/11 was made by an airplane. What do we get?SYNDRA ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED!"Kassadin continued before disappearing yet the two could still hear their screams and a kid shouting:
"MOM!GET THE CAMERA!MOMMY!MOMMY!"
Back to the business!
Syndra finally gave up and helped her partner to remove her bra and this when his assault on her hard pink nipples began. He licked, sucked and bite on her nipples making her moan and yelp at the pleasure which was going through her body right now while using his free hand to pleasure her left nipple. It was a perfect moment, the pleasure which she was feeling right now could not be described but let's face it, I am an asshole or aren't I?
"And that's the message we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is!"A voice said from the corner of the room. Syndra and Vladimir opened their eyes wide as Vladimir pulled Syndra's nipple out of his mouth, a thin line of saliva still connecting the two.
In the corner of the room was a guy dressed in a tuxedo, his face being covered by a big news paper in which he took a lot of interest.
"Alright...Who are you..."Syndra asked trying to calm herself.
The man tossed the newspaper away and said:
"Hi!My name is, what?
My name is, who?
My name is, chka-chka Slim Shady!"The man responded.
Come on, well all know that this is Eminem. Why him?Why here?Don't know.
"Thank you, now get lost!"Syndra said then with a flick of her wrist she sent Eminem flying though her window, falling from a few considerable meters until he hit the ground, dying in the process.
"Who was this guy?"Vladimir asked.
"I don't care, let's continue."Syndra said then a voice was heard again.
"Well I do.
So fuck him and fuck you too!"
Syndra and Vladimir froze in place once again. Eminem was sitting on the edge of the bed with a neutral look on his face. Syndra covered her chest, gulped and said:
"I-I killed you!"
"I don't give a fuck,
God sent me to piss the world off!"Eminem said then he moved to Syndra and grabbed her tits.
Not a gentle hold that would made any woman kiss you passionately, no, this was the kind of grab that would make any normal girl groan in pain. Vladimir tried to fight back but he had to deal with a lot of angry Slim Shady holding him and forcing him to watch.
Oh yea, this night was VEEEEEERY FUCKED UP!
Not being able to resist the pain any longer, Syndra finally said:
"STOP IT!"
"It ain't over until I say it's over!
Enough when I say enough!"Slim responded and continued to violently toy with her tits.
Just then, as sudden as Slim appeared he vanished, along with the other Slims, letting Syndra gasping for air.
"Vladi...how about...we just sleep together, we simply rest and tomorrow we head to the beach?"Syndra asked. Vladimir accepted of course and after she changed herself in a night grown she placed herself next to Vladimir and buried her head in his chest before falling asleep followed by Vladimir.
The next morning...
Karthus finished his last joint and said:
"Thresh, call Vaas."
"Why?"Thresh asked taking his face from the bong.
"WE ARE GOING TO THE BEACH!"
A.N
Was this chapter retarded?Just wait until u see the next one!