Chapter 6 – Memories Regained

He didn't notice the tears spilling out onto his cheeks. He just knew the pain in his chest. He needed his sanctuary. The beautifully carved rose blurred as he caught sight of it. Rose. Rose, Rose, Rose. Her name was his mantra as he shut himself into her room, trying to get a sense that she was still there. Some trace of her scent, something, anything! He looked around the room. Slightly messy, he thought. That was his Rose. He took one of the pictures off the dresser. It was her favorite, he knew. Himself and Rose, in two pictures, side by side. Himself and Rose, and his old self and Rose. His finger trembled as he traced the curve of her cheek. "Oh, Rose!" He sat on the bed, picture frame clutched to his chest, head bowed in pain. How he missed her! After a while (minutes? Hours? What is time to a Time Lord?), he looked up. Rose's Diary. He was getting close to the end. He knew he shouldn't be reading it, but he couldn't help himself. It was the only way he had to get close to Rose. Carefully placing the frame next to him, he slid the Diary out of its' "hiding" place, under her pillow. He decided to skip to the end, to torture himself with her thoughts on the last day she spent with him.

His breath left his body with a "whoosh!" He felt cold and hot. Black edged his vision. He couldn't breathe. On the last page of her Diary she talked about making love, not just "shagging" someone. What? How? Who? His mind gibbered. His Rose? NO! he would have KNOWN! There was no one she could have- Would have - … he had watched her like a hawk, so jealous of any contact with other males… She was his! He took a deep breath, and read the page.

…dunno what to tell him. What he'll believe. I love him so much, and I don't know if he really loves me. I mean, he said he did, then, but it's like he's forgotten…

Oh, Rose. Who did you love? He struggled to push down the jealousy. Who wouldn't love you back (the idiot!)? He'd kill him. Tear him limb from limb for his disdain for his Rose. And she had lied to him, back on the beach of bad Wolf bay. Why? Why say she loved him, and not the idiot who didn't love her back?

The Doctor frowned at the TARDIS console. It didn't make any sense. Rose was off visiting her mum after the fiasco with her dad, and he had stayed behind, meaning to get some tinkering in. Before he could start the old girl had just taken off, to some unknown destination. Rose would kill him if she got back before he did!

"What are you doing?" he demanded of his beloved ship as he tried to reverse their course. He knew she cared for Rose as much as he did, and wouldn't willingly leave her behind. He had counted on that when he gave her his emergency instructions. What to do with Rose if anything happened to him.

As they finally landed, he thought he had succeeded, until he walked through the doors, into his own console room. Well, not quite his own. There were some differences, some new bits and pieces. Including the strange woman staring at him. "Who're you?' he demanded harshly.

She gaped at him. "That's another TARDIS!" she exclaimed inanely. "You landed a TARDIS in the TARDIS!"

The Doctor blinked, looked at his TARDIS, then back to her. "Great observation, Sherlock!" he said sarcastically. "Now, who are you?" he demanded.

"Who am I? Who are you? This is the Doctor's TARDIS! You have no business just appearing like that!" She shrilled. It's not every day a strange TARDIS materializes inside the TARDIS. And the Doctor was off doing whatever it was he was doing. Martha knew was on her own.

"The Doctor? I am the Doctor!"

"No you're not, he's back there. Besides, you don't look anything like the Doctor."

"I change." Ever so patiently. Who was this girl? From his future, no doubt. He scanned the console room. Not that different from his own, had to be close then. But where were Rose's things? He pushed down alarm at that thought.

"Prove it. Who am I? If you're the Doctor, and you change, you should know!" She said triumphantly.

"Here we go," the Doctor muttered. "Look, I don't have any idea who you are. You're obviously from my future. Now, if you'll just tell me where I am, I'll just have a chat with myself to find out why his TARDIS drew my TARDIS here."

"In her room," Martha said sullenly.

"Her room?" Oh, that didn't sound good at all.

"Yeah. He won't tell me anything about it. He goes in there all the time, though. Sits in there for hours, sometimes. It has a beautifully carved rose on the door." She paused, alarmed at his sudden pallor, "Are you all right?"

The strange man (the Doctor?) paled and staggered against one of the coral-like structures. He braced himself against it.

Rose! He thought to himself. Something terrible must have happened, for him to sit in her room like that! He shook his head. He couldn't know. Mustn't know; it might change the timelines… Right, he thought decisively. He strode determinedly further into the TARDIS.

Martha gaped at the man's back. Maybe he WAS the Doctor. He sure was rude enough! She wondered if she should follow him. Them remembering the Doctor's reaction when she had gone through the Rose Door, she decided to just let things be. That guy seemed to know where he was going. She was just going to stay out of it.

