Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, Naruto is not mine, I am simply barrowing them for a bit of fun.
Authors note: a MAJOR thanks to all my reviews and continue readers, your encouragement keeps we writing at my best.
SUPER AWSOME THANKS GOES TO MY BETA KWIZTEN WHO HELPED ME RE-EDIT THIS CHAPTER AND ALL THE ONES BEFORE IT. THANK YOU!
To StarKiss666 – for pretty much predicting the first half of this chapter I dedicate this first scene to you lol I hope it meets your expectations.
And to Catherine129 andjaz101– for your continued reviews the second half is for you. ;) enjoy
RE-EDITED (2019)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Chapter 6
It was one in the morning by the time I left my office.
I was ridiculously drained… both physically and emotionally. I thought about pulling a cot from the supply closet but decided against it. It was embarrassing how long it took to complete my reports. Usually the process only took me an hour or two. My mind had been so muddled with thoughts of that evening; it took ages for me to get them done properly. What's worse, even after all that time, I was still no closer to figuring out what I should do.
As I exited the hospital, the full force of the night air hit me. It was chill, crisp; the full moon's glow dusted the village with a haze of white light. The streets were empty, as to be expected considering the hour, or at least I thought they were empty. As I continued to walk towards my apartment, I noticed a lone figure standing in the middle of the road. I reflexively reached behind my back to grasp a kunai, but relaxed my grip once I saw who it was.
"Late night out?" I asked, walking past him.
"You're one to talk," Kakashi replied, walking beside me. "How did things go with Shikamaru?"
"Fine. I checked his chakra passageways for irregularities, comparing them to yours." I had to stifle a yawn.
"How did that go?"
"Most of it seems to be the same. I found massive differentiations when looking at his brain chemistry. We'll be doing another scanning exercise tomorrow so I can get a better idea of what's going on."
"How thorough of you," he remarked offhandedly. "Any reason you didn't do the mapping today?"
"The process would've taken hours," I bit back defensively, hoping for this conversation to end so I could go home. "I didn't want to keep him too late." I glanced over at him suspiciously. This was no casual small talk. He was fishing for something. I had a sinking feeling in my gut of what that was.
"Anything else happen?"
I glowered.
"Nope."
"I ran into him on his way out."
"So?" It was starting to make me nervous how he sounded so sure of himself, like he knew something I didn't. I didn't like it one bit.
"He seemed very tense…flustered, even," Kakashi continued, watching me just as closely as I watched him, both of us assessing the other's reactions while pretending otherwise.
"I did a chakra scan," I said coolly, "which, as you know, can feel very personal. It's not surprising he'd be tense after his first one." I tried to suppress the memory of me straddling his waist. Personal indeed.
"Was it personal?" Kakashi asked, as if reading my mind.
"I was completely professional, if that's what you're asking." Liar.
"Really?" Swiftly, Kakashi slid to face me head on, forcing me to stop. He bowed forward until we were level with each other, a clear challenge. Well, shit.
"I don't believe you."
"I don't care," I shot back, wincing at how incriminating that sounded; from the look Kakashi gave me, he didn't fail to notice it either.
"From what I can see," he continued, taking a step closer so our noses nearly touched, "you seem to care quite a bit, where Shikamaru is concerned."
Double shit.
"Maybe you need to get your eyes checked." I tried to move away from him; with every step I took, he matched me in perfect synch. Not good.
"Sakura—"
"I need to get home." I jumped past him suddenly, finally breaking past his guard. I picked up my pace. "It's late, I—"
"What about Sasuke?"
I stopped dead in my tracks, my hands clenching into fists. A cold chill went up my spine.
"What about Sasuke?" I retorted stiffly, not turning around to show the grief darkening my face. Breathe. Just breathe.
"It was my understanding that you promised to wait for him."
I don't know what it was about that sentence. Maybe it was the stress and exhaustion of my situation with Shikamaru, or maybe it was the tone Kakashi was using, implying I had done something wrong. Or maybe it was just years and years of hurt and frustration building up inside me. But like an elastic band stretched too far, I snapped. Whirling around, I stomped toward Kakashi until I was standing right in front of him, fists balled at my side.
"I have waited," I spat. My voice cut like a blade through water. I felt my eyes begin to mist over, a reflex to my rage. The unwanted tears gathered along the corners. I allowed them to remain there, hovering over the brink like a jumper contemplating the fall.
