Chapter 6

AN: Another chapter! I plan on trying to complete two chapters today, but no promises! Please know that I don't own Naruto because if I did Jiraiya would have survived. Or at least told him about his parents.

Konoha

Itachi and Shisui were in a bind. They had the perfect way to solve their problem of the elders: political assassination. They even had the perfect method to do it: an untraceable poison that works over time to give the target brain cancer that results in a death of "natural causes." Heck, they even knew where to get this poison: Lady Doku (AN: Translates to poison…according to the "infallible" Google Translate) in the Land of Bears.

The problem was getting to her. ANBU missions there-or any missions there- were rare, and waiting possibly months stalking the mission halls for one would seem suspicious. Itachi was eating his pocky without mentally worshiping it. Shisui hadn't made a sarcastic remark in ten minutes.

If only Naruto was here, They thought at the same time…Wait! The looked at each other with the classic "Uchiha smirk number 3: in which I have come up the most amazing plan and you will bask in my greatness for it." Not to ever be confused with "Uchiha smirk number 4: in which my greatness has surpassed even the greatness of pocky" that looks almost the same.

"Say Itachi… don't we have a personal errand boy-er, I mean little brother out in the world?"

"Why yes…and this errand boy-er foolish little brother hasn't gotten a letter from us in a few days…"

With Naruto and Ren…

As we are scrolling through the bingo book for Ren's next plaything a letter pops out of my wrist from my brothers. Opening it up a vein pops out of my forehead.

Dearest Errand bo-little brother,

I need you and that chibi-midget to go to Lady Doku. She's on the border of the Land of Bears, about three days from where you probably are. We need a certain poison- the details are inclosed in the scroll that came out for her eyes only- and have you send it back to us. We plan to use it to end our "problem". Thanks again!

-Shisui The MagnificentTM

Foolish little brother and new foolish little sister,

Hn number 27.

-Itachi.

p.s. Hn number 1-03

At Itachi's letter I sweat. Ren has fire in her eyes.

"Chibi-midget?! Foolish little sister?! That's it we are going to Konoha and I am kicking their pink eyes where the sun don't shine!" Her ranting turns into incomprehensible mutterings and evil chuckles.

"We better get going," I sigh, picking up my bag.

"Why rush? Make 'em sweat I say."

My head whips over to her in horror. "Did you NOT read Itachi's "Hn"?

Ren sweat-drops. "Why does a "hn" matter so much?" At this I start rapidly ranting.

"All Uchihas are fluent in the tounge of "hn" and accent of "The Smirk." Each one is so similar yet unique that they are numbered. Number 27 means "get it done now or else you will never see your obsession again."

"Obsession?"

"All Uchihas have an obsession like no other. Itachi-nii's is pocky. His stupid little brother adores tomatoes. Shisui…well he's obsessed with messing with people. Number 27 is not to be taken likely. I can't lose my ramen!"

"….Ummm… Okay. I'm afraid to ask but…what is 1-03?"

In a sagely voice I say "It's the limited edition pocky flavor he wants that is apparently on sale for a limited time in the Land of Bears. Don't worry, I'll teach you the ways of Hn and Smirk. Only an Uchiha can speak it but anyone can understand it."

"Right…let's just go."

Land of Bears next day…

"F-f-finally…we made…it…just…in time." I pant out between dry heaves as Ren collapses on the ground without restraint.

"Why…in Ramen's name…did we….rush…here again?" She barely makes out the words.

"Itachi's Hn 1-03 spoke of the urgency…for…his pocky."

"Why are you…so scared of Itachi's pocky…obsession?" At this I can only look at her with pity.

After another ten minutes of gasping like fish on the river bank we struggle to our feet. Lady Doku's house-a giant tree with flowers growing over the bark and a greenhouse off to the side- is a hundred feet in front of us. A sign hangs proudly that she is the exclusive supplier to all the Daimyos' wives.

Do noble ladies enjoy a game of political assassination or something? And why brag about that?! Dragging our feet we reach the door and knock.

"Who dares knock on my door," a voice cackles out and I narrowly dodge a senbon shooting out from the peep hole.

"Please, Lady Doku… I have a letter-"

"Doesn't matter, I refuse to cover any orders. I'm retired and-"

"From Itachi and Shisui," I finish. At that the door flies open and I am pulled inside, Ren following close behind.

"Oh how are my favorite customers?! Are they here for another replacement? Did the last one get fire balled or electrocuted?" She opens the letter, and immediately smirks. "Oh, I see. Seems they want to poison the sucker, perhaps the replacement I gave them a couple of years ago is too…rowdy?" My confused face mirrors Ren's. The old woman-wild black hair and a forest green kimono adorning her squat form- doesn't seem to notice and keeps ranting as she fills our order.

"I mean honestly! My babies are so well behaved considering they are half cat demon! Why do the noble ladies keep buying them and then having the poor genin assassinate them before ordering a replacement? I can't tell you how many Toras I have sold to your Daimyo's wife." At this I butt in.

"You mean the demon cat of the leaf Tora? The bane of all genin, Tora? You're the one that breeds these little monsters?" At this Lady Doku grins manically and nods. Ren looks at me in confusion so I elaborate. "Tora is a cat-a very loose definition of one, but still- that has been the cause of every genin's worst nightmares. It is said that the terrors from having to catch that cat are worse than the ones brought from your first kill. The cat is known to be vicious in the field." Ren nods slowly, and then an idea seems to pop up, causing a look to spread across her face, a look more terrifying than when she finished with Kensuke.

"Say, lady Doku…I was wondering if I could purchase one of your babies? I enjoy a good bloodshed"-at this I snort at the understatement and Ren shoots me a glare- "so a partner that shares my interests would be…purrfect." Lady Doku looks at Ren with stars in her eyes.

"Yes my new protégé! I'll give you the meanest, most bloodthirsty monster I have! And I'll throw in my book on "all the poisons of the world and how to use them to kill, maim, or worse!" The two share identical expressions and I fear a great evil has befallen the world…

Cliffhanger! So, next time there will be a battle and Sai will get introduced! Plus, I will show Ren's meeting with her new…pet? Partner? Weapon of mass destruction? Either way, hope you guys enjoyed!