Break

I watch my stomach rise and fall rapidly. I was leaning on the bathroom door, dieing. Where was Gideon? Did he get my message? Or maybe he doesn't care. Why would he care? I began to cry; my breathing became even move hastened. I was so caught up in crying I didn't hear the door open.

"Spencer?" It was Gideon. I knew he cared. I tried to yell out to him but I had no voice. "Spencer!" He almost screamed. I used what strength I had to kick against the bathroom door. I heard the footsteps get closer then he tried to open the door. I was sitting in front of it making him unable to do so.

"Spencer!" Gideon pushed and I fell to the ground. He pushed the door open the rest of the way and knelt down to me.

"Oh god Spencer what did you do?" He gently pushed me into the sitting position. I couldn't say anything, he looked at me and I could tell he was disappointed. Gideon pulled out his phone and dilled a number, it most likely was an ambulance. My eyes were getting heavy I knew this was bad I couldn't fall asleep. Gideon must have noticed because he reached toward me and slapped me. Hard.

I was shocked, was he mad at me, of course he was mad at me but did he have to hit me. I winced and prepared for him to hit me again. He brought his hand up and I thought for sure that he was going to hit me again. Instead he rubbed his thumb over my cheek. At first I flinched then I relaxed into the touch. He wiped my tears and he started to dry.

"Don't die Spencer. We all need you here." He was pleading for me. I began to cry more. I didn't want to die.

I heard the sirens outside Gideon told me to hold on a little longer. I felt his hand slip into mine. He held it tight even when the paramedics came up.

"Sir you have to let go now." One of the paramedics told Gideon. He released my hand and I lost the comfort and safety of him. I could feel my body begin to shake I was going into shock. I heard the rush of voices and the touch of people. Then I heard and felt no more.

I slowly opened my eyes only to be met with a blinding white light. I hear voices around me yelling. I can't make out make out what they are saying though. I struggle to say something but nothing comes out. Suddenly there is a pressure at my mouth then a tube is forced down my throat. A familiar prick is at my arm, liquid is injected and my body goes numb. My eyes begin to darken around the edges then I am engulfed in a clam dark.

Once again I awake to bright. I close my eyes to shield myself from the light. My throat is sore I cough and only make it worse. There is an IV in my arm. The present of a needle is calming. I then sneer at myself. How could I think that? I feel awful. I attempt to sit up but my stomach protested. I lay my head back and open my eyes. This time I keep then open. I look around the small hospital room; I wonder if the team got me a private room?

I cough again and my memories come flooding back. I feel sick I want to throw up. I sit up against my stomachs will, and dry heave. I want to throw up, I need to throw up. I cough some more and continue to heave. I hear a noise at my door I look up to see Gideon there. My body shakes and I start to cry. He comes over to me and sits down next to me. A hand is placed on my shoulder.

"Easy Spencer. You have to calm down." He says this all very quietly so I have to strain to hear him over my sobs and heaving. He continues to say soothing things as I control my breathing. Once I can breath through my nose Gideon pushes me down onto the hospital bed.

"I'm so sorry." I wheeze out.

"I Know, I'm sorry too."

"Why?"

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you."

"You shouldn't have to help me."

He just looks at me. I see tears well up in his eyes. I turn away I cant see him cry. If he cries I'll lose hope…though I think I already have.

The next day Morgan visited me. He walked in and just stared at me. The pity of his gaze fell on me. I shied away from his eyes.

"Sorry." I say this even though I don't now why.

"Reid…" he stopped heaved a sigh then continued. "Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you." His eyes were pleading for an answer.

"You couldn't have helped me." He really couldn't have. He was not there to save me from that monster Mr. Hale. He did not know how sick I felt when I think about my childhood. There was no way he could have stopped me this time. This was only a matter of time.

"Spencer?" I looked over at him. "Why ya' do it."

I thought for a moment.

"I didn't like remembering." I said straight to his face. He just looked down and shook his head and I think he was going to cry. Morgan walked out of the room.

I made another person cry. I put my head in my hands and cried.

A noise caused me to glance up. Gideon was in my doorway. I tried to wipe away my tears but they kept falling. Gideon silently strode over to the bed and placed a hand on my tear stained cheek. He wiped away the new and old tears.

"It will be okay. I am here. I will help you Spencer, you just have to trust me. Okay?" His words are gentle and I know he will help me. I just have to trust him. Right?

I heard the team argue with the doctors. The team wanted me back with them. But the doctors said I needed to be looked after. Gideon said he would look after me.

