Mulder's POV
Here I am, lying on my couch staring at the ceiling. I've been doing this for probably a few hours now. It's kind of relaxing. Given there's not a whole lot else to do. I got back from my lunch with Karen; it was rather uneventful, though she seemed somewhat sad when she left. I wonder why. Who knows, maybe I just wasted her afternoon yapping about myself.
Sitting here and thinking back to this afternoon, I can't believe that I said the things I did. It's not like me to open up like that to anyone. Boy, I must be lonelier than I thought. I bet if she hadn't left I might've started talking about Emily and everything that happened last Christmas.
Why am I doing this to myself? It's not like it's getting me anywhere. Hell, I've been acting like my whole world's been over this past month, when in reality it's not even that bad! Why should it be? I mean the only thing that's really happened was that I was rejected. Of course not in the traditional sense of the meaning, but basically that's what it comes down to. Scully decided that she doesn't want me to be a part of her life, at least her personal one. Ok. It's not like I've never been rejected before.
But who am I kidding? Scully isn't just anyone. She's the only one. I guess my frustration stems from the fact that I was so hurt when she pushed me away during her most trying time. Pushed me away as if to say, "you don't understand, it's none of your business". It hurt when she pushed me away because I grieved too! I grieved alone. And I did understand! And it was my business!
But it was her right. It was her daughter. When the doctor asked if we were the parents, I had to step away, because I wasn't her parent. Scully was. Technically (if such a situation can even be deemed technical) this was Scully's pain. And her right to handle it that way she wants to. I know she's not obliged to include me in any way. But I wish she would though.
So here I am, trying to re-invent myself. I think back to everything that's happened in the past 5 years. So much, yet nothing at the same time. I mean, I've experienced so much, seen so much, yet what do I have to show for it? I am nowhere closer to the truth than I was 5 years ago.
I guess… I guess my frustration, really stems from the fact that I feel like a failure. The one person I trust the most, can't even trust me with her feelings at such a time in her life. Wouldn't it be nice if she needed me, the way I needed her?
My thoughts are interrupted with a knock on the door. Feeling lethargic, I get up ever so slowly from my beloved couch which will one day no doubt end up being my death-couch. I get closer to the door and ask "who is it?" I was rather surprised to hear…
"Mulder, it's me."
To be continued….
Thanks very much to everyone who's taken the time to give me some feedback. They're very much appreciated! I know this chapter was short, but I was just basically setting up for the last chapter in which Mulder and Scully finally have their confrontation. Not quite sure whose point of view I will make it in. Any suggestions? By the way, I hope everyone takes the time to read the last half of Chapter 4 which I revised.
As for my ending comments regarding Season 9 of the show from the last chapter, I guess I was just trying to voice my disappointment over 2 episodes in particular. I know this isn't the place to complain, but hey, I want some sympathy! LOL I'm referring to the episodes William and Jump The Shark.
First of all, they spent like 2 seasons on that baby-story-arc, and then to have it end that way?! I mean, did Scully really believe that William would be safer with Ma and Pa Kent?! I mean she sent him to live in some hick town to grow up to be what, Superman?! The upcoming movies better get that kid back, damnit, I want my happy ending! As for Jump The Shark, I don't think the producers really thought that out. What was the point of killing the Gunmen when they've already decided to make a host of X-Files movies? I love those guys (the gunmen, not the producers)! Finally, the ending of the series was just such a letdown. They left Mulder and Scully as broke, unemployed fugitives on the run, cuddling in some 2 star motel in the middle of New Mexico, believing love's gonna save the world. Everyone repeat after me, "WE DESERVED BETTER THAN THAT!" just wanted to get that off my chest!