Disclaimer: I do not own Stephanie Plum or those characters, I just play with them.
April 27th Lula POV
"Lula, I love you, but why are we doing a stakeout?" I love Tank for doing this with me. I kiss his cheek. "Tankie, that man is scum and I need you to help me get pictures and even video of him. I will be very grateful for your help."
He kisses my neck. "I will do it, Lu, but we are not throwing eggs at the man." I scoff. "These eggs are for dinner. I am making jumbalaya for you, fool." He lights up like it is Christmas. He is from New Orleans, so I know he loves this dish.
"Really?" He is so damned handsome. "Yup. I can take a hint." "I love you, Lu." We kiss some more. "I know and I love you back."
"Here he comes." Tank checks him out with the binoculars. "Wow, look at his eyebrows. Is he gay, Lu?" "Nope, but he looks it, right?"
"He sure does." I have to set him straight right quick. "I am not against gays but he is, so his punishment is to be seen as a tiny dick having gay man that likes to bottom for older men." Tank howled laughing. "Please tell me if you are ever mad at me."
"I will, and I will make sure we kiss and make up too." He kissed me, then got out of the car to take more photos.
People were stopping Morelli and telling him he looks different. My girl gave him the Beetlejuice. She is a whiz at chemistry and shit and she made his dick shrink just like that man's head shrunk in the movie. Heh heh. He is walking lighter today.
I miss her, but I am having fun with this. Tank got back into the car. "What happened?" He is shaking with laughter. "Older men came up to him and gave him their numbers while those ladies were talking to him. He was yelling that he is not gay and the men were like, "we understand it is hard to come out of the closet, but you have taken the first steps with your flags."
"They pointed out his car bumpers and he had a temper tantrum. It was hilarious and it does look like he is gay and hiding in the closet." I snort.
"Please I know gay men and they would not want his hairy ass and tiny dick having self." "Wow, Lu." "Now let's go so I can cook for my man." "Damn, baby, you are so wonderful." "And don't you forget it, Tankie."
April 28th Carlos POV
L"ester, you are my cousin and I love you but hell no." He is Cuban American just like me, but he has dark blonde hair and green eyes. I have slightly darker skin like a coffee with a lot of cream and I have dark brown hair and lighter brown eyes. We were both almost 6'4" and muscular, but Les slouched a lot. I cannot believe I was having this argument. Some things you just did not do. We are professionals. We are a security company, one of the best.
He is digging into this topic. He was naming a new hire. The guys all go by nicknames. Even Les. His real name was Benjamin. Lester was his middle name. We were whisper shouting across the room from the new hires who looked at us nervously.
"Why not?" he almost whines. I give him a look of loathing mixed with exasperation. "You cannot call that man Smokey!" "Why not?" he asks again.
"Idiota! Do you want to be sued and called racist?" He looks at Michael Tanner Mitchell and says "but he is dark skinned," Ranger. I look into his green eyes and say in a low deadly voice. "He is dark skinned, Lester." "Oh." I can see he finally gets it.
"Well I did not mean it like that. Have you seen Friday? He looks like Chris Tucker, man." I shake my head at him. "Just stop it. What does he want to be called?"
"He said Lox." I look at him confused. "Like the fish?" Lester nods. "He said like real locks but he is spelling it differently."
"Fine, let him use Lox. What about the other guy?" "You mean Snake?" I sigh. It is like a daycare around here. "Does he want that for a name? " "He said it is fine." They are going to be teased one day.
"Fine, I am leaving." He perks up slightly. "Are you leaving the building, Ranger?"
"Why, Lester?" He tries for a blank face, but fails. "Oh, no reason." "Lester, you may not haze the new guys and you may not give them dares and if you duct tape their ass cheeks together I am going to whip your ass and make you the personal driver for the senior center this Saturday."
He looks afraid. Good. "No!" "Then behave and act your age. I will see you later."
I felt like a run, so I went to my beach house and ran along the beach and thought about what I wanted in my life. I want a wife and kids but not a boring wife and kids. I want a badass wife and badass little kids that like guns like me. I told this gypsy that and she said okay, but no sex for a year and I had to be willing to compromise sometimes. I said what kind of compromise and she said nothing much just things that were good for me anyway. She told me to start volunteering and to be kind as much as possible. The year is almost up and I have to think about what my next step will be.