Characters: Shizuo x Izaya
Rating: M
Full Summary: Izaya developed a horrible drug addiction and after a bad trip, is being put through treatment. The man that he's forever fawned over decides to be the supporting friend needed for the treatment. AU Shizaya.
"Ah fuck..." Izaya breathed out raggedly as he used the back of his hand to wipe at his forehead. His eyes were shut tightly as he did his best to try and concentrate on his breathing. In, and out, in and out, and- were the tiles always that dirty? His veins pulsed with a loud begging for the one thing he was trying to block out, to drag his thoughts away from.
This wasn't working.
Izaya pulled his head out of his hands and looked around his bathroom. It was almost four in the morning, the last time the raven haired man had checked. His body was on fire, but his skin was so damn cold. The tiles had cooled him down for a moment, but it wasn't long before his body heat stole all of the cold relief from the floor. His fingers were shaking, as he attempted to focus all of his attention on one thing, but it wasn't long before something else grabbed his attention. His mind was scrambling around, and it seemed no matter how hard he was trying to bring himself to a normal thinking level, his attention was shot. He would first think about how unbelievably hot he was, and then how much he wished he had his drugs, and then thinking about the way his breath seemed to be caught in his throat.
"Shower..." Izaya mumbled, as he struggled to stand up without being hit with a wave of nausea. "I should shower..."
He steadied his footing as he stared down at the handles on the inside of his bathtub. Who the hell decided it would be a good idea to have the handles so low down? With much more effort than it really ought to have taken, Izaya leaned down and pulled the cold-water handle on and, without even stripping out his pajamas, climbed into the tub, slowly letting himself slide down to a sitting position, and let the water shower over him. The pelting water calmed down the burning fire soaring through his body, and he could finally close his eyes without feeling completely restless; his stomach settled after a few moments of not moving, and, with the water still running down on him, he finally slipped off into sleep.
The loud squeaking of a handle tore Izaya away from unconsciousness. He didn't open his eyes, but instead tried to return to his sleeping state. There was the dripping of water, and then some rustling noise, before he could hear a towel being flapped out.
Cold.
That was the first thing Izaya felt.
He was fucking freezing, and his clothes were clinging to him uncomfortably. The wet stickiness of his clothes were stirring a feeling of claustrophobia inside of him, his skin aching to rid himself of the sticky material. He felt suffocated in his own clothes, but was much too cold to do anything about them. In the matter of a minute, Izaya soon felt something warm wrapped around him, and he immeditaely clung onto it. He cracked open his eyes finally and looked up at the familiar frowning face above him.
"I really hope we're not going to have to play hide and seek every morning..." Shizuo sighed.
Oh yeah, that's right... Last night Izaya wound up underneath the couch; and the night before that he was by the sink in the kitchen.
The pale man closed his eyes and stretched out his legs as he recovered from his sleeping state. He looked down at his body in the tub, not surprised at all of the goosebumps that covered his skin. His clothes were soaked and his toes were pruny. He looked gross.
Shizuo stared down at him, worried with how the nights had been going. He had work the next day and he was certain that Izaya wouldn't be ready for it if he was acting like this. Although he was worried about what would happen if Izaya acted like this in front of other people, Shizuo was more concerned with what this meant for Izaya himself. He knew he had cravings that he had to hurdle himself over, but it only gets worse before it gets better, right?
Izaya gripped the towel tighter around him as he let out a sigh and stood up in the tub. Shizuo was ready to help him if he slipped or anything, but Izaya managed to climb out of the tub completely fine. He pulled the towel away from him and then rubbed it through his hair, pinching the sweatshirt he was wearing away from his skin so it'd stop sticking to him.
Shizuo pointed to the counter. "I grabbed some clothes for you to change into..." Crimson eyes glanced from the blond to the table, and took in a pile of folded clothes sitting there. "Try not to hurt yourself.." Shizuo mumbled as he stepped out of the bathroom, closing the handle-less door behind him.
