A/N: Another small, but more revealing chapter.
Olivia couldn't stop smiling when Casey leads her into the kitchen. Emily really likes her, and apparently that is important to her. A small, little girl she just met yesterday sought her approval and had the detective's cheeks flushing. Thank god Casey is in front; she couldn't live if the A.D.A sees her more than a good time and a diligent detective. Those are the only good traits the detective has anyway.
"Sugar?" Casey asks, scooping up the white crystals in the spoon.
"Two."
"Kay…cream?"
"One."
Casey prepares both of their coffees and sets them on the island while the detective and A.D.A sits on the red barstools. They remain silent for long moments; the low rasping sounds of their coffee sipping are the only sounds radiating the large kitchen. Olivia doesn't know what to say really. They never speak unless it involves work, and they never drink coffee when she is over here. It's usually wine to loosen the slight jitters and anxiety they get before Casey settles into the talent Olivia learns she has.
But here Olivia is, silent as ever with a hot coffee cup in her hand. Boy she kill for a drink right now, but she remembers there is a child present in the apartment. Her child. She couldn't help the feeling of betrayal she has for the ginger at this moment. She knows they don't speak much of their personal lives, but a kid? That should be common knowledge. It makes Olivia blurt, squeak in a helpless whisper, "You could've told me."
Casey isn't stupid; she knows what Olivia is talking about. But for some reason Casey remains silent and continues to stir her coffee. But Olivia doesn't want to push.
So Olivia, as well, begins stirring her coffee as she gazes at the dark brown liquid. It is only Casey's belated response that makes her head pop up.
"Shortly after Charlie's…problem I realized that I couldn't do it anymore. And when he attacked me… I had to get out." she watches the redhead visually shiver at that. Casey never explained the attack in full detail, but considering there were bruises and cuts and a closed police report, it must've been serious. But Olivia is too modest to ask.
"I…he was at bar and…well…he was there," she roughly snorts at that as she downs her drink. Casey's eyes read the shame she thinks she's hiding in her stoned face. "I thought that was a one time fling. That I was his whore for a night and I never had to see him again but…god likes to torment me," she grimly smiles as she stares into coffee mug.
When Olivia furrows her brow, Casey chuckles and snorts "What? You're not the only one who experienced the wonders of this tongue."
For some odd compelling reason, Olivia finds a groan within her throat. Something about Casey's words, how she says it, that low sultry voice, sends a flutter down her stomach. But she only snorts because she's afraid of her voice.
"Turns out he's an investor for a mutual friend's business- Trevor is an investor relation's director. We saw each other more often and…one thing led to another and…yeah, Emily was born."
Olivia makes a nod, finishing the rest of her drink. "So…you're bisexual?"
"No," Casey chuckles as she shakes her head.
The detective arches a brow. "Well…you gotta kid-"
"I screwed a guy- doesn't mean I liked it." Suddenly her face hardens and the detective swallows saliva as she shuts her mouth. "I mean…" she sighs, "I…I figured if I wanted to be an attorney- a political-climbing attorney- I had to be straight. I figured if I just closed my eyes, my urge for women would just die out. Well, that was stupid of me."
Again, the ginger gets the detective to flinch. Somehow, even though the story is clearly speaking of her experiences, the detective feels that is afflicted toward her own situation. Perhaps it's Casey's dark humor attacking her. Or perhaps Olivia had a guilty conscience.
"We started seeing each other and…he asked me to marry him," Her smile turns wistful, "and I said yes. But I didn't want to, and I knew it then but…I was still in denial. But Trevor did it in such a beautiful restaurant, surrounded by hundreds of people. I couldn't embarrass him with a no."
"But somehow I feel he wasn't too thrilled when you called it off."
She shakes her red hair out of her face. "I told him the same night and he was furious. He called me a selfish bitch, and my life was fanned on myself and my job. That's the thing about Trevor; he never admits when he's at fault. He thinks it's always something wrong with someone else. But this time he was right; it was me. I love women and…I didn't want to feel trapped in a marriage."
"Can't blame you for that," Olivia replies truthfully. She could remember when her ex asked her to marry him as a teenager, and how she pathetically accepted to get rid of her mother. Taking care of her mother was a commitment within itself, and she knew in the long run she couldn't get into another one.
"Trevor sure did," Casey darkly snorts, eyes and frown growing somber. "The custody battle was the real torture. He…he…he had a private investigator follow me around and…he took pictures of me being intimate with a woman and displayed it to the judge."
Olivia gasps as she furrows her brow; watching the ginger's jaw clench within her pale skin. "But you fought and you won, right?"
Casey doesn't answer.
"Right?" Olivia repeats, voice straining in desperation. "Emily deserves full time with her mother."
"I would be a single mother, who works seventy-five hours a week. I am comfortable, but I'm far from rich. Trevor… his inheritance is my five-year salary- maybe even more. He works less hours than I, and he works mostly from home. And his grandfather found oil and…" the ginger's voice grows low. Weak. Defeated.
"It didn't help that I was being assigned to sex crimes. So…I see her every other week….and we alternate holidays. It's my turn this year."
"So…you let him separate you from your daughter?" Olivia snaps out, truly appalled. It seems like Casey wasn't that motivated to retrieve her daughter back.
"Of course not!" she snaps back, hissing under her breath. "My hands were tied. Trevor is a snake, a great manipulator. He wanted me to be his wife and I turned him down. That's why he did this! He wanted a wife, not an attorney. And when I refused to fall back to the fifties- his version of a 'good' wife- he displayed to the court that I am an overworked, emotionally unavailable, lesbian deviant. He batted his big blue eyes and his beautiful smile, and he had the judge! I did everything I could, settled with dropping my hours tremendously- transferring to white collar, but it still did no good. So don't you sit here and tell me that I didn't do everything I could because you have no idea what it's like to have your child taken from you!"
Olivia truly feels like a total ass. How dare she totally undermine a mother's love for her child and not expect a verbal lashing. But the true beating is the fact that Casey isn't screaming and hollering with eloquent obscenities. It's the fact that she is silent, her face stoned as a mask, and her eyes glisten with unshed tears. Just the circling liquid from her beautiful green eyes sends a jolt to her heart, and a few of her own set of guilt begins to show within her brown eyes.
"Case…" the detective could barely speak from the lump in her throat. It is what the attorney says that truly makes her insides burn.
"I think that as well; everyday. I think that…maybe I didn't work hard enough, or fight enough, or I was so wrapped in my career to know that Trevor is really right and-"
Casey truly self-deprecatingly rambling on about how much of a terrible mother she is and Olivia couldn't take it. "Case!" she interrupts. "You did everything you could and-"
"No I didn't," she fervently shakes her head. "Had I just married Trevor and quit my job-"
"You would've resented Emily for making you choose to stop something you love and are passionate about," Olivia counters without missing a beat. "You would've been a mindless robot who only cooks and cleans and…that's not you. And you could close your eyes and say you like it, but eventually you're going to get fed up. You would've been so numb that you would do anything to feel something again. That could've turned out for the worst."
Olivia couldn't keep her eyes off her when she says this to the ginger. She needs proof that she's listening. That she realizes she is a wonderful mother who should never doubt that again. That Olivia would give anything to be half the mother she was…
"Thank you," Casey whispers, tentatively, as if she was afraid of the detective's response.
"I was just telling the truth," Olivia smiles back.
A/N: Again still don't know where I'm going with this. Suggestions/feedback would be nice. I promise the word count will get bigger with more chapters. Reviews will only get chapter seven!