Chapter Six:

Olivia groaned, rummaging around in her purse to stop the Teletubbies theme song from playing. Before the Teletubbies could say "Eh-oh!", Olivia finally managed to answer the phone, pausing to shoot a glare at a sniggering Petrovsky and a smirking Alex.

Abbie, who was covering her mouth with her hand to try and stifle her laughter, bumped her shoulder into Olivia's playfully. "Who is that?"

"I'm not sure that I want to know," Olivia sighed, uncovering the receiver. "Benson."

"Damn, girl, you supposed to be on vacation. What's the last name for?"

"Fin! Your partner is a sick, sick man."

"Aw, hell no. What'd his bony ass do this time?"

Serena snorted, a far stretch from the dignified way that she usually held herself. "That's Fin? Don't tell him, Olivia! He'll kill Munch..."

Petrovsky rolled her eyes. "Those two are like a married couple."

"Did you know that the conservative pastor and televangelist Jerry Falwell accused the Tinky Winky character of being a gay role model for infants and toddlers because of his purple color and the triangular shaped antennae on his head?" Maura asked. "Also, using television as a teaching medium for the developing brains of small children is still a controversial subject–"

Jane groaned, cradling her forehead in her hand. "I can't take you anywhere, can I?"

Fin, who could hear snatches of the conversation from the other end of the line (partially due to Olivia's excellent cell phone service), started to grow confused. "Liv, am I hearing right? Munch and I are married, and now we're Teletubbies?"

Abbie giggled. "Aw hell, we already knew that."

"Okay," Olivia said, raising her voice to cut through the confusion. "Fin, if you see Tinky Winky, tell him that his ass is mine once I get back from vacation. He changed all the IDs and ringtones on my cell phone."

"Yeah? What was I?"

"Teletubbies ringtone and the ID said 'Token Black Guy'."

"Oh no he didn't. That old bastard's really askin' for it this time."

Petrovsky raised her eyebrows. "John Munch changed all of Olivia's ringtones?" she asked Alex. "Dare I ask what yours was?"

The blonde attorney just shook her head and took another sip of her water to avoid speaking. Abbie was more than willing to fill the judge in, however. "He put me as 'Redneck Woman' and Alex got 'What Is Love'."

"Be grateful that you're not on my speed dial, Lena," Alex said dryly. "I considered using the Wicked Witch theme from The Wizard of Oz for your number."

Maura's face brightened. "Did you know that several literary critics have interpreted The Wonderful Wizard of Oz as a commentary on the Gold Standard and the politics of America in the 1890s?" she asked excitedly. "The Wicked Witch of the West actually represented the western railroads, and the Cowardly Lion was a caricature of–"

"William Jennings Bryan," Alex interrupted. "My second major was literature for my undergraduate degree."

"Really? Can you believe that, for sixty years, that interpretation didn't even exist until a high school English teacher named Littleton..."

A frustrated Jane Rizzoli put a gentle finger over Maura's lips, forcing her to stop talking. "I think it's really sexy when you turn into a walking dictionary, but please don't ruin Judy Garland for me, honey."

"Jane, are you insinuating that you like to taste the rainbow?"

The detective choked. "Oh my god, that is wrong on so many levels..."

"I thought it was rather clever," Petrovsky added her two cents.

Beside them, Olivia was finishing up her conversation with Fin, leaning away from the booth and using her arm to try and muffle the noise. "Listen, I gotta go. You know how it is... yeah... Uh-huh... I'm at a table with six ladies and I'm talking to you, bonehead. What's wrong with me?"

When she ended the call, Olivia turned to Alex, about to explain what had prompted Fin to contact her, when another cell phone started ringing, this time with a regular vibrating sound. Automatically, the other six women checked their respective purses to find out which of them was being contacted. Petrovsky was the lucky winner, and Alex, Abbie, and Serena could not help raising their eyebrows at the sleek, expensive black phone that she held to her ear. "Hello... yes? What, really?" Dismayed, Petrovsky held the phone away to check the time. "Well, damn it." Wearing an irritated expression that Alex was very familiar with, she hung up without saying goodbye.

"Uh-oh," Abbie said in a mock-whisper, "someone's about to have their balls nailed to the wall."

"Ovaries," Petrovsky corrected flatly. "My nieces are getting married tomorrow. It's why I'm in Provincetown, actually."

"Congratulations," Maura said with a broad smile. "That must be very exciting for you."

"Yes and no. It's a double wedding. Chelsea is my favorite relative and her future husband is a fine young man, but her sister, Theresa, is a nightmare, and I've been dreading this trip since they announced the wedding six months ago."

Jane, who was uncomfortable in loud, social gatherings that involved dress clothes instead of jeans and baseball jerseys, nodded in sympathy with the forlorn looking judge. "At least it's not an Italian wedding," she offered.

"I would prefer that. At least those have decent food. In addition to being terribly spoiled, Theresa is always on some sort of diet, and she'll probably bully the caterers in to serving everyone something pretentious and inedible."

Alex understood completely. She had eaten similar meals at society gatherings, and in her secret heart of hearts, she really preferred pizza and alcohol. Except for an occasional sip from Olivia's beer, she usually substituted wine, but the idea was the same.

"Why is she going along with it?"

"Because their mother insisted, and Chelsea doesn't want to disappoint her. She also realizes that a wedding is only a ceremony. A special, life-changing ceremony, of course, but what really matters is the life you get to live afterwards."

"That was incredibly romantic," Maura said, gripping Jane's hand lightly under the table. Even though she was not overly fond of public displays of affection, the tough detective allowed her girlfriend to keep hold, even smiling when the pad of Maura's thumb stroked her knuckles and the scars on the back of her hand.

"Poor Chelsea. I would never let anyone push me around like that," Abbie stated vehemently.

There was a moment's pause as everyone around the table turned to look at Petrovsky. Her eyes brightened with mischief as a sudden idea blossomed in her scheming brain, and she rubbed her hands together gleefully, looking almost like a plotting supervillain from a 1960s pulp comic.

"Um, Your Hono- Lena... are you all right?" Alex asked, concern lacing her voice.

"I'm perfectly fine, Alexandra. I've just had an idea. An awful idea. A wonderful, awful idea."

"Uh-oh," Serena whispered.

"How would you ladies like to be my guests at the wedding rehearsal dinner this evening? It would annoy my sister and Theresa immensely, and I'm sure it would amuse Chelsea and her fiancé. I'm not cruel enough to disrupt the actual wedding ceremony, but this is just the rehearsal dinner. I'm sure the six of you can be very entertaining after a few drinks..."

"A hitchin'? Hell, yeah!" Abbie crowed. "We've got nothing better to do."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Abbie blocks time out in her schedule to annoy other people."

"Yeah, well, you just got lucky, Cabot, because your name got crossed off in my day planner and I'm substituting Petrovsky's niece."

"I'm not sure this is a very good idea," Olivia protested, ever the voice of reason. Alex would have a good time – as much as she pretended to dislike Abbie's antics, she secretly enjoyed making snide comments from the sidelines – but something about the suggestion seemed funny to her.

"C'mon, Benson," Jane said, "free drinks! You're not gonna turn down that."

Olivia shook her head. "Fine, whatever. But I'll be the designated driver tonight, and if you five – six –" she amended, glancing at Petrovsky, "get into more trouble than you can handle, I'm not bailing you out."