"You have to be with him twenty-four hours a day you know that right?" said one of the doctors.

"Yes. I will be, do not worry. I have only the best intentions for Spencer." I can hear the worry in his voice, he afraid that he wont be able to take me with him.

"Alright you may take him but, keep him away from any medication. If he has a head ach be sure you are the one giving him the pills. Also keep him away from sharp objects, and I would suggest no work for a while."

I could tell that comment was for Hotch.

Gideon stepped into the room.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yes." I say firmly.

Gideon took me back to the hotel where we had been staying. I stood in the doorway not wanting to go in.

"Come on were just going to get our things then we can get out of here."

I tilted me head a bit. "Where are we going?"

"Back to Virginia."

"No!" I shout.

"Huh?" Is all Gideon can say.

"We didn't even solve the case."

"It's okay they can handle it by them selves."

"But…I wanted to help." I whisper the last part. Gideon looks at me; his eyes are squinted a bit.

"Okay we can stay but I'm making sure you don't do any hard work."

"Okay." I say with a small smile.

"Get your things."

I collect my clothes and shoes from the closet. I think I have all my things then I remember my toothbrush. I go towards the bathroom and stop. I feel Gideon's eyes o n my back. I turn to him.

"Um. Would you get my toothbrush for me?" I'm a little embarrassed to ask.

"Of course." He says smiling; he goes into the bathroom then returns with his and my toothbrush. I thank him and place the item in my bag.

We leave the hollow hotel room, only to replace it by another. I unpack my recently packed items and this time I am able to walk into the new bathroom

Like Gideon had promised he never let me out of his sight. I don't blame him; I'm suicidal now I'm not a stable person. Also he's now letting me work at all and I'm going crazy with nothing to do. The team won't look at me without pity, and now I cant even look at them.

Today we are going to interview people and Gideon said I could help with that I was so thankful I didn't even ask who it was.

Together Gideon and I walked into the police station. I got some looks but not much, which relived me. Gideon took me to the end of a long hallway where there was a door that opened up to a small room where the rest of the team sat.

"Good now that were all here let's start."

They talked but I did not listen. I didn't know if they all wanted me here, or if they were just humoring me. I had to prove to them that I could still do my job. I went over what I knew about the case in my head.

Three murders, all went to the same school, my school. Madison and Jack seem to be the only ones connected. Eliza may have been a friend but Jack and Madison have to be the main subject. Maybe Eliza saw something she shouldn't have.

I'm so lost in though that I don't hear Hotch tell us that our suspect is here. A light touch on the shoulder from Emily wakens me. At first I jump but immediately clam down. I follow the team out Gideon behind me. I see the cop escorting a man in hand cuffs down our way. The cuffed man looks somewhat familiar. The man lifts his head and I almost scream.

Mr. Hale looks right at me, and smiles. I run.

"Reid!" Hotch yells after me. I wont stop I cant stop. I hear footsteps following me. I run faster.

"Spencer! Stop!" It's Morgan. I turn a corner and slip. I stumble a few steps and try to continue to run but Morgan has caught me. He pulls me in by my wrist. I struggle against him.

"Reid, Reid stop!" Morgan is almost yelling at me but it's not an angry yell it's a scared yell. I still pull try to free myself from him and this awful memory.

"Spencer?" Gideon asks in a soft voice. "You have to clam down. Let him go Derek." Morgan looked unsure, but trusted Gideon and let me go. I stumbled backward and leaned on the nearest wall. I sunk to the ground pulling my knees in tight to my chest.

"Spencer what happened?" Gideon asked with the same soft voice.

"Please don't let him touch me…Please." I whisper out holding back tears.

"Oh god." Morgan cursed under his breath.

"Who?" Gideon wanted to know. My eyes shifted to the way we had come.

"The man in the handcuffs." I say so quietly I don't really know if I said it.

"Spencer do you know who that is?"

"ya."

"How"

"He was my teacher."

"What's his name?"

"Mr. Hale."

"The one you mentioned in the phone call?"

"Ya."

"What did he do to you?"

"No." I mumble.

"What was that?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?" I think Gideon was getting irritated.

"Because…because that would make it real."

"Spencer what ever happened was real, you can't just make it go away."

"But I can pretend."

I never told then what happened. I couldn't. but I think they figured it out. Gideon took me back to the hotel, where I lay on the bed with my eyes covered. I did not ant to remember anything anymore. I hate my life. Now I really did want to die.

sorry for the wait! so it seemes you can break a computer when you throw it!