*Chapter 6*: I Will

Original AN:

Notes:

The Pentagon is located in Virginia just outside of Washington, DC. It is the national headquarters for US Department of Defense (DOD). Among other things, it's a huge office building, full of top ranking military staff. It really is shaped like a pentagon and is an interesting place to drive by if you are ever in the area.

Warning-This is an expositional chapter, in which some plot stuff is explained, so it may be a little dry. Hope we can all press through together.

Last chapter recap - Santana has left the building (Ha-ha). Rachel and Finn agree to ehhrm... wait (just a little) to be intimate again.

I'm back with a revised chapter. I'm trying not to get to ahead of myself. I'm still writing Medal of Honor. Enjoy

Honor their Tether! Remember Our Drummer!

I Will...

It was 2:30 in the morning. I was so tired, but I couldn't sleep. Knees drawn up to my chest, I sat in the old, overstuffed chair that barely fit by the window in my closet-sized bedroom. The street light filtered through the curtains, softly illuminating Finn, whose long legs made his feet hang over the end of my bed. He was so still, his only movement, the slow rise and fall of his chest. He hadn't stirred when I finally gave up on sleep and got up to sit in the chair fifteen minutes ago. Thoughts were revolving in my mind in an endless loop. Three days, I had 3 days, and then Finn would be gone again. It took everything I had not to take the two steps to my bed where Finn slept and wake him up. But he had been exhausted, so we had opted for a quiet night in, with leftovers for dinner and a lot of catching up on what had been going on in our lives. He had eventually fallen asleep on my bed while I was showering, and I hadn't had the heart to wake him. I'd simply snuggled next to him and dozed for a bit. Now, wide awake, I played our conversation from several hours ago over again for the thousandth time.

My Apartment Several Hours Earlier:

"I hope you like this tofu, veggie lasagna. I made it yesterday from a new recipe. Santana says it's quote 'better than most of the bunny crap' I eat, but, I know you've never been fond of my meatless dishes. I could make you a sandwich. I think Santana has some turkey slices."

"Huff!" Finn let out a small laugh and walked over to join me in the kitchen, "...and have her carve me up with a knife while I sleep. No, thanks. Whatever you want to serve is fine with me. Rach, The food at Fort Benning sucks, so even tofu lasagna should taste good. Can I umm..help?"

His mother really has raised him well. I thought, watching him, as he eyed the congealed mass of lasagna with suspicion.

"I think I've got it, but thanks. Have a seat and talk to me while I finish up." I gestured to the wooden stool next to the counter.

"So have you heard what happens next now that Basic Training is over?" I asked, trying to appear casual as I sliced lasagna to heat in the microwave.

"I'm going on to AIT, Advanced Individual Training. I requested placement somewhere along the east coast, but I have to go where they tell me."

"So they could send you to ….Afghanistan or someplace like that?" I couldn't hide the shaking in my voice, "You have no say?"

"Not much, but AIT is almost always on bases in the US. I have some skills with engines and cars and stuff from working at Burt's shop, so that makes me more valuable than a lot of new recruits, according to my CO. We're looking into programs that would help me build on that. I've taken tons of skills tests and personality tests since I joined up. I thought my test taking days were over." he said ruefully, "The army had other plans."

I walked over to stand in front of him where he was perched on the kitchen stool, placing myself between his splayed knees. I put my left hand on his thigh above his knee, and I felt him tense a little, as a flash of desire shot through us both. Trying to ignore the heat curling in my belly, I said "Well... you know what I think. Your dad would be so proud of you, Finn, and I know your mom is, as well as me."

"Yeah- when she's not freaking out about 'her baby' being in the military." he responded dryly. "I hope my dad would be proud. I mean, I never knew him, but hopefully I'm setting things right. I haven't had any luck so far finding out about his time in the Middle East during the Gulf War. They keep telling me that his records would take a really high level security clearance to get, like they're top secret or something. Makes me wonder what really happened..." Finn trailed off, his expression thoughtful. "Actually, turns out Burt is going to be a big help with that, being a Congressman and all. He's already trying to set up meetings with some generals at the Pentagon or something."

I didn't really know much about the Pentagon, and I guess it showed on my face.

"The Pentagon is near Washington, D.C. It's kind of like the headquarters for the whole military." Finn explained, "I'm hoping I can get some top brass to look at my dad's case, I can get his dishonorable discharge checked into or maybe even overturned."

"That's wonderful, Finn!"

Finn placed his fingers over my hand that had been rubbing circles on his lower thigh, "Rach, that's...umm... really...distracting."

"Oh- sorry." I moved to take my hand away, but he stopped me by flexing his fingers over mine, his thumb brushing over my engagement ring, "I felt so selfish today, in the airport, when I saw this." He looked down at the ring on my hand, "I wasn't sure you'd still be wearing it. You have every right to take it off and not wear it anymore..." His voice seemed to fade at the last, as if he was afraid of what he was saying.