The Doctor (we'll call him Nine, for that's who he was) walked quickly through the TARDIS. Something had happened to Rose, and his other self couldn't handle it. Had his TARDIS brought him here for an intervention or something? His steps slowed as he neared her door. He hadn't remembered the room, or the door, when she first came on board; when she found it he said that it was perfect for her. The TARDIS must have created it just for her. He reached out to open the door…

The Doctor (Ten) couldn't believe that his Rose had slept with someone else – loved someone else – while traveling with him. He would have known! He looked at the stuffed bear on her bed. Rose had brought it home after a recent stop back in London to visit her mum. She wouldn't tell him where she got it, or why. Maybe he gave it to her, whomever she had slept with. Whoever it was, hadn't deserved her! He picked it up, squeezing it in anger.

"I love you, Doctor!" Rose's voice… Rose… love you, Doctor… Memories crashed into him, memories he had repressed, hidden from himself with this trigger.

Leaving Rose behind, that first time, with Ricky-the-idiot hanging onto her. Trying to decide where to go next. Disappointed that she hadn't chosen to travel with him. He could tell she was intrigued, but obviously felt that Ricky-the-idiot needed her more. Well then. Where to next… He looked up as a figure appeared out of a golden light. Rose Tyler.

He had been so surprised, not only to see her but when she threw herself into his arms, sobbing. She wouldn't tell him, only that he had picked her up 18 seconds after he left. He'd made a note to remember that, so they wouldn't mess up the time stream… He tried to figure out how to get her back, to the other him, the new him. She had let slip that he'd regenerated. He couldn't figure out how she had appeared in his TARDIS, let alone how to get her back. He knew she was torn, wanting to stay but also wanting to get back to the other him. In the meantime, they had adventures. He knew that Rose loved him, but that was impossible for a Time Lord. Then he'd found that he did love her. So much so, that he was jealous of his future self. He wanted to keep her, but he had to find a way to return her, to preserve the timeline. Then one night they kissed. It happened so naturally… Then they did other things, things that led to them being entwined in the sheets of her bed. The Doctor remembered what they had done in that bed that night... Afterwards as they lay cuddling he told her that he loved her. Rose smiled up at him. "I love you, Doctor." His hearts soared. As he bent to kiss her she disappeared in a burst of golden light. His cry of disbelief and despair echoed through the TARDIS.

What had he done after that? He remembered walking endlessly through the corridors. Later (how much later? What is time to a Time Lord?) he knew what to do. He needed to preserve the timeline. He would go get Rose Tyler from Ricky-the-idiot. Right after he locked up his memories. The key? Her voice, and her last words to him. "I love you, Doctor." They were ingrained in his memory. When Rose said them to him again (and he hoped she would, someday!) he would remember everything. He set up the proper coordinates, and locked the memories of his beautiful Rose away.

The Doctor straightened. What had just happened? He shook his head and looked at the controls. They were set to return to Earth, just after he had left. He was puzzled. He didn't remember setting those coordinates. He shrugged. Well. Looked like Miss Rose Tyler would get a second chance. He didn't do that often.

The Doctor – Nine – entered Rose's room, spotting his other self (which one?) sitting on the floor, staring despondently at a stuffed bear.

"What's happened to Rose?" he demanded sharply, his worry for Rose off the meter. He was unprepared when the other looked up and recognized him.

Ten's eyes narrowed. "You!" he snarled, surging to his feet. Nine jerked back in surprise but was unable to avoid the fist that crashed into his chin. Suddenly he was in a fight for his life. With himself.

"Oi!" Nine cried, "what's going on? Calm down! I'm you!" He tried reasoning with the other.

"You!" the other raged, his eyes blazing. "You touched her, you slept with her, with MY Rose!"

"No! What are you talking about? Calm down and talk to me!" Nine tried to keep the other him from decking him again. "Which me are you, anyway?" he asked plaintively, "What's happened to Rose?"

Suddenly the other stopped, swaying. "I'm Ten." He paused, blinking owlishly. "You don't remember? Squeeze the bear," he directed softly. "It's only fair that you remember."

Remember? Remember what? Nine looked from Ten to the bear lying abandoned on the floor. He bent to pick it up, squeezing it. "I love you, Doctor!" Rose's voice. The memories came rushing back. He ended up on the floor, face wet with tears. "What happened to Rose?" he begged Ten.

"She was torn away from me, to an alternate universe, where I can never go. It will destroy the fabric of both universes." Ten coldly put his hand on Nine's head. "This is what happened."

Both Time Lords stiffened at the meld. Ten's memories of Canary Wharf poured through Nine. At the end, identical screams of pain and loss were torn from their throats.

Nine shook his head unable to believe it. There was nothing he could do. Rose was lost. "She's gone."

"Yes." Sharp, biting response.

"I'm sorry."

Ten gave him a flat stare. "I read her Diary. She slept with you! She loved you!" and not me, his mind whispered traitorously.

Nine stared at him in disbelief. Was he BLIND? His regained memories and remembered jealousy of his future self assured him that Rose loved them both. Forget Ricky, he was the idiot now! He snorted at himself, then asked "What can we do to get her back?"

Ten looked at him bleakly. "I don't know."