I'm just writing a little bit of an AN here, I want to just point out that in the beginning of writing this, I had planned for it to be in Clare's point of view only, but then I realized that you kind of need Eli's insight of what's actually happening in the oblivious world of Clare at the time being, so I'm going to be putting it in Eli and Clare's point of view. Then there's the fact that I don't think I want Julia to be his big past secret. I'm thinking, maybe Julia can be something more recent? That his past secret will be something totally different than the dead girlfriend? I don't know we'll see. I also wanted to thank everyone for reviewing I really appreciate them, and it means a lot to me. I need to know what you guys think so I know what to change, or what to describe or what to keep doing, example A is this whole non understanding thing because if Clare doesn't know something, you won't know something and etc hence the whole Eli's point of view from now on. Anyway it seems as if I'm ranting so I'm done now. Onward to the chapterrrrrrr

~Jade

I Love You, Mr. Goldsworthy

Chapter Five.

Clare's Point of View:

I spent the time Adam and Eli were at McDonalds to think things over. I had to tell myself that I couldn't even sort of like Eli, not at all. I mean he had girls fawning over him constantly and this sort of friendship thing we have going on is just going to crumble if I tried to pursue any of the slight almost feelings I had towards him.

Plus with John unfortunately in the picture, how could things ever escalate? Even being friends was too much for us. If he found out about John, and John knew about it, I don't know what he'd do to Eli. Just knowing that Alli is on the line, and Adam and anyone whose ever come in contact with me scares the living day lights out of me. I mean, I of course tried to not think about it for Adam's sake but deep in the depths of my mind, that's all that there is to think about. John coming for me.

Everything I did had to do with John. What if I was in the middle of Class and he suddenly had the urge to out me in front of the public? Sure he'd get caught but he was a lunatic. That seemed highly unlikely of him to do but it was still playing in my mind.

What if he smothered me in my sleep? I'd lock the doors of course but who's to say that'd stop him from taking my life? What if he poisoned me with something nonchalantly put in my drink, or my food. Gosh, I just couldn't stop coming up with all the chances my death would occur.

I was brought out of my train of thought as the door opened and two loud boys came in laughing about something.

"... will settle this! I swear it!" Adam exclaimed, though I wasn't sure what was going on.

"Come on, I'm sure you're exaggerating." Eli protested.

"Never, we can ask Clare, even she was there that day!" I was now interested. I looked out my door.

"Clare was there what day?" I asked suspiciously, and in third person.

"Remember that you and K.C. went on the morning announcements and 'The Shep' called you a bitch flat out, and then actually kept his job?" I scoffed at the memory of that man.

"Yea, they suspended his teaching privileges. I missed Peters mom so much it wasn't even funny."

"Why'd he call you a bitch?" Eli asked curiously.

I scoffed again. "Because he was favoring the jocks, and always called out my class because we were smart. He thought we were freaks and he was a sexist pig. I decided to stand up to him and he called me that. K.C. was upset and we showed it to the whole school when he was rewarded principal of the year, even though he was favored by the jocks, he still got yelled at by them, yet they only suspended him."

I shook my head at the memory. He was a terrible guy. I was then remembered by my huge infatuation with K.C. in that year. How I misjudged him for being smart just because he was cute, because lets face it, the advanced program didn't have many beautiful people besides Alli and K.C. even though they had tried to convince Clare on multiple occasions that she was beautiful too.

"Anyway, I really hate dwelling on awkward years as, well, me so wheres the food?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Come on, Clare. Lighten up." Adam said, as if that morning had never happened. As if she hadn't opened up a completely sealed wound just a few hours ago.

"I'm sorry I'm not exactly in the mood to be thinking of the past right now, Adam." I said sharply and he sent me an apologetic smile, which made me feel incredibly guilty.

"I'm sorry. It's not your fault. Anyway lets eat."

Eli's Point of View:

"So, your friend, Clare?" I asked Adam awkwardly. He looked over at me from the passenger side of the care with a weird look on his face.

"What about her?" He asked suspiciously, as if I was about to say something I shouldn't. I sighed realizing that anything I say or think about her I shouldn't. Not unless it's about her amazing ability to complete homework. I mentally scoffed to myself. God, I'm such a screw up. I can't even get her off my mind for a little bit, I even think about how I shouldn't think about her.

"Nothing, don't worry I was just going to ask how you guys met, with the age difference and all." I said, nonchalantly, considering that's not what I was going to say at all, but I had to save myself somehow.

"Oh, sorry man, I just get kind of protective of her, even if I haven't seen her in forever." I nodded in understanding.

"Well, Clare and I, we met her freshman year in high school, my senior year. She was this extremely socially awkward underdeveloped ninth grader with a horrible case of not fitting in." He chuckled, with a faraway look in his eye. Probably remembering all of it.

"As I've told you before, I'm transgendered, and one day it was Gracie's time of the month," He sighed awkwardly and I just nodded to show I wasn't feeling awkward and for him to continue.

"I was running down the hall with my book bag and a box of tampons when Clare ran into me, because I wasn't paying attention and her eyes were planted on the ground. We collided and my tampons flew everywhere. She raised her eyebrow curiously but didn't question anything as she picked them up.

