A/N: Yes, it's me! I'm back from the dead! I have no excuse for abandoning this story so badly. It's a very very bad thing for an author to do. I blame a mix of Netflix and homework and writer's block for my lengthy hiatus. I also have no reason why I decided to update now. I had basically abandoned this story when a random plot bunny popped into my head and I just had to write it down. So here's the long-awaited Chapter 6. If you don't want to read this story anymore, I understand. Please though, if you must, just unfollow it calmly and don't leave any angry reviews. I already know that I'm a despicable human being!

Anyway, enough with my pity party. Here's what I wrote.

"My lady?" said a questioning voice from outside the tent.

Artemis sighed heavily. "May I help you?"

Thalia stepped into the tent.

"Still no sign of Fear, my lady," she said. "He seems to have disappeared completely since he first showed up last week."

"Okay," said Artemis.
A beat of silence followed.

"My lady-" said Thalia.

"I don't wish to talk any longer," snapped Artemis.

As stubborn as she could be, Thalia knew not to argue and quickly left the tent. She didn't get very far before colliding with a big, solid piece of blond hunk o' burnin Olympian. Literally.

"Apollo," huffed Artemis. "First of all, extinguish yourself. Second of all, why are you even here?"

"Just wanted to pop in and check on you, lil sis," he said far too cheerily, ducking into the little tent.

"Apollo, I really don't feel like-"

"Oh, don't be a grump!" he exclaimed. "I just wanted to talk about-"

"Look, I know, okay?" Artemis exploded. "You don't have to tell me. I'm dealing with it myself. I don't need your help, so you might as well just leave!"

"Oh," said Apollo. "I just wanted to let you know that Demeter's organizing a group dinner. Something about bonding together in the times of darkness. What were you talking about?"

Artemis closed her eyes and willed herself not to murder her stupid twin brother. "It doesn't matter," she sighed. "Let's just go to this stupid dinner."

With that, she stood and swept out of her tent.

Apollo shook his head. His sister was acting awfully strange these days.

I can get to the bottom of this, he thought. Unconsciously, he changed his outfit to a long black coat, a purple button-down, a blue scarf, and a deerstalker.

"Apollo Holmes, on the case," he said. "Elementary, my dear Hephaestus. The game, Demeter, is on!"

Oh, he was definitely going to have fun with this.

Artemis was thinking she shouldn't have arrived early to the stupid pointless dinner. Her thoughts were verified when Aphrodite basically mugged her and dragged her into some random closet, squealing about dresses and makeup.

"Aph, no," moaned Artemis.

"Make yourself 16," snarled Aphrodite. "And do it now."

"Okay, okay, fine," said Artemis, changing her form. "Want to tell me why?"

"You are gonna be PRETTY. So DON'T TRY TO FIGHT because RESISTANCE IS FUTILE."

"Athena!" Artemis called desperately. "Save me!"

"I would if I could," said the blonde goddess, appearing next to them. "But she's kidnapped me too."

"Ugh," said Artemis as Aphrodite pretty-fied her. Resistance was indeed futile, Artemis discovered as makeup was basically caked onto her face.

"Don't move," hissed Aphrodite as she moved on to Athena.

Artemis knew better than to disobey Aphrodite when it came to makeup. That sort of mistake could be fatal.

Artemis decided to sit and stew in her own misery for the next 15 minutes, tuning out Aph's rambling and instead focusing on how unfair it was that she couldn't just go to this stupid annoying pointless dinner in something comfortable.

Her misery was only intensified as her hair was curled and she was shoved into a – shudder – a dress. And not a nice, comfortable, fun dress. A sparkly dress.

Okay, so maybe it was only sparkly on the bodice. And small victories – at least her skirt only came down to her knees. Athena was wearing a floor-length champagne red dress with a - whatever that tail part that drags on the floor is called.

This small victory was quickly squashed when Artemis raised a hand and realized Aphrodite had basically made her hair into a mountain of curls while Athena got to wear her blonde hair straight and loose. Unfair.

Aphrodite rounded on her.

"Stop complaining," she hissed.

"I wasn't -" protested Artemis.

"You were thinking," stated Aphrodite shortly. "It was distracting."

Artemis gave a long-suffering sigh and resigned herself to a night of torture at this stupid annoying pointless awful dinner.

Way across on the other side of Mount Olympus, Hermes was not faring much better. He had arrived in a hoodie and Converses, but Dionysus forced him into a tux when he almost had a heart attack at Hermes' outfit.

"This is the first time my asshole of a dad is letting me have wine in literally a million years! You are not going to the biggest party of the millennium dressed like a subway rat!"

