AN/ So sorry that I haven't updated until now…. Ya'know, more than three months later than my last update. But I have a good excuse, I didn't want to. Just kidding, my computer was sick. Stupid Microsoft Office fucked up my computadora and now I'm finally able to write with my laptop. Sexah (as Tara would say). I have "Kiss" (the Glee version) stuck in my head… So.. We'll see how this turns out. Again: VERY VERY VERY VERY SORRY! But I have to hand it to Icantescape, this person just got me off my busy ass and got me writing again, so you have them to thank.
Disclaimer: I don't own this shit… Thank Rowling.
…
Chapter 9.
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! Yeah, we can tell dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! Sorry, but I don't remember Dumbledore swearing in the movie either. It's just you, you poor mistaken misguided soul. Plus, you're the one writing this story. Aren't you?besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! Yeah, cuz I just start fucking swearing at goddamn every fucking one that fucking gets in MY way when I have a headache. Bitch… and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! Nooooooo….. Snape doesn't like Harry because Harry looks like his father and Snape was in love with Harry's mother. Not because of his religion. BTdubs, Satanism isn't really recognized as a religion is it? To Wikipedia! MCR ROX! That's the one thing I've actually agreed with, I have My Chemical Romance's Black Parade CD and it's fuckingfantabulous.
I was so mad and sad. AVPM reference much? Ron: "But I'm still mad and sad, where are you going?" Harry: "Hold on, HP's gonna take his own advice" I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me WTF?. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. Ebony/Enony/Enoby: Sob!
Tree: WTF, get off me you creepy emo girl!
Then all of a suddenly,. an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything I'm so impressed by her vocabulary, and yeah y'know like totally stuff started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) At least she spelled basically and Voldemort right and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. WHAT? Voldemort isn't obviously goth? It was… Voldemort! Holy SH!T! I deff didn't see that one coming, I about peed my f***ing pants
"No!" I shouted in a scared voice (Tori.m: my voice trembled. Y'know, in fear and stuff. But I was shouting. Loudly. Yeah.) but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. Yup, that's what the imperius curse does. And the spell is Imperio, dipshit.
"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him I yelled that at my friend, but I was covering up a swear word ME: *drops something heavy on foot* CROOKSHANKS. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream I'd scream too if I had a cat thrown at me. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. Being a sadist means that you enjoy causing pain to others, why? Why are you such an idiot Tara?
"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" So Voldemort's been hanging out with Shakespeare? I didn't know he talked like that but you know, Tara's the expert. Obviously…
I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden.So, from my viewpoint. Joel Madden isn't actually that attractive (sorry sweetie, you're just not) and also: Harry Potter looks absolutely nothing like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? Noooooooooo…. That'd make more sense, so obviously it can't be true. Idiot.
"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. There's an awful lot of shouting, you're in a forest. You don't need to shout to be heard.
Voldemort gave me a gun."No! Please!" I begged. Guns won't do anything against wizards and witches. And where the fuck is all the magic? Ebony/Enony etc. is fucking Imperio'd she can't resist. Why the fuck am I subjecting myself to this bullshit? Oh yeah, cuz I love my readers and I need to stop throwing myself a pity party and start fucking writing again…. Onwards!
"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" Why can't he just have her kill Draco too? Then this fucking tragedy of a story could end.
"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. Cuz he's Voldemort bitch, he just rolls like that. Now shut the fuck up, you're giving me angina.
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. OMR, I hate when Voldemort gives me that look. That asshole. "I hath telekinesis." He can fucking move things with his mind, oh hellz yeah. You're in for it now bitch!
he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Wait, what's gonna happen? Oh yeah, Draco will die. And why does Voldemort want Harry dead? Isn't this Tara's fucked up world? Does Voldemort hate Harry because Harry's a Satanist? Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. Alternate:
Voldemort turned back around, "Wait, Mary Sue. You don't need to do that. I was just being a silly pants. Give me that gun back and I'll sell it in a pawn shop, then we can elope and live happily ever after. Because I love you, because everyone loves you because you're a (fucking) Mary Sue". So Voldemort took the gun and he skipped happily over to his broom with Ebony and they rode off into the sunset, never to be seen again. Ever, do you hear me? EVER!
I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Two emotions at once? And neither of them are depression? You're improving Ebony! Suddenly Draco came into the woods. What is he doing in the woods? Draco: I have a sudden urge to go into the woods where I made out with Ebony and took her virtility.
"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" depressed, of course. She musn't be happy. Ever
"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. Because he's goth. Yo. He was wearing white foundation Ew and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) (No I don't, please explain) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. Huh?
"Are you okay?" I asked. Caring?
"No." he answered. Duh. He's. Draco. Fucking. Malfoy. He's can't be happy in this story, he's fucking in a relationship with you bitch!
"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. She was expelled? What? YAY! Oh, nvm. Explained. She meant explained. Fuck.
"That's okay." he said all depressed Depression hurts, Cymbalta can help. and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. Walking. And making out. WTF?
…
AN/ And there's the end of chapter 9 of the travesty we like to call "My Immortal". Poor Evanescence. What did they do to Tara to make her slander their name? Well, thanks for reading guys. And sorry about the long wait. Shame on me. But I'll make it up to you! Whomever reviews will get their username in the AN of the next chapter and their review responded to as well. Thanks guys. 3 you!
tori.m