"For my entire life, I have waited for him," I continued lowly, though my voice cracked unabashedly. "When we were teammates, I waited for him to trust me; instead, he called me a nuisance. When he abandoned the village, I begged him to stay, even to take me with him. Only I wasn't good enough for him." My voice dipped into icy territory as I continued, the tears no longer teetering at the edges as I pushed them away. My body shook, my nails digging into my palms like knives.
"For three years I waited, hoping he would come back; he didn't. I used to think about all the people he killed, all the terrible things he'd done…but even then I still waited for him to come back."
"Sakura, please—" Kakashi tried to calm me down. Frantic, as he watched me unravel. I couldn't stop. It was like a dam had broken, and all the feelings I had been holding back rushed forth, fueled by a momentum that had been building over an entire lifetime.
"NO!" I snapped, backing away from him, my voice rising in momentum until I was fully yelling at him. "I have spent my entire life waiting for Sasuke to trust me. I have given him everything I have. He doesn't want me. How much longer do you think it'll take for him to care? How many more days, months, years will I have to wait before he finally opens up to me?" I paused, waiting for Kakashi to answer; as I expected, he had no words to offer me. My eyes drooped, shoulders slumping.
"I'm tired…I'm so tired of wasting my life, waiting for someone that doesn't even want me. I loved Sasuke," I swore to him, my voice breaking. I wrapped my arms around myself as if I could physically hold together the pieces I could feel breaking away.
"I loved Sasuke with all my heart. I would have died for him, followed him anywhere. I would have left everything behind to be with him. Twice I have been left behind. Twice I have watched him as he turned his back on us. I need to stop living in a fantasy and wake up to the reality that Sasuke will never love me."
"You don't know that," Kakashi tried to reason.
"Don't I?" I laughed bitterly. "Because from where I'm standing, it seems pretty obvious that I've been nothing but delusional."
"He said he would come back for you. Don't you remember?"
"I was eighteen when he said that. It's been three years. Face it, he's not coming back."
"Sakura—"
"Fine!" I blurted, throwing my hands into the air. "Let's say you're right. Let's say Sasuke returns, while we're at it, let's say he falls madly in love with me. Tell me, what happens then? Can you guarantee we would even be happy? That he'd never leave me again?"
The tightening around Kakashi's eyes was answer enough. No, he couldn't guarantee any of that, we both knew it.
"That's what I thought." The anger within me dulled with my voice, the fury I previously felt evaporating into a hollow pit. I was suddenly ashamed at my outburst. After all, it wasn't Kakashi's fault I had wasted so much of my heart on someone like Sasuke. If I was in his shoes, I'd be suspicious too, considering how stupidly I had devoted my life to a mere fantasy.
"I'm sorry," Kakashi apologized, taking me by surprise. "I didn't mean to upset you. You're right, you have waited far longer than anyone ever expected…which is why it came as such a shock for me tosee it change."
"It came as a shock to me too," I agreed quietly.
"Why Shikamaru?"
"What makes you think Shikamaru has anything to do with it?" I pointlessly argued, no longer even caring that he knew.
"You look at him with the same adoration I once saw you give Sasuke...although perhaps, this time, it's even stronger. I'd have to be blind not to see it. So why him?"
"Why?" I mused. "Because he's everything Sasuke isn't. Shikamaru is kind and caring to those he values. He's intelligent, knows how to enjoy life. He doesn't care about status, doesn't let negativity change him. He knows who he is. He treats me like an equal, and I know if I ever need him, he'll be there no matter how 'troublesome' it is. He makes me happy. He makes me feel like I matter, like I'm important rather than just some weak screw up that holds everyone back." I smiled softly, casting my eyes away from Kakashi as I pictured Shikamaru's warmth near me.
"When I was at my lowest…when Sasuke left on his search for redemption, it was Shikamaru that stood by me. He can be lazy, annoying, utterly insufferable, yet…" I blushed, getting carried away with myself. "I don't fully understand what it is about Shikamaru that makes me feel like I do. All I know is that I love him, and that I can't bear to lose him like everyone else."
"…Have you told him this?"
"No," I answered quietly.
"You should."
"What if he doesn't feel the same?"
"Heh, well…I think the odds are in your favor."
"What if—"
"Sakura," Kakashi interrupted, reaching out to turn my face towards him. "What are you afraid of?"
