Point of No Return
Chapter Six: Recollection (Max)
A/N: PLEASE READ So I was really unhappy with this chapter when I posted it, and then I got some great advice from Zezemi and my dad, so I changed it a lot. You don't have to read it again, but know that Max doesn't have a plan in this version, the Voice doesn't hurt her, and I think it's a bit less disgustingly sappy.
Ok, now you're caught up. The next chapter will be the final one in the present because this exposition has gone on waaaay too long. Squishing 4 days into 1 chapter? Oh yes. Challenge accepted.
Fanficitonaddict1: R: Thanks, I'm glad I got Iggy right. Sierra156: R: Thank you, I'm so happy you liked it! ILove2Write13: R: You actually gave me an idea I'm implementing into this story, so thank you! Timing-wise, it doesn't work for Max to 'leave' before Iggy speaks to her, since she still has four days (she's on day 1 in this chapter) to go, but I did consider the idea. I'm glad I made the love/in love distinction clear enough. GreekAngel: SA: Thanks! Tsunaida: SA: Thank you! DarkAngel9909: FS: Thanks! MaxBuquoi: FS, FA: Thank you!
Disclaimer: I don't claim.
Onward!
I ran blindly, crying too hard to see. And since I'm not blessed with anything like grace or the ability to see with my eyes closed, I ran into a problem pretty quickly.
Max's face, meet tree.
I practically body-slammed the trunk of a leafy green thing and bounced off, screaming like some sort of wild animal; wounded, in pain, and incapable of rational thought. I staggered forward a few more strides before getting tangled in some low-growing plants and crashing to the ground. I didn't bother to get up. Pinching my nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding, I curled into a ball and screamed some more.
Maximum Ride, that is quite enough.
I couldn't even form words that would express my rage towards the Voice. I bolted upright, searching for a rock. I was going to get that chip out of me if it paralyzed my arm. One less thing to deal with-
Digging that chip out will kill you, Maximum. Self-destructive behavior is a sign of mental instability. You stated you were capable of leading the Flock. Are you proving that that is not the case?
I froze, fingers curling around a stone. I traced its edges, eyes still closed. My breaths came in deep gasps that hurt my chest. I was choking on sobs.
Get out of my head! I pinched my nose harder, testing for breaks. Let me figure things out on my own for once! I made this mess, I need to fix it.
The Voice didn't answer for a moment. I breathed shallowly through my mouth, blinking to clear my vision. I was still crying, but had regained some control.
Do your best, Maximum. The Voice sounded surprisingly gentle. I stiffened, hating the pity.
I will.
I hefted the rock and stood, picking my way through the undergrowth. I needed to move. Do a run-down of the usual checklist.
Self check: Bruised, aching , utterly miserable, but alive. Moving on.
Flock check: safe as far as I knew. Mom would take care of them, and Fang was probably there. Hopefully Iggy would make his way back to the house.
Oh God. Iggy. I clutched the rock so tightly that I could hear the joints in my hand pop. The flare of pain was a small price to pay for what I had done.
Iggy probably hated me now, and with good reason. I hated myself. Despite the answers I'd given him, it was hard to justify what I'd done. Iggy had loved his sight more than anything else and I had taken that away from him. What kind of leader was I if I damaged my troops instead of keeping them safe?
What kind of friend was I?
I stopped and leaned against a tree, swiping at my eyes. Cautiously, I unpinched my nose and found the bleeding had slowed to a few drops of blood. I watched them spatter the ground, feeling strangely far away.
I had bled for the Flock. I had fought for it, protected it, cared for it. I loved my family and they knew that. Did they know I wasn't perfect? Angel talked about taking over sometimes. I wondered if she realized that leaders made the mistakes that mattered most. As a six year old, I doubted she could even conceive of repercussions that might last past next week.
Pausing, I started to laugh. Was I really considering giving power to Angel? Man, I was far gone.
I laughed harder, doubling over and clutching my ribs. Everything hurt from Iggy's punches. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I was hysterical. I might even be crazy.
But honestly, I was just entirely alone.
I had to face the consequences of my actions. I knew that. What I didn't know was how to repay Iggy.
If only I could give him back his sight. I wasn't always there to be his eyes.
"Max? Max, can you hear me?"
Through my gasps of hysteria, I dimly realized someone was talking to me.
"Max, look at me."
Couldn't he see I was busy here? That I had more important things to do than cater to his every need?
Oh wait. No, that was what I did. You know, as leader.
I forced my eyes open, struggling to slow my breathing.
Fang stood several paces away from me, nearly blending into the shadows under the trees. I shrank under his scrutiny and wariness, suddenly hyper-aware of how I looked: deranged.
"What?" I growled.
He continued to watch me, evaluating.
"WHAT?" I screamed.
He took a step backward and I felt like I'd been stabbed. He took another step.
"Come back when you're calmer," he said finally. I met his dark eyes, disbelieving.
"You-you're just going to leave?"
He stopped. I could barely see him now.