Izaya dropped the towel on the floor, and immediately stripped himself of his clothes. He stood in front of the mirror for a moment completely naked. His skin looked so nasty and pale, and his stomach was so thin. The bags under his eyes were hideious, his thin eyes looking out of proportion with the rest of his face. His shoulder blades seemed to be poking out of his skin like some kind of mutant, and his collar bones were way too defined, the deep shadows around them making them pop out even more so. "Ugly..." Izaya thought to himself. "Ugly, ugly ugly!" Without even recogniizing what he was doing, his frail hand went smashing into the mirror, just barely cracking it. "Such an ugly creature..." He locked eyes with himself, the color completely bland as his emotions weighed him downward. Disgusted with himself, Izaya quickly tore his eyes away from his image and threw on the clothes Shizuo left for him. He spun on his heel and marched his way out of the bathroom, finding the mess of blond hair in the kitchen.
Izaya let out a huff as he sat himself on the opposite side of the counter, ontop of the bar stool that was placed there. "What're you doing?" The words slipped passed his lips so easily, it was degrading how quickly he would jump for a conversation with Shizuo.
Shizuo glanced over at Izaya before turning back to what he was doing. "Makin' soup."
"Soup..?"
"Yeah, figured you might like it with how cold you must be."
Izaya went quiet as he watched Shizuo cook. He was being so considerate towards him and he must have been doing nothing but making his life hell.
What reason did he have to care in the first place? Shizuo was the idiot that decided to do this, and it's certainly not like Izaya gave him any reason to be considerate towards him.
"So, I'm just going to assume you've been having some kind of cravings of some sort these past few nights?" Shizuo stated as he stirred around the soup with a wooden spoon.
Izaya just glanced at the blond and then buried his face into his crossed arms, like he didn't care anymore that Shizuo could easily see just how exhausted he was. Why the hell did it have to be him that knew about this? Of all people in the world, why did Shizuo have to be the one that knew? As if Shizuo hadn't put Izaya's emotions through enough turmoil, he just had to know this as well. The blond looked at him and then turned the temperture of the stove top down. "Izaya.. You know if-"
"-Dont." Izaya cut him off, putting a hand up in the air. "Don't lecture me right now." He breathed out, letting his hand fall limply back down.
Shizuo went quiet and finished up cooking the soup he started. He poured the thick liquid into a bowl and placed it in front of Izaya, turning around to grab a spoon from the utensil drawer for him. After that, he poured himself some and sat down across from Izaya, watching as he made no effort to go for the soup.
"...Are you alright?" Shizuo finally brought himself to say.
Izaya's heart jumped slightly to the words, but he instantly felt down afterwards. After all, the only reason he was asking that was because it was his duty to. "I'm fine. Just tired...And cold."
Shizuo chuckled. "I would think so, with how and where you fell asleep."
"Yeah..." Izaya mumbled as he propped his cheek on his hand and mindlessly stirred the soup around in the bowl. There was a long and awkward silence between the two of them as Shizuo ate some of his soup, while Izaya just kept stirring his soup continuously.
Shizuo's mocha eyes starred down at the spoon that kept spinning around and around in the soup, and his features morphed into worry, looking up at the pale man's face. What the hell was he supposed to say in a situation like this? It would be one thing for anyone that didn't know the situation to ask, but when Shizuo could clearly see that it was Izaya's lack of addiciton that was putting him in such a slump, he could only imagine the conversation if he did try to say something.
'Is there any thing I can do to make you feel better?' 'Oh, some crack would be fine.'
'Do you need me to do anything for you?' 'Get me some crack when you go out.'
'You should really try to eat your soup.' 'Maybe if it had a little "spice" in it.'
Shizuo inwardly groaned in frustration. He shook the dumb conversations out of his head and instantly felt guilty for even thinking Izaya would respond with something like that. He was trying, the blond could see that much. It was horrible of him to give Izaya such low credit. He tried to think of something to say, that sounded like it had consideration put into it, but every line just sounded so unoriginal to him. "...Izaya...Do you feel alright? You really don't look too good.."
"What? I look sick..?" Izaya blinked, looking down into his soup.
"Well...no.." Shizuo mumbled. "But..you just seem so out of it."
"Oh..I guess I am a bit out of it.." Izaya breathed as he took his first sip of his soup.
"Do you think you'll be okay for work tomorrow...?"
"Oh that's right..." Izaya mumbled. He took another bite of his soup. "Yeah, I should be fine." He responded, looking at his spoon.