"I'm pretty sure it hasn't been a million years," Hermes said meekly, but his protests were ignored by the jubilant wine god. He looked to Hephaestus for help, but Apollo was talking to him. He caught snippets of the words "deduce," "Baker Street," and "cases" and decided not to get involved with whatever that was.

He changed his form back to 16, just to annoy Dionysus. Sure enough, next time the wine god glanced over; he glared at Hermes and shook his head. Hermes smiled innocently back.

Soon enough, it was time for dinner. A group of nymphs escorted them into the dining room, where Zeus, Poseidon, Hera, and Demeter were already seated.

Hermes casually sat as far away from Dionysus as he could. Unfortunately, this meant he was the last at the men's section of the table.

Smooth, said George. Some lucky lady gets to sit right next to you.

Oh, George… said Martha exasperatedly.

"Where are the ladies, anyway?" Zeus said to Demeter. The older goddess just smiled and shrugged.

"Ah, they're on their way, actually," Apollo said. "I deduced it."

"Isn't that the point of being the god of prophecy?" Hermes couldn't resist saying. Apollo pouted at him.

Sure enough, mere seconds later, Aphrodite swept in, looking stunning in a fluffy purple ball gown, her now-red hair cascading down her back.

"She looks like Amy Pond times 10," whispered Apollo.

"Nobody cares about your stupid British TV shows, Apollo," hissed Poseidon back. "Just let it- oh wow -"

Poseidon trailed off as Athena entered blushing furiously. She looked amazingly sophisticated, totally unlike her normal frazzled, messy self. (Not that Hermes was stupid enough to call her frazzled and messy to her face.)

All of Hermes' thoughts, however, screeched to a halt when Artemis walked in wearing a knee-length emerald green dress with some light sparkling on the goddess. Her auburn hair was cascading in curls down her left shoulder, and she wore the lightest layer of makeup that made her hazel eyes glow.

The whole ensemble might have been even more stunning were it not for how miserable the poor girl looked.

Artemis' misery only intensified when she realized that she would have to sit next to – guess whom? Only Hermes, the most annoying god on Mount Olympus.

She noticed he was wearing a tux, which was unusual. He was normally a lot scruffier than that. Not that it looked bad on him. It certainly fit him well.

Okay, stop now, Artemis told her mind, which seemed to be going in all sorts of directions she didn't want it to.

She noticed Hermes was looking at her, so she stabbed his hand with a knife. Again, the perks of being immortal.

Hermes winced and glared at her.

A few minutes passed in relative peace, Artemis and Hermes determinedly eating their ambrosia and not looking at each other.

Artemis had finally begun to relax when she felt something move on her lap. She looked down and jumped violently when she realized there was a snake on her lap.

"Artemis?" said Athena. "You okay?"

"F-fine," said Artemis. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Hermes shaking with restrained laughter.

She casually released the snake onto the ground, when it slithered back to Hermes' caduceus.

So it is to be war between us, she thought, plotting revenge.

Artemis wasn't sure what possessed her when she stood, took her glass of wine, and poured it over Hermes' head. But she did.

Complete silence fell. Then all Hades broke loose – and he wasn't even there.

Hermes leapt up and somewhat maybe attacked Artemis. He made quite the comical sight, his copper curls flattened and dripping with wine. Artemis would have laughed, but Hermes was busy pulling out all her curls.

Apollo seemed to take this as a sign that he should join in. So, he jumped at Hera, screaming about Daleks. Hera didn't even hesitate in turning him into a peacock.

Dionysus, already drunk, grabbed Poseidon and started confessing his undying love for dolphins. Poseidon agreed enthusiastically, and the two of them started jabbering away in dolphin-speak.

Aphrodite started screaming at Hermes for ruining Artemis' hair. Athena was trying in vain to hold her back. Ares decided that it would be a good idea to start tussling with Hephaestus. This turned out to be a bad idea when Hephaestus pulled out a monkey wrench and beat him over the head with it.

"I swear to me," muttered Zeus, facepalming. "It's like you're all 5-year-olds."

The pandemonium started to come to a climax as Artemis pinned Hermes to the ground and started punching him. Aphrodite finally escaped from Athena's hold and also leapt on Hermes. The peacock that was Apollo strutted over and started violently pecking everybody.

"STOP IT! STOP IT NOW!"

The room fell silent as Demeter stood, flushed and furious.

"I can't believe you all," she hissed. "All I wanted was for us to get along, and now this!" She pointed at Artemis. "And you, young lady. I expected better from you."

Artemis hurriedly tried to smooth herself off, her hair tangled and messy.

"Sorry – I don't know what -"

Demeter took a deep breath exhaled through her nose. "I know exactly what," she said. "Take this." And with that, she raised her hand and banished Artemis and Hermes to a cornfield in Iowa.

"That's better," she said, sitting and smoothing her skirt.

"Squawk," said Apollo the peacock.