"Losing him," I answered honestly.
"If you were to lose him over something like this, then he's not worth your time."
"I just don't know if I can take another heart break," I replied dejectedly.
"Believe me when I say you're the strongest and scariest woman I have had the pleasure of training. You have accomplished some amazing things over the years despite the dangers you've faced. Are you really going to let fear stop you from finding happiness?"
I couldn't help but smile at his words. "I'm the only female you've trained over the years," I reminded him.
"Thank the heavens for that. I don't think I could handle another of you."
We both laughed at that, the tension finally evaporating. "You always know what to say to cheer me up," I told him gratefully.
"All a part of being a mentor."
"Thanks…look, I'm sorry for blowing up like that."
"Don't worry about it," he shrugged nonchalantly, as if none of this drama even happened. "Sometimes I forget how much everything's affected you and Naruto. I'm glad we could have this talk. If you ever need to confide in anyone about this, I'm happy to lend you my ears. It's not healthy to let all these feelings stay bottled up inside for too long."
"Thank you," I said again, hugging him thankfully. He patted my head, only making me smile more.
"I must be off now. It's rather late."
"Of course," I agreed, releasing him. "Good night, Kakashi."
"Good night, Sakura."
With that, he was gone, disappearing in the blink of an eye into the surrounding darkness.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I pulled the covers tighter around myself, burying my head into my pillow. I was having the most wonderful dream...
Shikamaru and I were lying in the forest alone, cloud-gazing. We weren't talking, just enjoying the silence around us. Without warning, Shikamaru was above me, gazing at me with such love and tenderness. He slowly began to trace the lines of my face with his fingertips, moving closer until our lips were mere inches apart. Then—
"Sakura, I'm warning you. You can either get up on your own, or I'm dragging you out by force in the next three seconds."
I furrowed my brow, the sweet picture shattering in my mind. That's not something Shikamaru would say…?
"One."
My eyes snapped open. An icy chill ran down my spine. I hadn't just dreamt his voice saying my name after all – he was in my room.
"Two."
And I was naked.
"Three!"
He yanked at my covers to pull them right as I shot up to wrench them back. I wasn't fast enough. Before I was able to fasten the comforter around myself, Shikamaru had managed to pull a small section just past my cleavage, effectively giving him a brief peek at my bare chest.
"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, completely mortified. I had been so tired the night before, I had foregone my usual nightgown; clearly I wasn't expecting such a violating wake-up call.
Shikamaru dropped the corner he was holding, stumbling backwards, mouth agape.
"Ahh…are you...shit." His face paled before flushing a bright red as it all registered in his brain.
"I SAID GET OUT. NOW!"
He didn't need to be told again as he booked it faster than a ramen-craving Naruto.
Oh my god…oh my god. OH. MY. GOD.
I grabbed a pillow and slammed my face into it, releasing an animalistic screech.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuuck.
"Welp." I moaned, tossing the pillow across the room. "That just happened."
I reflexively glanced at my clock; shocked to see it read 11:05am. I was supposed to be up four hours ago. After my talk with Kakashi, I must have forgotten to reset my alarm for 7am, and because of how late I had stayed up, I accidentally slept in, missing my meet-up with Shikamaru at nine.
Which is why he's here now.
"Sakura…?" Shikamaru hesitantly spoke from outside the door. "You okay?"
"Fine!" I yelled back, scrambling out of bed. Grabbing my uniform, I began to change, struggling to pull my top over my head. "Just give me a second!"
Okay, calm down, I told myself, smoothing down my hair. It's not the end of the world. So he saw a little skin – you're an adult, you can handle this. It's no different than when he saw you in your nightgown – okay, it's a lot different.
I shook myself out, securing my gloves in place, but as I reached for the handle, I froze, unable to turn the knob. My head fell to rest against the frame with a light thud.
I took a moment to steel myself; then, with as much dignity as I could muster, I turned the knob, exiting my room. Shikamaru was pacing my hallway, hands running through his hair as he muttered to himself. At the sound of my entrance, he spun, his face flushing.
"Look," he began in a rush, "I had no idea you were…well…um…"
"Unclothed?" I finished for him, my cheeks burning just as warmly as his.
"Yeah…I just…I mean…God, Sakura, I'm sorry! Please don't kill me!" He clasped his hands together fervently. I blamed it on my nerves really, but when I saw him standing there, looking as embarrassed and terrified as I felt, something just bubbled up within me and I keeled over laughing. Moisture stung my eyes.