Shizuo breathed out an okay, his eyes latched onto Izaya's every movement. It probably looked bad, but he was worried. He had no idea how to handle this aside from the few bits of advice the doctors had given him. Being told what to do, and then having to act were two completely different things. He needed to give Izaya credit for how effectively he had been dealing with his lack-of-crack, but Shizuo didn't know what to do when Izaya finally broke down. He wasn't a drug user and never gave up any kind of addiction before, so he was completely useless.
How on earth he had met the qualitfications for this, Shizuo had no clue.
The blond thought about the only thing he could possibly relate with Izaya on, and that was his bad smoking habit. Being forced to give that up sounded damn-near impossible.
A small thought popped into his head, and he couldn't help but say it out loud, hoping it would give Izaya some kind of support.
"Hey Izaya..." The depressed man only hummed in response. Shizuo rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I know it's not exactly the same...but..Well, I mean..." Izaya brought his eyes up to look at the blond. "I don't want you feeling alone in this whole situation...And I can tell that's exactly how you feel.. What if I tried to quit smoking, while you tried to quit crack?" Izaya's eyes widened slightly in surprise, but didn't have any time to say anything else as Shizuo continued speaking. "L-like I said, it's not exactly the same thing..and it probably won't mean as much, but it'll at least give me a better understanding of how you feel...And if one of us can do it, I'm sure the other can, right?"
Izaya was speechless. That whole mouthful had thrown both his mind and his emotions for a loop. Why would he go so far to do something like that? Not even for Shizuo's own sake, but for his...just to get Izaya away from his addiction.. "Shizuo..." Izaya blinked. "I-I don't...Why would you do something as stubborn as that?"
"Because I'm Shizuo? Who would I be if I weren't stubborn, right? That's what you always called me before."
"Well, true, but that's a completely different-"
"So it's decided then?" Shizuo smiled. "I'll quit with you."
"..." Izaya stared at him for a while, before tearing his gaze away as a blush surfaced on his face. He abruptly stood up and began making his way for his room. "I'm gonna go lay down for a bit. I'm tired. Thanks for the lunch."
Shizuo smirked as he watched Izaya disappear up the stairs and into his bedroom. There were a lot of things Izaya had been doing recently that kept throwing Shizuo back into their early encounters, and he couldn't help but smile when he was met with each memory.
"Hey 'Zaya," Shizuo slurred as he blew out a cloud of smoke, sitting across the male in his booth. Izaya merely glanced up from above his laptop and hummed, sipping on the coffee he had nearly finished.
"My name's 'Izaya', Shizuo. I know it's a hard thing to learn, but I do hope you get it right at some point."
"I'll get it right when you get my tips right." Shizuo smiled. "Anyways, I wanted to talk to you about something..."
"Oh?" Izaya asked, quirking an eyebrow.
The blond shrugged, beginning to look slightly uncomfortable. "It's just...I don't really have anyone else I can talk to about these things, and you seem like you'd be good at helping with it.."
"Is it girl problems? I can assure you I am not the one to come to with girl problems."
"No-well...Kind of..Hm..." Shizuo went silent for a moment before getting on with it. Izaya brought the mug of coffee towards his lips, inwardly preparing himself for a gruesome sappy conversation about Shizuo's undying love for some undeserving female that he really didn't want to hear. "So I want to break up with my boyfriend."
"-PFFFFFFFFFT" Shizuo's eyes widened in surprise as he watched Izaya choke on his coffee, spitting half of it across the table, and then onto the floor as he turned in his seat. Izaya clamped a hand over his mouth as he heaved out coughs and set what was left of his coffee down somewhere on the table. Shizuo stalled a moment in helping, doing his best to register what was happening.
"H-hey, Izaya, you alright?"
"Y- " -cough- "Yes, I'm-" -cough- "I'm f-fine.." Izaya took in a breath and finally calmed himself. "I'm fine, I'm fine...I just..." His eyes widened as he gave a slight head shake before grabbing some napkins to clean up what had flew out of his mouth. "Was not expecting that."
"Me breaking up with someone...?" Shizuo asked as he helped clean up the mess.
"No. You being gay."
"Oh." Shizu blinked like he didn't find it all that surprising.
Izaya cleared his throat. "Anyway...You want to break up with your boyfriend."