"Fang?"
Silence.
I closed my eyes. That fact of the matter was that even though I really really REALLY didn't want the Voice's help, I didn't know how to help myself. I needed an outside opinion.
I needed Fang.
"Come back," I whispered. I knew if he was still nearby, he'd hear me.
Silence.
"Don't jump."
I shrieked and struck out blindly, only to have my fists caught and held.
"Max, would you listen for once?" Fang sounded tired.
I opened my eyes.
He was kneeling in front of me, head tilted towards the ground. The only read I could get on him was exhaustion. Slumped shoulders, loose grip. I went on alert.
"Fang?" I tugged my wrists and his grip tightened. "What's wrong?"
He laughed hollowly. "A lot."
"Ok, what's wrong with you? Talk to me."
Silence.
I felt like I was missing something here. Something like an explanation.
"You can't just bottle something like this up. You have to talk-"
"I'm here to help you, not me!"
Crap.
I shifted uncomfortably, tugging on my wrists again. He let go and I pulled back, rubbing my arms.
"And how are you going to help me?" I wasn't being sarcastic. I was honestly curious.
He shook his head. "I don't know."
I sighed. "I messed up, Fang. You know that."
"I don't." He was tracing lines in the dirt, still not looking at me. "You had to make a decision."
"I blinded Iggy! How do you not realize this?"
"I do realize. I've known for a while."
I stared. "You have?"
A nod.
Oh God. My throat went dry, pulse thundered in my ears. "For how long?"
"Since the E-house."
No. Not possible. "You're lying," I said automatically, looking away.
"Why would I lie, Max?" Fang was frustrated. I could tell by the way his wingtips trembled. "I don't know how I knew. I just did. And I've never thought it was your fault."
"But-" I started.
Fang curled his fingers into the dirt. "The whitecoats blinded Iggy. Jeb decided to make you think it was your fault. He just took an opportunity."
"I let them hurt him!" I needed to make him understand. "I love Iggy and I let those monsters take him away and destroy him. You can't think that's right."
"If you'd done anything different, Max, I'd be dead. We'd all be dead several times over if you doubted yourself all the time. Iggy wouldn't want that, though maybe you have to talk to him to believe it. What are you going to do?" As he spoke, Fang's voice grew quieter, realizing he was saying a lot more than he normally would and probably getting unnerved by it.
I needed to get used to these speeches Fang kept making. He was doing the whole multi-sentence thing with much greater frequency. Maybe it was to make up for lost time, maybe it was a sign of growing up. Whatever it was, I didn't mind. Even if what he said stung.
"What am I going to do?" I laughed again, but just a short, hopeless chuckle. I ran my hand through my hair, pulling out leaves and dirt. "I'm going to do what I've always done, I guess. Make it work."
Judging from the look on Fang's face, that was not a satisfactory answer.
Diversionary tactics starting now.
"So what's up with you, really? And don't try to avoid the issue," I adopted a teacherly tone, like Jeb used to lecture us when we broke something in the E-house. "I can't tell you're upset-"
"I'm tired."
Well that was quick.
"Tired? Why?"
He looked up then, and the quiet fury in his glare shocked me.
"You're not stupid. You know why I'm tired." Venom laced his tone. I flinched and sat back on my heels.
I bit my lip, looking away. "Yeah, I do." Because every time something happens, you have to pick up the slack.
"You're changing, Max. You don't talk to us or let us help you. We're a family. Let the Flock in." Fang sounded so determined. For an instant, I caught a flash of the utterly selfless Fang who threw himself in harm's way no matter the risk. The Fang who would drive himself to collapse and no one would know until it was too late. The Fang who invested so fully in something that he might not come out of it the same.
It terrified me.
And in that jolt of fear for someone other than myself, I remembered.
I remembered that I was not weak. I was not someone who had a situation bigger than could be handled. I remembered I was designed to roll with the punches, protect those I loved, and maybe…one day…save the world.
My family was my responsibility. My actions were my choice.
Enough was enough.
It was time to be Max again.
I stood, holding out my hand to Fang. "Whatever you're planning on doing, Fang, it won't be necessary." He curled his hand around mine, so large that I couldn't see my own inside it. Still, I pulled him up with ease, and for a moment we braced each other, leaning backwards in perfect balance. Our eyes met and held.
Breaking the pull, I turned and searched the ground.
Fang said nothing.
"Aha!" I scooped up the sharp rock I'd dropped earlier and pounced on the nearest tree. Scraping the stone against the bark, I took a few minutes to carve, then stepped back to admire my handiwork.
PROMISES.
I wouldn't forget.
Hurling the rock into the trees, I headed back towards Mom's house.
"Max."
"I'm fine, Fang!" I yelled, exasperated.
"No…the house is in the other direction."
Oh.
I whirled, stomping past my smug second in command. "I knew that; I was just testing you."
Fang snorted. I could practically hear him roll his eyes. Ignoring his reaction, I continued on. I had four days before my next travel, and I had work to do.
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