"Then this douche bag who at the time, was a junior came round the corner laughing with his friends. He saw me and Clare on the ground picking up tampons and I freaked. No one knew my secret and I wanted to keep it that way. I shoved all of them at Clare and gave her a look. Reese turned and gave her an amused look. He asked us in a taunting way why they were all over the floor and I about choked on my damn lungs in fear.

"She quickly saved it though by saying that she was running towards the bathroom to 'reapply' and I ran into her accidently. The blush on her cheeks said it all and he seemed to believe it. She sighed a breath of relief as did I when he walked away. She was so scared, her body was shaking, you could just tell this girl wasn't emotionally strong willed."

I took in everything that he was telling me and smirked to myself. Clare would put herself on the line for a stranger who was acting completely strange when she could've easily outed him to save her own ass but she didn't.

"So how did you actually become friends after that?" I asked, now actually curious. "I mean there was probably some serious awkwardness after that." I said, gesturing for him to continue his story.

"Well yea, of course there was. She tried to walk away, still noticeably shaking and I couldn't let her just walk away without an explanation that I knew she wanted but was too scared to ask. I told her that I was extremely grateful for what she did and she said that she understood and was totally fine with it. I asked her if she wanted to sit with me at lunch, she hesitantly said yes. At first I thought she was hesitating because she thought that I was weird or suspected my being a girl but later on I found out she wasn't really sure if I was just messing with her or not. During lunch I explained everything to her and ever since then, she had me, Alli and temporarily had K.C. by her side to help her through her high school experience, though I think after K.C. she had it in the bag."

I couldn't help but scoff at that. How do you break someone like Clare's heart without a care? I didn't even really know her and I knew that she was extremely sweet, that she didn't care for appearances in both senses. How people appeared to be on the outside body language or what they looked like, attractive and not attractively. I admired that about her. I was always a pessimistic, sarcastic, cynical, sardonic, even type of person. Ever since he was about 15.

"So what's the real story with this K.C. guy? Not just the cliff notes that Clare gave everyone. Why is she so desperate not to talk about it?" I asked, really wanting to know.

"Well, Clare never viewed herself as... pretty, even though anyone can justify how gorgeous she really is. She was really good at covering up her beauty in ninth grade and even then she was a cute girl. K.C. saw that in her, but soon enough his hormones kicked in and as soon as Clare started to open up and let herself feel beautiful, K.C. started to like blonde and bodacious, early developed ninth grade, cheer leader, singer types. ones that would wear revealing bikini's and would put out. Clare wasn't one for sex before marriage, but that ship sailed. Anyway, yea. Clare noticed too late that Jenna wanted K.C. and at first K.C. really did like Clare, but he wanted Jenna more and broke up with Clare, hours later being with Jenna.

"K.C. got himself back in her good graces later on just to screw it up again by convincing Clare to let him cheat off her test and then realized that it was all Jenna's idea to take advantage of Clare's kindness."

"That's... That's seriously fucked up." I said. Because it was completely true. What kind of douche bag does that?

"Yea, it is. But she moved on, oh she did move on." I was now wanting to ask how she moved on but I didn't want to seem to interested on her past boyfriends so I thought of a nonchalant way to ask about it without actually saying it.

"Did she transfer schools or something?" I asked, in a slightly curious tone, even though on the inside I really wanted to know.

"Oh, no. It's more like he transferred schools."

"K.C.?" I asked, now confused as when the story took it's turn.

"Nope, not K.C., Jake Martin. Every girl fell at their feet for the wonderful, repair man, tenth grade stud Jake Martin. He was a family friend of Clare's, so she sort of knew him. But of course, Clare didn't like how her hormones reacted to Mr. Jake Martin and they started this whole 'casual' dating thing. I didn't like it to be honest. But she said she did so who was I to judge? By this point, Clare was definitely more comfortable with her appearance. She dressed herself how she thought looked nice and had her hair cut, like it is now, and got laser eye surgery, and her braces removed.

"Jake liked this Clare, that was for sure. She would always gush about how they made out in her room, or in his room, or in abandoned class rooms. I'm surprised they never actually had sex, but I guess around the time she would've been broken down enough to sleep with him, his inner douche bag came out along with a dirty little secret. Her mom and his dad were sleeping together, both divorcee's, going behind their kids backs, so to say that sleeping with your possible future brother and law was a turn off completely for Clare and they ended things."

I nodded, really feeling like a creep for being so interested in her past, and how willing Adam was to giving me this information about one of his best friends. But then something dawned on me.

"Would she care that you're practically telling me her life story?" I asked, kind of uncertain. He sighed, and had that faraway look in his eye but it was more sad this time.

"Don't worry, bro. it's not her whole life story, there's stuff I won't tell you." He said shaking his head, and that instantly reminded me of last night in the medowed area. I decided a topic change would be wise.

"So, you're saying that a heartbreak made Clare change to a more harder person? Emotionally wise?"

"Not exactly. A lot of stuff happened that year. For starters, our principal called her a bitch."

"He did not," I said completely not buying that. No one should call her that.

"Yes he did! I promise it, we will settle this! I swear it!" Adam exclaimed, and now I was just screwing with him.

"Come on, I'm sure you're exaggerating." I protested, teasing him.

Another AN, this is kind of a filler, so that's why nothing big happened. I just decided to put a little bit of Eli's curious Clare thoughts in here and as I wrote this I realized that the thing with Julia is totally irrelevant to my story. That's not going to happen in my story like it does in the show xD any who hope you like it xD

~Jade