"Ah, yeah, well... We've been dating for a while now, almost two years actually..." Shizuo flicked the ash off of his cigarette and then continued. "To be honest, the whole relationship is completely awkward...We don't really do anything that's 'relationship criteria' and it really isn't any different from before I asked him out. A lot of the time I feel like he said yes just because he didn't really want to hurt my feelings, or something stupid like that, but fuck, I hate when things are awkward and that's all it is between us. I'd rather us just be friends than have to deal with this stupid relationship we have."
"Tell him that.." Izaya repsoned. Shizuo's face heated up as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
"Well...I know this probably sounds stupid to you, but... I don't know, if things don't have to be that way, and we could actually make something work I'd be happy, but...I just...don't know how to do that..." Shizuo put out his cigarette, releasing a deep sigh.
"Then tell him that..." Izaya replied, realizing that he had just repeated himself.
"Geesh, you're real helpful..." Shizuo said sarcastically.
"Sorry, I just don't see why this is so hard for you." -Like you're one to talk.- "Nothing's going to change if you don't say anything obviously. If you'd rather be friends then tell him. If you'd rather be fuck buddies, hell, tell him just like that."
Shizuo's face flushed. "O-okay, maybe you aren't the best person to talk to about these kind of things..."
"Shizuo." Izaya stated completely ignoring his previous words. "You're stubborn, you know that? Real stubborn."
"Eh? what makes you say that...?"
"You want something from someone else and you don't even know what you want yourself." Shizuo hummed, looking down in thought. Izaya watched him for a moment. "...What is it you want from him, Shizuo?"
"I..." Shizuo ran a hand through his hair in thought. "I don't know. I feel like he's not the one for me, you know? God, I sound like such a sappy fuck, but it's true!"
"So you just want to be friends with him...?"
"...Yeah.. I know that's what I really want, but there's this selfish side of me that's afraid to end the relationship."
"It sounds like it'd be best for you to end it..." Hah, you're just saying that to make him available, talk about selfish.
"..." Shizuo drummed his fingers along the table in contemplation. "Yeah.. I know it is...and I don't want to hold him back any if he doesn't want to be in the relationship either..."
"..." Izaya let his fingers wrap around his mug of coffee. "...Um...what's his name?"
"Tom." Shizuo responded bluntly. "You want to see what he looks like?"
"Sure, why not?" Izaya would be lying if there wasn't a side of him that really wanted to know how he compared to what Shizuo was currently dating. Maybe it'll give me an idea of how much of a chance I could have...
Shizuo pulled out his phone and flipped it open, turning it to Izaya so he could see the picture the blond was showing him. His heart dropped completely. "Black."
"What?"
"He's black." Izaya blinked. "You like black men and you're gay." Izaya sat back in his seat. "Are there any other surprises you've got tucked away?"
"Hey, hey, just be thankful I'm even telling you any of this.." He glanced down at his phone, noticing the time and groaned. "Fuck, breaks almost over...And I don't like all black guys for the record. He's been the only one."
"Well, congratulations."
"Yeah...I'll see you in a bit, gotta do the dishes while everyone's taken care of."
"Ugh..." Izaya rolled onto his side, pulling his pillow over his face. He hated thinking about then, hated thinking about those times. It was all so god damn perfect back then. So fucking perfect and drug free. Why couldn't he go back to that...? Why the hell did things have to progress into this shitty annoying world? Izaya clenched tighter onto his pillow as he felt his eyes burn. He wasn't going to cry, God dammit, he was not fucking crying over this.
"Why can't I just quit...? He's the fucking reason I did any of this shit in this first place..." Izaya whimpered, unable to stop himself from crying.
A/N: HOLY SHIT.
WHYYY did it take me so long to update this damn story? I am so sorry guys, I am SO SORRY. This will not happen again, I promise. I was in a bit of a funk the past month or so, so writing wasn't my biggest thing. I'm going to skip over responding reviews to get this up faster, and again, I am so sorry.
Thank you for not killing me. I'm getting into the story part where I know where I'm going with it, so that's good 8D
Also~
Beta'd By HeartFightr (I posted that from memory, so it's probably wrong but still. It would've taken much longer if they did not help me. Appreciate them.)