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Chapter 6: Confessions
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Jarvis did not need to wake Bruce; he had only rested his eyes for an hour before he woke up and went downstairs to start to make dinner for himself, Tony, and unbeknownst to Tony Stark, also for Bucky and Steve.
It was difficult for Banner to concentrate on cooking as Tony's loud, hard rock music was still playing loudly. He tried to tune out the angry cords, for his own sake, as he started making a childhood favorite: macaroni and cheese. It was quick and easy, and Banner didn't feel like making a three course meal or anything.
He tried to avoid the feelings that were digging under his skin, mostly of loneliness. He had been used to being alone before the Avengers Initiative found him. He had been spending a lot of time around Tony, who was now trying to shut him out, and now he was finding himself alone again. He finished draining the pasta and putting the butter and cheese in it when he heard Tony's music shut off and the door to the basement open.
"Oh, good. You're just in time to eat dinner…"
Tony glanced over at Banner as he walked over to the fridge. "Correction: I would be in time to eat dinner if I was, in fact, going to eat dinner. Thanks but no thanks. I have things to do."
Bruce sighed now and turned to him. "Like make an army of robots? Sit down, Tony. Eat. You need to eat something…"
"Why?" Tony suddenly asked, quietly.
The question was so unexpected that Bruce furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "I'm sorry?"
"Why," Tony asked again. "Nothing's going to change if I eat this meal. It's not going to matter. Nothing's going to get better if I eat your feast of mac and cheese. Why should I eat?"
The apathy coming from Tony's lips made Bruce's stomach clench. He didn't like the way that his friend was talking. It made him feel like he swallowed rocks and they were sitting on top of each other in the pit of his stomach.
"You're eating, Tony. Sit down, now. We should talk anyway…"
"Do I have to?"
"Yes, you do. Sit." Bruce ordered and then smiled slightly to himself as Tony obeyed him and sat down at the table after pouring himself a glass of wine and drinking it.
"You're drinking wine with mac and cheese? You're not serious."
Tony shrugged as he sipped some more. "Macaroni is Italian… people drink wine with Italian food," Stark tried to rationalize half-heartedly. It was obvious he didn't really care as long as he could drink something alcoholic.
Bruce forced himself to chuckle anyway, not wanting to argue about Tony's alcohol abuse as of late. He poured mac and cheese into two bowls and placed one of the bowls in front of his friend before sitting down beside him. They sat in a soft silence and ate and, in Tony's case, drank.
"So how long do you think until you're finished making your robots downstairs?"
Tony glanced over his glass at Bruce. "They're not 'robots,' they're my suits. I don't know how long it'll be until they're all done. I can't seem to get them… perfect." Tony's voice seemed strained now.
Bruce looked at him with a sympathy in his eyes. "You don't always need to get everything perfect all of the time. God knows that you're not perfect, and neither is anyone else."
"Really? Then why are you so perfect?" Stark almost spit the word in his face.
His question-meant-to-be-insult lit up Banner from the inside and he could feel the heat rising to his cheeks before he shook his head. "I'm not perfect, Stark. You know it as much as anyone else does. I have whole cities that know how imperfect I am. I'm just… trying to say, suits only need to be perfect in a technological sense, not in your own opinion sense. You don't have to work on them, Tony. What are you planning on using them for anyway?"
The billionaire playboy shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I'll use them to clean up after me since Pepper's not here anymore. Maybe I could have them eat my dinner for me. I'm sure I'll think of something."
Bruce sat back in his chair and looked at Tony, feeling his stomach flip-flopping. "Are you doing okay, Tony?"
"Of course," Stark answered without skipping a beat. "Never better."
Of course he was lying, Banner wasn't an idiot. He could see right through him. "If you're never not okay, will you at least come and find me and talk to me about it? It might help you with the panic attacks."
"Sure, why not?" Tony stood up and grabbed his glass before pouring it to the brim. "That was great, Bruce. Thanks for dinner."
Bruce sighed and scoffed as he watched his friend take the glass with him as he started walking towards his laboratory. "You didn't eat any of it!"
"Mmhm…"
Stark disappeared back downstairs and turned his music on again. Bruce wasn't sure how to feel. He hated Tony for not eating anything he made, only drinking, and never actually talking to him when they did sit down together. It was infuriating, but at the same time, he also was sad for Tony Stark. He knew that something wasn't right and he knew that everything he did reminded Tony of how "inferior" he assumed he was, and how he wasn't living up to his father's expectations. Bruce just wanted to connect to Tony, but without any real emotion between them, he didn't know how he could go about it.
He wanted to wallow in his feelings about the younger Stark man but then remembered the other two guests that were in the guest suite in the Tower. They were waiting for this meal. Banner filled two bowls of lukewarm mac and cheese and put the leftover in the fridge before taking the walk to the suite.
When he arrived at the door, he gently knocked. "It's me again," he whispered.
Steve opened the door and let Bruce get inside the room before he closed it. Bucky sat upright as soon as Bruce entered the room.
"How long are we going to have to sneak around Stark Tower for, Mr. Banner? We can't keep Bucky in here forever. He's going to get cabin fever," Steve remarked.
"Just… until Tony feels better." Bruce knew he was trying to stall for time and it would only work for so long until they would have to let the winter soldier out of his cave.
Steve gave him a skeptical look. "I sure hope it's soon, Dr." He moved over to Bucky and handed him a bowl of the food. Bruce watched as he took it almost hesitantly in his good hand and took the fork from Steve before he slowly began to eat.
Steve and Banner exchanged nervous looks at each other. Steve was right; they could only keep the man locked up for so long. Tony was going to have to find out Bucky was staying here eventually. That didn't mean it had to be now, though.
