"A Love in Reverse"
by: S. Schumaker

Rated MA: For sexual themes, content, and adult language.
Please do not read this if you are under the age of 17.
Thank you.

(AN: I realize the update for this chapter is completely passed its due date, but I've been really struggling with how I wanted this story to continue on. I definitely knew from the start that there would be no pregnancy crap going on . . . and I meant that! So, I've had to do a little bit of thoughtful planning, plus with school and my personal life, the update took a little longer than was expected. But, at least I updated at all, right? With my track record I'm really proud of myself for keeping up with this story and all my other ones as well. Anyway, enough of my blabbing and onto chapter five. Think of it as a X-mas/Hanukkah/Holiday present! Enjoy!)

Chapter Five - Separation

The small, black string dangled off the end of the material, her finger reaches for it, twirling it around. The movement pulls the string out further from the cloth, getting longer and longer with each twist. A strong pull of her finger breaks off the string; it remains dangling around her purplish fingertip. She wriggles it off, watching it fall to the floor below, her temporary distraction gone. She lifts her eyes quickly, glancing across the table at him.

His focus remains on the table top. His eyes follow the patterns of the wood, circling around the knots, straightening back out only to curl around once again. He feels her gaze weigh down on his face, but he doesn't want to look up at her, knowing he won't have anything to break this extremely uncomfortable silence. But, he can't help it. His head rises, as if being pulled by a magnet.

Their eyes lock briefly, before Hermione whips her head back down again. Her cheeks burning in humiliation. Her fingers race along the edge of her robe, searching for another loose string. Harry clears his throat across from her. She pauses in her search, waiting to see if he'll begin the discussion they need to have.

Harry leans back in his chair, scratching the back of his head gently. "Um," He mumbles out, before sighing to himself. He can't seem to get out any words. He just started and he cannot stop now. "Look, Hermione," He begins once again. Hermione looks up at him. Their eyes meet. Harry drops his gaze. He can't talk to her when she's looking at him like that. So innocently, so kindly. He stands quickly, his chair falling backward due to his haste. He begins pacing around the small alcove of the library, running a hand through his hair.

"Okay, here we go. Talking now." Harry says, his back to her, the only way to get the conversation going. "I'm really sorry." He continues, turning back in her direction, feeling slightly more confident. "I realize now that I've taken advantage of you. Twice. And, these books here," He kicks at her pile of memory books, still littering the floor. "Well, they are a pretty good indication of how you feel, and if I could, I'd change everything that's happened in the last twenty four hours so I wouldn't hurt you like I have. I mean, trying to erase your memory like that just kills me. If I knew that spell that Lockhart used I use it on you in a second. But, I don't . . . " He falls back down in his seat, feeling a wave of exhaustion from his speech. His hands rest in his lap, his fingers shaking in nervousness.

"You're sorry?" Hermione questions, standing up and moving toward him. Harry's face blanches, he should have known a simple apology wouldn't be enough. He'd have to do much better than that to gain her trust back. "Why are you saying sorry?"

Harry lifts his head up in confusion, his eyebrows scrunched as he looks up at her. "Wha?" He chokes out.

Hermione kneels down in front of him, grasping his hands in hers. Harry's entire body stiffens at her proximity. She rubs her thumb back and forth against the back of his hand, trying to hide her own shaking extremities.

"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I know for a fact that you didn't take advantage of me last night or today. If I didn't want to . . . do what we did, then I wouldn't have." Hermione stumbles around her words, trying to express herself to him clearly. "These books," she lifts one in the air, waving it around in circles before gently setting it back down again. "They were to help me remember what we did. Not forget it." Hermione leaned away from him slightly, feeling exposed in the truth she had just revealed.

"To help you remember? What do you mean? You forgot what we did last night?" Harry was stunned. The same night that had his entire range of emotions in a whirl was the same night that Hermione didn't have a memory from.

"It was probably because it was my first time drinking alcohol. I completely blacked out somewhere between the cup game and waking up in my bed this morning. I knew what I had done because of the soreness I felt when I woke up, and because I found this under my bed." Hermione pulled the condom out from her robes, handing in over to Harry. His face flamed up as he quickly grasped it and shoved it into his own robes, looking around to make sure no one had seen it.

"Oh my." Harry sighed, completely at a loss for words. He ran his thumb over the condom in his pocket, not even remembering having it with him. He knew it had to be his though. He remembered the awful discussion he'd had with his uncle before returning to Hogwarts that year.

"Now listen here, boy. If you get one of those freak females knocked up at your freak of a school, than your ass is grass, got it? Take a box of these. Keep one on you at all times. We're not taking any chances with you . . . " Uncle Vernon had lectured, throwing a box labeled Trogans at Harry and stalking off.

Harry flushed at the memory. At least his uncle was trying to protect him . . . in a really twisted way anyway. "You're telling me you don't remember anything that happened between us last night? I mean, when we were alone in the common room, or . . . um, up in your dorm?" Harry asked, feeling a little light-headed.

"That's why I've been looking through all these books today. I've been looking for a spell or potion I can use to regain those moments, but I haven't been successful yet." Hermione added, moving back to her chair across the table from him. She felt a little better about the entire situation now that they had begun talking about it. However, even that little flicker of relief she gained from the conversation wasn't enough to relax her quivering hands.

"I just can't believe you don't know what happened last night, what we shared. It's a little disheartening." Harry replied, losing himself in his own thoughts. He remembered the way her lips felt against his neck, his chest. How her fingers ran around his neck and down his back. His body shivered at the memory, the memory that Hermione didn't have.

He shook his head slightly, trying to focus himself back in the present time. He began to think about his feelings for the woman sitting across from him. He had been so worried about hurting her and using her the last few hours that he hadn't even had much time to think about his feelings, his true feelings. He noticed Hermione's gaze on him and swallowed a lump of nerves that snuck up in his throat.

"Well, don't get too upset. I'm going to keep looking for a solution to my memory failure. But, I just . . . well . . . I think I need some time away from you, Harry. I need some time to think, about what happened and how it'll affect us. I just really need to be alone for a while. Is that okay with you?" Hermione asked, gathering up her books and standing up beside the table.

Harry felt a little hurt at her request, but it would do them both good. He shook his head, agreeing to stay away from her. At that moment he didn't know how difficult that was going to be for him . . .

To be continued . . .

(AN: All right, I know this chapter wasn't real "dirty" for all of us sicko's out there . . . but just be patient. The next chapter will be more about Ron and how he's reacting to what he saw . . . I've got it all planned out . . . all I need to get me to write it . . . Reviews.

LISTEN UP!

I want more reviews on this story and I want them now. I'm sorry to say that I'm getting a little hurt by the lack of support I've been receiving lately. Anyway, if I can't get 65 total reviews for this story . . . don't expect a sixth chapter. Please review . . . I really want to keep writing! Much love!)