"What's so funny?" he stuttered.
"I don't know," I continued, almost choking on my breath, "I just…I can't help myself."
"Women…"
"s-sorry…just" I held up a finger, taking a moment to calm myself down.
"You alright?" Shikamaru asked again after I had fallen silent.
"Yah" I nodded, wiping my eyes. "Can we just agree never to talk about this again?"
"I think I can manage that."
"Thank you."
"So. Um," Shikamaru struggled to find his words. My heart softened a little.
"Should we head to the office?" I offered, taking pity on him
"Right. The office. Yah. Wait!" turning around, Shikamaru disappeared from the hallway, moving toward my kitchen. Before I could ask him what he was doing, he returned.
"Here." I blinked, my hands reflexively catching the brown paper bag he tossed at me.
"What's this?"
"Well, after you stood me up, I stopped at that bakery you always talk about and picked up breakfast."
I peered inside and grinned.
"Umeboshi!" I gleefully tore open the container of pickled plums, taking a quick bite. "Shikamaru, you sure know how to make a girl happy."
A faint smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he watched me devour my breakfast.
"Ready to go?"
"Yeah." With great satisfaction I sucked the sweetness from my fingers.
"Sorry about not showing up earlier." I continued, leading us to the door. "I forgot to set my alarm."
"So you slept till noon?"
"Come off it, I didn't get home till late."
"You should've let me help you with those reports," he complained, waiting for me to lock up.
"It's not that," I protested. "I just ran into Kakashi on my way home." He didn't look like he believed me.
"Yah, I'm staying until the reports are done from now on." I chose not to argue with him this time.
Once we entered my office, Shikamaru wasted no time in stripping off his vest and shirt in one fluid movement.
"Are you sure you can do everything on your own?" he asked as I began gathering my materials.
"It'll be a lot slower this time, but I can do it. You ready?"
"One sec," he mumbled.
I nearly dropped my materials as he raised his arms above his head, rolling his shoulders as he stretched them, muscles flexing. My mouth ran dry. I followed his movements as he twisted his torso with hooded lids. He rolled his neck with an audible click.
"Right." He said, settling in his usual armchair. "Ready when you are,"
I didn't move.
"Something wrong?" He drawled, looking bored. Too bored. I narrowed my eyes.
"No," I answered curtly. "Just thinking that since I detected nothing significant about your chakra below the waist, I might just skip doing that region entirely to save time."
His brow twitched.
"Makes no difference to me," he leaned back, cocking his head to the side with a cool indifference. "The sooner you finish, the sooner I can put my clothes back on."
"Embarrassed, Shikamaru?" I snickered, arranging my materials close by before straddling his waist. His hands flew to the exposed section of my uniform. I barely avoided responding to the warmth of his hands soaking into my skin.
"Not at all," he murmured, his aura that of a black hole, drawing me into his gravity. "Just trying to be considerate, considering your…sensitivity with bare chests this morning."
Bastard!
Slowly, with a languid movement, I dragged my hands up his chest to rest around his neck, locking them around him. I brought my face close enough that our noses were just a breath apart.
"I thought we agreed to never mention that again," I whispered back with a sickly sweetness, softly brushing the back of his neck with my fingertips.
"I agreed to never tell anyone. I never said I'd forget about it."
His eyes darkened further as he trailed his hands up my sides, his thumbs drawing invisible patterns as they went. My breath hitched, nails digging into the back of his neck. He smirked victoriously and dropped his hands, pulling back and effectively breaking the spell we had fallen under. I felt my face heat up with embarrassment as I complied, unlocking my hands from around him.
I thought he was going to kiss me. I thought – Of course that wasn't going to happen, I chided myself. It was just a game. Nothing more.
"I'm starting now," I told him, hiding just how disappointed I was that he'd pulled away. He nodded, relaxing in the chair.
For the next six hours, I sent charges of chakra flowing into his body, simultaneously tracing the patterns onto my chart until everything was finished. Unlike last time, I didn't linger on his body, instead, I moved away from him as soon as the process was done. We wasted no time filling out the reports for Shikamaru's mapping, spending another few hours detailing and organizing. We poured over Shikamaru, Kakashi and Sasuke's charts in loose detail.
The entire time, we stayed completely professional.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you for reading! Please review.
Cheers!