A/N: Hi everyone! So this one was prompted by SkewedReality and it's about Burt's heart attack. I hope you all like it and feel free to send me ideas.
lessthanthree
Katie

Hey, mom. It's a nice day isn't it? Clear, blue sky, bright, warm sun, gentle breeze, I bet you miss it all don't you. I remember how you used to lie outside in the hammock, just soaking in the comforting rays while I played. I'm not as big of a fan of the sun as you were but I can appreciate its shine.

You can probably tell I'm stalling, can't you? Well I suppose if the mundane banter about the weather wasn't a big enough clue, you were always able to read me like an open book. I just don't know how to tell you this, mom. I don't want to break your heart because I know this is devastating. Maybe a little sunshine will lighten the load. The sun always cheered me up when you were sick although I think that's just because it made you happier and seeing you happy made the end seem farther away. It's not going to work this time though. For one thing, daddy never seemed to have any particular affinity for the sun and for another he doesn't even know it's s-shinning.

He had, uh…mom, he had a h-heart attack. He was at the garage and he just collapsed and now he's in a coma because he lost blood flow to his brain. I-I'm so sorry mom. I know when you made me promise to take care of him before you died you didn't really mean it, you just wanted me to feel like I had a purpose so it wouldn't hurt as much, but still, I feel like I failed you. I let him eat junk food and drink beer and just sit on the couch when he's not at the shop and now your prince won't wake up.

I don't know what to do with myself. I used to invest so much time into school work to distract from all the stupid jocks but even that seems pointless now. The house just feels haunted and it taunts me when I'm there. It makes me feel like I'm a bad person by not being at daddy's side every minute. It makes me feel so alone because it should be filled with family. It feels so big, like I'm drowning in its emptiness. The hospital is weird too though. It just makes everything seem more real and dire and depressing. It also makes me feel really helpless to sit beside him, holding his hand, and not be able to do anything. He's right there and I can't fix it.

I've always been able to fix it, mom, ever since you died. I'd make him that pasta dish you used to make and I'd bring him a beer. I'd watch football with him and try to actually engage in it. If he was sick, I'd make sure he had medicine and soup and cold cloth for his head. I feel like I need to be doing something. I can't just sit around and wait for him to die.

All my friends think that's exactly what I should do, sit back and leave it to the hands of god. I don't think I've ever hated my 'friends' more. The last thing I need right now is to jump into a religious debate and have them all mad at me because I openly refute the existence of this all mighty, hypocritical, homophobic, sexist, rapist as well as his illegitimate son. Why should I believe that some guy who condemned me to hell is going to make everything better? Why don't my friends see that? It's because they've been brainwashed, that's why, brainwashed by Sunday dresses, and gospel choirs, and all the wine they drink under the pretence that it's blood. That, by the way, is just wrong on so many levels.

It's weird because I know I come here and talk to you like you can actually hear me but I know you can't. I know there is no heaven and that your beauty is rotting away beneath me right now but that's too hard to think about so I pretend. I pretend in my way though, not the way some stupid book written 2000 years ago tells me to. I do it for me, not so other people can look at me and think I'm such a good person because I love jesus. Sometimes I do it simply because I just need to talk things out, to get them clear in my head, and people don't look at you like you're crazy if you do it here. I haven't really had anyone to talk to this week. I never really talk to daddy but at least I knew he was always there if I needed him. The last time I felt this lost was when you died and he was there. He simply took my hand in his because he knew he would break down if he held me. That was all I needed though because it showed me that I wasn't alone and he would help me get through it. I've held his hand every day at the hospital. I just want to feel him squeeze back again.

P-please don't let him d-die, mom. I know you want to be with your prince again b-but just let me have him for at least a f-few more years. H-he's the only one I have.