"So what's Tony doing in his laboratory?" Steve asked, trying to kill time until Bucky finished eating.
Bruce turned to face him now but still kept an eye on the soldier every now and then. "He's… making more suits, ones that can function on their own."
Steve chuckled uneasily. "Yeah, because that can't go wrong at all…"
Banner nodded in understanding and agreement. "I know. I can't make him stop though. He's… doing something that distracts him, and if he's distracted, then he's not having panic attacks."
"And if he's distracted, he can't find out about…" Steve motioned with his eyes towards Bucky's person. After he saw Bruce nod again, he gave a friendly smile at his quiet friend who was still eating. "How are you liking that, Bucky?"
The winter soldier looked up, mid swallow, and looked from Bruce to Steve, and nodded silently before he continued to eat again. Steve looked over at Bruce again.
"Thanks again for letting us stay here, Dr. Banner. He'd never say it but… we appreciate it."
Bruce half shrugged. "It's… no problem. Has he said anything since you found him and brought him here?"
Steve scratched his temple. "Umm…. A few words, occasionally, but… not much." He now moved closer to Bruce and for a tense minute, Banner truly thought that the Captain was going to kiss him but instead, his voice dropped to a whisper. "When we were at a safe house before here, Bucky had nightmares. He yelled and thrashed and… screamed until I woke him completely up. Do you know if this area is sound proof at all?"
The thought hadn't occurred to him. He chewed on his lip in thought and ran his hands through his hair. "I'll ask Jarvis and if it's not, then… we'll figure something out."
Steve nodded appreciatively. "Thank you."
Bruce nodded back at him and glanced over at Bucky who had finished his dinner. He was looking almost longingly at the two men, as if there was a question lingering on the tip of the soldier's tongue but he dared not ask it aloud. A part of Banner wanted to know everything that Bucky was thinking and feeling. He was still a human being, if not a superhuman being. He still had feelings and Bruce felt bad that he was being kept in here like a misbehaved puppy, homicidal or not.
"How are… how are you holding up, Dr. Banner?"
Bruce looked back at Steve now and sighed softly. "Okay, I guess. I haven't had a panic attack since… Tony stopped taking care of me, and I started taking care of Tony."
Steve chuckled now and gently squeezed Bruce's shoulder. "I guess taking care of him isn't all bad then. Something good's coming out of it. Remember to look into the soundproof walls."
He took that as his cue to leave the two men alone. "Yeah, of course." He stood up and left the room before he started walking down the hall. "Jarvis? Is there any way you can soundproof this whole floor so Tony can't hear anything when he's sleeping?"
"Already done, Dr. Banner. I personally installed soundproof barriers on the entire floor as soon as Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes entered Stark Tower. Is there anything else I can do for you, Dr.?"
Bruce breathed a sigh of relief. "No, thank you, Jarvis."
He finally decided to grow a pair and talk to his friend. He opened the door and headed downstairs where he saw a half tumbler full of whiskey and two full-bodied suits of armor already standing upright as Tony played around on the holographic screen while his music played.
Banner shut off the loud noise and walked over to Tony, stopping only when he was a couple inches away from him, close enough where he could smell the alcohol on his friend's breath.
"Tony, I'm… really worried about you. You mean a lot to me and you've been helping me so much these last couple days and not thinking of yourself and now that you're working on this project of yours, I… I sort of miss hanging out," Bruce stammered, not sure where exactly he was going with this.
Stark put a hand up to quiet the doctor, still keeping his focus on his work. "I'm halfway down. After I'm done, then we can hang out like old times." He took a long sip of his drink.
He didn't understand. Bruce didn't know how else to make the billionaire understand. He suddenly grabbed Tony's cheeks with his hands and leaned in and softly kissed Tony Stark's lips, tasting the alcohol and relaxing slightly when he felt Tony set his drink down and start to kiss him back, their tongues now overlapping each other.
Tasting him felt as amazing as he was always told it was by Tony's random women, maybe even better than he himself ever thought was possible. Their hands found each other and Tony's rough, working hands rested on Bruce's waist before he suddenly parted from Bruce without warning, searching his green eyes almost fearfully. He dropped his hands and took a step back before he walked over to his drink again and cleared his throat.
"I-I think we should talk about this, Tony…"
"Hm? There's nothing to talk about, Banner. I… I've had too much to drink and it's been a really long day. Long days happen, right? Unusual things happen on long d-days…" Tony tried to rationalize, finishing off his drink and filling another.
Stark's avoidance to the situation made Bruce frustrated. He walked closer to him. "What about me, Tony? I haven't been drinking! You can't blame this on alcohol. This… is something that's been waiting under the surface between us..."
Tony shook his head and smiled anxiously. "Nuh-uh. Nothing's been under the surface. You're… delusional, Banner. Maybe you should think about having a drink. It… this… can't happen."
"What? Why not?"
Tony ran a hand through his hair again and clenched his jaw. "Because of Pepper, all right? Because… she's coming back and… I can't have a relationship with someone who isn't her. It's as simple as that."
Bruce shook his head in denial, not wanting to let this go. "No, it's not, Tony. You can pretend all you want that it is but this is anything but simple. You felt it too. You kissed me back. You can't just… pretend that never happened."
Tony whipped around now and gave him a hard, conflicted glare, his face contorted with emotional pain. "Watch me! Leave, now! Get out of here, Banner! Leave. Me. Alone." When Bruce didn't move, Tony started pushing him out, not hard enough to knock him down but hard enough to make him move, until Stark finally shoved his friend out of the see-through computerized door and locked it from the inside.
He waved to Bruce before he turned his back on him and went back over to his drink and his suits. Banner stared at him for several moments before he hit the door angrily with his fist once and then hurried out of the basement lab, not letting Tony see the tears that stung his eyes.