"Finn! Why would I not wear it?" I suddenly felt a little dizzy, as a thought occurred to me, "That is... do you think I should stop wearing it? Because I've never stopped..." My turn to have my sentence trail off. This was hard.

"That's why I felt selfish Rachel, because I was so glad when I saw it. Much more than glad actually. But I have no right to expect you to keep your promise to me now that I have- joined the army. When I first decided to join up, I thought I could let you go. You know, for your own good. Give you the chance you deserve to have a better life without me...at least for a while."

"Stop right there!" I interrupted angrily. Oh, how I wanted to shake him! "There is NO life without you. There is no better life, so you can stop that thinking right now."

"That's it don't you see? I couldn't go through with it. I was trying to be all noble and stuff.v I just couldn't stay away. I'm not strong enough to let you go. I thought I was, but I'm not." He laughed bitterly.

At this I shuffled myself closer to him as he shifted on the stool so we were eye to eye. "You are one of the strongest men I know Finn Hudson. I knew that the day we parted before I got on that train to New York. I knew you didn't want to let me leave without you. I also knew you thought you couldn't come with me. Things didn't work out like we hoped exactly, but can't we be stronger together? For each other? I will NOT give up on us!" I was Rachel Barbra Berry, damnit! Nothing was going to keep me from my dreams. And Finn Hudson, my future husband and someday father of my children. He was huge part of those dreams.

Back in my bedroom around 3 am:

So I'd seemingly quelled Finn's worries about me, but what about my worries about him? As I sat in the 3 am dimness of my room watching Finn sprawled adorably on my bed with his mouth hanging open, I realized that I needed to hear him say that he wanted us to continue our engagement. I had been so busy convincing him that I wanted us to that I hadn't really heard what he wanted. He had as good as said that he had intended to break up with me. But his kind, gentle heart wouldn't let him. Maybe he was just afraid of hurting me. One of the wonderful things about Finn was how he put others before himself. As usual I had been so caught up in my own feelings that I may have missed what he wanted.

Gnawing on my lip I made a decision then and there. Of course, I wanted Finn for the rest of my life, and I thought Finn felt the same. It was time to let him tell me what he wanted. Now I just had to wait for him to wake up to do that...

Later:

I must have nodded off because next I knew- Finn was crouching in the darkness in front of me clad in his army green boxers and t-shirt. "Rach, babe... what's wrong? Why'd you get out of bed? I knew you crawled in with me at some point. Sorry I fell asleep earlier. Is everything okay?"

"Couldn't sleep...but must've dozed off." I replied groggily. "Wasn't sure you still wanted to marry me." (Suddenly, I was much more alert. Did I just say that out loud? I hadn't meant to be so abrupt.)

"What?" he looked startled and very hurt. "How could you think that? After all we've talked about..." He took my hands and gently pulled me over to the bed where we got in. Wrapping his long arms around me he held me as though we were spoons in a drawer his front to my back. We both sighed deeply. "Rach, more than anything I want to be here like this every night for the rest of my life, holding you while you sleep. I'm just not sure it's the fair thing, the right thing to do for you, since now I can't be here all the time."

"Don't I get a say in what's right for me?" I responded back to wanting to shake him again, "So you do still want to marry me... someday." I was glad it was still dark; I was blushing furiously.

"Rach there's a song that my mom used to play for me when I was a kid that I've been listening to on my iPod a lot lately. Like when I'm laying in my bunk not sleeping because I miss you so much. It'll be rough, but would you like to hear it? Would you like me to sing you a lullaby to help you sleep?"

"I'd love a lullaby, Finn." At this he tightened his arms around me and kissed my temple putting his head next to mine.

As Finn began to sing into the darkness around us I could feel my lullaby vibrating through his chest and into my back:

("I Will" by the Beatles)

Who knows how long I've loved you? You know I love you still Will I wait a lonely lifetime If you want me to, I will.

For if I ever saw you I didn't catch your name But it never really mattered I will always feel the same.

Love you forever and forever Love you with all my heart Love you whenever we're together Love you when we're apart.

And when at last I find you Your song will fill the air Sing it loud so I can hear you Make it easy to be near you For the things you do endear you to me Oh, you know, I will I will...

As he held the final notes of the song I felt something warm and wet hit the side of my cheek and slip sideways over my nose. I looked up through tears of my own. "Finn you're crying."

"That was just ...wow...amazing!" I snuffled in a deep breath. "Oh, how I love you. You always could pick songs that say it all. That does it. There will be no more talk of 'setting me free' Finn Hudson! You will marry me someday!"

And at that he whispered in my ear, "I will..."

Original AN:

Well, hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading!

Warning: Rating really is going up in the next chapter or two. Sorry, but I like a little spice with my Finchel.

The song above is called "I Will" by the Beatles. It's a lovely song, which I highly recommend.

My AN:

I made some minor changes. Violet loves commas. We heard some of what Finn will have to go through in AIT. For those who have read Violet's version you kind of know what's gonna happen later. But for now Finn, thinks he's going to AIT, he not lying to Rachel.